Fic: I'm Forever Yours... (Part 2)
Title: I'm Forever Yours...
Author/Artist: geekslave
Pairing(s): Arthur/Merlin
Characters: Merlin, Arthur, Gwen, Gwaine, Gaius, Morgana, Percival, Iseldir
Word Count: 18,549
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Percival convinces Gwaine not to chase after Morgana after Eira is killed. Because of that, Merlin gets Arthur to the Isle on time and is able to save Arthur. Now, Merlin and Arthur have to really dela with the repercussions of his magic reveal. Things begin to change between the two of them and they both have to truly figure out what their feelings are toward each other and just where Gwen fits in.
Disclaimer: Merlin characters are the property of Shine and BBC. No profit is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.
Warnings: Spoilers for 5.13. Brief violence
Notes: Written for the merlin_redux fest.
Title taken from a line in Journey's song, "Faithfully."
Part 1
Arthur paced his chambers as he waited for Merlin to arrive. He’d sent George to give Merlin the message to be there at the crack of dawn. It would be any minute now. Arthur had taken the whole night to think over what Merlin had done. It did not make him easy to live with. He felt guilty for the way he treated Gwen.
Arthur had been distracted all night. Gwen tried to engage him in conversation, but he only half listened, if he listened at all. When they were in bed at night, Gwen had turned to him and tried to wrap her arms around him, but he purposefully turned away from her and got as far to the edge of the bed as possible. He had found himself recoiling from her touch ever since he had been back in Camelot. When Arthur had woken up in the morning, Gwen was already gone.
He had woken up and Merlin was the first thing on his mind. He knew that what Merlin had done to Morgana was horrible. But he thought about Merlin and he remembered the look on his face when he admitted to having magic. He remembered the man who took care of him as if he was the most important thing in the whole world. He remembered the times Merlin had sacrificed his life. He remembered the clumsy idiot who always forgot to bring up a knife and fork with dinner the first year he had worked for Arthur. He remembered Merlin being there for him whenever he needed.
When Arthur heard the knock on the door, he froze momentarily. “Come in.” He rolled his eyes at the quiver in his voice.
Merlin stepped timidly into the room. “You wanted to see me, sire.”
Arthur cringed when Merlin bowed to him. “Come in further, Merlin.”
Merlin walked in slowly, stopping more than few feet in front of Arthur. He stared at a spot just above Arthur’s shoulder.
“Merlin, I’ve always known that you were far from perfect. Even now, knowing you’re a sorcerer, I know that you’re still human and none of us are perfect. Not even me.” He gave Merlin a small grin. “I wouldn’t want to be judged solely by my worst mistakes, and I won’t do that to you. I know what’s in your heart, Merlin. You would never hurt anyone, if you could help it. ”
Merlin met his gaze.
“Merlin, I don’t need you to tell me every horrible thing that you’ve ever done. I just need you to promise me from now one that you’ll always be honest with me. That is the only thing that I need.”
Merlin licked his lips. “You forgive me?”
Arthur nodded. “Yes, Merlin, I forgive you.”
Merlin exhaled slowly. “Thank you.”
There was a slight pause in the conversation. Arthur looked at Merlin expectantly. “Merlin, the promise?”
Merlin’s eyes widened. “Oh, yes! I promise you no more secrets. I don’t want to lie to you anymore.”
“Good.” Arthur took a deep breath, before walking across the room to his desk. Merlin followed. “We didn’t get to finish going over everything yesterday.”
“Alright.”
“I know that many people are going to have questions.”
Merlin nodded. “I’ve already had so many people come up and ask me questions about magic.”
“That’s why I think you need an office like Gaius has where everyone come and get their questions answered.”
Merlin pursed his lips. “Like Gaius’. Can’t people just come over to Gaius’ to talk to me? It is where I live.”
Arthur fiddled with some papers on his desk. “I think it’s best that there’s one place that people can go to Gaius and see their physician and get their needs met without their being the confusion of the people who go to see you.” Arthur cleared his throat. “The room next door to my chambers is unoccupied and I think it would make an excellent place for you to work from…and live at.”
Merlin’s mouth opened in a wide “O” shape. “You want me to live in the castle?”
“I think that’s the best idea. Do you have a problem with that?”
Merlin shrugged. “Not really. I’d missing living with Gaius, but it would be nice to have my own space and to not have to bother Gaius with people coming to see me.”
“You’re part of the royal court now, Merlin. You belong here.”
Arthur looked up at Merlin. He hoped that he couldn’t see how nervous he was for Merlin’s answer.
Merlin smiled. “Since I’m part of the royal court can someone else do all the annoying packing and moving.”
Arthur laughed. “I think I can arrange for that.”
Merlin grinned. “Great.”
“Merlin, I know that there will be people who will not be accepting of these changes, including many sorcerers.”
Merlin sighed. “I don’t think they’ll trust it at first. They may think you’re trying to trap them.”
Arthur nodded. “I need your help reaching out to as many of them as you can and letting them know that I am willing to work with them now and I want to try and make up for my father’s and my own mistakes.”
“I will do my best, Arthur.” He twisted his hands together. “Arthur, there will still be people who want to attack you.”
“I know. I’m the king and I’ll always have enemies.”
Merlin put his hands on Arthur’s desk and leaned forward. “I promise you that I will do what I always have and protect you from them.”
Arthur looked up and met Merlin’s steely gaze. “Thank you.” After a few moments, he looked down at the papers on his desk, awkwardly clearing his throat.
Merlin took a step back. “I should probably go and tell, Gaius about everything.”
“Okay.” As Merlin got to the door a thought occurred to Arthur. He stood up. “Merlin?”
Merlin turned with his hand on the doorknob. “Yes?”
“I was wondering if you would show me something…”
Merlin narrowed his eyes. “Show you something?”
Arthur tripped over his words as he thought about how to word his request. “Can you do something with your magic?”
Merlin grinned. “You want me to do magic tricks for you?”
“Just one. It doesn’t have to be big, it can be something small.” Arthur regretted his request when he saw the mischievous twinkle in Merlin’s eye. “Never mind.”
Merlin shook his head. “No. I’ll do it. The king asks me for a personal favor, how could I refuse?”
Arthur bit back a grin.
Merlin walked over to the table in the middle of the room and gazed at all of the food. Arthur followed him. Merlin turned to him.
“Watch.”
Arthur let out a short gasp as he saw Merlin’s eyes turn a brilliant gold. He barely concentrated as Merlin magically lifted apples into the air and had them dance before him.
Merlin laughed as he set the apples down. “I told you I had many talents. Now, you said to do something simple. I can do something more intricate if you...” He turned to look at Arthur. “...prefer.” He finished. “What?”
Arthur took a few steps and closed the distance between them. He wasn’t sure how to exactly describe what he was feeling. The few times Merlin had performed magic for him he had never looked into his eyes before. But now that he saw how they changed, it took his breath away. Merlin looked suffused with a warmth and brightness Arthur had never seen before. He looked...beautiful.
Arthur couldn’t resist touching Merlin’s face. By now Merlin’s eyes were back to their normal shade of blue. For the first time, Arthur looked at Merlin’s eyes and realized how blue and perfect they looked. “You’re beautiful.” He whispered.
Merlin just stared at him with unblinking eyes.
“Arthur, I -” Gwen started as she burst into the room.
The spell was broken instantly. Arthur’s hand quickly fell to his side and Merlin jumped away from him as if his feet were on fire.
“I have to go.” Merlin said in a rush. He was practically gone before he finished his sentence.
Gwen watched Merlin scurry away. “Is something wrong with, Merlin?”
Arthur shook his head and cleared his throat. “I don’t know.”
“I hope he’s alright.”
Arthur nodded absently. “Me, too.” He sat down at the table to try and eat breakfast.
“Arthur, I had this amazing idea...” Gwen started.
“Have some breakfast, Guinevere.” Arthur interrupted.
Arthur wanted to pay attention to Gwen, he wanted to be thinking about anything else, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Merlin. He couldn’t stop picturing his eyes. He couldn’t stop thinking about all of the things Merlin had done for him. Arthur was feeling such affection for Merlin it overwhelmed. It was Merlin, for goodness sake. Arthur had felt a lot of things for Merlin over the years, but never like this. Even now, confused as he was, just thinking about Merlin made him feel happy. It felt impossible, but the connection between them was stronger than ever. As he looked at a sullen Gwen, he didn’t know what to do.
~*~
Gaius hadn’t been home when Merlin arrived and Merlin was glad. Gaius would have taken one look at him and dragged the truth out of Merlin. Though when he thought about it, he wasn’t even sure what the truth was. The way Arthur had looked at him…Merlin thought he knew the perfect word to describe it, but he couldn’t allow himself to think that. Arthur didn’t…feel that way about him.
As confused as he was about Arthur’s feeling, Merlin’s own were clear to him. He’d known it for a long time, but had always tried to put it in the back of his mind because of Gwen and because he knew it would do nothing but hurt to admit it, even to himself. But there was really no use in denying it at this point. The pain was already there. He was in love with Arthur and he knew he always would be.
Merlin groaned when he heard a knock at the door. For the first time in a long time, he hoped it wasn’t Arthur. He trudged over to the door and almost let out a squeak when he saw Gwen standing in front of him.
“Gwen?” Merlin croaked.
Gwen smiled. “May I come in?”
“Of course.” Merlin stepped aside so Gwen could enter. He ran a shaky hand through his hair.
Gwen sat down at the Gaius’ work table. Merlin hesitated briefly before sitting beside her. Merlin almost jumped when Gwen reached out and squeezed his knee.
“Are you alright, Merlin? You seem upset.”
Merlin shook his head. “I’m fine.”
Gwen let out a deep sigh. “Merlin, please don’t shut me out, too.”
A deep crease formed as Merlin furrowed his brow. “What do you mean ‘too’?”
Gwen threw up her hands. “Arthur. Ever since he’s come back from his ordeal he hasn’t been the same. He seems so distant. I think the only person he’s normal around is you.”
“Depends on what your definition of normal is.”
Gwen looked at Merlin and seemed to scrutinize him. “I’ve seen the way Arthur looks at you.”
Merlin gulped.
“He values your opinion so much. Has he said anything to you about how he’s feeling?”
Merlin shrugged. “Arthur doesn’t really like to talk about his feelings very often.”
Gwen sighed. “That’s true. I just wish he would talk to me about what happened. He cared about Mordred and I know killing him couldn’t have been easy. And when he was wounded…it must have been so horrible. I wish I had been there to give him some comfort.”
Merlin reached out and took Gwen’s hand. “No, Gwen you don’t. You wouldn’t have wanted to see him like that. Every second his face became paler and the light in his eyes began to dim. He struggled for every breath. I could barely stand it.”
Gwen reached over and hugged Merlin. “I’m so glad you were there for him.” She pulled back. “Thank you for bringing him home to me.”
Merlin’s face formed a grim line that he tried to pass off as a smile. He loved Gwen, but he was so jealous right now he could hardly see straight and it made him feel tremendously guilty.
“Merlin, what did Arthur say about me when he thought he was dying?”
Merlin looked down at his hands and bit his lip. It had never occurred to him before how little Arthur said about Gwen those two days. He didn’t want to hurt Gwen’s feelings, but didn’t want to lie to her either. “Everything was so…there wasn’t a lot of time really to think of anything. Arthur needed to save his strength and didn’t say a lot.”
Gwen nodded. “I’m just happy he’s home now.”
Merlin smiled briefly. “Me, too.”
~*~
Over the next few weeks, Merlin began to settle into his new role in Camelot. It was harder than he had imagined saying good-bye to Gaius and the only home he’d ever known in Camelot, but he was settling in well living in the castle. Everyone but those closest to him, acted awkward around him. He could tell that some of the servants were terrified of him, trembling when he was around. It unnerved him. Gaius assured him that things would get easier.
Things weren’t quite so easy with Arthur. Merlin was surprised to find that he actually missed his duties as Arthur’s servant. Or maybe it was just that he missed Arthur. They lived next to each other now and yet saw each other rarely, at least not alone. Not since Arthur had touched his face and stared into his eyes. Whenever they were in meetings at the Round Table, he tried to keep from staring at Arthur all the time, but he slipped every now and again, which gave him the opportunity to see Arthur gazing at him a few times as well. Gwaine seemed to be the only one who noticed. Every time Merlin would look at Gwaine, he would smirk at him.
There had still been no sightings of Morgana. Merlin had done research and met with many sorcerers, but he still hadn’t figured out a way to stop her. Merlin just knew that Morgana would make her presence known sooner or later and was desperate for a way to lure her out, so they could finish this once and for all. He thought he had come up with the perfect solution.
“I think I know a way to draw Morgana out!” He announced at the meeting.
Arthur turned to him. “How’s that?”
“I think I found a way to call to her with my magic. If I promise to surrender to her, I think she’d come out of hiding.”
Arthur’s eyes widened, almost comically. “Are you out of your mind?”
“It would be a trap. But it’s something that Morgana would expect of me, to sacrifice myself so that you and Camelot would be safe. If Morgana hates anyone more than you, Arthur, it’s me. She’ll gladly take any opportunity to see Emrys dead.”
To Merlin’s surprise Arthur laughed. He threw his head back and laughed loudly. Everyone stared at him. Arthur wiped at his eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh, but I honestly have no idea of how to react to that. Do you honestly think I would ever allow you to put yourself in harm’s way like that? You know me, Merlin. It’s absolutely out of the question.”
“Yes, I know you. I know that you can be a prat, but you can’t just dismiss this idea so hastily. And you can’t tell me what to do.” Merlin shouted.
Arthur narrowed his eyes. “I am your king and I can tell you whatever I please.”
Merlin chuckled mirthlessly. “Wow, you just sounded exactly like your father.”
Arthur gripped the arms of his chair tightly. “My father may have made his share of mistakes, but he was a smart man. He would have sense to see this plan for what it is - a way to get yourself killed and nothing more.”
“Arthur, I have magic. I can protect myself.” Merlin argued.
Arthur shook his head. “Morgana is just as powerful as you, perhaps more so. You’re not immortal, Merlin. She could kill you.” Arthur ran a hand across his face. “And Morgana’s too smart to fall for that.”
“Morgana might be able to sense that it’s a trap but she’s far too arrogant to think she’ll ever be caught. Given the chance to kill me, she would come anyway.”
“How do you plan on killing her? Have you figured out a way?”
“It’s possible that no mortal blade can kill her. But Excalibur is no mortal blade.” Merlin answered.
Arthur stood up. “No. I’m not taking that chance.”
Merlin could sense the tension all around them. You could hear everyone’s breathing and nothing else. His only focus was on Arthur and how pig-headed and stupid he thought he was acting. He grabbed Arthur’s arm. “It’s alright for you to risk your life, but not me?”
Arthur pulled his arm away and grabbed at Merlin’s shoulders. “I would rather die than to let anything happen to you, do you understand?”
Merlin’s breath came out in shallow gasps.
Arthur looked around the room, and down at Gwen who was watching with an unreadable expression. Arthur let go of Merlin and stormed out of the room.
~*~
Merlin stood at Arthur’s door. He knew that he should leave him alone, give him a chance to cool down, but he wanted to talk to him. He raised his hand to knock.
“Hello, Emrys.”
Merlin turned swiftly. He saw a tall man with gray hair standing beside him. He was wearing a robe. Merlin caught a glimpse of his hand and saw the druid symbol. Merlin had tried to speak with the druids after his appointment as Magic Advisor, but they had been reluctant to speak to him. He looked at the man’s face again. He’d seen the man before. “Yes?”
“I wish to speak to you about the Lady Morgana.”
Merlin nodded once. “Follow me.” He walked over to his room and opened the door for the older man. He closed the door once inside.
The man removed the hood from over his head. “My name is Iseldir. We met many years ago.”
Merlin thought back. “I remember you now. You were there when we came for the Cup of Life.”
Iseldir nodded.
“I’m sorry I didn’t guard it as carefully as I should have.” Iseldir just looked at him with a serene look on his face. It unnerved Merlin slightly. “I’ve been trying to speak to the druids since the King lifted the ban on magic. No one would speak to me.”
Iseldir bowed his head. “I am sorry. We were still very afraid and weren’t sure if the King’s true intentions. But we have come to believe that the king’s intentions are pure and he is finally becoming a king worthy of having you stand beside him.”
Merlin smiled. “Arthur is a great king and he will continue to do many great things.”
Iseldir bowed again.
Merlin looked down at his hands. “I’m sorry about Mordred.”
A look of sadness passed over Iseldir’s features, but was gone quickly. “We are, too. Mordred was a very troubled boy. We had hoped that he would choose the right path in life, but unfortunately he chose to ally himself with the wrong people.”
“Morgana.” Merlin looked at Iseldir. “You said you wanted to talk about her.”
Iseldir cast his eyes downward. “I want you to know that we do not come here seeking revenge against the King or the lady Morgana. We want to assure that this new peace in our land continues.”
Merlin nodded quickly, he had a feeling that whatever Iseldir was going to say or do might bring an end to this war.
“Emrys, what are your intentions towards the Lady Morgana?”
“My intentions?”
“Do you mean to kill her?”
“I…” Merlin hesitated. “Morgana has brought about so much tragedy and destruction. I want to be rid of her.” He shook his head and sighed deeply. “But I don’t want to kill her if I don’t have to. But she has left us no other choice.”
Iseldir looked down. “I believe that your intentions are honorable, Emrys. I wish to help you.” He reached behind him and pulled out an ancient dagger that was tucked into his belt. “I believe with this we can end everyone’s suffering.”
~*~
Arthur sat with his head on his desk. He was still thrumming all over with anger and worse, with fear. He knew Merlin well enough to know that he wouldn’t let this situation go. But he refused to allow him to risk his life. Arthur knew that if Merlin gave him no other choice, he would have him thrown in the dungeon. He chuckled. He really was turning into his father.
Of course his father would probably not have made such an emotional outburst as Arthur had. He couldn’t believe he had said that to Merlin, in front of everyone, in front of Gwen. As if on cue, Gwen walked through the door. He knew it was her from the swishing of her dress. She stopped a few feet from his desk.
“You were rather hard on Merlin.” She said in a soft voice. She almost sounded close to tears.
“I’m sorry, Gwen. I have a hard time acting rational when my friend is being an idiot.”
“Your friend?”
Arthur looked up at her. “Yes.”
“You weren’t treating him like a friend.”
Arthur huffed in exasperation. “That’s how I always treat, Merlin. He’s used to it by now. He knows what I’m like. He accepts it.”
“Unlike me.”
Arthur stood up. “I never said that.”
“But you know it’s true.” Gwen shrugged. It looked like she was in physical pain. Arthur didn’t understand why she seemed so upset. “I’ve never liked that arrogant prattish side of you.”
Arthur sighed. “I know. You expect me to be more mature and you want me to be a better person. Merlin wants that, too. But he knows this is always going to be a part of me. Sometimes I’m going to act like an idiot. He doesn’t have to lecture me.”
“That’s because he accepts you, all of you. There’s not a side of you that he doesn’t love.”
Arthur’s mouth dropped open. “Who said anything about love?”
Gwen smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Any idiot can see that Merlin loves you, Arthur. I think deep down I’ve always known how much. But it never bothered me because I knew you didn’t feel the same. Or perhaps I hoped you didn’t.”
Arthur stepped closer to her. “Gwen, you’re not making any sense.”
Gwen shook her head. “I think I am. The way you’ve looked at Merlin ever since you came back is so different. It’s like you’re in awe of him.”
“He saved my life!”
“It’s more than that. The way you just reacted at the meeting…I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look so scared. You looked at him as if he was your entire life.”
Arthur shook his head vehemently. “That’s not true.”
Gwen’s eyes welled up with tears. “It is. Please just be honest with yourself, if not with me.”
“Guinevere, I love you.”
A tear fell down Gwen’s cheek. “I know you do, but not in the same way.” When Arthur started to protest again, Gwen walked over and put her finger to his lips. When Arthur stopped trying to talk, she stepped away slightly and looked up at his face. “Just answer me one question.”
Arthur nodded slowly.
“I asked Merlin, but I think he lied. When you were dying, did you think of me?”
Arthur made to say something, but the words stuck in his throat. He couldn’t lie to her. It wasn’t something that he did on purpose. But at the time, the world had shrunk down to just him and Merlin and, if he was honest, that was exactly how he wanted it. If he was going to die, he wanted to be held by Merlin and looking into his eyes. He looked at Gwen and couldn’t say anything.
Gwen sucked in a breath. “I think that says it all.” She held her hand to her stomach as she walked further away from Arthur. She turned around and sobbed.
“Gwen.” Arthur said, his voice quivering. She abruptly stopped sobbing but didn’t turn to look at him. “Guinevere.”
She turned around slowly. “Arthur, I know what you’re going to say. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me.”
Arthur worried his lip, practically drawing blood. He could feel his eyes fill with tears.
“Arthur, please just be honest with yourself and be honest with Merlin. He deserves that.” She walked towards the door.
“Gwen, where are you going to go?”
She took a deep breath. “I don’t know. I just can’t be here anymore.”
She walked out of the room. Arthur walked back to his desk and collapsed in his seat. His marriage was almost certainly over and Arthur wasn’t sure how to feel about that.
There was a knock on his door. He quickly wiped his eyes. “Enter.” When Merlin walked in, he stood up quickly.
Merlin closed and stayed practically glued to it. Arthur walked over closer.
Arthur swallowed. “Merlin, I’m sorry about before.”
Merlin shook his head. “I knew how you would react. You were actually far more diplomatic than I thought you’d be.”
Arthur cocked his head to the side. “You haven’t changed your mind, have you?”
“No.” Merlin said in a rush.
“I didn’t think so.”
Merlin looked down. Arthur noticed that he was having trouble meeting his eyes. “I just wanted to tell you that I understand how you feel better than anyone. If I could protect you every second of every day, I would.”
Arthur swallowed down a rush of emotion.
“Arthur, it is my destiny to protect you.”
Arthur felt a twinge of disappointment. Merlin made it sound like an obligation.
Merlin looked into Arthur’s eyes and Arthur was captivated by the earnest expression on Merlin’s face in the emotion in his stare. “I don’t protect, I don’t care about you, because I have to.” Merlin took a deep breath. “I do it because I’m in love you with you.”
Arthur stood stock still. He was blindsided with so many conflicting emotions. “Merlin…”
Merlin held up his hand. “Please don’t feel obligated to say anything. You asked me to be honest with you and I’m trying to be. I don’t want to hurt, Gwen. I just wanted you to finally know how I feel.”
Merlin quickly turned to leave.
“Merlin, wait.”
Merlin turned to leave. “I have to go, Arthur. I’m tired. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
Arthur was left alone once again.
~*~
Merlin hurried out of the castle. He looked behind him, worried that Arthur might be following him. He saw no one. As he turned around he bumped into someone hard. When he looked down, he saw Gwen on the ground. “Gwen? Oh, God, I’m so sorry!” He bent down to help her up.
“Merlin, it’s okay.”
He looked down at her face. It looked like she had been crying. “Gwen, what happened?”
Gwen brushed down her dress. “You knocked into me. I should be asking you that.”
Merlin grinned. “Right. What I meant was you look like you’ve been crying. What happened?”
Gwen wiped her eyes. “It’s nothing. Where are you going in such a hurry?”
Merlin hesitated. “Uh…I’m meeting Gwaine…at the tavern.”
Gwen shook her head. “I don’t know how you managed to keep your secret for so long; you’re a terrible liar, Merlin.”
Merlin wrung his hands. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Arthur may not notice but I know you spend very little time at the tavern. Besides, I just saw Gwaine being thumped by the cook in the kitchen.” She crossed her arms waiting for an explanation.
“Perhaps he’s running behind, too.”
“Merlin!”
Merlin sighed. “Gwen, I don’t want to put you in the position of having to lie to your husband.”
Gwen’s eyes widened. “You’re going after, Morgana.”
Merlin quickly looked behind him and turned back to Gwen. “I have to. She’s going to attack Camelot again and I can’t let her do that.”
“Merlin, you can’t go alone.”
“I can’t tell, Arthur. You saw how he reacted today and I don’t want anyone else in danger. I have faced Morgana before and I can do it again.”
“Merlin, do you even have a plan?”
“The Druids are going to help me.” He took Gwen’s hand. “I’m not asking you not to tell, Arthur. But just give me a few minutes, please?” Merlin begged.
Gwen hesitated then very minutely nodded.
Merlin kissed her cheek. “Thank you, Gwen.” He rushed off, looking back at Gwen once.
~*~
Arthur paced his room. Gwen’s last words to him and Merlin’s declaration jumbled together in his head. He knew that Gwen was right and he had to stop denying what was apparently clear to everyone but him. He was in love with Merlin. He wished that Merlin had given him a chance to respond, instead of leaving so quickly.
Perhaps Merlin just assumed Arthur would reject him. That seemed possible, but there was something nagging at Arthur about Merlin’s behavior. Something about it was familiar. All of a sudden, Arthur stopped pacing. He remembered a conversation Merlin and he had a few days before.
“I remember after I woke up, you came to me. You were acting peculiar. You were as insolent as ever, telling me not to be a prat...”
“Advice you clearly never heeded.” Merlin grinned.
Arthur narrowed his eyes. “I knew something was wrong, I just couldn’t figure it out. You were trying to say good-bye to me, weren’t you?”
“Yes. Obviously I couldn’t tell you what was going to happen, but I couldn’t die without saying something to you one last time.”
Arthur threw his head back. “I am such an idiot!
Arthur rushed to the door. He threw the door open and rushed out, colliding immediately with someone else. He looked down and was shocked to see Gwen on the floor. “Guinevere! I’m so sorry.” He reached down and helped her off the floor.
“It’s alright. It’s only the second time tonight.”
Arthur furrowed his brow. “Second time?”
“Merlin knocked me down a few minutes ago. He’s-”
“Going after Morgana. I just worked that out. I think he came here before to say goodbye to me.”
“You have to find him.”
“Did he say anything about where he could possibly be heading?” Arthur asked.
“He didn’t say exactly. He did say that the Druids would be helping him.”
Arthur thought fast. “He’s probably heading to the Forest of Ascetir.”
Gwen nodded in agreement.
“Gwen, I need you to tell the knights what’s happening. If Merlin and I aren’t back in two hours, the need to come to after us.”
“Alright. Please be careful, Arthur.”
Arthur nodded once. “I will. Thank you for telling me, Gwen.” He gave her a fond look and squeezed her hand before racing away.
~*~
Merlin stood in the middle of the Forest and waited for Morgana. He had a feeling she would be there shortly. Iseldir had told him that Morgana had been desperate and contacted one of them a few days ago for help. Iseldir had sent word to her to meet him in the Forest right about now.
Merlin took out the dagger Iseldir had given him, hoping that Morgana wouldn’t give him a reason to use it. But he knew that hope was fruitless. Morgana was beyond saving. Merlin’s head snapped up when he heard a few twigs snap a few feet in front of him.
A few minutes later Morgana walked out of the shadows. She didn’t seem at all surprised to see him.
“Hello, Emrys.”
“Hello, Morgana.”
She looked around. “I should have known the Druids couldn’t be trusted. They’ve fallen for Arthur’s lies just like everyone else.”
“It’s not a lie. Arthur has lifted the ban against magic in Camelot. He has been trying to change.”
“He can try and change, but he never will. He is just like Uther. Sooner or later his true colors will show. But I will not wait for that day to come. I want what belongs to me.” Morgana snarled.
“Morgana it doesn’t have to be this way. You can end this vendetta. It has brought nothing but death and sadness. You’re all alone. Why do you continue to fight?”
“My brother has taken what belongs to me and I intend to get it back.”
Merlin gritted his teeth. “Camelot was never yours.”
Morgana stalked forward. “That is not your decision.”
Merlin held onto the dagger firmly. “Morgana, you used to be such a wonderful person. What did Morgeuse do to you?”
Morgana screamed as she threw up her hand and sent Merlin hurtling backward. “Don’t you dare blame my sister! She is the only person in this world who ever truly loved me. She didn’t pretend to be my friend and then poison me.”
Morgana stood above Merlin.
“I am sorry for what I did to you, Morgana. I truly am. If you want to punish me, then do it. But stop trying to hurt, Arthur.”
“I will never stop. I’m going to enjoy killing you, Merlin and then I am going to watch Arthur suffer over your death. Then I will put him out of his misery and take back my crown.”
“You can try and kill me, Morgana. But I don’t care what I have to do. If I had to crawl back from the other side, I would never let you hurt Arthur.” Merlin’s eyes flashed gold and Morgana was thrown back. She hit her head hard on a tree.
Merlin got up and advanced towards her, only to stop and clutch at his throat. Morgana stood up slowly chanting something. Merlin felt as if his throat was being choked. He couldn’t get any air. He thought fast and his eyes flashed gold and Morgan stopped chanting. She tried to form words, but nothing was coming out.
Merlin quickly caught his breath and held his hand up towards the sky. There was a loud rumbling and lightning began to strike. Merlin channeled the lightning with his hand and directed it toward Morgana. She hurled herself away from it. He was about to do it again when he heard horses’ hoof beats.
“Oh, no.” Merlin muttered. “Please don’t let that be, Arthur.” He whipped his head around and saw Arthur galloping toward them in the distance. “Damn it!”
Merlin turned back and saw that Morgana was still on the ground. He knelt down, touching his hand to the ground. He said a quick spell. He hoped that would last long enough to protect Arthur.
~*~
When Arthur saw Merlin he jumped off of his horse. He ran toward Merlin. All of a sudden he rammed into something and fell to the ground. He got up in a bit of a daze. He looked in front of him, confused. There was nothing there and yet he knew he ran into something solid. He looked towards Merlin, who was looking back at him.
Merlin mouthed “I’m sorry.”
Arthur closed his eyes and groaned. Merlin must have put up some kind of shield. He ran forward trying to push his way through Merlin’s magic block but he couldn’t get through.
“Merlin!” Arthur screamed.
Arthur could only see Merlin from behind. He could hear him chanting something and Morgana was being lifted in the air. Merlin put his hand forward and threw Morgana against a tree.
Arthur saw Merlin gripping a dagger in his hand as he stalked toward Morgana. Merlin lifted the dagger up, but before he could Morgana’s eyes sprang open and Merlin was hurtled backwards. It was as if an invisible line was pulling him back and he landed with a thud directly in front of Arthur. Merlin was crumpled on the ground and not moving.
“Merlin, get up!” Arthur looked up and saw Morgana walking towards them. Arthur tried to fight his way through Merlin’s magic again but it was a futile effort.
Morgana smiled when she saw Arthur. She knelt next to Merlin. “Dear brother, you’re here just in time to watch your protector die.”
“Morgana!” Arthur screamed. “Please, don’t do this!”
Morgana pulled out a dagger from behind her. Arthur was horrified to recognize the dagger he had given to Morgana years ago as a gift. Morgana trailed the knife against Merlin’s chest.
“Morgana!” Arthur yelled until his throat was raw.
“Don’t worry, Arthur. I won’t kill him quickly.” Morgana raised the dagger and stabbed Merlin in his side.
~*~
Merlin didn’t know which pain was worse: the pain in his side or the sound of Arthur’s sobs. He opened his eyes slowly and saw Morgana looming over him. She was grinning cruelly at Arthur. She was relishing Arthur’s helplessness. Merlin took advantage and used his magic to throw Morgan off him.
He didn’t give Morgana any time to recover before scrambling forward; brandishing the dagger the Druids had given him.
Morgana laughed. “Is that supposed to scare me? It’s going to take more than that dagger, Emrys. I no longer fear any mortal blade.”
“This is no mortal blade.” Merlin lifted up his hand and plunged the dagger in the middle of Morgana’s chest. Thunder rumbled in the dark clouds in the sky and made the ground shake. Morgana’s screamed and her body convulsed. As her body became still the ground stilled and the sky became quiet.
Merlin pulled the dagger out of Morgana’s chest. He fell backwards onto the ground. He pressed his hand to the ground and lifted the shield keeping Arthur out. Merlin could hear Arthur calling to him. Soon he heard Arthur’s footsteps stomping against the ground. Arthur’s face was soon staring down at him. He had tears streaming down his face.
“I could kill you, Merlin. I really could.” Arthur panted.
“Shouldn’t you be taking care of me and not yelling at me?” Merlin laughed and then winced at the pain in his side.
“I think I can manage to do both.” Arthur said. “You’re going to be alright, Merlin. I’m going to get you to Gaius and then I’m going to yell at you and tell you what an idiot you are and then…”
“Then what?”
“Then I’m going to do this.” Arthur leaned forward and kissed him softly.
“Am I dreaming?” Merlin asked after Arthur pulled away.
Arthur laughed. “No.” He put his arm under Merlin’s shoulder and the other one under his knees and picked Merlin up. Arthur turned and looked at Morgana. “I can’t believe she’s dead.”
Merlin looked at him. “She’s not.”
Arthur looked at Merlin with surprise etched in his features. “What?”
“Iseldir gave me this dagger.” He showed Arthur the dagger in his hand. “This is the only one of its kind. It was used by sorcerers in the old religion to steal other sorcerer’s powers. The druids kept it hidden with the Cup of Life and other items they found over the years.”
Arthur stared at Morgana. “She doesn’t have any powers?”
Merlin shook his head. “You can keep her locked away safely now. She’ll remain unconscious for a while and the Druids will watch over her. You can send someone to get her later.”
Arthur nodded slowly. He took one last long at his sister and turned away, cradling Merlin in his arms.
~*~
Merlin woke up in his old bedroom at Gaius’. He passed out shortly after arriving back in Camelot. He looked down and saw that he had on no shirt and there was a huge bandage wrapped around his chest. He noticed something weighing down on his right arm. He looked down and was surprised to see Arthur with his head resting against his arm. Arthur hand was clasped around his. Merlin smiled. He reached over and stroked Arthur’s hair gently.
Arthur’s head shot up and he stared at Merlin. He smiled broadly at him. “You’re awake!”
“What gave it away?” Merlin teased.
Arthur frowned at him. “You’re not funny, Merlin.”
“I’ve been told by many people that I am.”
“I’m sure they were all drunken fools.”
Merlin tried to sit up.
“Don’t. It’s probably too painful to sit up.” Arthur warned.
“Arthur, I’m fine.” Merlin gritted his teeth at the pain when he sat up.
Arthur shook his head. “Do you have some kind of mental affliction that makes it impossible for you to listen to a word I say?”
Merlin was taken aback at Arthur’s sudden harsh tone. “Arthur, I said I was alright.”
Arthur stood up. “No, you’re not alright. You were stabbed by Morgana. You got stabbed because you went off, after I specifically told you not to, and faced her alone. She could have killed you!”
“I protected myself, just like I said I would.”
“Do you not care at all about what you put me through?” Arthur yelled. He took a deep breath and turned his back on Merlin.
“Arthur?”
Arthur turned back to look at him.
The look on Arthur’s face was worse than any physical pain he could ever endure. The last time he’d seen Arthur looking that lost was after his father had died.
“I have never been so terrified in my entire life.” Arthur crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I was standing on the other side of that shield you created and I could nothing to help you. You were right there and I couldn’t touch you. I felt like I was drowning.”
“Arthur.” Merlin’s voice cracked. “I am so sorry. I know exactly how that feels. When you were laying there and dying at the lake, it was the worst pain I’ve ever felt. If you had died, I don’t know what I would have done.”
Arthur walked over and sat beside Merlin’s bed.
Merlin grabbed his hand. “I couldn’t go through that again. You said you would rather die than see anything happen to me. I feel the same way.”
Arthur gave a small laugh. “We’re quite a pair, aren’t we?”
Merlin smiled and nodded.
Arthur got up and sat on the bed right next to Merlin. He picked up Merlin’s hand.
Merlin’s breath hitched in his throat. “Arthur when we were in the forest you kissed me.”
“Yes.” Arthur brought Merlin’s hand to his lips and kissed it softly.
"Why would you do that?"
Arthur leaned forward and stopped inches from Merlin's lips. "Because I love you, too."
Arthur closed the distance between them and kissed Merlin. Merlin froze momentarily, but soon smiled into the kiss.
Arthur brought his hand to Merlin's face and stroked his cheek softly. Arthur tried to be mindful of Merlin's wound but when he deepened the kiss, his hand brushed against Merlin's side.
Merlin didn't care. He couldn't feel the pain. The only thing he could feel were Arthur’s lips gently moving against his, Arthur's hand against his face, and the feeling of all of his dreams coming true.
Arthur must have noticed his mistake because he made a move to pull back but Merlin moaned and wrapped his arm around Arthur's neck, pulling him back.
Arthur moaned as well. He swept his tongue along Merlin's lips, until Merlin opened his mouth and he swept his tongue inside Merlin's mouth.
Merlin was beginning to feel dizzy, but he couldn't stop kissing Arthur. He couldn't let him go. Merlin knew with absolute certainty that all of the years of waiting were absolutely worth it.
~*~
She looked so tiny. It surprised Arthur that it was that thought that ran through his mind as he watched Morgana curled up on the floor of her cell.
Morgana lifted up her head slowly and looked at Arthur. Her eyes slowly focused and her eyes slowly became filled with hate.
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"
Arthur shook his head slowly. "Unlike you Morgana, I don't revel in other's misfortune."
"You're so smug." She coughed, clearing her throat after weeks of remaining silent. It had been a month since Merlin had stripped her of her powers. "If I had powers you would be cowering before me."
Arthur walked closer to the bars. "I will never cower before you or anyone else."
Morgana lunged for the bars. Arthur didn't flinch.
Morgana's face crumpled slightly. "You had him do this to me. I'm nothing now. I might as well be dead. Why didn't you let him kill me?"
"This wasn’t my idea, Morgana. But it does seem like a fitting punishment.”
Morgana gripped the bars. “Don’t you think this is over, Arthur Pendragon. I will get my magic back.”
“You’re never going to get out of this cell, Morgana. No matter what.” Arthur backed away from her and turned to leave.
Morgana kept screaming at him. “You will never keep me here, do you understand? You haven’t won!”
Arthur just sighed as the door to the dungeon was closed behind him. He would never have his sister back and he had finally made his peace with that.
~*~
As Merlin opened the door to the Rising Sun, he almost ran into Gwaine. Gwaine smirked when he saw him. He patted Merlin’s shoulder. “I’m surprised to see you, Merlin. I thought you and Arthur were permanently locked at the hip, you might say.” Gwaine winked.
Merlin grinned tightly. “Don’t exaggerate.”
“Who’s exaggerating? I thought you two would never come up for air. You’re really putting him through his paces, aren’t you?”
Merlin’s cheeks reddened. “Bye, Gwaine.”
Gwaine laughed loudly. He turned to leave, but then turned back calling to Merlin. "Merlin?"
Merlin grimaced briefly before turning around. "Yes?"
Gwaine gave him a big and genuine smile. "I am happy for you."
Merlin smiled back. "Thank you."
Gwaine bowed his head slightly. “Bye, Merlin.”
Merlin turned and headed inside. He tried to get over the embarrassment of Gwaine’s jibes. He walked through the tavern and spotted Gwen at a back table. She smiled warmly at him as he sat down.
“Why’d you want to meet here?”
“I thought I’d give it a try before I left.” Gwen explained.
Merlin frowned. “You’re leaving?”
It was still hard for Merlin not to feel incredibly guilty around Gwen. Arthur had told him about the conversation that he and Gwen had that opened his eyes to his feelings for Merlin. Gwen had assured him that she didn’t blame him, but he couldn’t help feeling that he’d betrayed her and stolen something from his best friend. He could see the sadness that was in her eyes constantly. But he had thought she was beginning to start to move past it.
“It’s just temporary, Merlin. Camelot is my home. But I need a little respite from here.”
Merlin looked down at the table. “Because of Arthur and me?”
Gwen nodded stiffly. “Yes.” Merlin began to speak. “Merlin, if you apologize one more time I’m going to finally take you up on your offer and hit you.”
Merlin closed his mouth.
“Merlin, I mean it when I say that I’ve never seen Arthur happier. He’s where he should be. I just can’t be around your happiness right now. I need to learn to live without Arthur.”
Merlin took Gwen’s hands gently. “Where will you go?”
Gwen gave him a big smile. “I’m going to stay with your mother.”
Merlin’s eyebrows lifted. “Really?”
“Yeah. The only other place I’ve ever felt as comfortable as in Camelot was when I was in Ealdor. Your mother helped me so much when Arthur ended things last time; she thinks that she can help again.”
When Merlin had told Hunith about Arthur and him she had been incredibly happy for them. She said she always knew they belonged together. But she did admit that she felt terrible for Gwen, a sentiment that Merlin shared.
Gwen and Merlin enjoyed a few drinks and then Merlin walked her out. “I know it’s only been four years, but it’s going to be so strange not having a Queen in Camelot.”
Gwen gave him a rueful smile. “After decades without magic, Arthur has lifted the ban against it and sorcerers and everyone else are actually getting along for once. You and Arthur have done amazing things together. You’re making history. Camelot will survive without a Queen.”
“I don’t think I will survive without you.” Merlin whispered.
“Yes, you will. You have everything you need with Arthur. This is the way it was always meant to be.” Gwen looked down at the ground. “I just wish it had happened a lot sooner.”
Merlin hugged Gwen fiercely. “I love you, Gwen.”
“I love you, too, Merlin.”
~*~
Merlin walked into Arthur’s chambers, which Arthur was already trying to turn into their chambers, and smiled briefly when he saw Arthur at his desk.
Arthur looked up at Merlin and gave him a brilliant smile. He saw the look on Merlin’s face and his smile fell. “Come here.”
Merlin half walked and half ran over to him. Arthur pulled Merlin down on to his lap and wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in Arthur’s waist. Arthur gave a small kiss to Merlin’s side. “You saw Gwen?”
Merlin nodded. “Yeah. She’s leaving Camelot for a little while.”
Arthur didn’t say anything for a long moment. “Oh?”
“She’s going to visit Ealdor. She said to say good-bye.”
“If that’s going to make things easier for her, then I’m happy for her.” Arthur looked up at Merlin. “Do you feel guilty for being happy with me?”
Merlin stared at Arthur. He slid down and grabbed Arthur’s hands. “I wish that Gwen didn’t have to be hurt.”
“As do I.”
Merlin cupped Arthur’s face. “But I don’t regret being with you and I never will.”
Arthur beamed down at him. Merlin leaned up and kissed Arthur deeply. Merlin felt that now Arthur and he were truly beginning to live the life they were truly destined for. He would hold on to that for as long as he could.
Author/Artist: geekslave
Pairing(s): Arthur/Merlin
Characters: Merlin, Arthur, Gwen, Gwaine, Gaius, Morgana, Percival, Iseldir
Word Count: 18,549
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Percival convinces Gwaine not to chase after Morgana after Eira is killed. Because of that, Merlin gets Arthur to the Isle on time and is able to save Arthur. Now, Merlin and Arthur have to really dela with the repercussions of his magic reveal. Things begin to change between the two of them and they both have to truly figure out what their feelings are toward each other and just where Gwen fits in.
Disclaimer: Merlin characters are the property of Shine and BBC. No profit is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.
Warnings: Spoilers for 5.13. Brief violence
Notes: Written for the merlin_redux fest.
Title taken from a line in Journey's song, "Faithfully."
Part 1
Arthur paced his chambers as he waited for Merlin to arrive. He’d sent George to give Merlin the message to be there at the crack of dawn. It would be any minute now. Arthur had taken the whole night to think over what Merlin had done. It did not make him easy to live with. He felt guilty for the way he treated Gwen.
Arthur had been distracted all night. Gwen tried to engage him in conversation, but he only half listened, if he listened at all. When they were in bed at night, Gwen had turned to him and tried to wrap her arms around him, but he purposefully turned away from her and got as far to the edge of the bed as possible. He had found himself recoiling from her touch ever since he had been back in Camelot. When Arthur had woken up in the morning, Gwen was already gone.
He had woken up and Merlin was the first thing on his mind. He knew that what Merlin had done to Morgana was horrible. But he thought about Merlin and he remembered the look on his face when he admitted to having magic. He remembered the man who took care of him as if he was the most important thing in the whole world. He remembered the times Merlin had sacrificed his life. He remembered the clumsy idiot who always forgot to bring up a knife and fork with dinner the first year he had worked for Arthur. He remembered Merlin being there for him whenever he needed.
When Arthur heard the knock on the door, he froze momentarily. “Come in.” He rolled his eyes at the quiver in his voice.
Merlin stepped timidly into the room. “You wanted to see me, sire.”
Arthur cringed when Merlin bowed to him. “Come in further, Merlin.”
Merlin walked in slowly, stopping more than few feet in front of Arthur. He stared at a spot just above Arthur’s shoulder.
“Merlin, I’ve always known that you were far from perfect. Even now, knowing you’re a sorcerer, I know that you’re still human and none of us are perfect. Not even me.” He gave Merlin a small grin. “I wouldn’t want to be judged solely by my worst mistakes, and I won’t do that to you. I know what’s in your heart, Merlin. You would never hurt anyone, if you could help it. ”
Merlin met his gaze.
“Merlin, I don’t need you to tell me every horrible thing that you’ve ever done. I just need you to promise me from now one that you’ll always be honest with me. That is the only thing that I need.”
Merlin licked his lips. “You forgive me?”
Arthur nodded. “Yes, Merlin, I forgive you.”
Merlin exhaled slowly. “Thank you.”
There was a slight pause in the conversation. Arthur looked at Merlin expectantly. “Merlin, the promise?”
Merlin’s eyes widened. “Oh, yes! I promise you no more secrets. I don’t want to lie to you anymore.”
“Good.” Arthur took a deep breath, before walking across the room to his desk. Merlin followed. “We didn’t get to finish going over everything yesterday.”
“Alright.”
“I know that many people are going to have questions.”
Merlin nodded. “I’ve already had so many people come up and ask me questions about magic.”
“That’s why I think you need an office like Gaius has where everyone come and get their questions answered.”
Merlin pursed his lips. “Like Gaius’. Can’t people just come over to Gaius’ to talk to me? It is where I live.”
Arthur fiddled with some papers on his desk. “I think it’s best that there’s one place that people can go to Gaius and see their physician and get their needs met without their being the confusion of the people who go to see you.” Arthur cleared his throat. “The room next door to my chambers is unoccupied and I think it would make an excellent place for you to work from…and live at.”
Merlin’s mouth opened in a wide “O” shape. “You want me to live in the castle?”
“I think that’s the best idea. Do you have a problem with that?”
Merlin shrugged. “Not really. I’d missing living with Gaius, but it would be nice to have my own space and to not have to bother Gaius with people coming to see me.”
“You’re part of the royal court now, Merlin. You belong here.”
Arthur looked up at Merlin. He hoped that he couldn’t see how nervous he was for Merlin’s answer.
Merlin smiled. “Since I’m part of the royal court can someone else do all the annoying packing and moving.”
Arthur laughed. “I think I can arrange for that.”
Merlin grinned. “Great.”
“Merlin, I know that there will be people who will not be accepting of these changes, including many sorcerers.”
Merlin sighed. “I don’t think they’ll trust it at first. They may think you’re trying to trap them.”
Arthur nodded. “I need your help reaching out to as many of them as you can and letting them know that I am willing to work with them now and I want to try and make up for my father’s and my own mistakes.”
“I will do my best, Arthur.” He twisted his hands together. “Arthur, there will still be people who want to attack you.”
“I know. I’m the king and I’ll always have enemies.”
Merlin put his hands on Arthur’s desk and leaned forward. “I promise you that I will do what I always have and protect you from them.”
Arthur looked up and met Merlin’s steely gaze. “Thank you.” After a few moments, he looked down at the papers on his desk, awkwardly clearing his throat.
Merlin took a step back. “I should probably go and tell, Gaius about everything.”
“Okay.” As Merlin got to the door a thought occurred to Arthur. He stood up. “Merlin?”
Merlin turned with his hand on the doorknob. “Yes?”
“I was wondering if you would show me something…”
Merlin narrowed his eyes. “Show you something?”
Arthur tripped over his words as he thought about how to word his request. “Can you do something with your magic?”
Merlin grinned. “You want me to do magic tricks for you?”
“Just one. It doesn’t have to be big, it can be something small.” Arthur regretted his request when he saw the mischievous twinkle in Merlin’s eye. “Never mind.”
Merlin shook his head. “No. I’ll do it. The king asks me for a personal favor, how could I refuse?”
Arthur bit back a grin.
Merlin walked over to the table in the middle of the room and gazed at all of the food. Arthur followed him. Merlin turned to him.
“Watch.”
Arthur let out a short gasp as he saw Merlin’s eyes turn a brilliant gold. He barely concentrated as Merlin magically lifted apples into the air and had them dance before him.
Merlin laughed as he set the apples down. “I told you I had many talents. Now, you said to do something simple. I can do something more intricate if you...” He turned to look at Arthur. “...prefer.” He finished. “What?”
Arthur took a few steps and closed the distance between them. He wasn’t sure how to exactly describe what he was feeling. The few times Merlin had performed magic for him he had never looked into his eyes before. But now that he saw how they changed, it took his breath away. Merlin looked suffused with a warmth and brightness Arthur had never seen before. He looked...beautiful.
Arthur couldn’t resist touching Merlin’s face. By now Merlin’s eyes were back to their normal shade of blue. For the first time, Arthur looked at Merlin’s eyes and realized how blue and perfect they looked. “You’re beautiful.” He whispered.
Merlin just stared at him with unblinking eyes.
“Arthur, I -” Gwen started as she burst into the room.
The spell was broken instantly. Arthur’s hand quickly fell to his side and Merlin jumped away from him as if his feet were on fire.
“I have to go.” Merlin said in a rush. He was practically gone before he finished his sentence.
Gwen watched Merlin scurry away. “Is something wrong with, Merlin?”
Arthur shook his head and cleared his throat. “I don’t know.”
“I hope he’s alright.”
Arthur nodded absently. “Me, too.” He sat down at the table to try and eat breakfast.
“Arthur, I had this amazing idea...” Gwen started.
“Have some breakfast, Guinevere.” Arthur interrupted.
Arthur wanted to pay attention to Gwen, he wanted to be thinking about anything else, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Merlin. He couldn’t stop picturing his eyes. He couldn’t stop thinking about all of the things Merlin had done for him. Arthur was feeling such affection for Merlin it overwhelmed. It was Merlin, for goodness sake. Arthur had felt a lot of things for Merlin over the years, but never like this. Even now, confused as he was, just thinking about Merlin made him feel happy. It felt impossible, but the connection between them was stronger than ever. As he looked at a sullen Gwen, he didn’t know what to do.
~*~
Gaius hadn’t been home when Merlin arrived and Merlin was glad. Gaius would have taken one look at him and dragged the truth out of Merlin. Though when he thought about it, he wasn’t even sure what the truth was. The way Arthur had looked at him…Merlin thought he knew the perfect word to describe it, but he couldn’t allow himself to think that. Arthur didn’t…feel that way about him.
As confused as he was about Arthur’s feeling, Merlin’s own were clear to him. He’d known it for a long time, but had always tried to put it in the back of his mind because of Gwen and because he knew it would do nothing but hurt to admit it, even to himself. But there was really no use in denying it at this point. The pain was already there. He was in love with Arthur and he knew he always would be.
Merlin groaned when he heard a knock at the door. For the first time in a long time, he hoped it wasn’t Arthur. He trudged over to the door and almost let out a squeak when he saw Gwen standing in front of him.
“Gwen?” Merlin croaked.
Gwen smiled. “May I come in?”
“Of course.” Merlin stepped aside so Gwen could enter. He ran a shaky hand through his hair.
Gwen sat down at the Gaius’ work table. Merlin hesitated briefly before sitting beside her. Merlin almost jumped when Gwen reached out and squeezed his knee.
“Are you alright, Merlin? You seem upset.”
Merlin shook his head. “I’m fine.”
Gwen let out a deep sigh. “Merlin, please don’t shut me out, too.”
A deep crease formed as Merlin furrowed his brow. “What do you mean ‘too’?”
Gwen threw up her hands. “Arthur. Ever since he’s come back from his ordeal he hasn’t been the same. He seems so distant. I think the only person he’s normal around is you.”
“Depends on what your definition of normal is.”
Gwen looked at Merlin and seemed to scrutinize him. “I’ve seen the way Arthur looks at you.”
Merlin gulped.
“He values your opinion so much. Has he said anything to you about how he’s feeling?”
Merlin shrugged. “Arthur doesn’t really like to talk about his feelings very often.”
Gwen sighed. “That’s true. I just wish he would talk to me about what happened. He cared about Mordred and I know killing him couldn’t have been easy. And when he was wounded…it must have been so horrible. I wish I had been there to give him some comfort.”
Merlin reached out and took Gwen’s hand. “No, Gwen you don’t. You wouldn’t have wanted to see him like that. Every second his face became paler and the light in his eyes began to dim. He struggled for every breath. I could barely stand it.”
Gwen reached over and hugged Merlin. “I’m so glad you were there for him.” She pulled back. “Thank you for bringing him home to me.”
Merlin’s face formed a grim line that he tried to pass off as a smile. He loved Gwen, but he was so jealous right now he could hardly see straight and it made him feel tremendously guilty.
“Merlin, what did Arthur say about me when he thought he was dying?”
Merlin looked down at his hands and bit his lip. It had never occurred to him before how little Arthur said about Gwen those two days. He didn’t want to hurt Gwen’s feelings, but didn’t want to lie to her either. “Everything was so…there wasn’t a lot of time really to think of anything. Arthur needed to save his strength and didn’t say a lot.”
Gwen nodded. “I’m just happy he’s home now.”
Merlin smiled briefly. “Me, too.”
~*~
Over the next few weeks, Merlin began to settle into his new role in Camelot. It was harder than he had imagined saying good-bye to Gaius and the only home he’d ever known in Camelot, but he was settling in well living in the castle. Everyone but those closest to him, acted awkward around him. He could tell that some of the servants were terrified of him, trembling when he was around. It unnerved him. Gaius assured him that things would get easier.
Things weren’t quite so easy with Arthur. Merlin was surprised to find that he actually missed his duties as Arthur’s servant. Or maybe it was just that he missed Arthur. They lived next to each other now and yet saw each other rarely, at least not alone. Not since Arthur had touched his face and stared into his eyes. Whenever they were in meetings at the Round Table, he tried to keep from staring at Arthur all the time, but he slipped every now and again, which gave him the opportunity to see Arthur gazing at him a few times as well. Gwaine seemed to be the only one who noticed. Every time Merlin would look at Gwaine, he would smirk at him.
There had still been no sightings of Morgana. Merlin had done research and met with many sorcerers, but he still hadn’t figured out a way to stop her. Merlin just knew that Morgana would make her presence known sooner or later and was desperate for a way to lure her out, so they could finish this once and for all. He thought he had come up with the perfect solution.
“I think I know a way to draw Morgana out!” He announced at the meeting.
Arthur turned to him. “How’s that?”
“I think I found a way to call to her with my magic. If I promise to surrender to her, I think she’d come out of hiding.”
Arthur’s eyes widened, almost comically. “Are you out of your mind?”
“It would be a trap. But it’s something that Morgana would expect of me, to sacrifice myself so that you and Camelot would be safe. If Morgana hates anyone more than you, Arthur, it’s me. She’ll gladly take any opportunity to see Emrys dead.”
To Merlin’s surprise Arthur laughed. He threw his head back and laughed loudly. Everyone stared at him. Arthur wiped at his eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh, but I honestly have no idea of how to react to that. Do you honestly think I would ever allow you to put yourself in harm’s way like that? You know me, Merlin. It’s absolutely out of the question.”
“Yes, I know you. I know that you can be a prat, but you can’t just dismiss this idea so hastily. And you can’t tell me what to do.” Merlin shouted.
Arthur narrowed his eyes. “I am your king and I can tell you whatever I please.”
Merlin chuckled mirthlessly. “Wow, you just sounded exactly like your father.”
Arthur gripped the arms of his chair tightly. “My father may have made his share of mistakes, but he was a smart man. He would have sense to see this plan for what it is - a way to get yourself killed and nothing more.”
“Arthur, I have magic. I can protect myself.” Merlin argued.
Arthur shook his head. “Morgana is just as powerful as you, perhaps more so. You’re not immortal, Merlin. She could kill you.” Arthur ran a hand across his face. “And Morgana’s too smart to fall for that.”
“Morgana might be able to sense that it’s a trap but she’s far too arrogant to think she’ll ever be caught. Given the chance to kill me, she would come anyway.”
“How do you plan on killing her? Have you figured out a way?”
“It’s possible that no mortal blade can kill her. But Excalibur is no mortal blade.” Merlin answered.
Arthur stood up. “No. I’m not taking that chance.”
Merlin could sense the tension all around them. You could hear everyone’s breathing and nothing else. His only focus was on Arthur and how pig-headed and stupid he thought he was acting. He grabbed Arthur’s arm. “It’s alright for you to risk your life, but not me?”
Arthur pulled his arm away and grabbed at Merlin’s shoulders. “I would rather die than to let anything happen to you, do you understand?”
Merlin’s breath came out in shallow gasps.
Arthur looked around the room, and down at Gwen who was watching with an unreadable expression. Arthur let go of Merlin and stormed out of the room.
~*~
Merlin stood at Arthur’s door. He knew that he should leave him alone, give him a chance to cool down, but he wanted to talk to him. He raised his hand to knock.
“Hello, Emrys.”
Merlin turned swiftly. He saw a tall man with gray hair standing beside him. He was wearing a robe. Merlin caught a glimpse of his hand and saw the druid symbol. Merlin had tried to speak with the druids after his appointment as Magic Advisor, but they had been reluctant to speak to him. He looked at the man’s face again. He’d seen the man before. “Yes?”
“I wish to speak to you about the Lady Morgana.”
Merlin nodded once. “Follow me.” He walked over to his room and opened the door for the older man. He closed the door once inside.
The man removed the hood from over his head. “My name is Iseldir. We met many years ago.”
Merlin thought back. “I remember you now. You were there when we came for the Cup of Life.”
Iseldir nodded.
“I’m sorry I didn’t guard it as carefully as I should have.” Iseldir just looked at him with a serene look on his face. It unnerved Merlin slightly. “I’ve been trying to speak to the druids since the King lifted the ban on magic. No one would speak to me.”
Iseldir bowed his head. “I am sorry. We were still very afraid and weren’t sure if the King’s true intentions. But we have come to believe that the king’s intentions are pure and he is finally becoming a king worthy of having you stand beside him.”
Merlin smiled. “Arthur is a great king and he will continue to do many great things.”
Iseldir bowed again.
Merlin looked down at his hands. “I’m sorry about Mordred.”
A look of sadness passed over Iseldir’s features, but was gone quickly. “We are, too. Mordred was a very troubled boy. We had hoped that he would choose the right path in life, but unfortunately he chose to ally himself with the wrong people.”
“Morgana.” Merlin looked at Iseldir. “You said you wanted to talk about her.”
Iseldir cast his eyes downward. “I want you to know that we do not come here seeking revenge against the King or the lady Morgana. We want to assure that this new peace in our land continues.”
Merlin nodded quickly, he had a feeling that whatever Iseldir was going to say or do might bring an end to this war.
“Emrys, what are your intentions towards the Lady Morgana?”
“My intentions?”
“Do you mean to kill her?”
“I…” Merlin hesitated. “Morgana has brought about so much tragedy and destruction. I want to be rid of her.” He shook his head and sighed deeply. “But I don’t want to kill her if I don’t have to. But she has left us no other choice.”
Iseldir looked down. “I believe that your intentions are honorable, Emrys. I wish to help you.” He reached behind him and pulled out an ancient dagger that was tucked into his belt. “I believe with this we can end everyone’s suffering.”
~*~
Arthur sat with his head on his desk. He was still thrumming all over with anger and worse, with fear. He knew Merlin well enough to know that he wouldn’t let this situation go. But he refused to allow him to risk his life. Arthur knew that if Merlin gave him no other choice, he would have him thrown in the dungeon. He chuckled. He really was turning into his father.
Of course his father would probably not have made such an emotional outburst as Arthur had. He couldn’t believe he had said that to Merlin, in front of everyone, in front of Gwen. As if on cue, Gwen walked through the door. He knew it was her from the swishing of her dress. She stopped a few feet from his desk.
“You were rather hard on Merlin.” She said in a soft voice. She almost sounded close to tears.
“I’m sorry, Gwen. I have a hard time acting rational when my friend is being an idiot.”
“Your friend?”
Arthur looked up at her. “Yes.”
“You weren’t treating him like a friend.”
Arthur huffed in exasperation. “That’s how I always treat, Merlin. He’s used to it by now. He knows what I’m like. He accepts it.”
“Unlike me.”
Arthur stood up. “I never said that.”
“But you know it’s true.” Gwen shrugged. It looked like she was in physical pain. Arthur didn’t understand why she seemed so upset. “I’ve never liked that arrogant prattish side of you.”
Arthur sighed. “I know. You expect me to be more mature and you want me to be a better person. Merlin wants that, too. But he knows this is always going to be a part of me. Sometimes I’m going to act like an idiot. He doesn’t have to lecture me.”
“That’s because he accepts you, all of you. There’s not a side of you that he doesn’t love.”
Arthur’s mouth dropped open. “Who said anything about love?”
Gwen smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Any idiot can see that Merlin loves you, Arthur. I think deep down I’ve always known how much. But it never bothered me because I knew you didn’t feel the same. Or perhaps I hoped you didn’t.”
Arthur stepped closer to her. “Gwen, you’re not making any sense.”
Gwen shook her head. “I think I am. The way you’ve looked at Merlin ever since you came back is so different. It’s like you’re in awe of him.”
“He saved my life!”
“It’s more than that. The way you just reacted at the meeting…I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look so scared. You looked at him as if he was your entire life.”
Arthur shook his head vehemently. “That’s not true.”
Gwen’s eyes welled up with tears. “It is. Please just be honest with yourself, if not with me.”
“Guinevere, I love you.”
A tear fell down Gwen’s cheek. “I know you do, but not in the same way.” When Arthur started to protest again, Gwen walked over and put her finger to his lips. When Arthur stopped trying to talk, she stepped away slightly and looked up at his face. “Just answer me one question.”
Arthur nodded slowly.
“I asked Merlin, but I think he lied. When you were dying, did you think of me?”
Arthur made to say something, but the words stuck in his throat. He couldn’t lie to her. It wasn’t something that he did on purpose. But at the time, the world had shrunk down to just him and Merlin and, if he was honest, that was exactly how he wanted it. If he was going to die, he wanted to be held by Merlin and looking into his eyes. He looked at Gwen and couldn’t say anything.
Gwen sucked in a breath. “I think that says it all.” She held her hand to her stomach as she walked further away from Arthur. She turned around and sobbed.
“Gwen.” Arthur said, his voice quivering. She abruptly stopped sobbing but didn’t turn to look at him. “Guinevere.”
She turned around slowly. “Arthur, I know what you’re going to say. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me.”
Arthur worried his lip, practically drawing blood. He could feel his eyes fill with tears.
“Arthur, please just be honest with yourself and be honest with Merlin. He deserves that.” She walked towards the door.
“Gwen, where are you going to go?”
She took a deep breath. “I don’t know. I just can’t be here anymore.”
She walked out of the room. Arthur walked back to his desk and collapsed in his seat. His marriage was almost certainly over and Arthur wasn’t sure how to feel about that.
There was a knock on his door. He quickly wiped his eyes. “Enter.” When Merlin walked in, he stood up quickly.
Merlin closed and stayed practically glued to it. Arthur walked over closer.
Arthur swallowed. “Merlin, I’m sorry about before.”
Merlin shook his head. “I knew how you would react. You were actually far more diplomatic than I thought you’d be.”
Arthur cocked his head to the side. “You haven’t changed your mind, have you?”
“No.” Merlin said in a rush.
“I didn’t think so.”
Merlin looked down. Arthur noticed that he was having trouble meeting his eyes. “I just wanted to tell you that I understand how you feel better than anyone. If I could protect you every second of every day, I would.”
Arthur swallowed down a rush of emotion.
“Arthur, it is my destiny to protect you.”
Arthur felt a twinge of disappointment. Merlin made it sound like an obligation.
Merlin looked into Arthur’s eyes and Arthur was captivated by the earnest expression on Merlin’s face in the emotion in his stare. “I don’t protect, I don’t care about you, because I have to.” Merlin took a deep breath. “I do it because I’m in love you with you.”
Arthur stood stock still. He was blindsided with so many conflicting emotions. “Merlin…”
Merlin held up his hand. “Please don’t feel obligated to say anything. You asked me to be honest with you and I’m trying to be. I don’t want to hurt, Gwen. I just wanted you to finally know how I feel.”
Merlin quickly turned to leave.
“Merlin, wait.”
Merlin turned to leave. “I have to go, Arthur. I’m tired. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
Arthur was left alone once again.
~*~
Merlin hurried out of the castle. He looked behind him, worried that Arthur might be following him. He saw no one. As he turned around he bumped into someone hard. When he looked down, he saw Gwen on the ground. “Gwen? Oh, God, I’m so sorry!” He bent down to help her up.
“Merlin, it’s okay.”
He looked down at her face. It looked like she had been crying. “Gwen, what happened?”
Gwen brushed down her dress. “You knocked into me. I should be asking you that.”
Merlin grinned. “Right. What I meant was you look like you’ve been crying. What happened?”
Gwen wiped her eyes. “It’s nothing. Where are you going in such a hurry?”
Merlin hesitated. “Uh…I’m meeting Gwaine…at the tavern.”
Gwen shook her head. “I don’t know how you managed to keep your secret for so long; you’re a terrible liar, Merlin.”
Merlin wrung his hands. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Arthur may not notice but I know you spend very little time at the tavern. Besides, I just saw Gwaine being thumped by the cook in the kitchen.” She crossed her arms waiting for an explanation.
“Perhaps he’s running behind, too.”
“Merlin!”
Merlin sighed. “Gwen, I don’t want to put you in the position of having to lie to your husband.”
Gwen’s eyes widened. “You’re going after, Morgana.”
Merlin quickly looked behind him and turned back to Gwen. “I have to. She’s going to attack Camelot again and I can’t let her do that.”
“Merlin, you can’t go alone.”
“I can’t tell, Arthur. You saw how he reacted today and I don’t want anyone else in danger. I have faced Morgana before and I can do it again.”
“Merlin, do you even have a plan?”
“The Druids are going to help me.” He took Gwen’s hand. “I’m not asking you not to tell, Arthur. But just give me a few minutes, please?” Merlin begged.
Gwen hesitated then very minutely nodded.
Merlin kissed her cheek. “Thank you, Gwen.” He rushed off, looking back at Gwen once.
~*~
Arthur paced his room. Gwen’s last words to him and Merlin’s declaration jumbled together in his head. He knew that Gwen was right and he had to stop denying what was apparently clear to everyone but him. He was in love with Merlin. He wished that Merlin had given him a chance to respond, instead of leaving so quickly.
Perhaps Merlin just assumed Arthur would reject him. That seemed possible, but there was something nagging at Arthur about Merlin’s behavior. Something about it was familiar. All of a sudden, Arthur stopped pacing. He remembered a conversation Merlin and he had a few days before.
“I remember after I woke up, you came to me. You were acting peculiar. You were as insolent as ever, telling me not to be a prat...”
“Advice you clearly never heeded.” Merlin grinned.
Arthur narrowed his eyes. “I knew something was wrong, I just couldn’t figure it out. You were trying to say good-bye to me, weren’t you?”
“Yes. Obviously I couldn’t tell you what was going to happen, but I couldn’t die without saying something to you one last time.”
Arthur threw his head back. “I am such an idiot!
Arthur rushed to the door. He threw the door open and rushed out, colliding immediately with someone else. He looked down and was shocked to see Gwen on the floor. “Guinevere! I’m so sorry.” He reached down and helped her off the floor.
“It’s alright. It’s only the second time tonight.”
Arthur furrowed his brow. “Second time?”
“Merlin knocked me down a few minutes ago. He’s-”
“Going after Morgana. I just worked that out. I think he came here before to say goodbye to me.”
“You have to find him.”
“Did he say anything about where he could possibly be heading?” Arthur asked.
“He didn’t say exactly. He did say that the Druids would be helping him.”
Arthur thought fast. “He’s probably heading to the Forest of Ascetir.”
Gwen nodded in agreement.
“Gwen, I need you to tell the knights what’s happening. If Merlin and I aren’t back in two hours, the need to come to after us.”
“Alright. Please be careful, Arthur.”
Arthur nodded once. “I will. Thank you for telling me, Gwen.” He gave her a fond look and squeezed her hand before racing away.
~*~
Merlin stood in the middle of the Forest and waited for Morgana. He had a feeling she would be there shortly. Iseldir had told him that Morgana had been desperate and contacted one of them a few days ago for help. Iseldir had sent word to her to meet him in the Forest right about now.
Merlin took out the dagger Iseldir had given him, hoping that Morgana wouldn’t give him a reason to use it. But he knew that hope was fruitless. Morgana was beyond saving. Merlin’s head snapped up when he heard a few twigs snap a few feet in front of him.
A few minutes later Morgana walked out of the shadows. She didn’t seem at all surprised to see him.
“Hello, Emrys.”
“Hello, Morgana.”
She looked around. “I should have known the Druids couldn’t be trusted. They’ve fallen for Arthur’s lies just like everyone else.”
“It’s not a lie. Arthur has lifted the ban against magic in Camelot. He has been trying to change.”
“He can try and change, but he never will. He is just like Uther. Sooner or later his true colors will show. But I will not wait for that day to come. I want what belongs to me.” Morgana snarled.
“Morgana it doesn’t have to be this way. You can end this vendetta. It has brought nothing but death and sadness. You’re all alone. Why do you continue to fight?”
“My brother has taken what belongs to me and I intend to get it back.”
Merlin gritted his teeth. “Camelot was never yours.”
Morgana stalked forward. “That is not your decision.”
Merlin held onto the dagger firmly. “Morgana, you used to be such a wonderful person. What did Morgeuse do to you?”
Morgana screamed as she threw up her hand and sent Merlin hurtling backward. “Don’t you dare blame my sister! She is the only person in this world who ever truly loved me. She didn’t pretend to be my friend and then poison me.”
Morgana stood above Merlin.
“I am sorry for what I did to you, Morgana. I truly am. If you want to punish me, then do it. But stop trying to hurt, Arthur.”
“I will never stop. I’m going to enjoy killing you, Merlin and then I am going to watch Arthur suffer over your death. Then I will put him out of his misery and take back my crown.”
“You can try and kill me, Morgana. But I don’t care what I have to do. If I had to crawl back from the other side, I would never let you hurt Arthur.” Merlin’s eyes flashed gold and Morgana was thrown back. She hit her head hard on a tree.
Merlin got up and advanced towards her, only to stop and clutch at his throat. Morgana stood up slowly chanting something. Merlin felt as if his throat was being choked. He couldn’t get any air. He thought fast and his eyes flashed gold and Morgan stopped chanting. She tried to form words, but nothing was coming out.
Merlin quickly caught his breath and held his hand up towards the sky. There was a loud rumbling and lightning began to strike. Merlin channeled the lightning with his hand and directed it toward Morgana. She hurled herself away from it. He was about to do it again when he heard horses’ hoof beats.
“Oh, no.” Merlin muttered. “Please don’t let that be, Arthur.” He whipped his head around and saw Arthur galloping toward them in the distance. “Damn it!”
Merlin turned back and saw that Morgana was still on the ground. He knelt down, touching his hand to the ground. He said a quick spell. He hoped that would last long enough to protect Arthur.
~*~
When Arthur saw Merlin he jumped off of his horse. He ran toward Merlin. All of a sudden he rammed into something and fell to the ground. He got up in a bit of a daze. He looked in front of him, confused. There was nothing there and yet he knew he ran into something solid. He looked towards Merlin, who was looking back at him.
Merlin mouthed “I’m sorry.”
Arthur closed his eyes and groaned. Merlin must have put up some kind of shield. He ran forward trying to push his way through Merlin’s magic block but he couldn’t get through.
“Merlin!” Arthur screamed.
Arthur could only see Merlin from behind. He could hear him chanting something and Morgana was being lifted in the air. Merlin put his hand forward and threw Morgana against a tree.
Arthur saw Merlin gripping a dagger in his hand as he stalked toward Morgana. Merlin lifted the dagger up, but before he could Morgana’s eyes sprang open and Merlin was hurtled backwards. It was as if an invisible line was pulling him back and he landed with a thud directly in front of Arthur. Merlin was crumpled on the ground and not moving.
“Merlin, get up!” Arthur looked up and saw Morgana walking towards them. Arthur tried to fight his way through Merlin’s magic again but it was a futile effort.
Morgana smiled when she saw Arthur. She knelt next to Merlin. “Dear brother, you’re here just in time to watch your protector die.”
“Morgana!” Arthur screamed. “Please, don’t do this!”
Morgana pulled out a dagger from behind her. Arthur was horrified to recognize the dagger he had given to Morgana years ago as a gift. Morgana trailed the knife against Merlin’s chest.
“Morgana!” Arthur yelled until his throat was raw.
“Don’t worry, Arthur. I won’t kill him quickly.” Morgana raised the dagger and stabbed Merlin in his side.
~*~
Merlin didn’t know which pain was worse: the pain in his side or the sound of Arthur’s sobs. He opened his eyes slowly and saw Morgana looming over him. She was grinning cruelly at Arthur. She was relishing Arthur’s helplessness. Merlin took advantage and used his magic to throw Morgan off him.
He didn’t give Morgana any time to recover before scrambling forward; brandishing the dagger the Druids had given him.
Morgana laughed. “Is that supposed to scare me? It’s going to take more than that dagger, Emrys. I no longer fear any mortal blade.”
“This is no mortal blade.” Merlin lifted up his hand and plunged the dagger in the middle of Morgana’s chest. Thunder rumbled in the dark clouds in the sky and made the ground shake. Morgana’s screamed and her body convulsed. As her body became still the ground stilled and the sky became quiet.
Merlin pulled the dagger out of Morgana’s chest. He fell backwards onto the ground. He pressed his hand to the ground and lifted the shield keeping Arthur out. Merlin could hear Arthur calling to him. Soon he heard Arthur’s footsteps stomping against the ground. Arthur’s face was soon staring down at him. He had tears streaming down his face.
“I could kill you, Merlin. I really could.” Arthur panted.
“Shouldn’t you be taking care of me and not yelling at me?” Merlin laughed and then winced at the pain in his side.
“I think I can manage to do both.” Arthur said. “You’re going to be alright, Merlin. I’m going to get you to Gaius and then I’m going to yell at you and tell you what an idiot you are and then…”
“Then what?”
“Then I’m going to do this.” Arthur leaned forward and kissed him softly.
“Am I dreaming?” Merlin asked after Arthur pulled away.
Arthur laughed. “No.” He put his arm under Merlin’s shoulder and the other one under his knees and picked Merlin up. Arthur turned and looked at Morgana. “I can’t believe she’s dead.”
Merlin looked at him. “She’s not.”
Arthur looked at Merlin with surprise etched in his features. “What?”
“Iseldir gave me this dagger.” He showed Arthur the dagger in his hand. “This is the only one of its kind. It was used by sorcerers in the old religion to steal other sorcerer’s powers. The druids kept it hidden with the Cup of Life and other items they found over the years.”
Arthur stared at Morgana. “She doesn’t have any powers?”
Merlin shook his head. “You can keep her locked away safely now. She’ll remain unconscious for a while and the Druids will watch over her. You can send someone to get her later.”
Arthur nodded slowly. He took one last long at his sister and turned away, cradling Merlin in his arms.
~*~
Merlin woke up in his old bedroom at Gaius’. He passed out shortly after arriving back in Camelot. He looked down and saw that he had on no shirt and there was a huge bandage wrapped around his chest. He noticed something weighing down on his right arm. He looked down and was surprised to see Arthur with his head resting against his arm. Arthur hand was clasped around his. Merlin smiled. He reached over and stroked Arthur’s hair gently.
Arthur’s head shot up and he stared at Merlin. He smiled broadly at him. “You’re awake!”
“What gave it away?” Merlin teased.
Arthur frowned at him. “You’re not funny, Merlin.”
“I’ve been told by many people that I am.”
“I’m sure they were all drunken fools.”
Merlin tried to sit up.
“Don’t. It’s probably too painful to sit up.” Arthur warned.
“Arthur, I’m fine.” Merlin gritted his teeth at the pain when he sat up.
Arthur shook his head. “Do you have some kind of mental affliction that makes it impossible for you to listen to a word I say?”
Merlin was taken aback at Arthur’s sudden harsh tone. “Arthur, I said I was alright.”
Arthur stood up. “No, you’re not alright. You were stabbed by Morgana. You got stabbed because you went off, after I specifically told you not to, and faced her alone. She could have killed you!”
“I protected myself, just like I said I would.”
“Do you not care at all about what you put me through?” Arthur yelled. He took a deep breath and turned his back on Merlin.
“Arthur?”
Arthur turned back to look at him.
The look on Arthur’s face was worse than any physical pain he could ever endure. The last time he’d seen Arthur looking that lost was after his father had died.
“I have never been so terrified in my entire life.” Arthur crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I was standing on the other side of that shield you created and I could nothing to help you. You were right there and I couldn’t touch you. I felt like I was drowning.”
“Arthur.” Merlin’s voice cracked. “I am so sorry. I know exactly how that feels. When you were laying there and dying at the lake, it was the worst pain I’ve ever felt. If you had died, I don’t know what I would have done.”
Arthur walked over and sat beside Merlin’s bed.
Merlin grabbed his hand. “I couldn’t go through that again. You said you would rather die than see anything happen to me. I feel the same way.”
Arthur gave a small laugh. “We’re quite a pair, aren’t we?”
Merlin smiled and nodded.
Arthur got up and sat on the bed right next to Merlin. He picked up Merlin’s hand.
Merlin’s breath hitched in his throat. “Arthur when we were in the forest you kissed me.”
“Yes.” Arthur brought Merlin’s hand to his lips and kissed it softly.
"Why would you do that?"
Arthur leaned forward and stopped inches from Merlin's lips. "Because I love you, too."
Arthur closed the distance between them and kissed Merlin. Merlin froze momentarily, but soon smiled into the kiss.
Arthur brought his hand to Merlin's face and stroked his cheek softly. Arthur tried to be mindful of Merlin's wound but when he deepened the kiss, his hand brushed against Merlin's side.
Merlin didn't care. He couldn't feel the pain. The only thing he could feel were Arthur’s lips gently moving against his, Arthur's hand against his face, and the feeling of all of his dreams coming true.
Arthur must have noticed his mistake because he made a move to pull back but Merlin moaned and wrapped his arm around Arthur's neck, pulling him back.
Arthur moaned as well. He swept his tongue along Merlin's lips, until Merlin opened his mouth and he swept his tongue inside Merlin's mouth.
Merlin was beginning to feel dizzy, but he couldn't stop kissing Arthur. He couldn't let him go. Merlin knew with absolute certainty that all of the years of waiting were absolutely worth it.
~*~
She looked so tiny. It surprised Arthur that it was that thought that ran through his mind as he watched Morgana curled up on the floor of her cell.
Morgana lifted up her head slowly and looked at Arthur. Her eyes slowly focused and her eyes slowly became filled with hate.
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"
Arthur shook his head slowly. "Unlike you Morgana, I don't revel in other's misfortune."
"You're so smug." She coughed, clearing her throat after weeks of remaining silent. It had been a month since Merlin had stripped her of her powers. "If I had powers you would be cowering before me."
Arthur walked closer to the bars. "I will never cower before you or anyone else."
Morgana lunged for the bars. Arthur didn't flinch.
Morgana's face crumpled slightly. "You had him do this to me. I'm nothing now. I might as well be dead. Why didn't you let him kill me?"
"This wasn’t my idea, Morgana. But it does seem like a fitting punishment.”
Morgana gripped the bars. “Don’t you think this is over, Arthur Pendragon. I will get my magic back.”
“You’re never going to get out of this cell, Morgana. No matter what.” Arthur backed away from her and turned to leave.
Morgana kept screaming at him. “You will never keep me here, do you understand? You haven’t won!”
Arthur just sighed as the door to the dungeon was closed behind him. He would never have his sister back and he had finally made his peace with that.
~*~
As Merlin opened the door to the Rising Sun, he almost ran into Gwaine. Gwaine smirked when he saw him. He patted Merlin’s shoulder. “I’m surprised to see you, Merlin. I thought you and Arthur were permanently locked at the hip, you might say.” Gwaine winked.
Merlin grinned tightly. “Don’t exaggerate.”
“Who’s exaggerating? I thought you two would never come up for air. You’re really putting him through his paces, aren’t you?”
Merlin’s cheeks reddened. “Bye, Gwaine.”
Gwaine laughed loudly. He turned to leave, but then turned back calling to Merlin. "Merlin?"
Merlin grimaced briefly before turning around. "Yes?"
Gwaine gave him a big and genuine smile. "I am happy for you."
Merlin smiled back. "Thank you."
Gwaine bowed his head slightly. “Bye, Merlin.”
Merlin turned and headed inside. He tried to get over the embarrassment of Gwaine’s jibes. He walked through the tavern and spotted Gwen at a back table. She smiled warmly at him as he sat down.
“Why’d you want to meet here?”
“I thought I’d give it a try before I left.” Gwen explained.
Merlin frowned. “You’re leaving?”
It was still hard for Merlin not to feel incredibly guilty around Gwen. Arthur had told him about the conversation that he and Gwen had that opened his eyes to his feelings for Merlin. Gwen had assured him that she didn’t blame him, but he couldn’t help feeling that he’d betrayed her and stolen something from his best friend. He could see the sadness that was in her eyes constantly. But he had thought she was beginning to start to move past it.
“It’s just temporary, Merlin. Camelot is my home. But I need a little respite from here.”
Merlin looked down at the table. “Because of Arthur and me?”
Gwen nodded stiffly. “Yes.” Merlin began to speak. “Merlin, if you apologize one more time I’m going to finally take you up on your offer and hit you.”
Merlin closed his mouth.
“Merlin, I mean it when I say that I’ve never seen Arthur happier. He’s where he should be. I just can’t be around your happiness right now. I need to learn to live without Arthur.”
Merlin took Gwen’s hands gently. “Where will you go?”
Gwen gave him a big smile. “I’m going to stay with your mother.”
Merlin’s eyebrows lifted. “Really?”
“Yeah. The only other place I’ve ever felt as comfortable as in Camelot was when I was in Ealdor. Your mother helped me so much when Arthur ended things last time; she thinks that she can help again.”
When Merlin had told Hunith about Arthur and him she had been incredibly happy for them. She said she always knew they belonged together. But she did admit that she felt terrible for Gwen, a sentiment that Merlin shared.
Gwen and Merlin enjoyed a few drinks and then Merlin walked her out. “I know it’s only been four years, but it’s going to be so strange not having a Queen in Camelot.”
Gwen gave him a rueful smile. “After decades without magic, Arthur has lifted the ban against it and sorcerers and everyone else are actually getting along for once. You and Arthur have done amazing things together. You’re making history. Camelot will survive without a Queen.”
“I don’t think I will survive without you.” Merlin whispered.
“Yes, you will. You have everything you need with Arthur. This is the way it was always meant to be.” Gwen looked down at the ground. “I just wish it had happened a lot sooner.”
Merlin hugged Gwen fiercely. “I love you, Gwen.”
“I love you, too, Merlin.”
~*~
Merlin walked into Arthur’s chambers, which Arthur was already trying to turn into their chambers, and smiled briefly when he saw Arthur at his desk.
Arthur looked up at Merlin and gave him a brilliant smile. He saw the look on Merlin’s face and his smile fell. “Come here.”
Merlin half walked and half ran over to him. Arthur pulled Merlin down on to his lap and wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in Arthur’s waist. Arthur gave a small kiss to Merlin’s side. “You saw Gwen?”
Merlin nodded. “Yeah. She’s leaving Camelot for a little while.”
Arthur didn’t say anything for a long moment. “Oh?”
“She’s going to visit Ealdor. She said to say good-bye.”
“If that’s going to make things easier for her, then I’m happy for her.” Arthur looked up at Merlin. “Do you feel guilty for being happy with me?”
Merlin stared at Arthur. He slid down and grabbed Arthur’s hands. “I wish that Gwen didn’t have to be hurt.”
“As do I.”
Merlin cupped Arthur’s face. “But I don’t regret being with you and I never will.”
Arthur beamed down at him. Merlin leaned up and kissed Arthur deeply. Merlin felt that now Arthur and he were truly beginning to live the life they were truly destined for. He would hold on to that for as long as he could.