(no subject)
So those of you who know me allready know that I like to have a drink or two on the weekends while I play poker.
Those of you who know me a little better know that I only drink screwdrivers.
Those of you who know me the best know that I prefer to only drink Crater Lake Vodka with my screwdrivers.
I'm a pretty frugal guy. Buying in bulk means that things are cheaper. Buying 6 pair of socks is cheaper than 1. Buying 1000 rounds of .223 is cheaper than buying 20. This also applies to Liquor. It's cheaper in the long run to buy the biggest bottle of booze. This means I buy the 1.75 liter (59 US ounce) bottles of Crater Lake. It's a big glass bottle.
I call it "The Cuddler".
Because it is large enough to cradle in your arms and cuddle with. Like it is a skinny girl. A skinny girl who happens to be made of cool glass and is filled with alcohol and never tells you that she thinks you're not the right person for her.
Anyways.
Generally I fill a small plastic bottle with my vodka, and it's enough to make me happy. Tonight I didn't have a chance to fill a small bottle so I brought a Cuddler to poker. I have a drink or three, and I get up to make my fourth pint of screwdriver. I get to the kitchen and the cuddler is MISSING.
Now, I know I'm THAT drunk. Seriously. It's pretty damn hard to misplace a giant glass bottle of vodka that cost me $38.00. This means that someone has stolen the Cuddler. My brain goes into overdrive. The mean part says "GO OUT TO OUR CAR AND BRING IN THE USP. YOU WILL GET IT BACK ASAP.", and the nice part says "LAUGH! YOU WILL FIND THE CUDDLER AND ALL WILL BE RIGHT WITH THE WORLD." So I start laughing and immediately think about who just left poker. 4 people. 1 couple, and 2 singles. I know where 3 of them live AND I've gone shooting with them, so they can't be that stupid. That leaves one person! She just had a baby! Is it wrong to accuse a new mother of stealing The Cuddler?! What do I do!?! Freak out? Ask? Freak out?
Right then someone fessed up to hiding it from me.
And lo, all was right with the world.
ps: don't fuck with my Cuddler, or you will see a look on my face. And that look means "Should I pistol whip a muthafucka?"
Those of you who know me a little better know that I only drink screwdrivers.
Those of you who know me the best know that I prefer to only drink Crater Lake Vodka with my screwdrivers.
I'm a pretty frugal guy. Buying in bulk means that things are cheaper. Buying 6 pair of socks is cheaper than 1. Buying 1000 rounds of .223 is cheaper than buying 20. This also applies to Liquor. It's cheaper in the long run to buy the biggest bottle of booze. This means I buy the 1.75 liter (59 US ounce) bottles of Crater Lake. It's a big glass bottle.
I call it "The Cuddler".
Because it is large enough to cradle in your arms and cuddle with. Like it is a skinny girl. A skinny girl who happens to be made of cool glass and is filled with alcohol and never tells you that she thinks you're not the right person for her.
Anyways.
Generally I fill a small plastic bottle with my vodka, and it's enough to make me happy. Tonight I didn't have a chance to fill a small bottle so I brought a Cuddler to poker. I have a drink or three, and I get up to make my fourth pint of screwdriver. I get to the kitchen and the cuddler is MISSING.
Now, I know I'm THAT drunk. Seriously. It's pretty damn hard to misplace a giant glass bottle of vodka that cost me $38.00. This means that someone has stolen the Cuddler. My brain goes into overdrive. The mean part says "GO OUT TO OUR CAR AND BRING IN THE USP. YOU WILL GET IT BACK ASAP.", and the nice part says "LAUGH! YOU WILL FIND THE CUDDLER AND ALL WILL BE RIGHT WITH THE WORLD." So I start laughing and immediately think about who just left poker. 4 people. 1 couple, and 2 singles. I know where 3 of them live AND I've gone shooting with them, so they can't be that stupid. That leaves one person! She just had a baby! Is it wrong to accuse a new mother of stealing The Cuddler?! What do I do!?! Freak out? Ask? Freak out?
Right then someone fessed up to hiding it from me.
And lo, all was right with the world.
ps: don't fuck with my Cuddler, or you will see a look on my face. And that look means "Should I pistol whip a muthafucka?"