Jun 30, 2016 13:06
There are some good reasons for my insomnia, living where I do... but more deeply than that, I've come to truly realize some of the indications for why I find it hard to truly rest in this place. Some people might think these things are silly, but keep in mind that I've lived here for 5 years now and so I have had to be exposed to these sources of annoyance on a consistent, regular basis.
The cooing dove on the wire outside. It's always there at some point during the day, often in the morning. Its coo is not soothing. It sounds hoarse and exhausted. None of the other birds bug me, just this one dove. It coos loudly and incessantly. I would even call it neurotic. When it rains, the dove goes away.
The barking dogs, especially the tiny poodle at the end of the alley in the building opposite. Its owners don't pay it enough attention or walk it enough; that, or it's just a really stupid dog I guess. It barks at anything that moves. It's a loud, high pitched, squealing bark that some days goes on for hours and hours because the owners just leave it on the outside patio. I don't even know why people who live in apartments have dogs. It's a recipe for neurotic, crazy dogs. I've complained to the city 5 times and on the last try they told me that they'd be sending me a package to organize with neighbors to form a court case, like it's my responsibility. The city has sent animal control people to that house at least 5 times now, and the stupid owners don't listen. This dog has really interrupted many peaceful, meaningful moments in my home with its shrill.
The garbage scene. This includes the earthquaking garbage trucks that come 2-3 times a week at staggard schedules, because they are privately owned and not beholden to city operational hours. Sometimes they even come on weekends. They pick up huge bins and make other earthquaking noises, usually before 9am, and often before 8am. Sometimes the big trucks idle in the alley for various reasons, making it impossible to stay asleep. The other aspect is the bottle pickers. They really come at all hours, and the sounds of clanking bottles and glass are impossible to ignore. They drag their shopping carts and other carriage systems through the street. Sometimes the scavengers come in dysfunctional pairs and they have their trashy arguments loud and clear for all to hear.
The building maintenance people. I know they have jobs to do, but some of their jobs are pointless... like leaf blowing every second day. In the autumn that makes sense, but the summer time? How many leaves could possibly be built up for you to have to use a leaf blower every second day? The weedwackers are also a problem. I appreciate the plant growth and gardens they've created around this building, but I almost prefer not to have them due to the compulsive maintenance schedule that seems to be happening.
My refrigerator, which I found out this year has been there since the building opened at the beginning of the 90's. It hums so loudly I can hear it from my bedroom. After years of being here, I still haven't been able to fully filter that sound. There are times when I can and times when I can't. The fridge is placed in an alcove that does not have tiles on it, compared to the rest of the kitchen. As a result the fridge sits uneven on the floor. I used to unplug the fridge so I could get a good night's sleep, but that risks ruining the food inside.
The sheer density of people living around me. There is always a high chance when the weekend comes that there will be a patio facing the alley that is filled with drunk, loud people who can be heard all hours of the night. There's no real point in complaining about it because most human beings can cope with that scene happening, but not me.
These cocophonies of noise regularly disturb my life and make me feel unsettled about simply being in my home. I am never truly at ease here. It keeps me hypervigilant. I sleep with earplugs but it doesn't matter. There is always a subtle inner battle happening within me where I can't let go. These sounds aren't beautiful, they aren't nurturuing or nourishing. They are harsh, grating, and violent reminders of how unnatural city living is. I have been interrupted by them so many times that I don't even want to meditate in my own home anymore because I may be jolted, for the 100th time, out of a peaceful state by any one of these grating sounds.
In the summer time I can't keep my bedroom windows closed in a feeble attempt to block out some sound, because I would suffocate in the heat. So I have to pray for rain, because on rainy days the activity out there is sharply reduced; except, the problem is that rainy, low pressure days make me feel like shit. This means that no matter what the weather conditions are, I still face problems. I know this sounds very "woe is me" but it's not. When I visit the homes of all my other friends, they don't have these extraneous noises. Their homes are self-contained. And the housing crisis in Vancouver means that I am stuck where I am, and that really drives me crazy. I would have moved out of here years ago had there been a reasonable alternative. Now the fucking housing market and all its greedy tycoons have made it next to impossible to find a better situation.
Ever since leaving Toronto I have just wanted a peaceful home to call my home, and every place I live is unreasonably noisy. I'm going to pay money to get custom ear plugs made for sleeping. I don't think they will totally cancel out the problem but they could help.
Universe, guides, God, any benevolent force listening? Could you please help me with this problem? I want peace and quiet. I can manage the rest.