(no subject)
I decided that I was going to go on this social kick for April. 5 days a week, minimum, I'd do something social apart from my normal stuff. Go out alone. Hang with different groups of friends. Accept invites from people I didn't fully trust. Take trips to see old friends. Get the eff out of my comfort zone!
The goal of all of this was to try to get myself into a better mood. I've been known to hermit it up and stay home far too much, and consequently get depressed and lame. So I realized that I needed to make a valid effort to meet new people. Do new things. Again: get the eff out of my comfort zone.
And the results? Kind of failed.
I've spent way more money than normal. Haven't really met anyone new. (But I have discovered some people I thought were just basic friends were actually pretty damn good people.) I've made some pretty terrible choices. (oh, hi Sherriff. No. I haven't been drinking, thanks for pulling me over to check though.) Been hurt by some people I didn't expect it from. (you know who you are, ps: suck it) I've drank WAY too much. (oh shit, I'm gonna pee on this random object that doesn't belong to me.) And really, what results have I seen?
I dunno. I don't feel much different than I did a few weeks ago. If anything I'm a little more jaded than before. Maybe jaded isn't the right word. One of my fave sayings has always been "The grass is always greener on the other side, but it doesn't fucking matter because its still just goddamned grass". And maybe this has been an insight into how much that saying is completely true. Most of the people I see out night after night are just like me. They're searching for something. Maybe something that'll make them happy. Maybe something that'll make them complete. Maybe just something that'll make them forget their past for a few hours.
Maybe its time for bigger changes.
The goal of all of this was to try to get myself into a better mood. I've been known to hermit it up and stay home far too much, and consequently get depressed and lame. So I realized that I needed to make a valid effort to meet new people. Do new things. Again: get the eff out of my comfort zone.
And the results? Kind of failed.
I've spent way more money than normal. Haven't really met anyone new. (But I have discovered some people I thought were just basic friends were actually pretty damn good people.) I've made some pretty terrible choices. (oh, hi Sherriff. No. I haven't been drinking, thanks for pulling me over to check though.) Been hurt by some people I didn't expect it from. (you know who you are, ps: suck it) I've drank WAY too much. (oh shit, I'm gonna pee on this random object that doesn't belong to me.) And really, what results have I seen?
I dunno. I don't feel much different than I did a few weeks ago. If anything I'm a little more jaded than before. Maybe jaded isn't the right word. One of my fave sayings has always been "The grass is always greener on the other side, but it doesn't fucking matter because its still just goddamned grass". And maybe this has been an insight into how much that saying is completely true. Most of the people I see out night after night are just like me. They're searching for something. Maybe something that'll make them happy. Maybe something that'll make them complete. Maybe just something that'll make them forget their past for a few hours.
Maybe its time for bigger changes.