Emotionally Compromised: CH1 Galileo Seven Aftermath
I would love to call thjis fic slashy, but it really isn't. This is cute and fluffy but can be taken as friendship or slash, though I wrote it with slash in mind. ^_^ This is part of a oneshot series I'm starting called, you guessed it, Emotionally Compromised. They will all basically be based on different TOS episodes and what I believed happened after the episode ended. This one takes place after Galileo Seven. Spock comes to Kirk for some advice.
Rating: K+ (for this chapter at least)
Characters: Kirk and Spock
Status: WIP. Still needs to be beta'd and looked over again by me to add a little more to it.
Emotionally Compromised: Galileo Seven
Spock hesitated to knock on the door that was in front of him. What he was doing was illogical. He shouldn’t have even considered doing this, but he knew that he had to. Since returning onto the Enterprise after the Galileo incident, there were, he hated to admit, some irritating and illogical human emotions he had to deal with and manage. Emotions like guilt for losing two crewmen, and uncertainty at weather or not he still deserved his post as First Commanding Officer, when clearly he wouldn’t be able to take over as Captain should, god forbid, something happen to Jim.
The Vulcan looked at the door once more and decided it was not productive to just stand there, so he knocked. A few moments later, the reply from inside the room came, “Come in.”
The door opened with a whoosh and Spock took a step into the room. Jim was sitting at his desk with a pile of reports surrounding him. He looked up when he heard the door open and smiled at Spock. “Mr. Spock.”
“Captain.” Spock greeted with a sharp nod of his head.
Kirk motioned for him to sit down, “I’m glad you’re here.” Jim’s face turned serious, “I just read the reports on the Galileo’s assignment...”
Spock nodded again, “That is what I have come to talk about, Captain.”
Jim nodded, “Alright. Do you mind if I go first?”
“Not at all, Captain.” Spock told him.
"Spock... McCoy mentioned the insubordination the crewmen of the Galileo had displayed to you, including himself, but you failed to mention any of that in your report. Why is that?”
Spock’s eyebrow raised in momentary surprise. That was not what he was expecting the captain to ask about. “Captain, I did not believe it relevant. The crew were simply voicing their concerns.”
Kirk picked up McCoy’s report, “You didn’t believe it relevant that these men argued every step of the way with you, and insulted and disrespected you?”
“No, sir.”
Jim sighed, “Spock, this is serious. The crew needs to be dealt with... even Bones, as much as I hate to say it, but that is not how a Commanding Officer is to be treated. If anything of the sort happens again, I want you to write up on it.”
Spock nodded, “Yes, sir.”
Jim gave a small smile, “So what is it you wanted to talk about?”
Spock looked down and his hands which were folded in his lap, “Captain.... I wanted to ask you a question about.... human emotions.”
Kirk’s eyes widened a little out of surprise, but he nodded for Spock to continue.
“As you are aware, two crewmen were lost while the Galileo was lost....”
Kirk nodded knowingly, “And you want to know how one of us illogical humans deals with the guilt?”
For the second time that night, Spock’s eyebrow darted up in surprise. Did Jim really not know he was coming to ask for help with his own emotions? Usually the light haired man was more observant of such things.... especially when Spock was involved.
At that moment, he saw Jim smile slightly and it clicked that the Captain was letting him “save face” as humans put it, by allowing him not to admit that it was the Vulcan’s emotions they were talking about.
“...Yes, Captain. I also wish to know how one... keeps themselves confident in their own abilities after... mistakes are made on a mission.”
Kirk nodded slowly as he took the question in and formulated an answer. “Well... I guess I’ll start with the guilt.... It isn’t easy to deal with, and I’m not going to pretend like it is. Hell, I sometimes still feel guilt over the losses of crewmen who have died long ago. Knowing that they entrusted their lives to me and I failed them is awful.... but, as a wise friend has told me in the past when I’ve had to face this, ‘It is illogical to self-incriminate one’s self over forces that cannot be controlled.’”
Spock glanced back up from his folded hands to look at his Captain. A small, warm smile was gracing his face as he looked at Spock. Spock looked down again and said quietly, “While your statement is... logical, Jim, there were not forces I could not control. I sent Mr.Gitano on watch where he was attacked and killed by the inhabitants of the planet.”
Jim nodded again, “I understand that all too well, Spock. How many times have I sent a crewman on a mission where he doesn’t return?” Spock looked up at his captain to see his eyes were now filled with pain as he relived the memories in his head. “I understand that it feels like it’s your fault, and you should have seen it coming, but you didn’t. No one can, or should, fault you for that.” He paused a moment before he pushed the pain back down and smiled slightly, “I mean you in the hypothetical sense, of course.”
Spock almost wanted to smile at Jim‘s insistence that he let the Vulcan keep his pride in this conversation. However the words of Doctor McCoy ran through his head: “They were perfectly predictable to anyone with feeling. You might as well admit it, Mr. Spock. Your precious logic brought them down on us!”
He looked back at his hands, “The Doctor said-”
“Since when do you ever listen to anything Bones says?” Kirk asked, exasperatedly. “ Usually I can’t get either of you to listen to a thing the other says, but now when I don’t want to you listen to him you are. He even admits he was wrong, Spock. He came to me and admitted himself that he was too harsh on you and said things he shouldn’t have. He wants to apologize to you. I suggest when you’re done here you go see him.”
Spock nodded silently, processing what Jim was telling him.
“Now, on the subject of having to keep your self-confidence, I think that’s a little easier.” Jim told him, leaning back in his chair, “I simply draw strength from those around me. I have you and Bones to tell me that sure, I might have screwed up, but you two, and the rest of this crew for that matter, let me know in your own way that one mistake won’t make you lose your faith in me. And if you guys can trust my abilities, why shouldn’t I?”
Spock nodded thoughtfully, as once again he processed what his captain was saying. He made an excellent point, however, the voices of the crew of the Galileo rang in his ears. They did not show any faith in him, so if what Jim was saying is true, he shouldn’t have faith in himself if others do not....
Jim smiled again and said softly, “Spock.” When Spock looked up at him, he continued, “I still trust your abilities. I haven’t doubted them for a minute. There is no one I would rather have at my side, be it on the bridge or in battle. You have saved my life more times than I can count.”
Spock looked up, and began to say, “The exact number is-”
“Never mind, Spock.” Kirk interjected, chuckling a little, “The point is, I haven’t had any reason to doubt you before, and a few mistakes doesn’t change that.”
Spock nodded. Though it was highly illogical, the Captain’s words seemed to quell the emotions that had been rising up in him. He stood up from his chair and opened his mouth to thank the Captain for his guidance, but before he could get the words out, Jim beat him to it.
“Thank you, Spock.”
Spock raised an eyebrow out of confusion this time, “Captain, it is illogical for you to thank me when you are the one who has offered your council.”
Jim smiled, “Not that illogical. I was thanking you for trusting me enough to come to me with... this sort of problem. I know it wasn’t easy for you, and I’m honored.”
Spock had that feeling of wanting to smile at Jim again, but he kept the expression in his eyes as he said, “You could say that I am, how you say it, “returning the favor”, Jim.”