Fic: Digimon, Taichi/Yamato, Porcelain Doll, PG-13
It's been about a week. It's been a motherfucking week since I first started watching it, and now I've fucking written fic. This is so dumb of me it really does require that amount of swearing ^_^
title: Porcelain Doll (Perfect)
fandom: Digimon
pairing: Taichi/Yamato -minor Yamato/Sora, suggested Taichi/Sora, mentions of Sora/Jyou and one-sided T.K./Hikari. Woah-
rating: PG-13.
words: ~5000 o_O
warnings: Bad language -because for me that's so a warning ^_^-
summary: He was, after all, vehemently straight. And could not be, in any possible way, attracted to his perfect porcelain doll of a best friend.
a/n1: I didn't really think this through, time-wise. I think I'll say that Taichi, Yamato and Sora are all 17/18. Something like that. Years in the future. Years.
a/n2: For Char. I'll get those sequels up asap, but I felt like I had to post this first (:
---
The problem with Yamato Ishida was, according to Taichi Yagami, that he was just a little bit too perfect. He was the self-satisfied loner of the group of friends that Taichi had developed at Summer Camp and in the Digital World, but aside from that, he was far too cool and pretty damn perfect.
He had perfectly unblemished pale skin, perfectly coifed blond hair, perfectly shaped blue eyes, a perfectly slim body and a perfectly nonchalant personality. Taichi thought that going out with Yamato must be like going out with a porcelain doll.
Not that he often thought about going out with Yamato. Not at all. It was just something that had crossed his mind once or twice when he saw the way other people acted with Yamato, particularly girls. They all seemed to flap around him, almost to the point of fanatically, obsessively, just because he was so perfect. Like a painted porcelain doll. And maybe just as fragile; Taichi had yet to see that.
The thing about Taichi was that he, although he was in no way against homosexuality and had positively encouraged people he had known to come out, was vehemently straight. He didn’t have to be vehement about it to anyone, of course, not openly… No-one but himself. He convinced himself thoroughly that everytime Yamato kissed Sora, he was jealous of Yamato. Of course he was.
He was in no way jealous of Sora. That wasn’t possible.
He was, after all, vehemently straight. And could not be, in any possible way, attracted to his perfect porcelain doll of a best friend.
And then Yamato broke-up with Sora, although no-one was told why and it took them honestly quite by surprise, and Taichi told himself that he felt happy because now he didn’t have to be jealous of Yamato anymore - because he was not jealous of Sora, no way - and now he could kiss her. And he told himself that he would.
The problem was that he didn’t.
He had plenty of chances to. Sora came to see him a lot, saying that until she found another place to stay, she’d rather hang out at Tai’s instead of at Yamato’s place, where she’d moved in months before, despite him still living with his dad. Taichi welcomed her every time, his brain yelling, ‘today’s the day, today you’ll kiss her’.
He never did.
---
"So what did Matt tell you?" he asked during one of Sora’s visits. It was something he’d always wondered, something all of them had wondered, and none of them had asked.
Sora looked into her cup of tea for a while and then shrugged.
"Just that he thought he was in love with someone else."
This was only partially true. Yamato had, in fact, told her who it was that he was in love with, but she couldn’t tell Taichi. It wouldn’t be fair on either of them.
"Any idea who?" Taichi pressed, wondering why he cared so much. Sora put her cup down and turned to him, her lips pursed slightly. I could kiss her, right now. I should.
He didn’t.
This time, Sora did lie. "No, he didn’t give me any clue. And he said he was really sorry, too, which counts for something."
Taichi paused. "Did it hurt?"
Sora shook her head. "Not massively. It felt like it was a long time coming. I think I like someone else too."
Me! Taichi’s brain squealed. He ignored it.
"Who?" he asked, and then his phone rang.
Had it been anyone else, he would’ve ignored it, but the flashing screen declared ‘Matt :)’ - and Taichi wasn’t really sure why he’d put the smiley face there - and he felt like he should answer it. Yamato hadn’t been around much recently. Taichi kind of missed him - as a friend. So he flashed Sora an apologetic smile, and picked up.
"Hey Matt, where’ve you been?"
"Hi," came the low, soft response. "You know, around."
"Not around that much," Taichi replied, walking out the room. "How are you doing?"
"Alright. A bit weird, you know? A bit bored. A bit… lonely."
Taichi had to fight not to drop the phone. The loner felt lonely? The loner admitted feeling lonely? This had to be big.
"Can I come round?"
Taichi glanced back into the room, and bit his lip. "Uh… Someone’s here."
There was a pause. "Is it Sora?"
Damn. "Yeah."
He waited while for Yamato’s reply, hearing nothing but a low sigh, and then Sora came into the hall. She smiled and placed her hand on his shoulder, and then mouthed that she was going to go home, just as Yamato replied.
"Oh, alright. Forget it then, I’ll call back some other time."
"No, don’t," Taichi said quickly, before giving a small embarrassed laugh. He could just imagine Yamato’s eyebrow raising ever so slightly at that, his eyes bright and his mouth quirked as he waited for Taichi to continue. "Sora’s just leaving and, well, I haven’t seen you in ages. You’re supposed to be my best friend, you should come round."
There was another pause. Taichi wondered why Yamato was thinking this through so much. Sora waved at him, and he returned it weakly, wondering if he’d ever kiss her and if Yamato was ever going to reply, and then the door shut and he did.
"Okay then. If you’re sure. I’ll be ten minutes." There was yet another damn pause, then, "bye."
Yamato didn’t often say bye on the phone. He’d usually just hang up. He’d admitted to feeling lonely and even said goodbye - something was definitely up.
"See ya," Taichi answered, and then clicked off, before looking around, and swinging into panic mode. It looked like a bomb had gone off in his house. Okay, so he was a teenager and he was allowed that, but then so was Yamato, and he was a clean-freak. And his mom would be home soon…
He tidied up as much as was physically possible in the eleven minutes before Yamato arrived, and when he opened the door he was glad he had. Having not seen his friend much the last few weeks, he’d forgotten just how perfect he always looked.
"Hey Tai," Yamato said softly, leaning against the doorframe. He raised an eyebrow. "You been running?"
Taichi grinned. "Uh, no." He stood aside, and Yamato walked through the door, before embracing Taichi in an unexpected hug. Taichi felt the blond hair tickling his face, and grinned again as he remembered his sudden growth spurt the last year. He’d teased Yamato so much for being smaller than him… Yamato pulled back and looked around, that eyebrow raising again.
"Have you seriously tidied up?"
"Just for you," Taichi replied with a wink, shutting the door. "You want a drink?"
Yamato hesitated, then nodded. "Can I have a beer?"
It was Taichi’s turn to raise an eyebrow. "Uh, sure. That weird, huh?"
Yamato nodded again. "Something like that."
"What’ve you been up to?" Taichi asked as he rifled through the fridge for two bottles, wondering if this small talk was either unnecessary or awkward. Or both.
"Oh, you know, this and that. Lying around all day, eating junk, watching TV…"
Taichi glanced at Yamato’s body. "You wouldn’t think that to look at you," he smirked, and Yamato smiled. "How’s the band?"
Immediately the atmosphere changed. Yamato stuffed his hands into his pockets, looking at the floor, his face dark. He did that a lot - drew into himself whenever he got uncomfortable.
"It’s not working," he muttered darkly. "The others are pissed off because I’ve lost my inspiration and I just… don’t think I can be bothered." Yamato took his drink with a barely audible ‘thanks’, drinking it all in three gulps.
Taichi stared at him. "You can’t be bothered? Matt, you’ve always been bothered. What’s happened to you? I mean, you said you’d been lying around and eating junk food and not doing anything, which should mean that you’ve put on weight and gotten a lot of rest but you look awful." Perfectly awful, his mind added. He ignored it. "You’ve gotten even thinner and you’re white as death and you look fucking exhausted." He paused, frowning. "If anything was really wrong, you’d tell me, right?"
"‘Course," Yamato replied dully. Taichi didn’t believe him. He glanced at the already empty beer bottle.
"You’re not drinking a lot, are you?"
"Jesus Christ, Tai, just leave it, would you?" Yamato snapped finally, hands clenching as his head shot up to glare at the other boy. Taichi levelled his gaze easily.
"I’m just worried about you Matt. You loved that band. You loved your friends - kind of - and you loved Sora. Now all that’s gone." He paused. "Now you’ve pushed all that away."
"Tai," Yamato interrupted.
"No, Matt, let me finish," Taichi pressed. "None of us have heard from you in weeks and then you turn up at my house practically unannounced, looking, it has to be said, like the wrong side of a toilet."
"Tai…"
"You shut us all out like you’ve got something to hide."
"TAI…"
"If something has happened, if you’re worried about something really big, you can tell me. You know that, Matt. You can tell any of us, but you can definitely tell me, I’m your best…"
"TAI! I think I’m gay!"
That shut him up, Yamato noted.
In fact, it seemed to have struck him dead. Taichi was stood stock still, staring, his mouth open slightly, bottle paused on its way up to his lips. After an agonizingly long pause, he took a deep breath.
"I’m your best friend," he finished softly, and then put his bottle down before pulling Yamato into a hug. He felt his friend’s slender arms wrap around his shoulders and the blond hair back in his face as Yamato buried his head into Taichi’s shoulder.
"I just didn’t know who to tell," he said, muffled, into Taichi’s t-shirt. "I didn’t know how anyone would react."
"I’m your best friend," Taichi repeated, rubbing his back soothingly. It took a lot for Yamato to speak out like this. He was far too good at locking his feelings away until he just… imploded. "And you’re mine. I’m here. You can tell me anything." There was a pause. "Does anyone else know?"
"Sora," came the stifled response. "I thought she had the right to know when I broke up with her." He slowly pulled himself away from Taichi’s embrace, and blinked his perfect blue eyes. He really did look exhausted. He leant back against the wall, his head tipped back and his eyes shut.
"Was that why you came round?" Taichi asked, picking his bottle up again. Yamato nodded.
"If I didn’t tell anyone soon, I’d…" He broke off, searching for the right word.
"Implode?" Taichi suggested. Yamato smirked, and nodded.
"Yeah. Implode. Good one." He twirled his bottle between his fingers, his face twisted in thought. Taichi waited for him to say something else, but he didn’t. So Taichi did instead.
"So that’s why you’ve separated yourself from us all? You were worried how we’d take it?"
Yamato nodded. "Yeah. Dumb, right? You’re my friends, I should know better."
"But there’s more to it than that," Taichi continued, watching Yamato carefully. He wasn’t entirely sure if that was the case, but he was getting that kind of feeling in his stomach. There was still plenty of time left for Yamato to implode.
"I - I just needed space from Sora for a while," Yamato replied finally. Taichi could tell he was lying, and he was quite sure that Yamato knew that he could tell, but neither of them mentioned it.
"How long have you known?"
Yamato thought for a little while. "Six, seven months?" He paused, then sighed. "But you see, it was hard to tell at first, because it was just one guy, and I thought I was maybe just going through a stage, you know? But then I started looking around a bit more, and I realised the only girl I’d ever felt anything for was Sora, and she was always more into me than I was her. I lost interest quite soon into our relationship." Yamato hated that word. It made Taichi smile at the face he pulled when he said it. "I suppose I should have told her then. I don’t know why I didn’t. I think that maybe I just wanted to see if I could make a relationship work. You know what I’m like. But after a while, it became clear that it wasn’t just the one guy anymore - even though I still really like him - and that I was looking at loads of guys, and thinking about them more and then it just clicked. And I couldn’t pretend anymore."
"Why me?" Taichi asked. Yamato’s head shot up to stare at him.
"Wh-what do you mean?" he asked. Taichi raised an eyebrow, confused by Yamato’s sudden nervousness and… Holy crap, was that a blush?!
"Why did you come to me? To tell, I mean."
Immediately, Yamato seemed to relax, and he smiled, his cheeks slowly paling back to their normal colour. "Like you said, you’re my best friend." He paused. "I don’t know, it just felt right."
"What about T.K? Does he…"
"No," Yamato interrupted. "I haven’t even considered telling him. He’s still infatuated with Kari."
"Why does that make a difference?" Taichi asked, confused. Yamato blushed again, and shrugged.
"I-I’m not sure, it just felt like it would. Make a difference I mean." He scuffed his shoes against the tiles awkwardly, and then looked back up at Taichi, whose confusion was making way for suspicion. "Anyway, I think I’m going to go back now. I just needed to talk to someone about it."
"Sora will be there," Taichi pointed out. "I mean, you said you needed space from her. You can stay here for as long as you want."
Yamato smiled gratefully, but shook his head. "I’ll have to face her sooner or later. Thanks for this though Tai. I do really appreciate it."
"No problem," Taichi replied, pulling Yamato into another hug. "You know I’m always here for you." He followed Yamato to the door, and was about to shut it behind the blond when he thought of something. "Hey, Matt? That first guy, the one you really like? Who is it?"
There was a moment that seemed to stretch for hours, during which Yamato’s perfect blue eyes roamed over Taichi’s face, wide and bright and impossibly, perfectly honest. They couldn’t hide anything from him. Taichi looked back at him steadily, waiting. He wasn’t going to bottle it; Yamato could suppress as much as he wanted, but those eyes had already begun to answer for him.
"It doesn’t matter," he said finally, his voice soft. "Nobody. It doesn’t matter."
He turned and walked away, his hands deep in his pockets, and his head tilted down. That was all Taichi needed to know, and he shut the door and leant against it, breathing out and closing his eyes and wondering whether now was the right time to admit to himself that he really had been jealous of Sora when she kissed Yamato.
---
Life at Yamato’s house was extremely awkward now. All three of the inhabitants spent all their time in their own rooms, avoiding contact with the others, and eating at separate times, in the comfort of their own privacy. Everytime Yamato saw Sora, he felt guilty. Everytime Sora saw Yamato, she felt concerned. And Yamato’s father had no idea what was going on between the two teenagers he had been so sure were in love.
It therefore came as a great surprise to Yamato when there was a knock on his bedroom door three nights after he visited Tai. He called out a startled, "uh, yeah?" and nearly fell off his bed when Sora stepped inside.
"Hey Matt," she said softly. He swallowed.
"Uh, hi Sora. Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I’m fine. Are you?" she asked pointedly. Yamato only nodded in reply. There was a pause, Sora bit her lip, and then she slowly shut Yamato’s door and perched on the end of his bed. "I thought we should talk."
Yamato finally closed his book and sat up properly, looking at her face to face for the first time in a while. Sora thought that he looked pretty bad. He thought that Sora looked radiant.
"I wanted to tell you that I think you should tell the others that you’re gay," she said. Yamato nodded again. He didn’t agree, but he could tell she had more to say. "And I think you should tell Tai you’re in love with him."
Yamato dropped his gaze. He had known there was more; he had hoped it wouldn’t be that. "I don’t think I can." He glanced back up. "I can’t just spring that kind of thing on my straight best friend. That wouldn’t be fair on him."
"Look, Matt, I just…"
"I think you have a date to be getting ready for?" Yamato interrupted. "With Jyou?"
Sora stared at him. "But… How did you…"
Yamato shrugged, and for the first time in weeks, Sora saw him smile. Granted, it was only small and it was more to himself than to her, but it seemed as though he’d got his glow back, just for a moment. "I know these things. I can tell when people love other people."
Sora smiled too then. "So why can’t you tell that Tai likes you too?"
At that, Yamato actually laughed. "Are you kidding me? Tai likes you. Tai always did like you, always has. Tai has never once said anything about feeling anything like that, never even hinted at it, never looked at another boy twice."
"That you’ve seen."
"I see everything."
"Well clearly not, because I’m the one who saw him staring at you when we kissed. Longingly."
Yamato laughed again. "Seriously, Sora, he was probably looking at you longingly and at me in jealousy. Tai is in love with you."
Sora sighed, and leant forwards, taking Yamato’s face in her hands and staring into his big blue eyes. "Crest of love, remember? I know about this stuff, Yamato. I know these things. Trust me on this. And besides, even if Tai doesn’t feel for you too, which he does, if you don’t tell him that you’re in love with him soon, someone else will, and he’ll never confront his feelings. He’ll just keep locking them away, kidding himself that it’s just something every boy goes through during their teenage years, and you’ll never even have any chance of getting the guy who made your life that much more worthwhile all those years ago. So stop pretending, and while you’re at it, stop him pretending too."
Yamato couldn’t possibly reply to that. He stared at Sora open-mouthed, and she smiled lightly, before placing a kiss on his cheek, standing back up, and walking out the room, shutting the door softly behind her. A few minutes later, he heard his dad call up that he was going out for the night.
Half an hour later, Sora poked her head around the door and said goodbye as she left for her date. Yamato was still sat on his bed, looking at the wall opposite. She laughed at him, and left for however many hours, and Yamato was lonely once more.
---
Taichi was bored. Really bored. He hadn’t heard from Yamato, and after calling up all of the Digi-destined, he had learnt that nobody else had either. It seemed he’d come out for the twenty minutes, and then crawled back under a rock again. And for some reason, that really bothered Taichi. It actually upset him. Yamato had come to see him, had told him he was gay, had unknowingly informed him that he was in love with him, had left Taichi confused - both mentally and sexually - regarding his feelings, and then hadn’t had the decency to get back in touch. Taichi knew that he could call him first, but it wouldn’t feel right.
Besides, he was too busy sorting out the files on his computer.
He had pictures all over the place that he had decided, on a whim, really needed organising. He clicked through them all, ordering and deleting as he did, and then he came across one which changed everything.
He could remember it being taken, at one of the lakes in the Digital World. Izzy had insisted on taking a camera with him. It was quite a few months old, because Yamato’s hair was shorter, before he grew it again, and Sora was gazing at him from the side. But Taichi hardly noticed her there, and, in fact, he later cropped her out of it.
Yamato was laughing, one arm slung around Taichi’s waist, who was grinning and leaning against his friend, an arm around his shoulders and the hand, he could see, buried in Yamato’s hair. There were up to their hips in water, both shirtless, skin dripping with water and yet their hairstyles immaculate. Yamato’s, he could understand, because it was always immaculate, but his own? That was something special.
Under any other circumstances, Taichi would use that as the excuse for why he cropped and enlarged the picture and then printed it out on the highest quality paper before sticking it up by his bed. Now, though, he knew the knots in his stomach meant he couldn’t present such a crap excuse, even to himself, and conceded, finally, that he liked it because he and Yamato looked genuinely happy together. And not only that, but - and Taichi’s stomach flipped as he admitted it, even mentally - Yamato looked gorgeous.
It was then that there was a jolt through the whole of Taichi’s body, as he looked at Yamato’s perfectly unblemished pale skin, perfectly coifed blond hair, perfectly shaped blue eyes, and the perfectly slim body, like a porcelain doll, felt a tug in his heart, and, a second later, had grabbed his jacket and was running out the flat with a quick shout of "see ya!" to Kari and his mother.
---
Yamato was digging through the fridge when he heard the frantic pounding at the door, making him jump and nearly drop the bottle of beer. It sounded as though someone was looking for a place to hide, and after his mind first jumped to Sora, he hurried over and pulled the door open.
He hadn’t even noticed that it had begun to rain, but it had, heavily, and the soaked Taichi standing in front of him was proof. He had one hand on the doorframe, panting for breath, water streaming from the ends of his hair. There was a pause while Yamato stared at him, and then he opened his mouth to speak, but before he could even think of any words to say, at all, there were hands cupping his face and a pair of lips closing over his.
Taichi kept his eyes open for a few seconds, long enough to see Yamato’s own eyes widen in surprise, before fluttering shut. He felt, slowly, a pair of arms winding around his waist, and moved one of his hands from cheek to hair, and then he shut his own eyes, his fingers tugging at the blond hair and his tongue sliding forward as Yamato gasped. And it felt… Amazing.
When they broke apart for air, they stayed close, bodies still pressed together and faces only inches apart, their eyes searing straight into the other’s. Both of them had completely forgotten that they were both stood on the porch. It didn’t matter.
I just kissed my gay best friend! Taichi’s mind screamed.
I just got kissed by straight best friend! Yamato’s mind yelled.
"Were you ever going to tell me?" Taichi breathed.
"Were you?" Yamato countered.
"I just did."
"I was going to."
"You did, when you came around." Yamato blinked, and Taichi laughed gently, rubbing his nose against the perfectly soft cheek. "I know you so well Matt. Don’t ever forget that. I can read everything in your eyes. That’s why I’m your best friend." He paused, pressing quick, tender kisses on Yamato’s cheek. "I missed you," he finished, smiling slightly as he felt Yamato’s warm breath on his skin.
"I’m sorry," Yamato replied, arms tightening around his waist. Then he laughed quietly, pulling away slightly to look around them. "I think now would be good time for you to come inside."
Taichi looked around and laughed too, nodding, allowing Yamato to step backwards and led him in. "Finally, you do something sensible."
Yamato faux-scowled, before pressing his lips against Taichi’s in another long kiss. Taichi smiled against his mouth and tilted his head, feeling Yamato’s tongue brushing over his lips before he pulled away and smiled.
"Yeah, alright," Taichi grinned. "That was sensible too."
Slowly, Yamato’s smile faded. "No, Tai, I’m not sure if it was." Slowly, his arms unhooked from Taichi’s waist and he stepped back, looking uncertain. "Because yes, I admit it, you were the first guy I liked and the guy I still like now and that kiss was possibly the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me but you’re straight. You always were before. I want you more than you could possibly know, but not like this. Not as an experiment for you to try out guys and see if it’s for you. I don’t want you if all you’re going to do is decide that it wasn’t for you after all and drop me, because I don’t think I can go back to being your best fried. Besides, we’re wrecking everything for TK…"
At that, Taichi burst out laughing, moving back over to Yamato in three strides, taking hold of his shoulders and gazing into those impossibly, perfectly honest blue eyes just to make sure. And he could see, as Yamato’s pupils darted down to avoid his gaze, that those were real worries. He could read those concerns in him just like that. And he sighed, pulling him into a hug.
"And all the sensibility’s gone again," he murmured, pressing light kisses to the top of Yamato’s head, or as close as he could get, so mainly just to his hair. "Matt, you’re so stupid, aren’t you? This ridiculous putting other people first thing has its limits, you know. Yeah, it’s good at times and it makes you a real nice person, but it’s really not necessary right now. No offence to your little brother, but Kari is not going there."
"Okay," Yamato mumbled against Taichi’s shirt - and he was getting his face wet like this, but Taichi didn’t seem to be letting go any time soon - and reluctantly returning the hug, "so that wasn’t a very good argument. But the rest of it…"
"… is nearly just as stupid," Taichi interrupted, and then pushed away, holding the blond at arm’s length and looking back into those eyes as he prepared his speech that he’d been thinking about as he ran there. Yes, he ran. He was going to tell him that later, if Yamato still needed convincing of how important he was. "Look, Matt, I’m not going to lie to you about this because you know I’ve never felt anything for any other guy before, so yes, you’re right, this is a first for me but it’s not about being gay, or about liking guys. This is just about you.
‘How I feel for you has been playing on my mind for months. I’ve been pretending to myself that it was still Sora I liked and I was jealous of you, when really it was the other way around, and I’ve only recently admitted to it. It doesn’t matter if I never feel anything for any other guy again, because I feel for you. I may not be gay, Matt, and I may not like other guys, but I like you, for reasons I can’t explain, and… I’ll always be your best friend. You know that. You don’t have to worry about going back to that because it’ll always be that way, whether I walk away from here deciding that this should never have happened, or whether I stay here and we accept that I," Here, Taichi broke off and took a deep breath, knowing that it was now or never, but Yamato got there first.
He pressed his lips against Taichi’s hurriedly, his arms around him again, pressing him against one of the walls and kissing him as though his life depended on it. Taichi closed his eyes and kissed back just as desperately, his arms around Yamato’s neck, and didn’t let go until his head went light and he swayed slightly. Then Yamato pulled back, placing one hand on his cheek and whispering, "I love you."
Taichi smiled and turned his head to kiss Yamato’s palm. "I’m staying then."
Yamato nodded. "Good."
Taichi’s smile grew as Yamato’s own grin appeared. He brushed a strand of hair out of Yamato’s face. "Good." He paused. It had been months, he realised. He may only have admitted it a few days ago, but it was something that he’d known, somewhere deep inside him, for months. "I love you too."
"You don’t have to say that," Yamato said quickly, and Taichi laughed again.
"I know, dumbass. I mean it."
There was a silence during which Yamato’s smile grew even wider and he gave a soft breath of laughter. "Good."
Taichi looked into those perfect blue eyes and saw that the worry was still there, flickering away in the background, but it was closed away now, hidden by the bright happiness of his perfect porcelain doll best friend.
---
The thing about Taichi Yagami was that he was vehemently straight. Mostly. He thought that maybe no-one was impervious to Yamato Ishida’s perfection. He didn’t really mind.
---
fin.