(no subject)
It's come down to this, and I have no other choice either than to be completely honest with all of you.
this, is how it goes down.
I have been getting close to people, this past month, some how, people get oddly attached to me, when they know nothing about me, I love my friends, my livejournal friends, and real friends, but bottom line no matter how many LJ friends and normal friends Ive had, I'm too stubborn and selfish, and haven't let any of them get close enough to know me, therefor, it has been my fault that I remain unhappy. right off the bat i can name 3 people whom know me inside and out and keep me happy.. tati, cassie, and mike. I need those three people. And I lost Mike, about a month ago, around the same time all my drama had begun. Mike Corbitt and I have had the strongest relationship either of us have been in yet, and though we broke up, we remained great friends and talked every night, but it wasn't the same of course, and I, the stupid one, thought 'Hey, since I can't have him, i'll see if i can move on' No, meeting new people and hurting over a loss of one, dosen't ease anything, it makes it worse, and of corse I'm in the wrong, because if anyone likes me out there, i appologize, but this is what I need, to make me secure and happy right now. I do love him. and I know, I've been a confuseing person to understand lately, but if you dissagree with things i've done in my past then i'm right along with you, and I do as well, if you don't, and you'll support the fact I'm making the choices i'm making for one hippie ass reason, "love, peace and happiness" and its for the sake of me, and him, and cassie and tati. I don't want sympathy, I don't want anything, but an understandment, that I've tried, too long, to make everyone around me happy, and that never works, and right now, I need to do what makes me happy. Mike and I are going back out. I had the intentions of it yes. I have never, felt so right at place as I do with him. He has, all the insight I need to hear, to feel better, everything he does, everything he says, just makes me smile, because reguardless of how obscene whatever hes doing is, i know he loves me. Because if he didn't. He would have been smart, and left me completely, one month ago. This weekend, has been the first 3 days, I've felt good, in 3 months now. I refuse, to ruin this. I refuse, to make people around me that I care most about unhappy. And I refuse, to do anything stupid, to ruin how I feel right now. I've got 3 best friends, and one of them is a best friend/lover, and everyone, in my beliefe, has a part of them, who needs/wants love, and I, am one who needs love, not the family friendly love but the passionate close love. and Mike and I have that together, yes, I little meek and mild mannored Linzy, is in love with grindcore obscene Mike Corbitt. And I plan, to be with him, for as long as possible. Not being an idiot and saying this will last forever, I'm saying, just for as long as possible. I need this. I need him. And I need cassie, and tati. And now that I've got all 3, I'm keeping it this way. And I'll do what ever to do so.
this, is how it goes down.
I have been getting close to people, this past month, some how, people get oddly attached to me, when they know nothing about me, I love my friends, my livejournal friends, and real friends, but bottom line no matter how many LJ friends and normal friends Ive had, I'm too stubborn and selfish, and haven't let any of them get close enough to know me, therefor, it has been my fault that I remain unhappy. right off the bat i can name 3 people whom know me inside and out and keep me happy.. tati, cassie, and mike. I need those three people. And I lost Mike, about a month ago, around the same time all my drama had begun. Mike Corbitt and I have had the strongest relationship either of us have been in yet, and though we broke up, we remained great friends and talked every night, but it wasn't the same of course, and I, the stupid one, thought 'Hey, since I can't have him, i'll see if i can move on' No, meeting new people and hurting over a loss of one, dosen't ease anything, it makes it worse, and of corse I'm in the wrong, because if anyone likes me out there, i appologize, but this is what I need, to make me secure and happy right now. I do love him. and I know, I've been a confuseing person to understand lately, but if you dissagree with things i've done in my past then i'm right along with you, and I do as well, if you don't, and you'll support the fact I'm making the choices i'm making for one hippie ass reason, "love, peace and happiness" and its for the sake of me, and him, and cassie and tati. I don't want sympathy, I don't want anything, but an understandment, that I've tried, too long, to make everyone around me happy, and that never works, and right now, I need to do what makes me happy. Mike and I are going back out. I had the intentions of it yes. I have never, felt so right at place as I do with him. He has, all the insight I need to hear, to feel better, everything he does, everything he says, just makes me smile, because reguardless of how obscene whatever hes doing is, i know he loves me. Because if he didn't. He would have been smart, and left me completely, one month ago. This weekend, has been the first 3 days, I've felt good, in 3 months now. I refuse, to ruin this. I refuse, to make people around me that I care most about unhappy. And I refuse, to do anything stupid, to ruin how I feel right now. I've got 3 best friends, and one of them is a best friend/lover, and everyone, in my beliefe, has a part of them, who needs/wants love, and I, am one who needs love, not the family friendly love but the passionate close love. and Mike and I have that together, yes, I little meek and mild mannored Linzy, is in love with grindcore obscene Mike Corbitt. And I plan, to be with him, for as long as possible. Not being an idiot and saying this will last forever, I'm saying, just for as long as possible. I need this. I need him. And I need cassie, and tati. And now that I've got all 3, I'm keeping it this way. And I'll do what ever to do so.