(no subject)
I am in as much pain as ever, but as much as I hate what I have done, I am able to be proud of myself for doing the right thing, for my love, and for "us." I am proud of the patience I have shown, for my constant love, for my understanding, my entire transformation, and I am proud of myself for finally having faith, perhaps for the first time, that I can never again disappoint my true love. Of course, I am so much more proud of what Crystal has done (she has dealt with everything so much better than I have), but I cannot feel guilty for what I am doing now. Should I make a mistake, I would surely apologise, but the fact is, I have been proud of myself. The truth is, I cannot feel guilty for being determined to live the rest of my life for love above all else. I cannot feel guilty for feeling renewed and determined to do everything right. I know that I will do the right thing, given the chance, and I am proud of myself. I know that perhaps I will not have the chance, and then the rest of my life will be full of regrets, but this is what I must bear. I may live the rest of my life bereft of love from the person I love most... the only person in the world for whose happiness I would do absolutely anything... and I cannot bear the thought. I have done the impossible for my true love -- I have told my parents about us, I have overcome some my worst mistakes, I have loved unconditionally -- and I know she has the strength to make the most of her quest, and do the right thing, even the impossible, for both of us.
Love is what makes both of our lives worthwhile. Love is what replenishes our souls. Love is what makes all the beauty in the world so much more beautiful. To die loved is to die happy; to die unloved is to die unfulfilled. I know that we can make each other better people. I know that it will take much time for her to trust me again. I think trust is something that comes with time, sometimes much time; trust is something that comes when the evidence is there; I don't believe you can choose to trust. You can have the faith that in time you will trust again, and you can live your life so as to encourage loving relationships to develop, but trust will come when it will. That takes time. I think Crystal needs to be strong, and believe in herself, and do everything she can to make sure she's not vulnerable. I think more than trust she needs the faith that trust and love can happen once again. Things will always change... I don't expect, anymore, that she be as she was when we met (and I do still think she's perfect, but I think both of us can always be better, happier people)... a connection as beautiful as ours, though, I hope will not be destroyed, when we've come so far... everything changes, and I will love despite those changes, but I have faith that this will be a beautiful beginning for us. In the beginning, it is always dark...
I will never take Our Blessed Realm for granted, ever again.
Love is what makes both of our lives worthwhile. Love is what replenishes our souls. Love is what makes all the beauty in the world so much more beautiful. To die loved is to die happy; to die unloved is to die unfulfilled. I know that we can make each other better people. I know that it will take much time for her to trust me again. I think trust is something that comes with time, sometimes much time; trust is something that comes when the evidence is there; I don't believe you can choose to trust. You can have the faith that in time you will trust again, and you can live your life so as to encourage loving relationships to develop, but trust will come when it will. That takes time. I think Crystal needs to be strong, and believe in herself, and do everything she can to make sure she's not vulnerable. I think more than trust she needs the faith that trust and love can happen once again. Things will always change... I don't expect, anymore, that she be as she was when we met (and I do still think she's perfect, but I think both of us can always be better, happier people)... a connection as beautiful as ours, though, I hope will not be destroyed, when we've come so far... everything changes, and I will love despite those changes, but I have faith that this will be a beautiful beginning for us. In the beginning, it is always dark...
I will never take Our Blessed Realm for granted, ever again.