The Day Pete Wentz Fucked up the World - Part 1
Masterpost
Bonus content
Pete had been poking around in his parents’ attic one day when he found something kinda weird. It was a relatively small box that had a keypad, making it look almost like a calculator. Except that above the numbers, there was a switch set to Present, with Past to the left and Future to the right. There was also a button marked Set and another labeled Start, which was sunken into the device. The entire thing fit comfortably into his hand.
There was a small booklet that went with it, which had, hand-written on the front, ‘Time Machine Instructions’. Pete laughed at that; one of his parents must have had an active imagination when they were younger. He opened the booklet, figuring it would be good for a laugh, at least.
Operating Instructions
This machine requires one specially made zinc-carbon battery to operate.
That alone would have made Pete skeptical if it weren’t for the fact that time machines really weren’t all that plausible anyway. It’d have to be one hell of a battery. He read on.
Keypad: The numbers on the keypad are used to type in the desired year.
Well, duh. How dumbed down were these instructions, anyway? Time machines for dummies. Pete laughed.
To set your present time: make sure the top switch is set to Present. Type in the appropriate year on the keypad (assuming you are counting from year 0 according to the Gregorian calendar) and press the Set button. Your present time is set and can only be reset by hitting the Reset button.
Pete looked for the reset button and found it on the bottom; it looked just like computer reset buttons. For kicks, Pete typed 2009 into the keypad and pressed set.
To travel to the past: set the switch to the Past setting. Type the year you wish to travel to into the keypad. Press the Start button.
Future travel was the same, only with the switch set to Future.
To return to the present: set switch to Present and press the Start button.
Sounded simple enough. Pete checked the battery compartment and saw a strangely-shaped battery in the machine already, which was good because he’d never seen anything like it and didn’t think he’d have been able to find one. He closed the compartment and took the device and booklet downstairs. Pete wasn’t exactly taking it seriously, but it wouldn’t hurt to just try it out, right?
He stuffed the booklet in his pocket and took a minute to decide between the past and the future. Ultimately, he figured the past was a better bet; at least he knew what he’d be in for. He set the device to take him to 1995 and sat on his bed, just staring at it for a minute before pushing the Start button. After all, what was the worst that could happen?
*****
Pete felt sort of dizzy after pushing the button, so he slumped over on the bed, closing his eyes and waiting for it to pass. When it did, he sat up and looked around. His room looked the same as it always had, and he laughed at his own foolishness in believing that the ‘time machine’ might actually work.
All of this time travel stuff, though, got him thinking about his life before Fall Out Boy. How he sometimes wished he’d finished college, just to be able to say that he had. And hey, he kinda thought that writing that shit down might be a good idea; maybe he could use some of it later on. So, he sat down at his desk, grabbed a sheet of paper, and began writing.
I always kind of wished I’d finished college, although I don’t for a second regret what I have made of my life. Just, how much more could I have done with a college degree? Would my life be any different? I wish I knew. Pete, sometimes you are such a dumbass.
He knew it sounded stupid. Who, with his life, would bother questioning what might have been? Not like he could help it, though. Pete left the sheet of paper lying on the desk and went outside, intending to take a walk around the block and hopefully clear his head. He only got a little way before he saw his old friend, Harry.
Only, Harry looked exactly like Pete remembered him from high school. And all of a sudden, Pete was hit with the knowledge (the kind that could only come from gut instinct) that the stupid time machine had worked. He was actually in 1995.
He ran back home as quickly as possible, trying to remember where he left the time machine. He was sure it was in his room, but he couldn’t seem to find it. And oh God, he heard a key in the front door, which could only mean that his mom was home and would freak the fuck out if she saw him.
Pete remembered that he’d left it on the bed, and he fumbled in the covers for it. He managed to find it, set it to take him back to the present, and push the Start button just as his mom walked into the room.
*****
He got that dizzy feeling again and fell into a chair as Patrick walked into the room. Pete looked up as Patrick came over to him with a concerned look on his face. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah man, I’m fine,” Pete said, shaking off the residual dizziness.
That’s when he took in what Patrick was wearing. All-black suit, black tie, black fedora, with a pair of rather large sunglasses hanging out of his pocket.
“You got a date or something?”
Pete knew that couldn’t be right, but he also couldn’t think of any reason why Patrick would be wearing a suit when he hated them so much.
Patrick definitely looked confused at that.
“Uh, no. You know we just got home from work. I haven’t had time to change yet.”
“Work?” Pete asked, looking down at his own clothing and seeing that he was wearing the same thing he had been previously. No help there.
“Yeah. Where we go to push papers for the CIA from 9 to 5. And how did you get changed so quickly, anyway?”
Pete opened his mouth and realized that he had no idea what to say.
“You sure you’re okay?” Patrick was sounding really concerned, but Pete couldn’t really do anything about that; he needed more information.
“Not really. What about Fall Out Boy?”
Patrick punched Pete in the shoulder. “You know we’re not supposed to talk about that,” he hissed.
“What? Why not?”
Patrick pulled Pete into the closet in the bathroom, which was barely big enough to hold both of them. “Because it’s not exactly prudent to talk about being spies for the FBI when our place is probably bugged by the CIA.”
Pete thought for a minute. “What does Fall Out Boy have to do with that? And why would the FBI spy on the CIA anyway?”
“Goddamn it, Pete. It’s the code name for the operation, and we only use it when necessary. And you know we’re basically keeping track of what’s going on for them since we see all the files.”
Pete just slumped back against the wall, trying to take that in. “So we’re secret agents for the FBI, not in a band?”
“Uh, yeah. Pete, our band was only a band for like, a year until you graduated and went off to train for the FBI.”
And that was almost a physical blow, despite his interest in this spy thing. “What about Joe and Andy?”
“Joe’s still at University of Illinois, and I don’t think I know anyone named Andy.”
Oh fuck, how could this shit happen? Pete figured it had to have been because of the time travel, but what the hell could he have done to make this…? Shit, of course. That fucking letter he wrote about staying in college. How could he have been so stupid?
“Pete? Pete!”
It sounded like Patrick had been trying to get his attention for awhile. “Yeah?”
“Are we done with the conversation now? Cause it’s getting kind of uncomfortable in here.”
“Sure, sure.”
“Good,” Patrick said, opening the door and heading to his room to change.
Pete headed to his room as well, only then noticing that they were in a two-bedroom apartment rather than his parents’ house. Which he supposed made sense as the CIA wasn’t in Illinois.
He and Patrick hung around the apartment that night, and Pete tried his best not to seem too weird about things. He found, however, that he couldn’t sleep since all his thoughts were on what he should do. He had no idea why he still remembered the way things were before, but since he did, he was sure he couldn’t just let it stay like this. Sure, he had Patrick, but God only knew whether he talked to Andy and Joe. Not to mention that he couldn’t imagine life without Fall Out Boy.
By the time morning came, Pete had probably only gotten an hour or two of sleep. Patrick seemed surprised to see him up early, getting ready to go to a job he didn’t know how to do. They set out, with Patrick driving, about an hour before they were due in. Pete managed to sleep for the whole commute, while they slowly made their way through traffic.
When they finally got in, they went to their desks and spent what was one of the worst days Pete had ever had, filing papers. If something could go wrong, it did. He couldn’t find an important file that his boss needed; he managed to accidentally delete three hours worth of work from his computer; he had to work through lunch to get make it up; he got reprimanded for arguing with one of his co-workers (who was a total douchebag).
On the plus side, Pete thought of an idea that might get him out of this nightmare. Maybe, just maybe, if he went further back in time and changed something, he could he could get things back on track. He knew it wasn’t the best plan ever, but damned if he could think of a better one.
As soon as they were done with work, Pete was incredibly relieved, ready to try the time travel thing again. Only, instead of going home, Patrick drove them to an old warehouse where they met their FBI contact. Even that proved to be a disappointment. No one hid in the shadows or took shots at them; they just handed over a file and left.
Neither he nor Patrick said much on the way home, and Pete was glad when they finally got there. He immediately went and got the time machine, and on a whim, grabbed all the cash he could find in his room. Never hurt to have cash on hand when you didn’t know where, exactly, you were going. He set the time machine to take him to 1983 and pressed Start.
*****
Pete felt dizzy again, and when he regained his balance, he was in a place he recognized immediately: New York City. It was pretty fucking cold, but at least he was still wearing the awful black suit. He started walking, hoping for a coffee shop to get out of the cold, when he turned a corner and found one. It was a relief to get inside, and he went up to order, suddenly finding himself standing next to Donald Trump, who was obviously waiting for his coffee.
“Gotta love the corporate machine, huh?” Pete remarked with quiet irony as Donald Trump looked at him strangely. “Wave of the future.”
Donald Trump was out the door quickly, and Pete was not too much longer, not having to wait long for his coffee. He was kind of amused at having said something like that to Donald Trump, even though he knew he had probably sounded really stupid.
It was too cold out for Pete to take the time to figure out what he should do to try to change things, so he just set the time machine for the present and hit Start. He could try going to a different time where it hopefully wouldn’t be so cold.
*****
Pete expected things to be the same as they had been, but it was clear right away that they weren’t. He was back on the streets of Chicago, but well, he was on the streets of Chicago.
He was standing next to a really beat up old car, and Joe was peering out the window at him. “Get in, fuckface!”
Pete opened the passenger door and got in. Joe was busy arranging blankets and a few ratty articles of clothing into a sort of nest in the back seat. “Well, get back here already. We’ve only got about six hours until work, and I want as much sleep as possible.”
Pete climbed in the back, and Joe pulled him down and covered them in clothing. Within ten minutes, Pete discovered why they were huddling together; it was obviously the middle of winter, and one of the car’s windows had a small hole in it. Another ten minutes later, he went to sleep just to get away from the cold.
Far too soon, Joe was shaking him awake and handing him a ragged coat. In the harsh light of day, Joe looked terrible. He was thin, pale, and covered in a layer of grime. They got out of the car, and Joe carefully locked the door. Pete stumbled after him as he headed down the street.
They only walked a few blocks, but Pete could see that this wasn’t the Chicago he knew. There was a superficial resemblance, but that was all. There were no shops that didn’t have busted windows, and the only people around looked just like Joe did.
The only things that did seem to be running were the factories, and boy were there a lot. Smoke stacks were everywhere, and the air was practically visible. Joe walked into one of the factories and pulled Pete with him to an assembly line. And even though Pete didn’t know what he was doing, he picked it up within minutes. Basically all he was doing was fitting a couple of pieces of metal together.
He had no idea how long they went at it, but finally it was time for lunch. Of course, when he saw what there was to eat, he wasn’t nearly so happy. The only description he could think of was ‘gruel’, and God, he didn’t know that shit was actually real.
“Joe, what the fuck are we doing here, working these sit jobs?” Pete asked the first chance he got.
“Shit jobs?” Joe sounded genuinely surprised. “These are the only jobs there are. You take it or starve.”
Pete was a little bit beyond shocked at that. All he could think was that it was pretty much exactly like a discussion he and Andy had had once about wage slavery. Only this was like…God, this kind of thing just didn’t happen in America.
They went back to work for long hours after lunch, and it was dark by the time they were sent out the door with a chunk of bread apiece. Pete couldn’t set the time machine fast enough. He decided on 1975 and pushed Start without a second thought.
*****
He was still in Chicago, though thankfully one that looked a lot more like he remembered. As a matter of fact, he was actually down the road from the place he went to high school. For lack of any other ideas, Pete made his way to the school, which was obviously just letting out for the day.
He watched the kids hurrying out, talking and laughing with their friends as they got into their cars and drove off. God, but that made him nostalgic. All those times he and his friends would hang out in the parking lot before soccer practice, or the times he’d spend making out in an empty hallway with various girlfriends.
When the stream of students leaving thinned out, Pete made his way in the front door. He wandered around, past his old classrooms, remembering all the good times, bad times, times spent sleeping through class. He only realized he’d stopped walking when someone said something to him.
“Can I help you?”
“No, not really. I was just…looking around.”
Pete turned, surprised to see one of his favorite teachers standing there. Mr. Brown, his history teacher, had always managed to make class interesting.
“Hi,” Pete said, extending his hand, “I’m Pete. I went to school here awhile back.”
“Hello, Pete. I’m Charles Brown, U.S. history teacher.”
“Nice to meet you. You know, I always liked U.S. history. Actually, I always really liked going here. There were some days I wished I never had to leave.” Okay, so there hadn’t exactly been a lot of those, but there had been some.
“Well, I’m glad that you had such a good experience. You must excuse me, though; I’m late for a meeting.”
Mr. Brown hurried past, and Pete called out a goodbye. After finding his old locker (he’d somehow managed to have the same one all four years), he had enough of reminiscing. He set the time machine to take him back to the present and pressed Start.
*****
When Pete got back, he was standing in the middle of an empty street. He knew he must be in Chicago, but only because he was still standing in front of New Trier High School. The thing was that the building stretched as far as the eye could see in both directions on one side of the street. On the other side was an enormous parking lot filled with cars that looked like they hadn’t been driven in years.
Pete really didn’t feel up to walking down the street and trying to find the end of the building, so he walked in the front door and immediately ran into Andy.
“Pete, what the fuck? You’re gonna be so busted for going outside without permission. Come on, or we’re gonna be late for class.”
Pete let himself be dragged along to a classroom as large as any he’d ever seen in college. They took seats in the middle of the room just as the bell rang. Instead of the teacher that Pete expected, a large screen dropped down. Abruptly, a video of a white-haired old man began playing. It was a lecture on the biology of marine mammals. Pete zoned out for awhile, not very interested in the subject matter, and he was glad when the bell finally rang.
He spent the rest of the morning going to classes with Andy, spending several boring hours listening to video lectures on trigonometry, English, and history. Finally, though, it was lunchtime, and they entered a cafeteria that was almost cavern-like. People of all ages milled about, getting food, finding tables, shouting at friends.
“Andy, what are all these people doing here?”
“Eating.”
God, Pete was already sick of having confused looks directed at him. “Yeah, but like, a lot of these people are too old for high school. Hell, we’re too old for high school.”
“No such thing. They’re just not on their first time through. And you know we’re on our fourth time. Gets easier every time.” Andy smiled as he got in the lunch line.
Pete didn’t quite know what to make of that. Why the hell would anyone go through high school more than once? He was too busy considering the high school thing to pay much attention to what was going on. Before he knew it, he was sitting in front of an unappetizing tray full of food, and Hayley Williams was throwing herself in his lap and planting a sloppy kiss on him.
“Um…” Pete thought he managed not to look too freaked out.
“Hi, Pete!”
She looked way too pleased to see him, and God, he’d always liked Hayley, but this was just…no.
“Hey,” he replied, trying to unobtrusively push her onto her own chair. She went willingly enough but refused to let go of his hand throughout lunch.
Throughout the rest of the day, Pete saw so many people he knew shouldn’t be there that it bordered on ridiculous. Scratch that, it was completely ridiculous. Kind of like someone took practically everyone he ever knew and threw them all in the same place at the same time. Gerard and Mikey Way, Ryan Ross, nearly everyone from the bands on their label. And still, it managed to get weirder.
He saw his parents and next door neighbor (who was 80 years old), which was just surreal. And of course, the fact that there didn’t seem to be any teachers, just video-taped lectures was downright strange. With all those people, you’d think they could have had actual teachers.
To top it all off, Pete was issued a detention (by his locker, no less) after his last class for being outside that morning. Unfortunately, it took him twenty minutes to find the detention room on his own, so he had to stay late to make up the time. Whatever he had expected, it certainly wasn’t to be cleaning restrooms for two hours. When he got done, he left the cleaning stuff in the nearest supply closet and ran into Andy again in the hallway.
“Dude, just in time for dinner.” Andy slung an arm around his shoulder and started steering him away.
“Dinner?” Pete asked, but any answer was unnecessary when they got to the cafeteria and everyone was there once again, lining up for food.
Pete ate pretty much in silence, wanting to take the opportunity to listen to everyone else. He didn’t really get any useful information other than that Hayley wanted him to meet her in the supply closet after dinner. Somehow, he didn’t think it was for homework help.
Instead of going to the supply closet, Pete headed to the restroom and went into the nearest stall. He fiddled with the time machine while trying to decide on a year. Sure, he’d liked high school well enough at the time, but Pete was sure he couldn’t handle going for the rest of his life. Eventually, he set the time machine to take him to 1968 and pressed Start.
*****
Pete was pretty sure he was once again in New York City, although this time he was definitely in one of the gay neighborhoods. The street didn’t really look any different than any other street, other than the fact that there was an overabundance of same-sex couples walking together. And even that wouldn’t have been conclusive if he hadn’t seen the sign for the Stonewall Inn across the street.
Of course, it was completely cemented when a guy stopped next to him but didn’t actually look at him. “Haven’t seen you around here before.”
“Yeah, I’m from Chicago.”
“Ah, you looking for a good place to go? Cause Stonewall’s one of the best. And I guarantee I’ll be there tonight.”
Pete was pretty sure that was a come-on. “Well, I’m not actually gay, you know.” Pete didn’t like the look of fear that crossed the guy’s face at that. “Look, it’s alright. Sometimes I wish I were gay.” He nearly laughed at the look on the other man’s face; there was a lot of shock and a little confusion there. “Would just be interesting to have a different perspective.”
“You are one strange man,” the guy said to Pete, giving a little wave and walking off down the street.
Pete reached into his pocket and pulled out the time machine, setting it to take him to the present.
*****
Pete popped in in his house, which he figured was a good thing since he was tired as hell. He went to his room and fell asleep pretty much immediately. In the morning, he felt far more rested and almost chalked everything up to a really weird dream. The only thing was that he had a strange feeling he couldn’t seem to shake or figure out.
He took a quick shower, feeling really good about getting clean after, well, who knew how many days. Clearly this time travel stuff was not going to be easy on his daily necessities; it was a good thing he was used to being on tour.
Not really knowing what else to do, Pete gave Patrick a call, hoping really fucking hard that they still knew each other.
“Hello?”
“Patrick?”
“Yeah, Pete. What’s up?”
Pete heaved a huge sigh of relief, ignoring the niggling in his stomach merely at hearing Patrick’s voice. “Can you come over?”
“Uh, sure. I’ll be over in ten.”
Pete waited sort of anxiously, although he didn’t really know why. Maybe it was just because he hadn’t seen Patrick in awhile. Yeah, that had to be it; Patrick had last been around when they were spies.
Pete jumped when the doorbell rang, and he hurried over to answer the door. As soon as he opened the door, the niggling sensation from before came back with a vengeance. Okay, so there was obviously something going on other than just missing Patrick.
Pete eyed Patrick up and down, trying to figure out what was up. Yes, he was glad to see Patrick. He actually really kind of wanted to throw himself at Patrick and not let go for awhile; having his best friend around almost always helped him think more clearly.
There was no reason not to pull Patrick into a hug, so Pete did. Yeah, that was better. And Patrick was squeezing back, just breathing calmly into Pete’s ear, and Pete had the sudden thought that if he turned his head, it would be remarkably easy to press their lips together.
Pete startled at the thought, pulling away a little bit abruptly. So that had been the nagging feeling he’d had since he woke up; he was so, so gay. And quite possibly a little bit in love with Patrick. He’d always loved Patrick more than pretty much anyone ever, but this definitely had a rip-your-clothes-off, fuck-your-brains-out kind of element to it.
Pete was thrown enough by the discovery that he just slumped slowly to the floor. Patrick crouched next to him, looking worried.
“Are you okay?”
God, that sounded familiar.
“Would it be out of line to ask if I could kiss you?” Pete didn’t know why, exactly, he said it, but well, he really did want to. Normally, he’d just go for it - screw asking - but this was Patrick.
Patrick looked slightly taken aback. “But. You told me last week that you just wanted to be friends.”
“That was fucking bullshit on my part. I’m not sure I’ve ever wanted anyone as much as I want you.”
He pulled Patrick into a kiss that was really awkward but so, so right. Patrick shifted a little so he was straddling Pete, making everything a lot less awkward. They sat making out in the front hall for a few minutes before Pete’s ass really started to hurt. He pulled out of the kiss, marveling a little that he’d ended up with one hand in Patrick’s hair and one on his ass without realizing it.
“Can we move this to the couch? I think my ass is going numb.”
They did manage to make it to the couch after another few minutes, where Pete promptly sat on the television remote. Seeing as he was still kissing Patrick, he didn’t really pay it a lot of attention at first. At least, not until he heard something about a population crisis and birth rates being at an all-time low. That made him pause, no matter how tempting Patrick looked sprawled on top of him and mussed all to hell. Pete pulled back to catch his breath and watch CNN over Patrick’s shoulder.
“Birth rates remain at an all-time low and appear to be dropping further. With the population crisis continuing, the newly formed Council for Repopulation is asking that more female couples consider having children.
According to spokeswoman Susan Long, the CFR is working on drafting legislation that requires women under the age of 35 to be tested for fertility. No official word yet on whether or not there will be a mandatory pregnancy program, although Long reports that the issue is undergoing careful consideration.”
Pete just sort of sat in frozen horror, wondering how the hell anything like that had happened. Patrick, seeing that he’d lost Pete’s attention completely, slid off of Pete and onto the couch next to him.
“Crazy, isn’t it? That they might try to force women to have children.”
“But why, how…?” Pete was not doing a great job of getting his mind around the concept.
“Come on, Pete. You know what it’s been like since everyone went gay. Hell, you only graduated with a few hundred people in the middle of Chicago.”
“Wait, everyone’s gay?” Patrick just gave him a ‘duh’ look. “Alright, stupid question. But at least that explains some things,” Pete muttered more to himself than to Patrick.
“What?”
“Nothing.” Pete kind of crawled into Patrick’s lap and straddled him. “Hi,” he said just before going in for another kiss.
They spent the next hour or so making out, with Patrick sort of pushing the boundaries and Pete pulling back. He just couldn’t feel comfortable having gay sex on his first day as a gay man, even if it was with Patrick.
Finally, Patrick pried himself away from Pete with the excuse that he really needed to go home and get some work done. Pete was sad to see him go, but at the same time, he was glad for the chance to turn CNN on and try to take in the situation.
Pete’s mom came home a couple of hours later with the woman who had lived across the street from them for most of Pete’s life. Only, Pete got the feeling that she didn’t live across the street anymore.
“Pete, honey, I wish you wouldn’t get so caught up in that,” his mom said when she saw what he was watching. “I know it’s upsetting, but there’s really not much you can do about it.”
Pete looked at his mother as he turned off the TV. “Yeah, Mom. I know.”
He hugged her and headed to his room, fiddling with the time machine, glad that he could actually change things. He really didn’t need to be responsible for the downfall of the human race.
When he got up to his room, Pete saw one of his old backpacks next to his desk with a twenty sticking out of one of the pockets. He realized that it might actually be a good idea to take some stuff with him, and it would definitely be a good idea to get more money from the bank in case he needed it, because God knew if it’d still be there after he changed things.
To that end, Pete packed some water, soda, snack food, a notebook, some miscellaneous items of clothing (just in case), and a picture of him, Patrick, Andy and Joe that he found on a shelf, into his backpack, figuring that that would be good enough for the time being. After a quick trip down to the bank, Pete sent himself back to 1953.
Part 2