(no subject)
I had an uber-heinous day today.
goober-heinous even.
So much in fact, that by the end of it I was amused rather than annoyed.
It started with the cake.
The rations manager chic hasnt ordered any pre-made desserts in like two weeks. So we didnt have any, so I had to make enough dessert-esque foodstuffs to feed about 375 people.
Including the governor of Connecticut, who came to our facility for some reason. Along with a bunch of news crews, who dont move when you tell them you need to refill the bacon bits.
Anyway, so the cake.
I had about two hours to do this. We were shortstaffed so I didnt have any help. I made three banana sheetcakes, peanut butter cookies that suck cause its frozen mix, and jello. Also, a devils food sheetcake.
The big issue here was the frosting. We didnt have any premade frosting or even frosting mix and I have never made frosting from scratch.
Of all my cooking experience- pastries and baking is probably the lowest in quantity.
Because I fucking hate baking.
So, frosting I know is roughly confectioner's sugar and water.
SUGGAWATAH..bow ba bow bow.
sorry.
added a little bit of butter and some vanilla. I put that on all the banana cakes and it looked and tasted alright.
My shiftleader comes around, and "suggests" that I use food coloring for the devils cake, a little red, so it will be pink. With very little time left, as I have to cut all these cakes into individual servings and plate them, I accidently poured way too much food coloring in there, and also on my pants.
It was as though I was possessed.
So the frosting is like SpiderMan red, it looks way bad. way. like way. extremo-bado.
Like the armadillo blood cake in Steel Magnolias, such is this frosting reminiscent.
I dont have time to make more frosting, I have no time, I am the black hole in the space-time continuum.
So i figure, I will drizzle. Yes, drizzle. Then it will look like Valentine's Day cake, and that will be fine because soldiers love Valentine's Day. fo rizzle.
Yeah.
As Im drizzling, one of the fuckmaster ration guys walks by me and pushes my elbow because he is funny, ho ho ho.
The frosting is runny because its not cold or dry enough so its puddled all over the cake.
Therefore, I now have to cover the cake, because its half covered now.
And its looks really bad.
Im in a manic rush now, so I think fast and decide to put sprinkles all over it to downplay the bloody frosting. Except I picked chocolate sprinkles and they look black on the red.
Henceforth, CAKE OF SATAN.
My shiftleader comes over, looks at me squinty and says "what is that?"
CAKE OF SATAN.
CAKE OF SATAN curses the rest of the day. All that touch CAKE OF SATAN feel the wrath.
After this, everything goes badly. I cut open my finger opening a can of tomato puree, we arent allowed to have a med kit in the kitchen so i have to put paper towels around it and put this huge plastic glove on my hand, which riddles me one handed for the rest of dinner. I become a small child, I drop a 60 pound milk crate on my knee that breaks open on the ground. Bad things, many bad things, I tell you.
Even this post is going badly.
When I got home I took a shower and got clear-pore astringent in my cut and shampoo in my eyes.
Then I found out WalMart double charged my debit card last week, along with 800,000 other cards as you may well now.
It is CAKE OF SATAN.
and then I died.
Strangely enough, everyone ate it, there was none left, except the one piece I dropped in the linen bin "on accident" (CAKE OF SATAN).
goober-heinous even.
So much in fact, that by the end of it I was amused rather than annoyed.
It started with the cake.
The rations manager chic hasnt ordered any pre-made desserts in like two weeks. So we didnt have any, so I had to make enough dessert-esque foodstuffs to feed about 375 people.
Including the governor of Connecticut, who came to our facility for some reason. Along with a bunch of news crews, who dont move when you tell them you need to refill the bacon bits.
Anyway, so the cake.
I had about two hours to do this. We were shortstaffed so I didnt have any help. I made three banana sheetcakes, peanut butter cookies that suck cause its frozen mix, and jello. Also, a devils food sheetcake.
The big issue here was the frosting. We didnt have any premade frosting or even frosting mix and I have never made frosting from scratch.
Of all my cooking experience- pastries and baking is probably the lowest in quantity.
Because I fucking hate baking.
So, frosting I know is roughly confectioner's sugar and water.
SUGGAWATAH..bow ba bow bow.
sorry.
added a little bit of butter and some vanilla. I put that on all the banana cakes and it looked and tasted alright.
My shiftleader comes around, and "suggests" that I use food coloring for the devils cake, a little red, so it will be pink. With very little time left, as I have to cut all these cakes into individual servings and plate them, I accidently poured way too much food coloring in there, and also on my pants.
It was as though I was possessed.
So the frosting is like SpiderMan red, it looks way bad. way. like way. extremo-bado.
Like the armadillo blood cake in Steel Magnolias, such is this frosting reminiscent.
I dont have time to make more frosting, I have no time, I am the black hole in the space-time continuum.
So i figure, I will drizzle. Yes, drizzle. Then it will look like Valentine's Day cake, and that will be fine because soldiers love Valentine's Day. fo rizzle.
Yeah.
As Im drizzling, one of the fuckmaster ration guys walks by me and pushes my elbow because he is funny, ho ho ho.
The frosting is runny because its not cold or dry enough so its puddled all over the cake.
Therefore, I now have to cover the cake, because its half covered now.
And its looks really bad.
Im in a manic rush now, so I think fast and decide to put sprinkles all over it to downplay the bloody frosting. Except I picked chocolate sprinkles and they look black on the red.
Henceforth, CAKE OF SATAN.
My shiftleader comes over, looks at me squinty and says "what is that?"
CAKE OF SATAN.
CAKE OF SATAN curses the rest of the day. All that touch CAKE OF SATAN feel the wrath.
After this, everything goes badly. I cut open my finger opening a can of tomato puree, we arent allowed to have a med kit in the kitchen so i have to put paper towels around it and put this huge plastic glove on my hand, which riddles me one handed for the rest of dinner. I become a small child, I drop a 60 pound milk crate on my knee that breaks open on the ground. Bad things, many bad things, I tell you.
Even this post is going badly.
When I got home I took a shower and got clear-pore astringent in my cut and shampoo in my eyes.
Then I found out WalMart double charged my debit card last week, along with 800,000 other cards as you may well now.
It is CAKE OF SATAN.
and then I died.
Strangely enough, everyone ate it, there was none left, except the one piece I dropped in the linen bin "on accident" (CAKE OF SATAN).