The Day Pete Wentz Fucked up the World - Part 3
Part 2
*****
Pete sat down right where he was, on the side of a residential street, taking a minute to laugh himself stupid at the shocked looks on people’s faces at his streaking. Until, that is, he saw a guy walking down the street naked.
He was sufficiently freaked out and headed toward Patrick’s place, which he realized was close by, once he got his bearings. And okay, he only saw a few people on the way there, but they were all naked, and it was just weird. He rang the doorbell when he got to Patrick’s place, and the door opened just as Pete turned to stare at a hot guy who was walking his dog.
He snapped back around right away so Patrick wouldn’t know what he was doing, but when he did, all such thoughts fled from his mind. It wasn’t like it should have been a surprise for Patrick to be naked, but still. Patrick took one look at him and yanked him inside, shutting the door behind them.
“What the hell, Pete? You know you could get fined for that.”
“For what?”
Patrick threw his hands up in exasperation. “The clothes, Pete. Where did you manage to find any, anyway?”
“Oh um, they were in the back of my closet.”
“Well, fucking get rid of them, alright? We don’t need you getting in trouble for something as stupid as that.”
Pete shrugged and pulled off his shirt, but after that, he got a little, well, shy. Which was stupid, since he’d never been shy about stripping before. Of course, it might have had something to do with the fact that Patrick was just standing there, watching him.
Pete took a deep breath, thought ‘fuck it’, and stripped the rest of the way, stuffing his clothes in his backpack. It was sort of unnerving to have Patrick looking at him, not with lust or timidity, just looking. Like this was an everyday thing, which Pete supposed it probably was for him.
“So,” Pete said, more to distract himself from naked Patrick than because he really cared, “exactly how long ago were clothes banned?”
Patrick gave him a funny look. “Pete, you know that was ten years ago. What is with you today?”
“Nothing, nothing. Just being weird.” Pete tried out his best charming smile, which totally failed to work on Patrick.
“Come on, we’d better go get lunch before it gets too hot.”
They left Patrick’s apartment and drove downtown, stopping at Pete’s favorite pizza place. Pete was not exactly happy, but that was mostly because he was pretty much talking down an erection the entire time. So many hot, naked people were out and about that it was hardly surprising.
They ate fairly quickly, at Patrick’s insistence, but apparently it wasn’t quickly enough. By the time they left, it was hot as hell outside, and there was pretty much no one around.
“Damn, it’s hot,” Pete said unnecessarily.
“Thank you, Captain Obvious,” Patrick replied, scoffing a little bit. “What did you expect, staying outside after noon?”
Pete didn’t know exactly what to say to that. “Patrick, what’s the date today?”
“February 15th.”
And okay, Pete had expected something like mid-July; February wasn’t even a possibility. “We are in Chicago, right?”
“Um, yeah. Pete, are you sure you’re alright?
Pete nodded. “Of course. I’m just really hot.”
It wasn’t a lie - Pete was sweating bullets - but he really wasn’t alright. This situation was in no way okay. Pete was pretty sure he could get used to the constant nudity, but so hot in February that they needed to stay indoors in the afternoon? No thank you. He shuddered to think what the actual summer months would be like.
Unfortunately, he couldn’t really leave Patrick’s place once they got there since it was definitely too hot for that. He also didn’t want to try to use the time machine while Patrick was around, so he figured he’d just stick it out until nightfall. Apparently afternoon was naptime anyway, since Patrick headed to his room, offering a ‘sleep well’ before disappearing inside.
Pete lay on the couch but found that he wasn’t tired enough to sleep. He got up and walked quietly over to Patrick’s room, watching the other man breathe evenly in his sleep. He stood there for a few more minutes before carefully crawling into the bed and curling himself around Patrick. It still took him awhile to fall asleep, but he was happy just to be that near to Patrick.
By the time Pete woke, it was starting to get dark out. He went to stretch and thought he was dreaming when he bumped into naked Patrick. He curled into Patrick and started absently stroking Patrick’s side. It wasn’t until Patrick’s eyes opened, peering at him in confusion, that Pete remembered what was going on. He pulled away and got up before Patrick could say anything, grabbing his backpack and heading toward the door.
“Where are you going?” Patrick looked so sleepy and adorable that Pete was really tempted not to leave. Then he thought of the events of the afternoon and remembered why he needed to get out of there.
“I’m gonna head home. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Alright, Pete. Bye.” Pete waved and headed outside, going down the next alley he came to to put his clothing back on and fire up the time machine.
*****
Pete popped into the year 1916, which he only knew because of the newspaper lying on the ground next to him (he decided there would be no more random button pushing after this because, well, it had been kind of stupid in the first place). He wasn’t exactly sure where he was at first, but judging by the look of things, he guessed California. He started walking down the street, not really sure what to do, when he thought he saw someone familiar walking on the other side of the street. He quickly crossed, and yeah, that was actually Charlie Chaplin.
“Oh God, you’re Charlie Chaplin, aren’t you?” Pete couldn’t help asking.
“Yes, I am.”
Pete was so excited that he hardly knew what to do with himself. He stuck his hand out. “I’m Pete. It’s such an honor to meet you, sir. I’ve seen all your movies, and they’re just wonderful,” Pete said, enthusiastically shaking the hand grasping his.
The other man looked mildly amused. “Well, thank you very much.”
“Of course. I’ll let you go now; sorry to disturb.”
“Not at all.”
Pete trotted off with a huge smile on his face, heading behind the nearest building to get back to the present.
*****
Pete swayed for a minute when he got there, falling back onto the sofa behind him so as not to have to try to catch his balance. He sighed and sank down further, just wanting a moment where he didn’t have to deal with whatever shit this new timeline might bring him. With his luck, though, he wasn’t really surprised when his moment was broken by Patrick walking into the room with none other than Pete himself.
“Um, I can explain,” Pete said immediately, trying to buy some time.
“Explain what?” Patrick asked as the pair looked at each other in confusion.
Shit, Pete had clearly missed something. “Nothing, nothing.”
Patrick looked at him suspiciously, and Pete put on his best innocent face. “Alright, are we still on for shopping this afternoon?”
“Sure, sounds good. Now?”
“If you’re ready now.”
“Yep, I’m ready.” Pete dropped his bag on the floor and stood up.
Patrick, God, kissed the other him, and that was just a whole other level of surreal. He was still staring when Patrick came over and grabbed his arm, pulling him out the door.
“What’s with you today?”
Pete was so fucking tired of answering variations of that question, but he put that aside since Patrick meant well. “Nothing, just thinking a little bit.”
“You are okay with this whole thing, right? I mean, he is your twin after all, and I wouldn’t want to mess things up between you, you know.”
“Really, it’s fine,” Pete responded, trying to wrap his mind around that and not really thinking about what he was saying.
“Good, because I really fucking need your help. I’m so fucking clueless, and I just need this to be perfect. After all, it’s not every day you propose to your boyfriend.”
Pete, being the overly dramatic bastard that he was, could have sworn that he stopped breathing and his heart stopped beating right then. All that really happened was that he inhaled sharply and pasted a smile on his face when Patrick looked over at him.
“Yeah, of course not. And who better to help you than his twin brother?”
“Well yeah, but I’d want your help anyway, Pete. You’re still my best friend.”
That, of course, was the metaphorical nail in the coffin. Having to help Patrick plan a proposal to someone who looked just like him but wasn’t actually him was really not his idea of a good time. Not that he was gonna be able to get away from Patrick for long enough to use the time machine; once he was on a mission, nothing could interfere.
Pete sighed inwardly. “Alright, what were you thinking?”
“Um, well. I don’t know.” Patrick’s eyes widened. “Please, please, please. I have no idea, Pete.”
“Of course, Patrick. Let me think for a minute.”
Pete really didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t like he actually knew anything about this twin; fuck, Pete still hadn’t caught his name. Then again, he could always just tell Patrick what he would want. And yeah, that was kind of a great idea, because then he could sort of pretend that Patrick was gonna propose to him. Yeah, he was kind of pathetic.
“Well, how about this?”
And Pete proceeded to outline the perfect proposal, which was surprisingly simple. He really wanted nothing more than to eat take-out from his favorite Chinese place and maybe watch a few movies. And he’d possibly been thinking about how cool it would be to propose along with a movie. But not something too stupid or sappy, something like Down With Love, maybe. Pete had been mildly worried that Patrick would laugh at him, but Patrick just took in everything Pete said with interest.
Pete was so ready to be out of there after that, but no. He had to spend the rest of the afternoon helping Patrick clean his apartment and otherwise get things ready for that night. He heaved a sigh of relief as Patrick finally shoved him out the door with a panicked, ‘shit, Ben’s gonna be here soon!’
It figured that his twin would get the cooler name. Pete went back to his place to pick up his backpack, fired up the time machine, and set it for 1837.
*****
Pete expected some significant differences, and there were some, but it didn’t look nearly as weird as he expected for that long of a jump back in time. Sure, there were fewer buildings and the people looked quite a bit different, but it was still a town. Unfortunately, though, he was getting some strange looks.
He saw a tavern a few buildings down and decided to duck in to get away from the staring. He sat down at a table in one corner, taking off his hoodie and hanging it over the back of his chair. Within minutes, Pete realized that going there had probably not been a good idea.
People didn’t look any too pleased to see him, and there was a good deal of muttering going around. Making sure he had his bag, Pete made a quick exit and went around to the back of the building. He got the time machine working before anyone else saw him.
*****
Pete wasn’t exactly sure what was going on when he popped into the present because he was lying on a bed in an unfamiliar room. He rolled over and bumped into another body. The guy lying next to him grumbled and shifted a bit, muttering, ‘stop moving, Pete.’
Pete did so for a minute before curiosity got the best of him and he rose up slowly to peer over the other guy’s shoulder, seeing that he was sharing a bed with none other than Gerard Way. At this point, he was inclined to just accept it, especially since he was kind of tired, the room was dark, and the situation could wait until later.
Pete didn’t know how many hours later it was when he woke up, but he was feeling pretty well-rested. He stretched and was startled to see Gerard propped up on an elbow, watching him.
“Morning,” Gerard said as Pete jumped slightly.
“Um, hi.” Pete pulled the covers up over his nose and peered at Gerard over the edge of the blanket.
Pete’s eyes widened as Gerard’s hand suddenly landed on his thigh and began moving up. He let out a rather unmanly squeak and tried to shift away. It wasn’t that Gerard was unattractive or that he necessarily had a problem with casual sex, obviously, but well. Gerard had always kind of freaked Pete out, although he had the sneaking suspicion that it was because they were more alike than he would be comfortable with.
As a consequence, he’d really always kept his thoughts about Gerard platonic and to a minimum. Now, though, his mind couldn’t help but race to all sorts of interesting things he could get up to with Gerard. Especially since yeah, they were both kind of naked under the heap of blankets.
“You okay?” Gerard asked, a worried edge to his tone.
“Uh, yeah. Just, um. I’ve gotta piss.”
Gerard let go of him, throwing out a ‘hurry back’ and a sexy smile as Pete got up. He took longer in the bathroom than was strictly necessary, but he managed to calm his nerves enough so that when he went back out, he was able to throw himself at Gerard with gusto.
By the time they eventually got up, Gerard was hurrying him along, saying something about soundcheck. Pete was sort of out of it, what with all the sex and a lack of coffee, so he just went along with what Gerard told him to do.
So, he got a bit of a shock when they ended up in an arena across the street from their hotel and he was expected to pick up his bass and play with My Chemical Romance. Because apparently, they were his band.
He did as well as he could with soundcheck, but there were some of the songs that he really didn’t know all that well. He got some weird looks from the rest of the band, but he shrugged it off; it wasn’t like there was much he could do about it right now. After they finished, he had some time to kill before he needed to change, and Gerard was right there to distract him.
“You sure you’re alright, Pete? Because you know you can talk to me if you’re feeling depressed or something.”
And God, Pete never thought he’d see such an understanding look from anyone when talking about his depression, but he supposed it made sense. “Really, Gerard, I’m fine. I’d tell you if something was wrong.”
Pete was sure he’d never seen Gerard smile as much as he had that day, and each one seemed to be all for him. He made a mental note to give Gerard a call once he finally got things back to normal. They were obviously good for each other, and Pete could definitely do with someone he felt like he could talk to when he got too down on himself. Assuming he didn’t just decide to stay here, of course.
Pete let Gerard drag him back to their hotel room, where they spent awhile just hanging around. Pete got a little restless eventually, and he flipped through the contacts on his cell, meaning to give Patrick a call. When he couldn’t find Patrick’s number, he began to suspect he wouldn’t be staying here after all.
“Gerard, do you have Patrick’s number?”
“Patrick who?” Gerard asked absently, focused on the drawing he was working on.
“Stump.”
“Don’t think I know him.”
Pete sighed. “How about your brother?”
“Pete, I haven’t spoken to Mikey in years. I don’t even know where he is anymore. Last time we talked, he was getting some band together. Fall Over the Bay or something, I think.”
Pete’s heart lurched a little; Gerard probably meant Fall Out Boy. Well, that explained some things, at least.
“Yeah, okay. Maybe I’ll just call my brother.”
Pete did end up calling his brother, but mostly because he was afraid Gerard would want to know why he was being so weird. Gerard seemed to have forgotten about the whole brother thing by the time he got Pete’s attention to tell him they needed to get changed for the show.
The two of them got ready in comfortable silence, and Pete was gonna be sorry to see this go when he left. Then again, he wanted Patrick back; Patrick was worth it. Not to mention that he hadn’t missed the look of pain that crossed Gerard’s face when they were talking about Mikey; Pete knew how close they…had been.
Pete enjoyed the show while he could, because it was always pretty awesome to play with My Chem, even if most of the times he’d done that had been dicking around when they were on tour together. They did fairly well overall, and Pete was glad he had managed not to fuck up too badly. And as much as he wanted to hang around for a little longer, he knew it would be best to just get going and not tempt himself with wanting to stick around.
“Wanna head back to the room?” Gerard asked, and Pete knew he should say no. Then again, like he was going to pass up some parting sex?
Pete made sure to dump his clothes in the bathroom so that when he went to clean off after, he could just get dressed and leave from there. Of course, it wasn’t until he was halfway dressed that he realized his bag was still out in the room. He peeked out and saw that Gerard was sleeping.
Pete snuck out and grabbed his bag, unable to resist kissing Gerard on the forehead before going back to the bathroom, finishing dressing, and setting the time machine to take him back to 1648.
*****
Pete found himself looking down at the street when he popped in. He saw a dead body at his feet and promptly puked in a nearby bush. By the time he was done and felt like he could look back at the body, there was a small crowd gathered around.
There was a lot of blood slowly pooling outward from the body, and Pete thought that maybe he shouldn’t look anymore. Somehow, he hadn’t really expected dead bodies on this whole crazy journey, although now he wasn’t really sure why.
Pete shuffled a little way away from the body and ended up on the other side of the bush he’d puked by, sitting down with a thud. He saw a flash of something under it, so he reached over and pushed the dirt and leaves around, exposing a bloody knife. He decided at that point that he’d had enough and set the time machine to take him back to the present.
*****
Pete was standing right outside a tour bus, and hoping for the best, he got on. He realized, seeing Andy, Joe, and Patrick sitting around, that he had never been happier to see his band all together. Except then he noticed how worried they all looked until they saw him.
There was a noticeable release in tension as he went to sit beside Patrick, absently throwing his arm around Patrick’s shoulders. Then Patrick turned and gave him the evil eye, and Pete should have known by now that something was bound to be wrong.
“What?” he asked, a mixture of resignation and annoyance slipping through in his voice.
“You were supposed to meet me outside as son as you were done changing, but you didn’t,” Patrick started.
Pete could tell he was just getting warmed up and tried to stall him. “Yeah, look, I’m sorry about that. I got caught up…”
“We know, you got caught up talking to someone in the hallway or couldn’t find your hoodie or whatever. But you didn’t meet me, and I thought you’d gone missing, and then we had everyone out looking for you-”
Pete put his hand over Patrick’s mouth to stop his tirade. “I really am sorry I worried you, but why exactly did you think I’d gone missing?” The other three looked at him like he was crazy, and yeah, Pete was almost getting used to that now.
“Dude, we’re like, one of the only bands not to have someone missing.”
Pete stared at Joe, not wanting to ask yet another stupid question, but still wondering. “And why are all these people missing?”
“We don’t know!” Yeah, Patrick must really be worried if he was sounding that stressed.
“Then why the hell are we touring instead of locked up safe at home?”
“What’s with you, Pete? You were the one pushing to go ahead with the tour in the first place. And we only agreed because it didn’t really make a difference for anyone else whether they were home or not. You’re not changing your mind now, are you?”
“No, no. I’m just…tired. Of all this shit, of everything that’s been going on.”
“So am I,” Patrick muttered. “I’m getting some sleep.”
Patrick got up and headed for the bunk area with Andy and Joe following. Pete sat up for only a few more minutes, figuring that he should probably take the chance to get some sleep, too. He fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit his pillow.
When Pete woke up in the morning, the bus was parked at a truck stop. He lay there in contentment, wanting to have a few moments of peace while he could. He was really beginning to appreciate time when he could at least pretend he didn’t have anything to worry about. Inevitably, Andy came looking for him sooner rather than later.
He pulled the curtain on Pete’s bunk back abruptly. “Pete.”
The relief in his voice was palpable, and it was obvious that something must have happened. “What’s wrong?”
Pete shot up, unable to help the slightly panicky feeling despite the fact that he knew he could get himself out of whatever trouble had inevitably cropped up. It would be so much easier if he could just turn off his emotions. Like the clench in his gut at Andy’s next words.
“Patrick and Joe are gone.”
Pete pulled on his hoodie as Andy practically dragged him off the bus. He had the belated thought that his backpack (and therefore also the time machine) was still on the bus, but there was clearly no going back for it right then. They stopped abruptly in front of…was that a police box?
Pete looked up as Andy started talking to someone, finding himself face-to-face with a guy a few years younger than him who was wearing a kilt. And wow, those were some really great legs.
“Pete!”
Pete focused again on the fact that his friends were missing, and that totally put a damper on his admiration for the hot guy. He turned his attention back to Andy.
“This is the Doctor, and that’s Jamie. The Doctor says he can help us find Joe and Patrick.”
“Yes well, it’s just a matter of getting the TARDIS set to the right coordinates to take us to them. Now if you’ll excuse us.” The Doctor stepped toward the police box, and was halfway inside when Pete grabbed the sleeve of his rather shabby coat.
“Take us with you.”
The Doctor frowned as he looked at the hand clutching his sleeve, but his expression smoothed into sympathy when he saw the fear in Pete’s eyes. “Alright, come in.”
He ushered them in ahead of him and immediately made for the console in the middle of the room. Pete and Andy stood just inside the door, marveling at the apparently very roomy interior.
“Jamie, could you just…” Pete heard distantly, and then the doors shut behind them as Jamie pulled a lever on the console.
Seconds later, there was a whooshing sound, and Pete got over his awe enough to walk over to the console and peer at all the buttons, levers, and meters. Before he even realized it, he was reaching a hand out toward the nearest lever. Suddenly, a hand clamped down around his.
“Don’t touch that!” The Doctor sounded almost distressed, and Pete quickly pulled his hand back, not sure why he had reached out in the first place. Fuck only knew what any of those buttons would do.
All of a sudden, the sound stopped, and the Doctor hit a button. A panel opened, displaying a rather large room, the walls of which were lined with transparent capsules.
“Yes well, we’d best get to it.” The Doctor hit the button to shut the panel again and pulled the lever to open the doors. They all walked out, and Pete looked once more in wonder at the police box as the Doctor locked its doors. “Jamie, stay with Pete and Andy and help them get these people out.” The Doctor went over to the nearest capsule and demonstrated how to get it open. “They’ll take several minutes to wake. I have to see if I can do something about their captors.”
“Should I not come with y’, Doctor?”
“No, Jamie. I need you here, helping get these people out.”
“Aye, Doctor.”
“Splendid.”
The Doctor took off down a corridor while Andy, Pete, and Jamie started opening capsules. They seemed barely to have gotten started when the Doctor came running back in.
“Everybody into the TARDIS!”
He got it open and started ushering people in. Pete kept going with what he was doing, unwilling to give up since they hadn’t found Patrick or Joe yet.
“Pete!” Andy was yelling and yanking his arm. “We have to go. The Doctor says this place is gonna blow any minute.”
“But we haven’t found Patrick and Joe!”
They stared at each other for a long moment, and Pete could see the pain in Andy’s eyes. He let Andy pull him into the TARDIS and prop him against one of the walls. He slid down slowly, distantly taking in a conversation between Andy and the Doctor.
From what he gathered, the aliens (aliens, holy shit) had thought they were taking the world’s leaders, hoping to leave everything in chaos and susceptible to invasion. Pete was in shock long enough for them to get back to Earth once again.
Andy had to lead him out of the TARDIS and back to the bus before Pete could even get beyond the thought of two of his best friends being dead. And when he saw the time machine sticking out of his backpack, he felt a swell of relief greater than any he’d ever had in his life. He didn’t have to stay here; he could change it all again and forget this ever happened. Pete didn’t even notice Andy trying to get his attention again as he set the time machine for 1523.
*****
Pete found himself in a small clump of trees. Beyond them, he could see a field that went on for his entire line of sight. Of course he should have remembered that he’d be unlikely to see many signs of people, especially if he was anywhere other than the East Coast. Which clearly, yeah.
He looked around, but seeing nothing that he could obviously change, he sighed in frustration. He looked down at his backpack. Well, if nothing else, he could always just leave something behind again.
Pete rooted through the bag, eventually deciding that he could probably part with some clothing. He pulled out an extra t-shirt and managed to get it to stick to the side of one of the trees. Good enough. He once again set the time machine for the present.
*****
Pete found himself standing in a nice-looking apartment, but something felt wrong. At first, he wasn’t quite sure what it was, but when he moved, he figured it out pretty quickly. He looked down, and sure enough, he had boobs. He poked one, just to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. Nope, felt real enough.
He took a deep breath, trying to convince himself that this was in no way weirder than his bandmates being abducted by aliens. This would be fine, really. At least no one was dead. Pete flopped down in the nearest chair. This was nothing to be freaked out about; he wasn’t going to freak out. He poked his boob again.
Pete wasn’t sure how long it was before he heard the front door open, and he absently looked up. There was a pretty girl in the doorway, and she looked slightly familiar.
“Pete, what are you doing?”
Pete looked down again; he was still poking himself. “Uh…”
The girl set down the bags she was carrying and came over to Pete, taking hold of Pete’s hand to stop him. “I know it’s weird, but you’ve got to stop doing this.”
“Doing what?”
“Freaking out and acting weird. I’m your best friend; can’t you just talk to me about this?”
Pete was sure he must be wrong, but… “Patrick?”
“Yes?”
That was enough to snap Pete out of his shock. He stood up and threw his arms around Patrick, and even if it wasn’t really right (what with awkward new parts getting in the way), it was still exactly what he needed. His thoughts began to wander back to the alien ship, back to losing Patrick, and Pete stopped them dead in their tracks.
“I’m sorry I was acting strange and worrying you. It’s just been difficult.”
“I know. It’s not like it hasn’t been for me, too. It’s not every day that you suddenly become a girl.”
“Yeah, so like, what happened there, anyway?”
“No one seems to know yet, but hopefully soon? I mean, it’s only been a couple weeks, and it’s not like there’s an easy way to figure out what’s going on.”
Pete sat down again and watched while Patrick dealt with his bags. He almost laughed when Patrick pulled out a box of tampons, but then Patrick tossed them to him, and he sobered up a bit.
“What are these for?”
“Decorating the Christmas tree. What do you think they’re for?”
“Oh.” Pete looked down at the box.
Patrick was standing in front of him and sighing. “Pete, you asked me to buy them.”
“And you just did it?”
Patrick blushed faintly. “For you, yes.” Pete was touched. “And I can’t wait to see the look on your face once you’ve had to use one.”
Pete stood up and punched Patrick in the shoulder. “Asshole.” Inside, though, he was smiling. Aside from the whole having girl parts thing, it all felt so familiar and reassuring. Maybe he’d stick around for awhile.
Part 4