If You Really Knew Me...
One of my kids over at Youth First posted this and I thought it was a cool exercise to try. We've had a sit-down version of "If you really knew me..." at Big Group there and it went over pretty well. Of course, I'm not sure what more I can reveal on this blog, but I'll do my best. This isn't a pity party or anything, it's just a chance to share things I don't often advertise.
1. If you really knew me, you would know that I used to be a pot head.
2. If you really knew me, you would know that I often blame myself for everything.
3. If you really knew me, you would know that I tend to over-analyze things.
4. If you really knew me, you would know that I am an atheist.
5. If you really knew me, you would know that I am transsexual.
6. If you really knew me, you would know that I once despised myself for being a girl.
7. If you really knew me, you would know that I am a hardcore feminist.
8. If you really knew me, you would know that I have played video games since I was 4.
9. If you really knew me, you would know that I used to be bulimic.
10. If you really knew me, you would know that I have a paranoid schizophrenic father.
11. If you really knew me, you would know that I never saw a boy's bathroom until I was in day care.
12. If you really knew me, you would know that I still let petty things get to me sometimes.
13. If you really knew me, you would know that I have trained in Karate and Boxing. I'm not a violent person, but I can and will defend myself.
14. If you really knew me, you would know that I was raped by 5 boys in middle school.
15. If you really knew me, you would know that I feel overwhelmed sometimes, even while I keep everyone else calm.
16. If you really knew me, you would know that I get depressed about my lack of surgery sometimes and how impossibly far in the future it seems.
17. If you really knew me, you would know that I have an incredibly high sex drive.
18. If you really knew me, you would know that I am loyal to a fault, even when I shouldn't be.
19. If you really knew me, you would know that I dream in black and white, and rarely from my own point-of-view.
20. If you really knew me, you would know that I am a total fangirl and have loved Batman and the X-Men since I was 5.
21. If you really knew me, you would know that I love few things more than talking in medium-sized groups.
22. If you really knew me, you woulds know that I feel responsible for everyone in my life, even when I shouldn't.
23. If you really knew me, you would know that I got my first vibrator when I was 13.
24. If you really knew me you would know that I am a bleeding-heart, pinko-commie liberal.
25. If you really knew me, you would know that I am a workaholic and get depressed if I'm not working.
26. If you really knew me, you would know that I doubt my ability to do anything fairly often.
27. If you really knew me, you would know that I have taught myself to be an optimist even though I'm naturally a pessimist.
28. If you really knew me, you would know that I consider myself a Taoist, which is a philosophy, not a religion.
29. If you really knew me, you would know that I sometimes worry my boyfriend's family doesn't like me.
30. If you really knew me, you would know that I often doubt my ability to accomplish anything worthwhile.
31. If you really knew me, you would know that I have a hard time feeling like an adequate mentor, I keep expecting someone to come in and tell me I've been dismissed.
32. If you really knew me, you would know that I never dreamed of my future wedding until I met Chris.
33. If you really knew me, you would know that I still feel an intense urge to experience pregnancy and birth from time to time.
34. If you really knew me, you would know that I am extremely self-conscious about the hair on my face and my lack of laser removal.
35. If you really knew me, you would know that I convinced myself I was an evil pervert doomed for hell when I was a Christian. But I still believed God loved me.
36. If you really knew me, you would know that I sometimes miss the community a church can provide, even though I'm an atheist.
37. If you really knew me, you would know that I love modern musicals like Rent, Avenue Q and Wicked.
38. If you really knew me, you would know that I used to be heavily involved in Theatre, and sometimes I still miss it.
39. If you really knew me, you would know that I want to be a therapist for LGBT youth when I grow up, whenever that might be.
40. If you really knew me, you would know that I have played Dungeons & Dragons off and on for years. Hell, I'm a Dungeon Master.
41. If you really knew me, you would know that I used to be claustrophobic.
42. If you really knew me, you would know that I generally hate chick flicks and romantic comedies. The only love stories I enjoy are the dark, twisted, weird ones.
43. If you really knew me, you would know that I love to read books and dream of having a library in my house someday.
44. If you really knew me, you would know that I wanted to be an English teacher until I started to critique students' writing.
45. If you really knew me, you would know that I hate Twilight.
46. If you really knew me, you would know that I am kind of a tomboy, despite my feminine manner.
47. If you really knew me, you would know that I dream of a day when kids can express who they are without prejudice. Every step I take to make that possible makes me feel better about my own childhood.
48. If you really knew me, you would know that I can be reduced to tears by math sometimes.
49. If you really knew me, you would know that I love my cat, Baby, and sometimes start to cry when I think about the fact that he's old and will die some day.
50. If you really knew me, you would know that despite being an atheist, I do believe: in love, the good of humanity, the natural order of the universe and the ability to adapt and evolve beyond our limits.
51. If you really knew me, you would know that I still feel the urge to smoke pot sometimes. However, I never feel the urge to smoke cigarettes again.
52. If you really knew me, you would know that I lost 4 of my best friends to weed. Even though leaving them was the right thing to do, I still feel terrible about it.
53. If you really knew me, you would know that I worked at a comic shop for 4 years and even transitioned while I was there.
54. If you really knew me, you would know that I really do love helping customers, cheesy as that sounds.
55. If you really knew me, you would know that I wish I was more crafty and artistic than I really am.
56. If you really knew me, you would know that the majority of my friends are gay or transgender.
57. If you really knew me, you would know that I distanced myself from the LGBT community until last year because I didn't want people confusing me for being gay or a cross-dresser or whatever.
58. If you really knew me, you would know that I love my hair, but don't know how to do anything with it.
59. If you really knew me, you would know that I listen to National Public Radio every day.
60. If you really knew me, you would know that I am slowly becoming a Trekkie thanks to my boyfriend.
61. If you really knew me, you would know that I dream of traveling across the country on a road trip someday.
62. If you really knew me, you would know that I love to cook and bake, especially for the people I love.
63. If you really knew me, you would know that I freak out about the idea of defending a thesis when I get my master's degree.
64. If you really knew me, you would know that I want to adopt two children when I've settled down, a girl and a boy.
65. If you really knew me, you would know that although I've been doubtful about much in my future, I can't wait to be a mother.
66. If you really knew me, you would know that I am neither a Democrat nor Republican, I'm an independent liberal.
67. If you really knew me, you would know that I used to have cybersex with strangers.
68. If you really knew me, you would know that I have gone down on a girl and a boy.
69. If you really knew me, you would know that the most powerful religious experience I ever had was during a mushroom trip.
70. If you really knew me, you would know that I beat the shit out of a boy in a Piggly Wiggly parking lot when I found out my father had a nervous breakdown.
71. If you really knew me, you would know that I have always befriended the underdogs.
72. If you really knew me, you would know that I used to be an online stripper in Guild Wars. I took off my avatar's clothes and danced for gold.
73. If you really knew me, you would know that I talk to my mom about anything and everything, including sex.
74. If you really knew me, you would know that I was suicidal in middle school.
75. If you really knew me, you would know that I used to explore underground storm drains and abandoned buildings.
76. If you really knew me, you would know that I had my first real kiss when I was 13 with an 18-year-old gay boy.
77. If you really knew me, you would know that I didn't lose my virginity until I was 23.
78. If you really knew me, you would know that I am pretty damn happy most of the time, despite how it might seem occasionally.
79. If you really knew me, you would know that I want to publish a book and direct a movie before I die, even if no one reads or watches them.
80. If you really knew me, you would know that I have written two books for National Novel Writing Month.
81. If you really knew me, you would know that I have a menstrual cycle, despite the fact that I don't menstruate.
82. If you really knew me, you would know that I am somewhat bisexual, I just have a preference for men.
83. If you really knew me, you would know that I miss watching Saturday Morning Cartoons, especially Animaniacs, Batman and 90s Nickelodeon in general.
84. If you really knew me, you would know that I looked up to my mom, Catwoman, Batgirl, Lara Croft and Princess Leia when I was growing up.
85. If you really knew me, you would know that I was a huge Star Wars nerd until Phantom Menace was released.
86. If you really knew me, you would know that I love walking through toy stores and looking at children's books.
87. If you really knew me, you would know that I grew up in a family that read books out loud to each other. I intend to keep the tradition with my own children in the future.
88. If you really knew me, you would know that I try my best to love everyone, even the Republicans.
89. If you really knew me, you would know that I smoked my first joint when I was 13 and my first cigarette when I was 15.
90. If you really knew me, you would know that I had to learn to forgive myself before I could forgive others.
91. If you really knew me, you would know that I am in 4 student organizations and counting: OUT@Collin, VOICE, Secular Students and soon, Phi Theta Kappa.
92. If you really knew me, you would know that I feel most at peace when I write.
93. If you really knew me, you would know that I have a Superwoman complex.
94. If you really knew me, you would know that I went to Truancy Court in high school.
95. If you really knew me, you would know that I fucking love being a girl.
96. If you really knew me, you would know that I have been on hormone therapy for nearly 2 years.
97. If you really knew me, you would know that I am a private and reserved person, but I've learned to be outgoing through my work in the community.
98. If you really knew me, you would know that I have learned to answer uncomfortable questions about my body, but still resent people for asking them.
99. If you really knew me, you would know that I love getting comments on my blog.
100. If you really knew me, you would know that I rarely feel more at home than with my OUT@Collin, YFT and support group friends.