Family Tree Explosion
Nothing like a wedding, or funeral, to bring a lot of family, and family issues, out of the woodwork.
A small thing was that I realized there a gajillion people in my family with the names Marie and Raymond/e. I've always know there were a lot, but I didn't know just how many. Like my mom's name is Marie Maude, sometimes she goes by Marie and sometimes she goes by Maude. I have a couple of aunts named Marie as well. Now I find out that there are a few aunts that I knew by another name whose real names are Marie. For a couple of them , I probably should have guessed that they weren't going by their real names. I mean Liline doesn't sound too odd, but I'm not surprised that's an actual nickname. But I had an aunt we always called Foufoune and I probably should have guessed that wasn't her real name.
There are also a lot of Raymond's, men and women. I have a couple of uncles named Raymond. One of my aunts is named Raymonde. One of my former neighbors, who my mom is still friends with is named Raymonde.
It makes it so confusing in conversations with my mom to know half the time who she's talking about.
I also realized I make a lot of assumptions about my family.
I guess weddings and funeral are times when long-lost family start coming out of the woodwork, those I knew about and those I didn't. I don't know if its different for many other people, but the people I know as my aunts and uncles are those who I grew up around and was told "this is your aunt or uncle so and so." I never sat my mom or dad down, even when I got older, and asked for a full family tree. I think I always kind of had a traditional idea of my grandparents. Like I know that the divorce rate a long time ago wasn't as high as it is now, so I always just assumed my grandparents married one person and that was the end of it. But I'm finding out that's not the case. I don't know how many people they married, but I'm finding out about all these different aunts and uncles, and finding out that people I thought were my parents full blood siblings are their half-sisters or brothers.
The first time I really realized this was when my maternal grandmother died a few years ago, a year before my dad. My mom and some of my uncles decided to drive up to her funeral in NY from FL. So we got in this big van and all traveled together. I met some woman there, who I swore I'd never seen before in my life. I wondered who she was but never really thought to ask about it. But then I find out that she's my mom's sister, which definitely confused me because as far as I knew my mom only had brothers. Then over the course of the weekend I find out that two of my uncles last names are different than a couple of my uncles and my mom (again as a kid I know my Uncles basically by their first names and that's it. I just assumed their last names were the same as my mother's maiden name.)
I still haven't untangled my mother's side of the family tree. But the woman I met (another Marie) was my mom's half-sister on my grandfather's side. And the uncles that had different last name's than my mom are my grandmother's kids. My mom asked me to invite her sister. But then last week she said that I didn't need to anymore. Apparently she hasn't talked to her in awhile. A lot of it is dumb sister drama, but she also said that her sister was always resentful that she didn't have my grandfather's last name. I hate to sound callous, but I didn't mind not having to invite her since I don't know her at all.
After my dad died, not that long after my uncle Raymond died. But when we were at his funeral, I got confused because they kept talking about his family but never mentioned my dad. So then I find out that he wasn't a blood relative of my dad's, but he was a childhood friend who was basically like brother to my dad. That was definitely news to me. Mike has friends like that so I get those kind of relationships. It was just a surprise to me.
For the last couple of weeks I've been trying to put together addresses for my save the dates/invitations. I asked my mom to help me with a few of them I knew it would be difficult to get. Last week she texts me that she had to call this woman named Marieanne to get my aunt Foufoune's new number and that after she told her about the wedding that I would need to invite her. My first thought is "Who the hell is this Marieanne?" Then my mom tells me she's my aunt, my dad's sister. So I finally get curious about my dad's side of the family and ask about some of my other aunts and if I ever met this woman she wants me to invite. My mom said that she used to live with her but that was before I was born.
Other than my Uncle Raymond, my dad had all sisters. And now I've found out that there were even more sisters. There were six sister's on my paternal grandfather's side, in addition to the four other aunts I knew about. It's still all very convoluted to me, but the aunts I knew about were my grandmother's kids with someone other than my grandfather. My grandfather had five other daughters with one woman, and the aunt my mother wants me to invite, Marieanne, is the oldest, with another woman.
And it turns out my dad did have a biological brother named Raymond. I think he was my grandmother and grandfather's child. I have another Uncle Patrick, who I think, though my mom was unclear about this, is my grandfather's child, not sure who his mother is.
So it was like...gah...so much information overload. It definitely makes me want to check out my family tree and figure out who's who. It also makes me grateful I wasn't promiscuous, cause I could have run the risk of sleeping with one of my unknown cousins. Though, actually there probably wasn't a great risk of that since I've always been attracted to white guys.
Like with my aunts and uncles I never really questioned things when it came to cousins. When we lived in NY a lot of our family, on both sides, lived nearby so we always had family over. We still had close family when we moved to FL, but it wasn't the same. Sometimes my cousins would come over with their parents, but sometimes they visited on their own, and I never really asked, "So which one of my aunts and uncles' kids are you?" They were just my cousins. But I haven't seen so many of them in so long so I still don't know who their parents are. My mom keeps asking me to put my cousins on the list, but so many of them I really don't remember that well. It was kind of embarrassing the other day I was talking to my aunt, and she doesn't speak English that well (I think she lived a long time in Montreal. I've visited relatives on my dad's side in Montreal once and I know one of her daughters still lives there and my aunt just moved back there) and she handed the phone to her son and he was like "Hey, it's me Frank." And I respond "Yeah....Frank. Right, Frank. How's it going?" And my mind completely blanks on who he is or when it was that I might have met him before.
I had one Uncle Tines, real name Ernst, whose family we were always close to. We were always over at his house, or vice versa, when we were in NY. And when he moved his family to FL, we followed soon after. They're the cousins I've always been closest to. And I always knew that they had four kids - Miriam, Michelle, Marcus, and Jean. I wasn't particularly close to Miriam because she was a lot older like my sister and I think she was troubled when she was younger and moved out at a really young age. But the other three I knew really well. So these are the only kids I know that my uncle has.
I had a name on my list, that my mom put on there, that I didn't really recognize, I asked my mom who she was, hoping to be able to cut her. I assumed she was the child of another Uncle or Aunt that I wasn't familiar with, but it turns out she was my Uncle Ernst's kid. I had no idea and have no idea who her mother, so I kind of feel I'm stuck inviting her.
So ancestry.com here I come. :)
Stacey
A small thing was that I realized there a gajillion people in my family with the names Marie and Raymond/e. I've always know there were a lot, but I didn't know just how many. Like my mom's name is Marie Maude, sometimes she goes by Marie and sometimes she goes by Maude. I have a couple of aunts named Marie as well. Now I find out that there are a few aunts that I knew by another name whose real names are Marie. For a couple of them , I probably should have guessed that they weren't going by their real names. I mean Liline doesn't sound too odd, but I'm not surprised that's an actual nickname. But I had an aunt we always called Foufoune and I probably should have guessed that wasn't her real name.
There are also a lot of Raymond's, men and women. I have a couple of uncles named Raymond. One of my aunts is named Raymonde. One of my former neighbors, who my mom is still friends with is named Raymonde.
It makes it so confusing in conversations with my mom to know half the time who she's talking about.
I also realized I make a lot of assumptions about my family.
I guess weddings and funeral are times when long-lost family start coming out of the woodwork, those I knew about and those I didn't. I don't know if its different for many other people, but the people I know as my aunts and uncles are those who I grew up around and was told "this is your aunt or uncle so and so." I never sat my mom or dad down, even when I got older, and asked for a full family tree. I think I always kind of had a traditional idea of my grandparents. Like I know that the divorce rate a long time ago wasn't as high as it is now, so I always just assumed my grandparents married one person and that was the end of it. But I'm finding out that's not the case. I don't know how many people they married, but I'm finding out about all these different aunts and uncles, and finding out that people I thought were my parents full blood siblings are their half-sisters or brothers.
The first time I really realized this was when my maternal grandmother died a few years ago, a year before my dad. My mom and some of my uncles decided to drive up to her funeral in NY from FL. So we got in this big van and all traveled together. I met some woman there, who I swore I'd never seen before in my life. I wondered who she was but never really thought to ask about it. But then I find out that she's my mom's sister, which definitely confused me because as far as I knew my mom only had brothers. Then over the course of the weekend I find out that two of my uncles last names are different than a couple of my uncles and my mom (again as a kid I know my Uncles basically by their first names and that's it. I just assumed their last names were the same as my mother's maiden name.)
I still haven't untangled my mother's side of the family tree. But the woman I met (another Marie) was my mom's half-sister on my grandfather's side. And the uncles that had different last name's than my mom are my grandmother's kids. My mom asked me to invite her sister. But then last week she said that I didn't need to anymore. Apparently she hasn't talked to her in awhile. A lot of it is dumb sister drama, but she also said that her sister was always resentful that she didn't have my grandfather's last name. I hate to sound callous, but I didn't mind not having to invite her since I don't know her at all.
After my dad died, not that long after my uncle Raymond died. But when we were at his funeral, I got confused because they kept talking about his family but never mentioned my dad. So then I find out that he wasn't a blood relative of my dad's, but he was a childhood friend who was basically like brother to my dad. That was definitely news to me. Mike has friends like that so I get those kind of relationships. It was just a surprise to me.
For the last couple of weeks I've been trying to put together addresses for my save the dates/invitations. I asked my mom to help me with a few of them I knew it would be difficult to get. Last week she texts me that she had to call this woman named Marieanne to get my aunt Foufoune's new number and that after she told her about the wedding that I would need to invite her. My first thought is "Who the hell is this Marieanne?" Then my mom tells me she's my aunt, my dad's sister. So I finally get curious about my dad's side of the family and ask about some of my other aunts and if I ever met this woman she wants me to invite. My mom said that she used to live with her but that was before I was born.
Other than my Uncle Raymond, my dad had all sisters. And now I've found out that there were even more sisters. There were six sister's on my paternal grandfather's side, in addition to the four other aunts I knew about. It's still all very convoluted to me, but the aunts I knew about were my grandmother's kids with someone other than my grandfather. My grandfather had five other daughters with one woman, and the aunt my mother wants me to invite, Marieanne, is the oldest, with another woman.
And it turns out my dad did have a biological brother named Raymond. I think he was my grandmother and grandfather's child. I have another Uncle Patrick, who I think, though my mom was unclear about this, is my grandfather's child, not sure who his mother is.
So it was like...gah...so much information overload. It definitely makes me want to check out my family tree and figure out who's who. It also makes me grateful I wasn't promiscuous, cause I could have run the risk of sleeping with one of my unknown cousins. Though, actually there probably wasn't a great risk of that since I've always been attracted to white guys.
Like with my aunts and uncles I never really questioned things when it came to cousins. When we lived in NY a lot of our family, on both sides, lived nearby so we always had family over. We still had close family when we moved to FL, but it wasn't the same. Sometimes my cousins would come over with their parents, but sometimes they visited on their own, and I never really asked, "So which one of my aunts and uncles' kids are you?" They were just my cousins. But I haven't seen so many of them in so long so I still don't know who their parents are. My mom keeps asking me to put my cousins on the list, but so many of them I really don't remember that well. It was kind of embarrassing the other day I was talking to my aunt, and she doesn't speak English that well (I think she lived a long time in Montreal. I've visited relatives on my dad's side in Montreal once and I know one of her daughters still lives there and my aunt just moved back there) and she handed the phone to her son and he was like "Hey, it's me Frank." And I respond "Yeah....Frank. Right, Frank. How's it going?" And my mind completely blanks on who he is or when it was that I might have met him before.
I had one Uncle Tines, real name Ernst, whose family we were always close to. We were always over at his house, or vice versa, when we were in NY. And when he moved his family to FL, we followed soon after. They're the cousins I've always been closest to. And I always knew that they had four kids - Miriam, Michelle, Marcus, and Jean. I wasn't particularly close to Miriam because she was a lot older like my sister and I think she was troubled when she was younger and moved out at a really young age. But the other three I knew really well. So these are the only kids I know that my uncle has.
I had a name on my list, that my mom put on there, that I didn't really recognize, I asked my mom who she was, hoping to be able to cut her. I assumed she was the child of another Uncle or Aunt that I wasn't familiar with, but it turns out she was my Uncle Ernst's kid. I had no idea and have no idea who her mother, so I kind of feel I'm stuck inviting her.
So ancestry.com here I come. :)
Stacey