Patterns of Our Souls - Holiday 2011 Fill
Title: Patterns of Our Souls
Author: Gedry
Pairings: Gabriel/Crowley
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,105
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. I am making no profit from this fanfiction.
Beta: none
Spoilers: none
Warnings: none
Summary: Written for nicole_sill who asked for Gabriel and Crowley for her holiday gift. She’s been a wonderful sweetheart to me and I can’t think her enough. This is a prequel of sorts to Love in Every Stitch and Gears We Never Use.
Author’s Notes: I wrote this while my husband watched Inception in the background...I think it affected my writing, no joke. I’m not 100% pleased with this. It shows more of the sensitive underbelly of these two characters than I had planned to. I viewed it as two brittle and self-protective people allowing themselves to risk being open with each other. Just a brief glimpse into another part of a story I have loved writing so much.
Patterns of Our Souls
Crowley isn’t sure why exactly he was drawn to the states to complete his education. The facts of the matter being that he’s always been something of a disappointment to his wealthy and influential family and once it became clear that he wasn’t likely help them along by producing any heirs they didn’t hesitate to make it clear that he was no longer needed.
He got a nicely sized chunk of his college costs paid out of it, and a hug goodbye at the airport from his mother. That’s about it. A very bitter part of Crowley’s mind whispers to him that no one has it worse than he does, no one else has been removed from their homes, from their families for nothing more than being who they are. It’s bitter, stupid, and he knows it.
And then he meets Gabriel, his roommate for his first year of college in America, and he realizes how petty and pathetic his bitter mind really is. If there is anyone whose story is more painful and tragic than Crowley’s it’s Gabriel. It’s a concept that eats at him for much of their first semester; while they learn each other and slowly become friends no matter that their individual issues and self protective natures seem to hinder them at every turn.
By the time Gabriel leaves for Thanksgiving break, Crowley is involved enough with him to be concerned. He spends much of his time in the temporary dorm at the college contemplating what might be happening with his friend back at home. When Gabriel returns, he seems drawn, tight and painful. He sleeps poorly, is more moody than even Crowley has ever been before.
It hurts to watch it, to see someone suffer with the same weight and pain that Crowley himself feels within his soul. He’s amazed, when he really steps back and takes a look at their whole situation. Crowley’ always prided himself on being quick on the uptake. But somehow, he’s missed the exact moment when he fell in love with Gabriel Novak.
However, now that he’s aware of his feelings, there’s nothing to do but make them known and hope that Gabriel’s own battered heart might be willing to accept him. After all, Crowley literally has nothing to lose. Normally, Crowley likes to have a well thought out plan of action before taking any risks, but by the time he’s digested his own urges for romance it’s the night before Christmas break.
So he wings it.
“So you plan to return to Amityville for the holidays.” It’s not a statement and he knows he has Gabriel’s full attention from the way his roommate’s eyes snap up to meet his over his laptop screen. For as much as they forgive each other’s snarky personalities, their family relationships have always been silently understood as off limits.
Crowley’s purposefully violating this rule now in the hopes of getting a feel for Gabriel’s state of mind.
“Better than staying here alone,” Gabriel says back. But it’s halting, as though maybe Gabriel isn’t certain how to play this new part of their game. That seems fair; Crowley’s just making it up as he goes along.
“We could stay here together…”
He’s been purposefully vague, not wanting to risk too much or give himself away. Maybe at the heart of it all he’s just a coward, but at this point the shadow of friendship when what he really wants is love is still better than nothing.
Gabriel’s still looking at him, frozen over the top of the computer screen like he can’t believe what he is hearing. “You mean, not go home?”
Something in his tone sounds hopeful. Crowley can’t help but press the issue. “Why not? You’re miserable there. When you come back you hate yourself. What would be so bad about staying here?”
“With you?” Gabriel counters, closing the computer and placing the laptop on the floor by his bed.
“What? I’m not good enough to room with now?” Crowley blusters. “You wish you could do better, but no one here has my level of class and form.”
“That’s not what you’re talking about,” Gabriel sighs as he scoots down in his bed and tugs up his blanket. “You and I both know it.”
Then he turns off his light and rolls over to go to sleep leaving Crowley in the dark and wondering what the hell is actually going on between them.
At some point in the night he must have dozed off because he wakes, groggy and disoriented early the next morning as Gabriel is packing his things and struggles to ignore the ache of rejection swelling inside his chest.
“I have to go,” Gabriel says sadly as he shoves his wallet into his pants and searches for his keys. “My family…my little brother needs me. I can’t just leave him there. Without me to take the heat from dad things could get ugly for him.”
Crowley nods, he’s well aware of Gabriel’s affections for his younger brother, Castiel. The teenager is the only one Gabriel still talks to from his family.
He wants to say something, anything, to make this feel less like the breaking up of their nonexistent relationship. But then Gabriel is turning toward him, sliding in close, morning breath and all and kissing him sweetly, carefully, as though he thinks Crowley might jerk away. It’s wonderful, and he melts into the soft brush of Gabriel’s fingers behind his ear.
They slide apart and Gabriel bites his lip, blushing, before he offers, “I have to be there for Christmas, but I can come back early if you want. We could ring in the New Year together, just us and a cheap- ass bottle of wine?”
It’s hesitant, out of character for Gabriel’s usual bluster, and exactly what Crowley needs to feel like his friend is just as invested in this relationship change as he is. “Text me.” He orders, smirking as Gabriel raises an eyebrow. “I don’t want you sliding off home to get swept off your feet by some local boy when I’m here pining away for your touch.”
Gabriel laughs in his face. “You’ve never seen my home,” he chuckles. “Trust me, no one there is interesting enough to sweep me anywhere. Besides, you’ve never pined for anything, you little shit.”
Crowley smiles, reaches out just because he can to trace the shape of Gabriel’s nose and chin, stubble scraping against his fingertips. “Come back soon.”
Gabriel nips his finger with his teeth before grinning and promising, “See you in a week.” Then he’s picking up his bag and heading out the door.
Crowley settles himself back in his bed and resigns himself to wait out the week like a lovesick teenager with a huge dopey grin on his face.
*****
So I kissed you.
Crowley laughs at his phone when he gets the text about five hours later. He doesn’t respond, wouldn’t want Gabriel to get the idea he was easy.
You probably think that means something.
It’s been another two hours, Crowley’s in the middle of tea and absolutely not checking his phone every five seconds.
He decides to answer this time.
It could be construed as an overture of sorts.
Gabriel makes him wait another hour before he responds. It’s classic for their relationship, they both feed off of tension and for some reason, the more they want to know something the more compelled they each are to make the other wait.
Glad to know you care.
He imagines the smirk Gabriel probably has right now, stretched around some sweet tasting bit of candy on a stick shoved into his mouth the way he usually does. Crowley resolves to get some lollipops for Gabriel as a late Christmas present before he gets back.
Maybe it’s more of a present for himself; Crowley has a fixation with Gabriel’s mouth sucking on things.
They don’t communicate much over the week Gabriel is gone. Crowley understands the basic details of Gabriel’s family tree; overbearing-hyper religious father refusing to let any of his children be anything other than what he wants them to be, absent mother, heaps of guilt about not living up to expectations and a dash of resentment because the expectations were ridiculous to start out with.
Crowley half expects Gabriel to come back to school dragging Castiel behind him.
The not knowing how this whole thing is going to go makes him anxious. It’s not a feeling Crowley is used to having.
Anxiety is an emotion indicating he cares about the outcome of the situation. Crowley hasn’t cared about anything but himself in a very long time.
The days seem to drag until Crowley wakes up one morning having slept on top of Gabriel’s bed sheets with an empty bottle or two of poorly vintaged wine by his side…and Gabriel sitting next to his feet.
“Did you puke in my bed?” Gabriel asks as though finding Crowley slightly hangover in his bed is a frequently happening event. “Because kiss or no kiss I don’t think we’ve gotten that close yet and you’re so doing the laundry.”
“Bugger off,” Crowley groans as he shoves himself up out of the bed and moves away to stumble toward the bathroom and shower. Gabriel doesn’t comment on the way Crowley’s hand slides across his shoulder on the way by. They both know he’s not that unsteady and even that small touch feels like seeing the sun after a week of midnights.
When he’s back to feeling less demonic he heads back to their room and finds Gabriel stretched across the bed looking exhausted.
“No rest for the wicked?” Crowley teases as he creeps closer to the edge of the bed only to have Gabriel slide over to the side and make room for him.
“I drove all night,” Gabriel murmurs as Crowley settles in beside him and squirms trying to find a comfortable position for both their bodies. “My little brother’s in love.”
It’s an odd bit of information. “How is she?” Crowley asks as he clenches and unclenches his hands not knowing where to put them.
“She,” Gabriel laughs, a surprisingly bright and happy sound considering how half dead he looks. “Is the boy from down the street that has been his best friend for as long as anyone can remember. Castiel’s braver than I am, he won’t run from our family the way I have.”
“You sound…proud.”
“I am,” Gabriel snorts, rolling slightly and tucking Crowley’s body more tightly against his. “Don’t ever tell him I said that.”
Crowley nods as he reaches out to tuck Gabriel’s flopping hair behind one of his ears. “So what do you Americans do for New Years,” he says as casually as he can.
“Kiss at midnight,” Gabriel shrugs even as he leans over and traces the curve of Crowley’s jaw with his lips. “Toast each other, make resolutions.”
“I’m not making any resolutions,” Crowley announces. He doesn’t have anything else he wants. It’s all right here.
“Then how about a deal?” Gabriel asks before kissing the thin skin of Crowley’s wrist.
“What’s in it for me?” Crowley teases. Gabriel kisses him again then, just a brush of lips.
“You agree to love me,” Gabriel whispers as he nuzzles the side of Crowley’s face. “And I’ll promise to love you back.”
“Kiss on it?” Crowley smiles, he figures he’s in for a lifetime of kisses, why not start now?
Gabriel dips in, they almost make contact, and then he reaches up, pinches Crowley’s nose between his thumb and forefinger and chuckles as he announces. “Got your nose!”
Crowley rolls his eyes, “Always the joker,” he accuses before tugging Gabriel’s head down by his hair and sealing their deal.
Love, he can handle love. He thinks they’re both probably due for some.
They manage to stay awake for New Years a few nights later, even though they spend it in bed. Crowley assumes they were kissing as the clock tolled. Or, at least, he was kissing some part of Gabriel’s body.
He figures they got the year off to a good start.
Author: Gedry
Pairings: Gabriel/Crowley
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,105
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. I am making no profit from this fanfiction.
Beta: none
Spoilers: none
Warnings: none
Summary: Written for nicole_sill who asked for Gabriel and Crowley for her holiday gift. She’s been a wonderful sweetheart to me and I can’t think her enough. This is a prequel of sorts to Love in Every Stitch and Gears We Never Use.
Author’s Notes: I wrote this while my husband watched Inception in the background...I think it affected my writing, no joke. I’m not 100% pleased with this. It shows more of the sensitive underbelly of these two characters than I had planned to. I viewed it as two brittle and self-protective people allowing themselves to risk being open with each other. Just a brief glimpse into another part of a story I have loved writing so much.
Patterns of Our Souls
Crowley isn’t sure why exactly he was drawn to the states to complete his education. The facts of the matter being that he’s always been something of a disappointment to his wealthy and influential family and once it became clear that he wasn’t likely help them along by producing any heirs they didn’t hesitate to make it clear that he was no longer needed.
He got a nicely sized chunk of his college costs paid out of it, and a hug goodbye at the airport from his mother. That’s about it. A very bitter part of Crowley’s mind whispers to him that no one has it worse than he does, no one else has been removed from their homes, from their families for nothing more than being who they are. It’s bitter, stupid, and he knows it.
And then he meets Gabriel, his roommate for his first year of college in America, and he realizes how petty and pathetic his bitter mind really is. If there is anyone whose story is more painful and tragic than Crowley’s it’s Gabriel. It’s a concept that eats at him for much of their first semester; while they learn each other and slowly become friends no matter that their individual issues and self protective natures seem to hinder them at every turn.
By the time Gabriel leaves for Thanksgiving break, Crowley is involved enough with him to be concerned. He spends much of his time in the temporary dorm at the college contemplating what might be happening with his friend back at home. When Gabriel returns, he seems drawn, tight and painful. He sleeps poorly, is more moody than even Crowley has ever been before.
It hurts to watch it, to see someone suffer with the same weight and pain that Crowley himself feels within his soul. He’s amazed, when he really steps back and takes a look at their whole situation. Crowley’ always prided himself on being quick on the uptake. But somehow, he’s missed the exact moment when he fell in love with Gabriel Novak.
However, now that he’s aware of his feelings, there’s nothing to do but make them known and hope that Gabriel’s own battered heart might be willing to accept him. After all, Crowley literally has nothing to lose. Normally, Crowley likes to have a well thought out plan of action before taking any risks, but by the time he’s digested his own urges for romance it’s the night before Christmas break.
So he wings it.
“So you plan to return to Amityville for the holidays.” It’s not a statement and he knows he has Gabriel’s full attention from the way his roommate’s eyes snap up to meet his over his laptop screen. For as much as they forgive each other’s snarky personalities, their family relationships have always been silently understood as off limits.
Crowley’s purposefully violating this rule now in the hopes of getting a feel for Gabriel’s state of mind.
“Better than staying here alone,” Gabriel says back. But it’s halting, as though maybe Gabriel isn’t certain how to play this new part of their game. That seems fair; Crowley’s just making it up as he goes along.
“We could stay here together…”
He’s been purposefully vague, not wanting to risk too much or give himself away. Maybe at the heart of it all he’s just a coward, but at this point the shadow of friendship when what he really wants is love is still better than nothing.
Gabriel’s still looking at him, frozen over the top of the computer screen like he can’t believe what he is hearing. “You mean, not go home?”
Something in his tone sounds hopeful. Crowley can’t help but press the issue. “Why not? You’re miserable there. When you come back you hate yourself. What would be so bad about staying here?”
“With you?” Gabriel counters, closing the computer and placing the laptop on the floor by his bed.
“What? I’m not good enough to room with now?” Crowley blusters. “You wish you could do better, but no one here has my level of class and form.”
“That’s not what you’re talking about,” Gabriel sighs as he scoots down in his bed and tugs up his blanket. “You and I both know it.”
Then he turns off his light and rolls over to go to sleep leaving Crowley in the dark and wondering what the hell is actually going on between them.
At some point in the night he must have dozed off because he wakes, groggy and disoriented early the next morning as Gabriel is packing his things and struggles to ignore the ache of rejection swelling inside his chest.
“I have to go,” Gabriel says sadly as he shoves his wallet into his pants and searches for his keys. “My family…my little brother needs me. I can’t just leave him there. Without me to take the heat from dad things could get ugly for him.”
Crowley nods, he’s well aware of Gabriel’s affections for his younger brother, Castiel. The teenager is the only one Gabriel still talks to from his family.
He wants to say something, anything, to make this feel less like the breaking up of their nonexistent relationship. But then Gabriel is turning toward him, sliding in close, morning breath and all and kissing him sweetly, carefully, as though he thinks Crowley might jerk away. It’s wonderful, and he melts into the soft brush of Gabriel’s fingers behind his ear.
They slide apart and Gabriel bites his lip, blushing, before he offers, “I have to be there for Christmas, but I can come back early if you want. We could ring in the New Year together, just us and a cheap- ass bottle of wine?”
It’s hesitant, out of character for Gabriel’s usual bluster, and exactly what Crowley needs to feel like his friend is just as invested in this relationship change as he is. “Text me.” He orders, smirking as Gabriel raises an eyebrow. “I don’t want you sliding off home to get swept off your feet by some local boy when I’m here pining away for your touch.”
Gabriel laughs in his face. “You’ve never seen my home,” he chuckles. “Trust me, no one there is interesting enough to sweep me anywhere. Besides, you’ve never pined for anything, you little shit.”
Crowley smiles, reaches out just because he can to trace the shape of Gabriel’s nose and chin, stubble scraping against his fingertips. “Come back soon.”
Gabriel nips his finger with his teeth before grinning and promising, “See you in a week.” Then he’s picking up his bag and heading out the door.
Crowley settles himself back in his bed and resigns himself to wait out the week like a lovesick teenager with a huge dopey grin on his face.
*****
So I kissed you.
Crowley laughs at his phone when he gets the text about five hours later. He doesn’t respond, wouldn’t want Gabriel to get the idea he was easy.
You probably think that means something.
It’s been another two hours, Crowley’s in the middle of tea and absolutely not checking his phone every five seconds.
He decides to answer this time.
It could be construed as an overture of sorts.
Gabriel makes him wait another hour before he responds. It’s classic for their relationship, they both feed off of tension and for some reason, the more they want to know something the more compelled they each are to make the other wait.
Glad to know you care.
He imagines the smirk Gabriel probably has right now, stretched around some sweet tasting bit of candy on a stick shoved into his mouth the way he usually does. Crowley resolves to get some lollipops for Gabriel as a late Christmas present before he gets back.
Maybe it’s more of a present for himself; Crowley has a fixation with Gabriel’s mouth sucking on things.
They don’t communicate much over the week Gabriel is gone. Crowley understands the basic details of Gabriel’s family tree; overbearing-hyper religious father refusing to let any of his children be anything other than what he wants them to be, absent mother, heaps of guilt about not living up to expectations and a dash of resentment because the expectations were ridiculous to start out with.
Crowley half expects Gabriel to come back to school dragging Castiel behind him.
The not knowing how this whole thing is going to go makes him anxious. It’s not a feeling Crowley is used to having.
Anxiety is an emotion indicating he cares about the outcome of the situation. Crowley hasn’t cared about anything but himself in a very long time.
The days seem to drag until Crowley wakes up one morning having slept on top of Gabriel’s bed sheets with an empty bottle or two of poorly vintaged wine by his side…and Gabriel sitting next to his feet.
“Did you puke in my bed?” Gabriel asks as though finding Crowley slightly hangover in his bed is a frequently happening event. “Because kiss or no kiss I don’t think we’ve gotten that close yet and you’re so doing the laundry.”
“Bugger off,” Crowley groans as he shoves himself up out of the bed and moves away to stumble toward the bathroom and shower. Gabriel doesn’t comment on the way Crowley’s hand slides across his shoulder on the way by. They both know he’s not that unsteady and even that small touch feels like seeing the sun after a week of midnights.
When he’s back to feeling less demonic he heads back to their room and finds Gabriel stretched across the bed looking exhausted.
“No rest for the wicked?” Crowley teases as he creeps closer to the edge of the bed only to have Gabriel slide over to the side and make room for him.
“I drove all night,” Gabriel murmurs as Crowley settles in beside him and squirms trying to find a comfortable position for both their bodies. “My little brother’s in love.”
It’s an odd bit of information. “How is she?” Crowley asks as he clenches and unclenches his hands not knowing where to put them.
“She,” Gabriel laughs, a surprisingly bright and happy sound considering how half dead he looks. “Is the boy from down the street that has been his best friend for as long as anyone can remember. Castiel’s braver than I am, he won’t run from our family the way I have.”
“You sound…proud.”
“I am,” Gabriel snorts, rolling slightly and tucking Crowley’s body more tightly against his. “Don’t ever tell him I said that.”
Crowley nods as he reaches out to tuck Gabriel’s flopping hair behind one of his ears. “So what do you Americans do for New Years,” he says as casually as he can.
“Kiss at midnight,” Gabriel shrugs even as he leans over and traces the curve of Crowley’s jaw with his lips. “Toast each other, make resolutions.”
“I’m not making any resolutions,” Crowley announces. He doesn’t have anything else he wants. It’s all right here.
“Then how about a deal?” Gabriel asks before kissing the thin skin of Crowley’s wrist.
“What’s in it for me?” Crowley teases. Gabriel kisses him again then, just a brush of lips.
“You agree to love me,” Gabriel whispers as he nuzzles the side of Crowley’s face. “And I’ll promise to love you back.”
“Kiss on it?” Crowley smiles, he figures he’s in for a lifetime of kisses, why not start now?
Gabriel dips in, they almost make contact, and then he reaches up, pinches Crowley’s nose between his thumb and forefinger and chuckles as he announces. “Got your nose!”
Crowley rolls his eyes, “Always the joker,” he accuses before tugging Gabriel’s head down by his hair and sealing their deal.
Love, he can handle love. He thinks they’re both probably due for some.
They manage to stay awake for New Years a few nights later, even though they spend it in bed. Crowley assumes they were kissing as the clock tolled. Or, at least, he was kissing some part of Gabriel’s body.
He figures they got the year off to a good start.