The Librarian 3
rating: 15, I'd say
pairing: frerard
pov: 3rd, Gerard-centric
summary: Gerard is a struggling writer working for the city library, lacking inspiration and relationships and complete with a serious attitude problem. One day he meets Frank, an up-and-coming young writer who just might change his life...
disclaimer: I own nothing but your heart
warnings: language, sexual reference, slightly dissing christianity...
author's notes: I've been on a break from writing fanfic, but then this came as a sideproduct of my essay for Religion...my last ever course before I can resign from church! I wrote an essay on Christianity and homosexuality, so this deals with the same subject, kind of. I got an A from the essay! :D
3rd part
BETTER THAN HEAVEN
”You get sadder the smarter you get”
What's with all this doom and gloom?
You used to be such, such a laugh
It's only sin, original sin
Corinthians (15:22)
Never been a big fan of things
But I'm growing so fond of you
You get sadder the smarter you get
And it's a bore
You get sadder the smarter you get
And it's a bore
Truth is truth
I ain't no bohemian
Much too, much too safe
Much too, much too typical
Much too, much too typical
Much too, much too
You can use your hands for something else
I’ll take you further than the scholars can
Put down your books and molest me
Heaven is here, where it needs to be
You get sadder the smarter you get
And it's a bore
You get sadder the smarter you get
And it's a bore
And there was a time before we were born
When we stood in the garden
If this world won't last I'll turn you on
Well, I've got enough for the both of us
The both of us
The both of us
And there was a time before we were born
When we stood in the garden
If this world does not turn you on
Well, I've got enough for the both of us
The both of us
Gerard was confused, alright. There he had been thinking he had a promising relationship with this beautiful, glossy-paper-gorgeous boy, who he could actually connect with and, yeah, well the sex. It was all going so smooth, they met on a regular basis and Gerard was inspired to write. Gerard had even started to smile every now and then, especially on the lazy mornings they spent after a night together, not having to go anywhere.
Yeah, it was suspiciously perfect. Until that night at the book launching party, where Frank had first lied about Gerard being his...well, partner, basically, long-time even. Now this wasn't a big deal, deep down Gerard was flattered from Frank calling him his muse and everything, but then there was the whole fiasco of meeting with the Friends. Turned out that Gerard was, in fact, in a gay relationship with a straight man. Normally Gerard wouldn't have minded scoring a 'straight' (whatever that means) guy, but the fact that, according to anyone else Frank knew, Frank Iero was straight and had girlfriends, not Gerards, just didn't exist in his world. It couldn't be.
Gerard would've been okay with even this, actually the thought (how incredible it might seem) of Frank not having a lot of experience with men made him hot. But when Frank was the first to answer ”I'm not gay, this----it's not what you think” when his Friends, Ray and Bob, laughed at the two of them at the party, going ”Since when did Frank have boyfriends”...that made Gerard cringe. And want to hit himself, or maybe Frank on the head, because, really? High school is over. Closeted guys stopped appealing to him after he was old enough to go clubbing.
He decided to play along for Frank's friends, be whatever 'experiment' or 'phase' Frank made him, but as soon as they got home from the party, they started arguing.
”Why didn't you tell me you were still in fucking Narnia?!” Gerard yelled incredulously. Sure they never were too close in public, but a lot of couples aren't.
”I'm not, I just---” Frank started, only to be interrupted again.
”Well it looks like you're living this double life, nice little straight boy with girlfriends by day, gay model boy by night!” Gerard flailed his hands at his sides, almost smashing something.
”No, it's...look. Calm down. I'm saying that I'm. I'm not in the closet, or whatever the fuck, because I'm not, like, I don't identify as gay. It doesn't mean I don't like you, though. And it's just...the book I'm going to write, I can't write about something I don't know shit about”, Frank tried explaining to Gerard, but only ended up confusing him more. Gerard's mind was storming, he couldn't believe he had been fucked over by some kid who only wanted to use him.
”You're just using me as material for your book! Is this a publicity stunt? I feel like your fucking accessory!” Gerard despaired, this was getting a bit too much. Of course he was acting a martyr, like always. It wasn't until Frank did something that caught Gerard off-guard, leapt on him and kissed him hard, so hard that it was in fact a game of whose jaw will break first, that Gerard finally shut up about it. They ended up having an actual conversation involving Gerard Listening To Frank And Trying To Understand, and a promise of maybe fucking later. It took a while for Gerard to believe Frank had never dated a man before, but then Frank told him he hardly was the first he'd fooled around with. There had been the usual; the odd quick rub with a curious jock in the locker room after gym class, drunk hand jobs in college parties, high as a kite and not mentioning it the next day.
Even though Gerard was completely positive that Frank wasn't even bisexual, but gay gay gay!, he let the subject be, because as long as Frank still was with him, he could put up with the not-gay-bullshit. The boy was worth it.
{...}
Ever since he started really working on his novel, Frank had been obsessed with homosexuality. Gerard didn't mind when it showed in the way that they would fuck five times a day, even though that kind of distracted him from his own work, but sometimes Frank would really drive him mad. Sometimes he would just do research for the novel for hours on end and ignore Gerard. Gerard wanted to burn the fucking books and be the research material himself. During his life as a literature student and now a librarian, Gerard had met (and dated) so many people who were far more interested in books than him, people who would read him modernist poems out loud when all Gerard would've wanted was a good fuck. He just never thought Frank would turn into one; out of all the writers Gerard knew, Frank was by far the least bookish. Gerard really liked that about him.
Gerard learned a whole new side of his lover; the guilt he lived in even though he wouldn't admit it. Turned out Frank was in fact raised in a strictly Catholic household where two guys holding hands would equal a one way ticket to hell. Now that Frank was experimenting with his own sexuality (to Gerard this experiment meant being the object to whatever Frank felt like doing, not that he was complaining) he also had to face the fact that his current way of life would make momma Iero cry and probably pray for his son so intensely that she would break her rosary. Frank felt like he was torn in between these two worlds and opinions, and as much as he wanted to just be himself and let others think what they will, he found himself more and more obsessed with the Bible point of view. He wanted to find a pigeon hole, something that he could show to his family and make them accept him regardless of who he slept with.
Gerard was fine with Frank's Bible dipping until one night, he was at Frank's, it was getting late and he wanted some of Frank's attention. So he pushed all the papers from the bed and put his own books and laptop on the floor, stripped to only his boxers and stretched his arms up in the air, thinking that would be enough a signal for Frank to join him in bed. Usually Frank didn't even need a fucking signal, but this time nothing happened.
Gerard coughed.
Frank kept his head down in his books, Bible and some ridiculous book called Homosexuality and Christian Ethics: a Paradox, his dorky glasses covering half his face and a pained expression on his face.
Gerard coughed again.
Nothing happened.
Gerard decided he was not having any of it and walked up to Frank's table, rubbing his own crotch as he did so, and arrogantly pushing Frank's face up from his book and sitting on the table, half-hard, ass on the Bible, his crotch separating Frank from his books. He thought that was the best idea he'd had since ever, but apparently Frank didn't quite agree. To much of Gerard's confusion, Frank's response was the exact opposite to what he was hoping for.
“Get your dick the fuck away from me, you sick creep!” Frank cried and batted Gerard and his crotch away from his face, adjusting his glasses and just went back to his book.
“What the shit, Frank!” Gerard yelled, flailing his hands in the air from the surprise.
Frank shot a hurt look at him and turned to the book again.
“Look, okay. I was...rude. But, I think we're already past 'rude' being offensive, hell if I would have a fit like that every time you shoved your dick in my direction, I'd look like I have Down's or whatever. So, please, do tell me what's eating you!” Gerard couldn't tell if he was more angry or concerned.
“You just don't get it, do you?” Frank cried.
“No. I don't. But if you just focused on me a bit and ignored those books for a while, I could try and listen?” Gerard offered, which was kind of revolutionary, since before Frank he never wanted to listen to anybodys problems.
“I'm just...I have been avoiding my family for three months now. I...I want to understand where they're coming from with this, so I've been studying and...”
“Frank, you can't teach yourself conservative bullshit like that, consider the fact that you don't understand it a good thing, I mean. You're beyond that, right?”
“Yeah, sure...but it just confuses the shit outta me that my family will think I'm going to hell for being gay! To me it comes naturally, it's just love, but to them it's...sin”, Frank made a disgusted face. Gerard didn't know if it was disgust for himself or his family. He had to note this was the first time Frank had admitted the obvious.
“Well, isn't everybody a sinner? Original sin and all that? And there's nothing one can do about it 'cept wait and see if Big Guy upstairs forgives them. It's ridiculous, really. Don't worry your pretty head with it, just come to bed...” Gerard frowned and rolled his eyes. He couldn't believe he was having this conversation again, and out of all people he was having it with the man he'd been fucking on a regular basis for some time already.
“Yeah, but we're like...sinners and then some...and I know it's fucked up that according to the Bible it's not a sin to gang rape a young girl to get back at her father, but sharing gay love is, but there's just something...” Frank muttered and scratched his head. Gerard felt sorry for him, but couldn't help thinking it was Frank's own cluster fuck that was causing it all. If he could just get the fuck over his Catholic ass...
“Well, sinning is hot. Come to bed and sin with me, Frankie?” Cracking up at his own tackiness, Gerard offered his hand for Frank to take, already planning the ways the sinning would happen. But Frank wasn't exactly on the same page with him.
“Urgh, Gerard! You really don't understand me at all, do you?!” he screamed and turned away from Gerard's hand.
“No, Frank, you're right, I really don't understand. I can't believe you actually put some value on that! Besides, if you're some Bible expert now, you should know it should all be looked at in the time context. Back when that shit was written, homosexuality was known only as old men using little boy toys for some sick rituals, that was the culture and normal gay relationships were nothing to write about. The only part where it's even mentioned in the book is right between “don't fuck your mother” and “don't screw a goat because it's gross”, and they never even tried explaining why not!”
“But it says here...'Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; it is an abomination'”, Frank exclaimed and let out a defeated sigh. Gerard though, he had to laugh.
“Frankie, dear. That's...that's not even physically possible, I mean the last time I checked, laying with a man didn't involve a vagina...” Gerard chuckled, making Frank's lips curl into the first smile in hours.
There was a moment of silence where Gerard hoped Frank had realized something, or at least cheered the fuck up. He decided to try and lighten the mood.
“Put do-o-own those bo-ooks and mo-o-olest me-eeh!” he started singing, making Frank's eyebrows raise in disbelief.
“What was that, I hope it's not the title of your novel because, really, it sounds sick”, Frank smirked.
“Nah, it's just this song I heard, reminded me of you. And me. Me and you. So 'you can u-use your ha-ands for so-omething e-else, I'll take you fu-hurther than the scholars ca-an...'” Gerard kept teasing Frank until he finally gave in, taking Gerard's hands and letting him lead them to bed.
Satisfied with himself, Gerard pushed Frank on the bed, kneeling in between his legs and attempting to open his jeans. Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder and heard Frank asking what he was doing.
“Giving you head. What the fuck?” Gerard laughed and continued fighting Frank's pants.
“No, I'm. I'm not in the mood”, Frank started but Gerard wasn't having any of it. He had a plan.
“Relax, baby...” he called Frank with pet names, something he knew made Frank all soft and mushy inside, and continued working the pants off, not having to fight Frank anymore. “Think of this as...following the moral codes, or something, make your momma proud”, Gerard mumbled in-between trying to distract Frank with kisses. No such luck.
“WHAT?!” Frank knew Gerard was a little impossible, but this, this was just...beyond that.
“Well, yeah. The Golden Rule or someshit, want me to recite it?” Gerard managed, his tiny teeth biting on Frank's abdomen, knowing he'd already won. “Y'know...”do unto others as you would have them do unto you” and all that...”
By now Frank was lost in Gerard Land, and couldn't care less if he was as gay as a rainbow colored unicorn as long as Gerard didn't stop what he was doing. And of course he didn't stop, he was enjoying the score of Gerard 1, Bible 0.
“Actually, the rule is really clever, I totally approve”, Gerard smirked. “I mean, I am expecting you to blow me after this...”