I have been having a difficult time. }{ no more moderating }{ pain meds
I am recovering from... the side-effects of increased pain (by reducing my pain medication down to 25% of my original dose waaaay too quickly--since mid-July) and other manifestations of my usual stubbornness.
My thinking has become slower, more autopilot-y and less effective on average, although today I've been very present in my thinking and conversations after a week-plus of intensive resting, to the point I couldn't hear the phone ring by my head or my mom's or my gramma Mimi's voice on the answering machine.
I need to find a moderator for the Thyroid community. I created a bunch of communities way back when, and I need to divest myself of them. I started doing this a while ago, but I got too sick to go online partway through.
I'm going to stay at 25% of my pain med dose with occasional increases to 30% or so. I need to go to a Lyme specialist and start my treatment, which will probably mean I'll need to increase my pain meds again, so I want to start from as low as possible. And I still have a broken molar. The exhaustion, daily fever spikes, nausea and passing out (which feed on each other and of course on pain) have been stronger and the price of the med has increased faster than the level of pain in my tooth. I think that gives you an idea of what I've been dealing with.
I miss everyone. And I have done so, frankly, for years now.
I have started asking for the help I need to get through this... swamp of molasses? increased urgencies with decreased capabilities and eternally unreachable priorities? Dunno. But the beginning of hope is almost within reach. And in a way, that makes everything more difficult and highlights the isolation of most of my hours.
I haven't had the energy to cry or speak up in a while. I at least could do the latter today, if not the former.
OK, it all sucks, but I do try to find reasons to laugh as often as I can. And I do succeed. But everything is still very, very overwhelming, and the tofu elephant I'm trying to eat bite by bite clones itself every day.
My thinking has become slower, more autopilot-y and less effective on average, although today I've been very present in my thinking and conversations after a week-plus of intensive resting, to the point I couldn't hear the phone ring by my head or my mom's or my gramma Mimi's voice on the answering machine.
I need to find a moderator for the Thyroid community. I created a bunch of communities way back when, and I need to divest myself of them. I started doing this a while ago, but I got too sick to go online partway through.
I'm going to stay at 25% of my pain med dose with occasional increases to 30% or so. I need to go to a Lyme specialist and start my treatment, which will probably mean I'll need to increase my pain meds again, so I want to start from as low as possible. And I still have a broken molar. The exhaustion, daily fever spikes, nausea and passing out (which feed on each other and of course on pain) have been stronger and the price of the med has increased faster than the level of pain in my tooth. I think that gives you an idea of what I've been dealing with.
I miss everyone. And I have done so, frankly, for years now.
I have started asking for the help I need to get through this... swamp of molasses? increased urgencies with decreased capabilities and eternally unreachable priorities? Dunno. But the beginning of hope is almost within reach. And in a way, that makes everything more difficult and highlights the isolation of most of my hours.
I haven't had the energy to cry or speak up in a while. I at least could do the latter today, if not the former.
OK, it all sucks, but I do try to find reasons to laugh as often as I can. And I do succeed. But everything is still very, very overwhelming, and the tofu elephant I'm trying to eat bite by bite clones itself every day.