Dealing with an actual STD might have been less annoying
Long rant-y post ahead.
Four months until the wedding! OMG. I have a feeling I might start hyperventilating more and more. Mike told me as we get closer to the wedding, if I hear him playing Bob Marley that's when I know he's feeling really stressed. Still so much to decide.
Our mothers are kind of driving me crazy at times, which I guess isn't really that abnormal. They've been complaining that I don't really take their suggestions. Which I think is not really accurate, especially where Jean is concerned. My mother has sort of more of a leg to stand on. It's harder for her to suggest stuff since she's far away, so she hasn't suggested much but I haven't really agreed to a lot of what she's suggested.
Jean, on the other hand, we're getting married in the place that she picked out and was excited about, and she basically decided what flowers she wanted to make for the centerpieces and did it without consulting me (which I'm still struggling with.) She's made a few small suggestions that I've said no to, but it's not like I don't listen at all. And it's not as if I'm rude about it. I'm not like "Oh, hell no. What a crap idea." I just basically say "Sorry, I want to do something else."
What's even funnier about it is they (Jean more than my mom) are constantly saying that it's my day and what I want is the most important thing. Even when I waver on things because I want to figure out what Mike will want, they basiically say "Eh, who cares what he wants, it's your day." Which isn't something I usually agree with, I always ask him his opinions on things (which I sometimes regret. He's been surprisingly particular about some things.) So apparently, Mike's opinion doesn't matter, but I need to take their suggestions into account.
With Jean it started with our save the date cards. I've downloaded this app from the magazine The Knot and I've been trying to follow their checklist, but I've had problems with it from the very beginning. I've been so behind on a number of things. We needed to pick our STD (hate that abbreviation) cards. I was a little behind with that, but still had a month or so to go to pick them. Jean came into our room one day and was like "You need to go online tomorrow and pick out some cards." I don't necessarily love demands, but I knew we probably needed the kick in the butt.
So I went online the next day to a couple of sites and looked around. I found a few nice cards that I liked. On both sites, we could make the cards ourselves. We'd find the design of the card we wanted and then use our own pictures and place them on the cards. It was kind of interesting to do. I wasn't planning using any of the pictures from my computer, but I wanted to see how the cards would look with a picture and used older pictures of us as placeholders. Mike was watching me as I was doing it and he really liked how some of them turned out.
Little backstory, two of our most fundamental differences with regards to the wedding is our opinion about our potential honeymoon destination (that'll be it's own separate post) and photography. Mike doesn't really want to spend much money on pictures. For him he doesn't really think a professional photographer is necessary. He tends to think there's not much to photography and anyone can take a good picture. It's not like he doesn't get that there's certain things necessary to take a good picture. We take pictures with our phones all the time, and most of the pictures turn out well. But when there's a special occasion or we're on vacation he likes to use his good, expensive camera. I definitely don't agree with him about pictures, but I'm never really that great about explaining about what makes a great photo, great.
But like I said, he doesn't think there's much to taking pictures, so when the idea came of hiring a professional to take engagement pictures, he wasn't really jazzed about the prospect. I went online to this site called thumbtack and found a few photographers who could take the pictures for less than $300, which I thought was reasonable, but he was still not giving me an answer about it. When he saw me using our old pics to make the cards he really liked the idea and suggested we just use those pictures.
I wasn't into the idea too much. The pictures I was using looked nice, but I wanted something that looked better. But there were a couple of pics that we had that were cool. Like there was one that we took at a Renaissance Festival on top of an elephant that made a pretty interesting, and kind of creative card. I still wasn't sold on the idea, but I kept it in mind. When his mom came home we showed her the cards we picked out, and especially showed her the ones where I used the picture of us on the elephant. Almost immediately she said that it looked okay, but I looked too big in the photos. That immediately deflated me and definitely had me thinking we had to get engagement pictures taken. She tried to put in a good way, because she said that I was so much smaller now so it would be better to use a picture of me now, which I didn't disagree with, but it still made me feel kind of bad.
So she didn't say much beyond not thinking we should use the old pics I'd used as placeholders. So for the next few days I tried to decide which of the five or so cards Mike and I decided we liked, to use. I got some free samples and when they came in the mail, Mike showed it to Jean. Again, she didn't give any guidance about where we should find the cards, she just told him which one she liked. So, finally Mike and I made the decision about which card we wanted to use.
Next thing I know Jean tells us about getting the cards at Wal-Mart (I thought she said Walgreens at first, not that it made too huge a difference.) She said that we could get cards for 78 cents a card and get free envelopes. It was a good deal, but since Mike and I already decided on the cards we wanted I wasn't interested. For like the next hour she just keeps harping on it, and mentioning the price constantly.
In my mind, I was just stewing over the whole thing and getting more and more upset. When she asked us to pick the card, she never said anything about where, when I showed her the site and the cards we wanted to use, again nothing about Walmart. When Mike showed her the sample card, nothing about Wal-Mart. But all of a sudden we pick a card and she's all about Wal-Mart. As ticked off as I am, I can feel myself doing my usual thing and just relenting to not cause any tension. But, suddenly, it's like a flip switched. I don't know if I was having a bridezilla moment or what, but I decided 'nope, not going to do it.' I told her we'd picked our cards and I wasn't changing my mind. She said okay and left, though I could tell she wasn't happy about it.
I was still thinking about it hours later and wondered if I was being unreasonable. I still thought the price I'd found at the site, Wedding Paper Divas, wasn't too much more than the 78 cents Jean kept going on about, but I decided that I should at least check out the cards at Walgreens.com and double-check the prices for the STD cards we'd picked. The prices for the cards we'd picked said that they were 1 and some change, but I wasn't sure and I decided to pretend to check out and see what the total came to. It turned out that the 1 and some change was only if you got a certain amount of cards, like over 100. We only need 50. So then it went up to 2 and change, and I thought okay maybe I should give Walgreens a try. I looked on the Walgreens site, but most of their cards were over a $1 and not the 78 cents Jean mentioned. I told her about that and that's when she clarified she'd meant Wal-Mart.
I checked out both sites and they had nice cards but nothing that really stood out to me. So the next day I decided to check out etsy. com and I found lots of cards I liked. I found a lot of cards that you got print at home, which I thought would save money. We'd had a Halloween party and Jean and printed the invitations on the printer at home. So I thought we could do that and we could do STD postcards. Mike liked the idea. I showed Jean some of the cards. I showed her that the price wasn't higher than it would be if we went to Wal-Mart online and did it. She still didn't seem into the idea, but didn't veto it. But the next day she came into my room and practically held me hostage for a couple of hours going through the Wal_mart site and trying to pick out a card. At that point, I'll admit, she was ticking me off and I was going with Etsy, slightly just because I wanted to stop freaking hearing about Wal-Mart.
So I paid for the cards on Etsy. I knew Jean wouldn't be too happy about it, but I thought it would mostly okay. Mike told her the next day. I didn't really hear her reaction. A half hour or so later, I go out to the kitchen and Jean's mother was like "You made Aunt Jean real mad.) First of all, "Aunt Jean" what am I five? She's going to be my mother-in-law, not my aunt. Anyway, she says that Jean was really upset that I'd picked "expensive" cards. I told her I didn't pick expensive card. She must have been under the impression I'd picked the first cards we'd talked about, even though I had talked to her about switching to the Etsy postcard (and even if it had been the original choice, I hadn't told her that they were actually 2 dollar a card so I don't know why she assumed the cards I picked were "expensive.")
A few minutes later, Mike wants to talk. I'm glad he talked to me about it because we'd been having a problem the previous year with him keeping his feelings bottled up and not talking to me about things. He also told me Jean was really upset and he said that she told him that she felt like I was ignoring all of her suggestions and didn't want to include her in anything. I said that wasn't true, pointed out her picking out our venue and centerpieces. He believed me, but still asked that I clarify that with Jean.
There was a part of me that really wanted to. But I'm not good with dealing with tense situations. But since Mike asked I wanted to do it. But when Jean got back she never said anything to me. I kind of felt like if she can't tell me herself what's bugging her, then I don't really want to bring it up or apologize. So basically what I did was the next couple of days I asked her opinion about things and let her know that I did value her suggestions. We haven't really had a problem or spoken about the incident since. We just picked out or invitations without incident.
The whole thing was just so ridiculous - and stressful- all over stupid cards. At the time this was going on, I was looking on pinterest for some ecards and found one that basically mentioned how you spend all this time pouring over the save the dates and invitations and people look at them for five seconds and toss them in a drawer. It was so funny, and yet so aggravatingly true and sad.
As for the whole photography/engagement pictures issue, Mike still didn't want to pay a professional. He said anyone he could find could take good pics, so he said he'd ask a friend to do it. But when he couldn't find a friend who could do it on his day off, he suggested Sears. I'm sure Sears takes great pictures, but that wasn't at all what I'd had in mind for our photos. So after a few days, he said that his mom could take the photos on her day off. I agreed. We took the pictures and they actually came out really well. I've been meaning to post some of them here, but haven't gotten around to it yet. I'll do that in a separate post.
A month or so after the incident with the save the date cards, my mom made a few suggestions that I'd turned down. One of them was that Mike and I decided to have the wedding at 2 o'clock. This was something that we'd asked Jean about. Mike said that he didn't want it too early, so we weren't running around scrambling to get ready. But we didn't want it too late because Mike tends to get tired earlier and we didn't want him crashing in the middle of the reception. For some reason my mom was really opposed to the 2 o'clock idea. She said something about how it wouldn't be light enough outside at 2, which I just didn't understand. So we went with 2 o'clock.
A little time after that, she keeps texting me (while we're all out to dinner) asking me questions. At some point she asks about where Mike and I will be sleeping before the wedding. I told her that Mike and I are actually planning to sleep in the same bed the night before and wake up together. She lost her shit over that.
It's not that I don't realize it's kind of an unconventional idea. I had been all set to spend the night before the wedding apart. But when I talked to Mike about it, he said that he liked the idea of us sleeping in the same bed the night before, then we could wake up together and look into each other's eyes and just revel for a moment in how huge the day would be for us and how everything would be about to change, and get to spend a few last moments together. It sounded really sweet to me, so I decided to go with it.
I couldn't really explain that in a text to my mother, but I did give her the gist of our reasons. She still said it was so unconventional and how no one does that. But she let it drop. Then she started pestering me about wearing heels.
I've kind of put her off about that, been very non-committal. Sometimes I think I'll do it, sometimes not. This is one of those odd things that Mike is surprisingly invested in. He doesn't think I should wear heels. He knows that I can be kind of klutzy, so wearing heels is just not a great idea for me. My mom and Jean keep saying I can buy heels and break them in and get used to wearing them before the wedding but I just don't feel like it. I've never been a heels person. I finally told my mom no heels.My mom begged that I at least try really small heels. She complained that I don't listen to any of her suggestions, but I at least needed to listen to her about that. Because it's only proper you wear heels to such a formal event and it'll make the pictures look better, etc. I kind of did what I've down with my mom for the longest time when she suggests something and refuses to listen when I say no - I didn't really give her an answer. I didn't say no, but didn't agree.
Still so many big decisions left and still so many options for lots of whining and complaining.
Four months until the wedding! OMG. I have a feeling I might start hyperventilating more and more. Mike told me as we get closer to the wedding, if I hear him playing Bob Marley that's when I know he's feeling really stressed. Still so much to decide.
Our mothers are kind of driving me crazy at times, which I guess isn't really that abnormal. They've been complaining that I don't really take their suggestions. Which I think is not really accurate, especially where Jean is concerned. My mother has sort of more of a leg to stand on. It's harder for her to suggest stuff since she's far away, so she hasn't suggested much but I haven't really agreed to a lot of what she's suggested.
Jean, on the other hand, we're getting married in the place that she picked out and was excited about, and she basically decided what flowers she wanted to make for the centerpieces and did it without consulting me (which I'm still struggling with.) She's made a few small suggestions that I've said no to, but it's not like I don't listen at all. And it's not as if I'm rude about it. I'm not like "Oh, hell no. What a crap idea." I just basically say "Sorry, I want to do something else."
What's even funnier about it is they (Jean more than my mom) are constantly saying that it's my day and what I want is the most important thing. Even when I waver on things because I want to figure out what Mike will want, they basiically say "Eh, who cares what he wants, it's your day." Which isn't something I usually agree with, I always ask him his opinions on things (which I sometimes regret. He's been surprisingly particular about some things.) So apparently, Mike's opinion doesn't matter, but I need to take their suggestions into account.
With Jean it started with our save the date cards. I've downloaded this app from the magazine The Knot and I've been trying to follow their checklist, but I've had problems with it from the very beginning. I've been so behind on a number of things. We needed to pick our STD (hate that abbreviation) cards. I was a little behind with that, but still had a month or so to go to pick them. Jean came into our room one day and was like "You need to go online tomorrow and pick out some cards." I don't necessarily love demands, but I knew we probably needed the kick in the butt.
So I went online the next day to a couple of sites and looked around. I found a few nice cards that I liked. On both sites, we could make the cards ourselves. We'd find the design of the card we wanted and then use our own pictures and place them on the cards. It was kind of interesting to do. I wasn't planning using any of the pictures from my computer, but I wanted to see how the cards would look with a picture and used older pictures of us as placeholders. Mike was watching me as I was doing it and he really liked how some of them turned out.
Little backstory, two of our most fundamental differences with regards to the wedding is our opinion about our potential honeymoon destination (that'll be it's own separate post) and photography. Mike doesn't really want to spend much money on pictures. For him he doesn't really think a professional photographer is necessary. He tends to think there's not much to photography and anyone can take a good picture. It's not like he doesn't get that there's certain things necessary to take a good picture. We take pictures with our phones all the time, and most of the pictures turn out well. But when there's a special occasion or we're on vacation he likes to use his good, expensive camera. I definitely don't agree with him about pictures, but I'm never really that great about explaining about what makes a great photo, great.
But like I said, he doesn't think there's much to taking pictures, so when the idea came of hiring a professional to take engagement pictures, he wasn't really jazzed about the prospect. I went online to this site called thumbtack and found a few photographers who could take the pictures for less than $300, which I thought was reasonable, but he was still not giving me an answer about it. When he saw me using our old pics to make the cards he really liked the idea and suggested we just use those pictures.
I wasn't into the idea too much. The pictures I was using looked nice, but I wanted something that looked better. But there were a couple of pics that we had that were cool. Like there was one that we took at a Renaissance Festival on top of an elephant that made a pretty interesting, and kind of creative card. I still wasn't sold on the idea, but I kept it in mind. When his mom came home we showed her the cards we picked out, and especially showed her the ones where I used the picture of us on the elephant. Almost immediately she said that it looked okay, but I looked too big in the photos. That immediately deflated me and definitely had me thinking we had to get engagement pictures taken. She tried to put in a good way, because she said that I was so much smaller now so it would be better to use a picture of me now, which I didn't disagree with, but it still made me feel kind of bad.
So she didn't say much beyond not thinking we should use the old pics I'd used as placeholders. So for the next few days I tried to decide which of the five or so cards Mike and I decided we liked, to use. I got some free samples and when they came in the mail, Mike showed it to Jean. Again, she didn't give any guidance about where we should find the cards, she just told him which one she liked. So, finally Mike and I made the decision about which card we wanted to use.
Next thing I know Jean tells us about getting the cards at Wal-Mart (I thought she said Walgreens at first, not that it made too huge a difference.) She said that we could get cards for 78 cents a card and get free envelopes. It was a good deal, but since Mike and I already decided on the cards we wanted I wasn't interested. For like the next hour she just keeps harping on it, and mentioning the price constantly.
In my mind, I was just stewing over the whole thing and getting more and more upset. When she asked us to pick the card, she never said anything about where, when I showed her the site and the cards we wanted to use, again nothing about Walmart. When Mike showed her the sample card, nothing about Wal-Mart. But all of a sudden we pick a card and she's all about Wal-Mart. As ticked off as I am, I can feel myself doing my usual thing and just relenting to not cause any tension. But, suddenly, it's like a flip switched. I don't know if I was having a bridezilla moment or what, but I decided 'nope, not going to do it.' I told her we'd picked our cards and I wasn't changing my mind. She said okay and left, though I could tell she wasn't happy about it.
I was still thinking about it hours later and wondered if I was being unreasonable. I still thought the price I'd found at the site, Wedding Paper Divas, wasn't too much more than the 78 cents Jean kept going on about, but I decided that I should at least check out the cards at Walgreens.com and double-check the prices for the STD cards we'd picked. The prices for the cards we'd picked said that they were 1 and some change, but I wasn't sure and I decided to pretend to check out and see what the total came to. It turned out that the 1 and some change was only if you got a certain amount of cards, like over 100. We only need 50. So then it went up to 2 and change, and I thought okay maybe I should give Walgreens a try. I looked on the Walgreens site, but most of their cards were over a $1 and not the 78 cents Jean mentioned. I told her about that and that's when she clarified she'd meant Wal-Mart.
I checked out both sites and they had nice cards but nothing that really stood out to me. So the next day I decided to check out etsy. com and I found lots of cards I liked. I found a lot of cards that you got print at home, which I thought would save money. We'd had a Halloween party and Jean and printed the invitations on the printer at home. So I thought we could do that and we could do STD postcards. Mike liked the idea. I showed Jean some of the cards. I showed her that the price wasn't higher than it would be if we went to Wal-Mart online and did it. She still didn't seem into the idea, but didn't veto it. But the next day she came into my room and practically held me hostage for a couple of hours going through the Wal_mart site and trying to pick out a card. At that point, I'll admit, she was ticking me off and I was going with Etsy, slightly just because I wanted to stop freaking hearing about Wal-Mart.
So I paid for the cards on Etsy. I knew Jean wouldn't be too happy about it, but I thought it would mostly okay. Mike told her the next day. I didn't really hear her reaction. A half hour or so later, I go out to the kitchen and Jean's mother was like "You made Aunt Jean real mad.) First of all, "Aunt Jean" what am I five? She's going to be my mother-in-law, not my aunt. Anyway, she says that Jean was really upset that I'd picked "expensive" cards. I told her I didn't pick expensive card. She must have been under the impression I'd picked the first cards we'd talked about, even though I had talked to her about switching to the Etsy postcard (and even if it had been the original choice, I hadn't told her that they were actually 2 dollar a card so I don't know why she assumed the cards I picked were "expensive.")
A few minutes later, Mike wants to talk. I'm glad he talked to me about it because we'd been having a problem the previous year with him keeping his feelings bottled up and not talking to me about things. He also told me Jean was really upset and he said that she told him that she felt like I was ignoring all of her suggestions and didn't want to include her in anything. I said that wasn't true, pointed out her picking out our venue and centerpieces. He believed me, but still asked that I clarify that with Jean.
There was a part of me that really wanted to. But I'm not good with dealing with tense situations. But since Mike asked I wanted to do it. But when Jean got back she never said anything to me. I kind of felt like if she can't tell me herself what's bugging her, then I don't really want to bring it up or apologize. So basically what I did was the next couple of days I asked her opinion about things and let her know that I did value her suggestions. We haven't really had a problem or spoken about the incident since. We just picked out or invitations without incident.
The whole thing was just so ridiculous - and stressful- all over stupid cards. At the time this was going on, I was looking on pinterest for some ecards and found one that basically mentioned how you spend all this time pouring over the save the dates and invitations and people look at them for five seconds and toss them in a drawer. It was so funny, and yet so aggravatingly true and sad.
As for the whole photography/engagement pictures issue, Mike still didn't want to pay a professional. He said anyone he could find could take good pics, so he said he'd ask a friend to do it. But when he couldn't find a friend who could do it on his day off, he suggested Sears. I'm sure Sears takes great pictures, but that wasn't at all what I'd had in mind for our photos. So after a few days, he said that his mom could take the photos on her day off. I agreed. We took the pictures and they actually came out really well. I've been meaning to post some of them here, but haven't gotten around to it yet. I'll do that in a separate post.
A month or so after the incident with the save the date cards, my mom made a few suggestions that I'd turned down. One of them was that Mike and I decided to have the wedding at 2 o'clock. This was something that we'd asked Jean about. Mike said that he didn't want it too early, so we weren't running around scrambling to get ready. But we didn't want it too late because Mike tends to get tired earlier and we didn't want him crashing in the middle of the reception. For some reason my mom was really opposed to the 2 o'clock idea. She said something about how it wouldn't be light enough outside at 2, which I just didn't understand. So we went with 2 o'clock.
A little time after that, she keeps texting me (while we're all out to dinner) asking me questions. At some point she asks about where Mike and I will be sleeping before the wedding. I told her that Mike and I are actually planning to sleep in the same bed the night before and wake up together. She lost her shit over that.
It's not that I don't realize it's kind of an unconventional idea. I had been all set to spend the night before the wedding apart. But when I talked to Mike about it, he said that he liked the idea of us sleeping in the same bed the night before, then we could wake up together and look into each other's eyes and just revel for a moment in how huge the day would be for us and how everything would be about to change, and get to spend a few last moments together. It sounded really sweet to me, so I decided to go with it.
I couldn't really explain that in a text to my mother, but I did give her the gist of our reasons. She still said it was so unconventional and how no one does that. But she let it drop. Then she started pestering me about wearing heels.
I've kind of put her off about that, been very non-committal. Sometimes I think I'll do it, sometimes not. This is one of those odd things that Mike is surprisingly invested in. He doesn't think I should wear heels. He knows that I can be kind of klutzy, so wearing heels is just not a great idea for me. My mom and Jean keep saying I can buy heels and break them in and get used to wearing them before the wedding but I just don't feel like it. I've never been a heels person. I finally told my mom no heels.My mom begged that I at least try really small heels. She complained that I don't listen to any of her suggestions, but I at least needed to listen to her about that. Because it's only proper you wear heels to such a formal event and it'll make the pictures look better, etc. I kind of did what I've down with my mom for the longest time when she suggests something and refuses to listen when I say no - I didn't really give her an answer. I didn't say no, but didn't agree.
Still so many big decisions left and still so many options for lots of whining and complaining.