(no subject)
Wow it has been quite awhile. Lots has happened but nothing really exciting. I went to the 311 concert on thursday! It was sooooo awesome, i loved it. I saw Max and my ex Mike and that was cool. Ruff Riders was Labor Day weekend (like it always is) and that was SOOO much fun. Jesse drove down to South Padre with me :) And then drove back to CC with me to spend sunday night. He's coming to Corpus next weekend with his friend Ryan. I'm excited! They're just going to come chill with my friends and me. and then the weekend of the 24th I think I'm going up there to visit him with Corie. Lots of driving! But its worth it. So hopefully this means that I'm closing one door and opening another. I need to stop holding on to things that I wish would happen and start looking at reality. I've been in a depression for the last week, and it has kind of sucked. I don't know what I'm doing with my life, but I need to figure it out. And soon. I was filling out my Texas Common App. the other day and I was freaking out bc I was asking myself, "is this really what you want to do with your life?" Now that is a scary question when your parents are going to be spending thousands of dollars for the next four years on you when you have no idea if this is what you REALLY want.
And as for you, I've decided to stop talking to you because all it does is hurt me. I want something from you that you can't give me, and you would never be able to give me. I can deal with just a hook up, but when you put emotions behind it, it really fucks me up. And I think we both already know that I am capable of fucking myself up splendidly without any help. My life was fine with out you in it before, so I'm just going to go back to that. Otherwise I will be breaking other's hearts, the one's that actually care about me and want to spend time with me. The ones that don't say one weekend "i want to hang out with you" and then the next "I have this to do and this and this and this... and no time for you." So sorry if you don't understand why I'm being the way I am, but I'm not willing to settle with just being friends. And if you can't give me more, then I won't give you any. I know you like to please everyone, and you don't like to hurt anybody's feelings. So I wish you would have figured out a long time ago that it would have been better to just quit talking to me a long time ago and saved me the hurt of wishful thinking. And I think that about sums it up.
And as for you, I've decided to stop talking to you because all it does is hurt me. I want something from you that you can't give me, and you would never be able to give me. I can deal with just a hook up, but when you put emotions behind it, it really fucks me up. And I think we both already know that I am capable of fucking myself up splendidly without any help. My life was fine with out you in it before, so I'm just going to go back to that. Otherwise I will be breaking other's hearts, the one's that actually care about me and want to spend time with me. The ones that don't say one weekend "i want to hang out with you" and then the next "I have this to do and this and this and this... and no time for you." So sorry if you don't understand why I'm being the way I am, but I'm not willing to settle with just being friends. And if you can't give me more, then I won't give you any. I know you like to please everyone, and you don't like to hurt anybody's feelings. So I wish you would have figured out a long time ago that it would have been better to just quit talking to me a long time ago and saved me the hurt of wishful thinking. And I think that about sums it up.