Trapped in a Time Share
Thankfully, we've made some progress in the things we need to do/need for the wedding. We've taken dance lessons. We've hired a photographer and videographer. And we got an officiant. The path to an officiant was kind of interesting.
I had found a few officiants through the website Thumbtack. Before I could reach out to any of them my mom said that she talked to my Aunt Carol, who had apparently reached out to her pastor to see if he could officiate our wedding. So I waited a while to see if he was going to do it. A couple of weeks later my mom said she had asked my aunt about it, but she hadn't gotten back to her. So I talked to a few of the officiants I found. I was really torn between two of them. I think I had finally made my decision about who to choose when my mom called and said that Aunt Carol's pastor was interested in doing it. The only thing was he wanted to meet with Mike and I first.
Normally, I was really interested in meeting everyone who we were considering hiring for the wedding, but neither Mike or I was that interested in driving all the way out there, plus I was kind of wary because I was worried that we would get preached at. But since he would probably perform he ceremony for free, we figured we should meet with him once and if we liked him we'd go with him.
We got a little lost on the way, since my mom gave us the wrong address. When we got there I was kind of surprised to meet her pastor and it was an older white man. Mike asked me at one point what type of pastor it was, what type of religion, which I honestly hadn't thought of. I knew it wasn't Jehovah's Witness, since my uncle claimed he couldn't do our wedding as a Jehovah's Witness elder because neither Mike and I are Jehovah's Witness. My mom said she's a Baptist. I think it's the kind of movies I've watched over he years, but I hear "pastor" and "Baptist" and I think Black.
His name was Gene and he said that he was going to do a pre-wedding counseling thing with us so he could give us a certificate, which we could use to save money when we got our marriage license. He asked some standard questions - like why we wanted to marry each other. It was really sweet to hear Mike's answer.
He mentioned that his church was non-denominational and accepts all kinds of religions, which was nice. He made a lot of references to God and how important that is to a successful marriage. That didn't necessarily bother me. We wanted a non-denominational wedding, because while neither of us are affiliated with any particular religion, we both believe in God and don't have a problem with God being mentioned during the ceremony.
But then Gene kind of kept going on about it and asked us both whether we wanted a closer relationship with God and wanted to start going back to church and that's kind of when I started to tune out a little. I kind of just wanted it o be done and go but it felt like he was revving up for a mini-sermon, which he kind of did. That was one of the reasons I was wary of having the meeting because I didn't want to get sucked into a bible study. It kind of felt like getting trapped in a time share meeting - wanting to get a good deal on something and being forced to sit through some spiel before you can.
Mike was more into it. He's always said that he'd like to start going to some kind of church at some point again, which he told Gene. So Gene directed a lot of his words to Mike and not me. At some point he started talking about the sanctity of marriage and what God intended for marriage to be and I thought if he starts in about gay marriage and talking about how bad it is, that I would end the conversation right there (though I knew I probably wouldn't do that - I'm not very good at confrontation, especially with strangers.)
He kept going on and on about how to have a successful marriage you have to bring God into your life and go to church. He did bring up a couple of things that I did agree with - like he talked about how couples shouldn't have so many separate hobbies that you spend more time with other people, because what's the point of getting married if you're going to act like you're still single. He also mentioned how when you get married your spouse has to be your number one priority and that's the person you should talk to about things, instead of turning to outsiders.
He waited until towards the end to say that, to be frank, God put together a man and a woman in marriage, not a man and a man. I was definitely put off after that and mostly tuned out. He led us in a prayer I felt bad about mostly tuning out. At the end of it he asked Mike if he was committed to bringing God back in his life and Mike said yeah. Then he specifically turned to me and asked me the same thing. I didn't really want to lie, but I felt forced into using the same tactic that I use with my mother when she keeps pestering me about stuff and refusing to take no for an answer, so I just say sure, knowing I have no intention of doing it.
So even though I didn't like a like a lot of the things he had to say, he was an okay guy, Mike liked him and he's been two of my aunts pastor for years, plus he would do it for free. So Mike and I agreed to have him officiate the wedding. It was kind of a relief to have a lot of the major decisions decided and done. We were both really relaxed after we left. We even had a nice discussion about our potential honeymoon plans.
The only major issue with him was that he said that he's going to be in Haiti the week before our wedding and is only getting back the day before. He said because of that he can't come to our rehearsal. We were both okay with that. I honestly hadn't really even thought we needed a rehearsal, until I thought we should do it for the kids who are going to be our ring bearer and flower girl and for some timing issues with the music being played. We don't really think it's absolutely necessary to have the officiant there. Mike's mom disagreed and complained to Mike about it, but there's really no getting around it. My only issue about that was I'm a little worried about what if there's some kind of flight delay and he can't get here on time for the wedding. But Mike said he doubts that any kind of flight delay would last a whole day, especially since it's not hurricane season.
Gene also gave us these cds to listen to. Basically more sermons about important issues to help with married life - like there's different cds for communication skills and about finances. I think he said it's about four hours total, which I have not been interested at all in dealing with. We still haven't listened to them even though he said he wanted to meet with us one more time before the wedding and discuss them further.
Stacey
I had found a few officiants through the website Thumbtack. Before I could reach out to any of them my mom said that she talked to my Aunt Carol, who had apparently reached out to her pastor to see if he could officiate our wedding. So I waited a while to see if he was going to do it. A couple of weeks later my mom said she had asked my aunt about it, but she hadn't gotten back to her. So I talked to a few of the officiants I found. I was really torn between two of them. I think I had finally made my decision about who to choose when my mom called and said that Aunt Carol's pastor was interested in doing it. The only thing was he wanted to meet with Mike and I first.
Normally, I was really interested in meeting everyone who we were considering hiring for the wedding, but neither Mike or I was that interested in driving all the way out there, plus I was kind of wary because I was worried that we would get preached at. But since he would probably perform he ceremony for free, we figured we should meet with him once and if we liked him we'd go with him.
We got a little lost on the way, since my mom gave us the wrong address. When we got there I was kind of surprised to meet her pastor and it was an older white man. Mike asked me at one point what type of pastor it was, what type of religion, which I honestly hadn't thought of. I knew it wasn't Jehovah's Witness, since my uncle claimed he couldn't do our wedding as a Jehovah's Witness elder because neither Mike and I are Jehovah's Witness. My mom said she's a Baptist. I think it's the kind of movies I've watched over he years, but I hear "pastor" and "Baptist" and I think Black.
His name was Gene and he said that he was going to do a pre-wedding counseling thing with us so he could give us a certificate, which we could use to save money when we got our marriage license. He asked some standard questions - like why we wanted to marry each other. It was really sweet to hear Mike's answer.
He mentioned that his church was non-denominational and accepts all kinds of religions, which was nice. He made a lot of references to God and how important that is to a successful marriage. That didn't necessarily bother me. We wanted a non-denominational wedding, because while neither of us are affiliated with any particular religion, we both believe in God and don't have a problem with God being mentioned during the ceremony.
But then Gene kind of kept going on about it and asked us both whether we wanted a closer relationship with God and wanted to start going back to church and that's kind of when I started to tune out a little. I kind of just wanted it o be done and go but it felt like he was revving up for a mini-sermon, which he kind of did. That was one of the reasons I was wary of having the meeting because I didn't want to get sucked into a bible study. It kind of felt like getting trapped in a time share meeting - wanting to get a good deal on something and being forced to sit through some spiel before you can.
Mike was more into it. He's always said that he'd like to start going to some kind of church at some point again, which he told Gene. So Gene directed a lot of his words to Mike and not me. At some point he started talking about the sanctity of marriage and what God intended for marriage to be and I thought if he starts in about gay marriage and talking about how bad it is, that I would end the conversation right there (though I knew I probably wouldn't do that - I'm not very good at confrontation, especially with strangers.)
He kept going on and on about how to have a successful marriage you have to bring God into your life and go to church. He did bring up a couple of things that I did agree with - like he talked about how couples shouldn't have so many separate hobbies that you spend more time with other people, because what's the point of getting married if you're going to act like you're still single. He also mentioned how when you get married your spouse has to be your number one priority and that's the person you should talk to about things, instead of turning to outsiders.
He waited until towards the end to say that, to be frank, God put together a man and a woman in marriage, not a man and a man. I was definitely put off after that and mostly tuned out. He led us in a prayer I felt bad about mostly tuning out. At the end of it he asked Mike if he was committed to bringing God back in his life and Mike said yeah. Then he specifically turned to me and asked me the same thing. I didn't really want to lie, but I felt forced into using the same tactic that I use with my mother when she keeps pestering me about stuff and refusing to take no for an answer, so I just say sure, knowing I have no intention of doing it.
So even though I didn't like a like a lot of the things he had to say, he was an okay guy, Mike liked him and he's been two of my aunts pastor for years, plus he would do it for free. So Mike and I agreed to have him officiate the wedding. It was kind of a relief to have a lot of the major decisions decided and done. We were both really relaxed after we left. We even had a nice discussion about our potential honeymoon plans.
The only major issue with him was that he said that he's going to be in Haiti the week before our wedding and is only getting back the day before. He said because of that he can't come to our rehearsal. We were both okay with that. I honestly hadn't really even thought we needed a rehearsal, until I thought we should do it for the kids who are going to be our ring bearer and flower girl and for some timing issues with the music being played. We don't really think it's absolutely necessary to have the officiant there. Mike's mom disagreed and complained to Mike about it, but there's really no getting around it. My only issue about that was I'm a little worried about what if there's some kind of flight delay and he can't get here on time for the wedding. But Mike said he doubts that any kind of flight delay would last a whole day, especially since it's not hurricane season.
Gene also gave us these cds to listen to. Basically more sermons about important issues to help with married life - like there's different cds for communication skills and about finances. I think he said it's about four hours total, which I have not been interested at all in dealing with. We still haven't listened to them even though he said he wanted to meet with us one more time before the wedding and discuss them further.
Stacey