Journey Into Life
My last entry took me two days to post. It a commitment, posting. Makes things very real and very raw. But I am committed to having my best life. I am compelled ,if not forced, because of my children. When mama's happy, everyone's happy, as the story goes!!!
I was( and somewhat remain) in a state of complete loss. My mother was battling cancer, my husband had lost a job, the economy was destroying my business...I was depleted. I was also sitting firm on the pity pot!!! In such a state of "poor me" and " why me" I shuffled along, my chin dragging on the ground. The result of this attitude of course brought on even more loss. I was losing my connection to my children, my husband, friends... I felt useless and very much a failure. A woman my age to be starting all over again financially was exhausting to me, as was having two VERY young children. My mom being sick was a darkness within me that I carried like most carry a drivers license or debit card....always on me...with me. The white picket fence I thought I had firmly built was crumbly and I was devastated.....angry....disgusted...done.
Most days I was quietly numb and interaction with people was limited, except for at work where I was forced to communicate with employees and clients. I overheard one day talk of vampire weddings and babies and my interest was piqued. "What's this?" I asked." Twilight" I was told.
Ugh!!! I had seen the movie and was not impressed, falling asleep after 20 minutes. I thought it ridiculous, and the actors.... Unattractive!!!! But my co-worker went on to explain the plot and expressed the books were what I needed. Reluctantly, I caved and took the first book home. What's to lose? I wasn't doing anything any way, other than sulking!!
Hooked....from page one! It was the exact thing I needed. Easy to read without being poorly written and the story line, for me, was metaphoric. To an "old lady" such as I, I saw it as the "if- only" life all us middle -agers could only dream of, especially if the life we were living was less then desirable and ridden with struggle. To fall in love solely based on physical attraction and have that be enough!!! To fight to be together because the chemistry is so hot and all you want to do and need to do to be happy together is kiss!!! My God!!! Yes!!! And then....as the story goes on, the lovers change themselves to adhere to the other and now they will always be hot, always be beautiful, always have great sex, never have to worry about food, water, working, money, getting old....come on!!! It was EXACTLY the distraction I needed from my own life.
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