Evolution
I wonder if I'm crazy because of what I do, or I do what I do because I'm crazy.
I'm still working on the answer.
And it's not to say that "crazy" is good term to use. It's not. It's vague, undefinable, and completely overused.
Especially recently.
Have I become so jaded that I can't even see what a relationship is? I don't just mean romantic relationships either. Any relationship between two people: friends, lovers, friend's roommates, people you just met, friends of friends. How a relationship starts, ends, and evolves is clandistely delicate. Very easily broken, very easily fucked up.
Or is it? Do I not give people enough credit? Do I think everyone is as jaded as I am? Am I even jaded myself? What is jaded? How does one get there exactly? I think that is another overused word, with far too many definitions for its own good. For my own good.
College is such an odd period, where everyone thinks everyone else is jaded, and unable to possess the skills and tools for an evolving relationship. Or you just think that everything is inherently just waiting to be fucked up.
The middle is rarely ever there.
I'm looking for the middle, and it is turning out to be the quest for the Holy Grail. Eventually I'll stumble onto the answer. And if I don't, I'll figure something and deal with the extremes.
Because even extremes have their upsides. The days are not days without the hot, dry sun and oppressive heat, and all nights dip into mysterious and scary depths of cold and regret. But both are necessary, and both are dealt with everyday, ongoing, with love and beauty and poetry to soothe the burns and ice.
Until I find my Holy Grail (if I ever do, that is) I'll just deal with the extremes, and put ice on my bruises.
And hickeys.
Classy, I know.
I'm still working on the answer.
And it's not to say that "crazy" is good term to use. It's not. It's vague, undefinable, and completely overused.
Especially recently.
Have I become so jaded that I can't even see what a relationship is? I don't just mean romantic relationships either. Any relationship between two people: friends, lovers, friend's roommates, people you just met, friends of friends. How a relationship starts, ends, and evolves is clandistely delicate. Very easily broken, very easily fucked up.
Or is it? Do I not give people enough credit? Do I think everyone is as jaded as I am? Am I even jaded myself? What is jaded? How does one get there exactly? I think that is another overused word, with far too many definitions for its own good. For my own good.
College is such an odd period, where everyone thinks everyone else is jaded, and unable to possess the skills and tools for an evolving relationship. Or you just think that everything is inherently just waiting to be fucked up.
The middle is rarely ever there.
I'm looking for the middle, and it is turning out to be the quest for the Holy Grail. Eventually I'll stumble onto the answer. And if I don't, I'll figure something and deal with the extremes.
Because even extremes have their upsides. The days are not days without the hot, dry sun and oppressive heat, and all nights dip into mysterious and scary depths of cold and regret. But both are necessary, and both are dealt with everyday, ongoing, with love and beauty and poetry to soothe the burns and ice.
Until I find my Holy Grail (if I ever do, that is) I'll just deal with the extremes, and put ice on my bruises.
And hickeys.
Classy, I know.