Starts with a "T" and ends in "love"
It rained today.
That seemed appropriate.
There is a sort of cleansing in the rain. You don't know it until it stops, but the calm of the earth and the wind, and the clear, cold skies lend themselves to the first inspiration I've had in a long time.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll look back at this day and laugh, or look back and cry. Not bawl or weep, but more mist. A glint in the eye. A glint in the earth. A thoughtfulness and fullness.
Just like after the rain.
I wonder if I've made the right choices. But I know that there's no going back, so the answer is always the same: yep, I sure did.
Bitch.
It's a new step, even for me, who takes new steps as an unauthorized challenge. New steps are child's play at this point.
Except for this one.
I lost something today. Something big and small and unseen all at the same time. And I'm okay with that.
But it still makes me mist up. Like the sky after a storm.
So here it goes: The Big Goodbye. The one that means something.
And this one, this one caught me unprepared. Just as the rain did. Unprepared and a little scared. But not scared that I'd be struck by lightening of deafened by thunder. Scared that I'd miss it. Miss the beauty of the storm.
I'm good at appreciating the calm and cold and beauty of the aftermath. But here I am, for the first time possibly ever, wondering if I missed appreciating the raging wrath and beauty of the storm.
So here I am, years after my initial preparations began.
--------------------------------------
(A poem I wrote in 10th grade about this day) From January 2004
I Believe in Trees (This is the one that was on my art project)
We all hit low points in our lives,
so I’m glad to be the bearer of good news for once.
I want to say something I’ve never said before,
In a context in which not many people understand.
It’s not “I love you”
Or anything sappy like that, we’re beyond these words at this point.
It’s not “I need you”
Or anything so desprate.
It’s not “I understand you”
Because I’m sure I don’t
People usually say this when they’re sad,
And it usually makes them sadder.
But the truly connected see this as a new phase.
And we are truly connected.
I’m leaving.
Not forever, certainly not forever.
Because I could never stay away from you for long
You are too much apart of me.
I’ll remember you.
The memories engraved in my mind, the phantom pains in my heart.
The good,
The bad,
The ugly.
I’ll still talk to you every night,
As we have for my entire life.
Good night, I love you, I’ll see you in the morning.
I want to say goodbye to you last,
Because it needs to last the longest.
Sure, I’ll miss everyone,
But you I’m not sure I’ll even be able to choke out
“Good bye”
I miss you already, the most.
But most of all, the thing I need to say,
In this context and understanding not many people have.
This is good.
We need to evolve, all good things end, and beginnings only happen after the end.
And I believe in trees, in you, in us.
And, fine, maybe it is
I love you.
--------------------------------------
So here it is. Here I am. It came so soon. So fast. Gone so fucking fast.
I love ...
That seemed appropriate.
There is a sort of cleansing in the rain. You don't know it until it stops, but the calm of the earth and the wind, and the clear, cold skies lend themselves to the first inspiration I've had in a long time.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll look back at this day and laugh, or look back and cry. Not bawl or weep, but more mist. A glint in the eye. A glint in the earth. A thoughtfulness and fullness.
Just like after the rain.
I wonder if I've made the right choices. But I know that there's no going back, so the answer is always the same: yep, I sure did.
Bitch.
It's a new step, even for me, who takes new steps as an unauthorized challenge. New steps are child's play at this point.
Except for this one.
I lost something today. Something big and small and unseen all at the same time. And I'm okay with that.
But it still makes me mist up. Like the sky after a storm.
So here it goes: The Big Goodbye. The one that means something.
And this one, this one caught me unprepared. Just as the rain did. Unprepared and a little scared. But not scared that I'd be struck by lightening of deafened by thunder. Scared that I'd miss it. Miss the beauty of the storm.
I'm good at appreciating the calm and cold and beauty of the aftermath. But here I am, for the first time possibly ever, wondering if I missed appreciating the raging wrath and beauty of the storm.
So here I am, years after my initial preparations began.
--------------------------------------
(A poem I wrote in 10th grade about this day) From January 2004
I Believe in Trees (This is the one that was on my art project)
We all hit low points in our lives,
so I’m glad to be the bearer of good news for once.
I want to say something I’ve never said before,
In a context in which not many people understand.
It’s not “I love you”
Or anything sappy like that, we’re beyond these words at this point.
It’s not “I need you”
Or anything so desprate.
It’s not “I understand you”
Because I’m sure I don’t
People usually say this when they’re sad,
And it usually makes them sadder.
But the truly connected see this as a new phase.
And we are truly connected.
I’m leaving.
Not forever, certainly not forever.
Because I could never stay away from you for long
You are too much apart of me.
I’ll remember you.
The memories engraved in my mind, the phantom pains in my heart.
The good,
The bad,
The ugly.
I’ll still talk to you every night,
As we have for my entire life.
Good night, I love you, I’ll see you in the morning.
I want to say goodbye to you last,
Because it needs to last the longest.
Sure, I’ll miss everyone,
But you I’m not sure I’ll even be able to choke out
“Good bye”
I miss you already, the most.
But most of all, the thing I need to say,
In this context and understanding not many people have.
This is good.
We need to evolve, all good things end, and beginnings only happen after the end.
And I believe in trees, in you, in us.
And, fine, maybe it is
I love you.
--------------------------------------
So here it is. Here I am. It came so soon. So fast. Gone so fucking fast.
I love ...