Brain Dead
The strangest thing happened at work the other day. The other cashier on duty and one of my managers were on one side chatting away about something, all smiles. On the other side were the hostesses, smiling and giggling about something. I kind of looked back and forth and thought about myself, the odd, quiet girl out in the middle and I literally almost started crying. I just thought about how I can't do that - I couldn't walk up to either group and possibly join in and talk. I can't talk like a "normal" person and I just got sad. Granted, the almost crying thing was almost certainly tied to period hormones. I'm not the type of person that just randomly starts crying in public. I hate that I don't have any offline friends. But I don't usually get that upset about my lack of communication skills. Though it bothers me from time to time and I guess that was one of those moments.
I tend to get asked a few questions by everyone I spend any length of time with, usually the questions all revolve around my quietness. The main question is "Why are you so quiet?" I think I got asked that in record time at this job. I guess maybe that's because this job is slightly different than my other jobs in that it's almost a requirement to be perky or outgoing. The woman who asked me it this time was one of the servers. She wasn't mean about it, she was basically teasing but I still couldn't help thinking 'When the heck would I have had a chance to talk to you?" How it is at my job, once you're done working you basically have to leave right away, escorted to the door by a manager so they can see you and your clear purse(which Cracker Barrel gives you) and make sure you haven't taken anything. And since I don't get breaks, I really rarely have time to be around the servers. So it seemed odd for her to be the one asking. Then again, it's not hard to tell I'm quiet. I'm not a chatty Cathy with the cashiers either, though that's also partially because there's not a lot of down time on the job. Other people don't have trouble making friends.
But I am trying. I'm just really bad in groups. There's this overly bubbly hostess who kept trying to get me to talk, and I felt bad that I was giving almost nothing back. But every time there was some breaks in between customers, she was talking to the other cashier and I felt I couldn't go over and talk. Once she left and it was just me and the cashier, and I could do it one on one, I did try to make conversation. It was just kind of stilted and awkward. I kept using my game show host voice (overly cheerful and fake) that I also use with the customers, and there was no real flow to the conversation. One thing didn't naturally lead to another and the conversation didn't flow freely.
I think the best word to describe me at work is awkward. I'm constantly cringing at the things I do, say, or don't say. Me, you tell me a joke and you're probably going to get one of two responses - either I'll fake laugh because the joke wasn't funny, or you might get genuine laughter. That's it. I'm not going to banter with you. I've had customers when I've asked them how their meal was or how their service was and they'll say, with a straight face, "It was horrible." I'll start apologizing and they'll be like "Ha! I'm just kidding!" My response, "Uh....okay." And that's what it's like with almost all the jokes. I'm like a deer in the headlights.
And there's one co-worker, a shift leader who's one wrung above me, who is so on all the time it annoys me. I can't really deal with people who are that overly hyper and nutty. It's like people like that are my kryptonite or something. Or just suck the energy out of me. And I'm low key enough as it is, so it's almost like being around someone like her leaves me dead inside. She's not a horrible person but ugh...I can't take it. And she keeps patting me on the back lately. I'm not really a touchaphobe who can't stand people touching me, but it's just another thing that bugs.
Not looking forward to this week. I have to work Thanksgiving (without time and a half or holiday pay) and Black Friday. If you don't hear from me after those days, it might be because I'm in jail having murdered somebody.
It's not all bad news on the work front. At this job, you get opportunities to advance but you actually have to study and take tests to be able to move up levels. But if you pass you can get raises and better discounts. I hadn't planned on taking the test yet, but the training manager who trained me asked me at the end of my shift if I wanted to take it. She said it was simple and only 25 questions. So I took it and passed. So now I actually get a discount at the store and will get a raise in a week.
Stacey
I tend to get asked a few questions by everyone I spend any length of time with, usually the questions all revolve around my quietness. The main question is "Why are you so quiet?" I think I got asked that in record time at this job. I guess maybe that's because this job is slightly different than my other jobs in that it's almost a requirement to be perky or outgoing. The woman who asked me it this time was one of the servers. She wasn't mean about it, she was basically teasing but I still couldn't help thinking 'When the heck would I have had a chance to talk to you?" How it is at my job, once you're done working you basically have to leave right away, escorted to the door by a manager so they can see you and your clear purse(which Cracker Barrel gives you) and make sure you haven't taken anything. And since I don't get breaks, I really rarely have time to be around the servers. So it seemed odd for her to be the one asking. Then again, it's not hard to tell I'm quiet. I'm not a chatty Cathy with the cashiers either, though that's also partially because there's not a lot of down time on the job. Other people don't have trouble making friends.
But I am trying. I'm just really bad in groups. There's this overly bubbly hostess who kept trying to get me to talk, and I felt bad that I was giving almost nothing back. But every time there was some breaks in between customers, she was talking to the other cashier and I felt I couldn't go over and talk. Once she left and it was just me and the cashier, and I could do it one on one, I did try to make conversation. It was just kind of stilted and awkward. I kept using my game show host voice (overly cheerful and fake) that I also use with the customers, and there was no real flow to the conversation. One thing didn't naturally lead to another and the conversation didn't flow freely.
I think the best word to describe me at work is awkward. I'm constantly cringing at the things I do, say, or don't say. Me, you tell me a joke and you're probably going to get one of two responses - either I'll fake laugh because the joke wasn't funny, or you might get genuine laughter. That's it. I'm not going to banter with you. I've had customers when I've asked them how their meal was or how their service was and they'll say, with a straight face, "It was horrible." I'll start apologizing and they'll be like "Ha! I'm just kidding!" My response, "Uh....okay." And that's what it's like with almost all the jokes. I'm like a deer in the headlights.
And there's one co-worker, a shift leader who's one wrung above me, who is so on all the time it annoys me. I can't really deal with people who are that overly hyper and nutty. It's like people like that are my kryptonite or something. Or just suck the energy out of me. And I'm low key enough as it is, so it's almost like being around someone like her leaves me dead inside. She's not a horrible person but ugh...I can't take it. And she keeps patting me on the back lately. I'm not really a touchaphobe who can't stand people touching me, but it's just another thing that bugs.
Not looking forward to this week. I have to work Thanksgiving (without time and a half or holiday pay) and Black Friday. If you don't hear from me after those days, it might be because I'm in jail having murdered somebody.
It's not all bad news on the work front. At this job, you get opportunities to advance but you actually have to study and take tests to be able to move up levels. But if you pass you can get raises and better discounts. I hadn't planned on taking the test yet, but the training manager who trained me asked me at the end of my shift if I wanted to take it. She said it was simple and only 25 questions. So I took it and passed. So now I actually get a discount at the store and will get a raise in a week.
Stacey