What I think about when I don't sleep enough
IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: Those of you who are devout Catholics and are easily offended are encouraged not to read this post. It is not intended to mock the new Pope - it's just something silly that came into my head, pretty much unbidden. When I'm tired, as I am today, my mental filters get switched off - and sometimes they take the conversational filters with them. It's a really good thing that I don't share an office with a supervisor, co-worker, or indeed anyone else whose opinion matters. Anyway, if you're one of those people who think that only Catholics are allowed to make fun of Catholics, only Jews can make fun of Jews, etc., then you may think me a bit naughty, because I am not by any stretch of the imagination a Catholic. But who's to say I won't be Pope someday? Heck, Benedict used to be a blinkin' Nazi, so how bad can MY chances be?
Note: If, by some unimaginable cosmic twist, I somehow DO become Pope someday... then Richard Dietz (you don't know him, so don't ask), Dubya, and whoever made up the character of Jar-Jar Binks are going STRAIGHT to Hell.
But I digress.
So last night Selkie and I were listening to the radio as we enjoyed a pleasant top-down drive through a pretty wooded area on a beautiful late spring day, and they played that song "One of us", that goes:
What if God was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us?
Just a stranger on the bus,
Trying to make his way home.
Nobody calling on the phone,
'cept for the Pope maybe in Rome.
So I got to thinking about the Pope's special phone for calling up God. (Ellen Degeneris did a routine about a similar subject, but I'm not gonna go there.) I kept remembering the Batman TV show from the late 60's/early 70's and envisioning a room somewhere in the Vatican where Benedict has a special office, and on his desk sits this special phone. It has no dial, just a single button. Maybe it lights up in red when God calls him. If Benedict doesn't happen to be in his office when the phone rings, God has to use the Pope Signal - a spotlight which puts a big white circle with a crucifix cut out on the clouds. God and Benedict have an advantage here - Commissioner Gordon always had to trust to luck that it'd be a cloudy night (which, fortunately, it always was) when he needed to contact Batman; God can just *make* it a cloudy night.
So Alfred tells Benedict that there's an urgent call on the PontiFone, and Benedict takes the call hurriedly, then slides down the Pope Pole into the Pope Cave, changing into his full papal regalia on the way down, leaps into the Popemobile and screeches off to perform an emergency excommunication or whatever.
I probably should get to bed earlier.
Note: If, by some unimaginable cosmic twist, I somehow DO become Pope someday... then Richard Dietz (you don't know him, so don't ask), Dubya, and whoever made up the character of Jar-Jar Binks are going STRAIGHT to Hell.
But I digress.
So last night Selkie and I were listening to the radio as we enjoyed a pleasant top-down drive through a pretty wooded area on a beautiful late spring day, and they played that song "One of us", that goes:
What if God was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us?
Just a stranger on the bus,
Trying to make his way home.
Nobody calling on the phone,
'cept for the Pope maybe in Rome.
So I got to thinking about the Pope's special phone for calling up God. (Ellen Degeneris did a routine about a similar subject, but I'm not gonna go there.) I kept remembering the Batman TV show from the late 60's/early 70's and envisioning a room somewhere in the Vatican where Benedict has a special office, and on his desk sits this special phone. It has no dial, just a single button. Maybe it lights up in red when God calls him. If Benedict doesn't happen to be in his office when the phone rings, God has to use the Pope Signal - a spotlight which puts a big white circle with a crucifix cut out on the clouds. God and Benedict have an advantage here - Commissioner Gordon always had to trust to luck that it'd be a cloudy night (which, fortunately, it always was) when he needed to contact Batman; God can just *make* it a cloudy night.
So Alfred tells Benedict that there's an urgent call on the PontiFone, and Benedict takes the call hurriedly, then slides down the Pope Pole into the Pope Cave, changing into his full papal regalia on the way down, leaps into the Popemobile and screeches off to perform an emergency excommunication or whatever.
I probably should get to bed earlier.