life?
So, apparently gong gong (grandpa) is not doing too well. And they have not given him much time. I don't know exactly what the deal is, but my only guess is, it's just his time. He's aged past the usefulness of his body. He is in... I think, his mid nineties. I don't know the exact year but that he's older than my grandma and she was born in 1919. If she's now 91, I believe he's 94. That's a pretty long life. Granted the last 10-15 years have been spent in an on lok center. I don't know if that's really a way to live, but it beats not living. I guess until you no longer go through 'life' and just slowly resist death, that's not really living.
It's selfish to think ah crap, just when I had plans to go out of town on vacation. It's totally selfish and yet, timing always gets fucked up like that. It doesn't happen during some random work week. Big events seem to be compounded into a snowball of Oh Shit events. I really needed this vacation, but, now that I'm reminded that we're all here temporarily, I may just spend the next few days supporting my mom, possibly grieving and then... back to work.
There was mention of God this evening. And I was reminded that I don't think of him/her in the way most people think of it. I don't not believe in something. But I don't believe in them blindly. This wasn't meant to be some lesson for the living. It just happens. The body gives out, we cannot live forever and to think it was some message from a specific entity is foolish. You take from it what you decide to and you use it to tolerate the shitty parts of living.
Interestingly, I'm looking at baby pictures of what might as well be complete strangers. And I think wow, they have kids. Would you look at that. And it's just a reminder, the more babies that surround us, the sooner we will see our eldest generations cease. I'm witnessing the movement of the cycle of life. And today it just seems to be turning a little bit faster.
It's selfish to think ah crap, just when I had plans to go out of town on vacation. It's totally selfish and yet, timing always gets fucked up like that. It doesn't happen during some random work week. Big events seem to be compounded into a snowball of Oh Shit events. I really needed this vacation, but, now that I'm reminded that we're all here temporarily, I may just spend the next few days supporting my mom, possibly grieving and then... back to work.
There was mention of God this evening. And I was reminded that I don't think of him/her in the way most people think of it. I don't not believe in something. But I don't believe in them blindly. This wasn't meant to be some lesson for the living. It just happens. The body gives out, we cannot live forever and to think it was some message from a specific entity is foolish. You take from it what you decide to and you use it to tolerate the shitty parts of living.
Interestingly, I'm looking at baby pictures of what might as well be complete strangers. And I think wow, they have kids. Would you look at that. And it's just a reminder, the more babies that surround us, the sooner we will see our eldest generations cease. I'm witnessing the movement of the cycle of life. And today it just seems to be turning a little bit faster.