Barren
A friend of mine informed me this week is National Infertility Awareness Week.
Since he shared his story and views about infertility I thought I'd share mine today.
Although there is progress being made on uterine transplants and other fertility work, as a transsexual woman I cannot bear children. This was one aspect of my body I had a hard time coming to terms with and on the wrong day I still get worked up about it. It does not mean I will never be a mom, just that I will never experience pregnancy.
Okay, that last sentence stung a little but I can handle it. I've learned to dig deep into my Taoist perspective and accept that being infertile is how I was meant to be. There are so many children in the world who need adoption and I'm happy to open my heart even if we don't share genetic material. When I was growing up I always denied any desire for children. I believed at the time my only option was to be a father. *shudder, not for me* Only when I fully embraced my womanhood did I feel the "pain of infertility".
For a while I clung to the hope I could adopt my first child and later birth a second through uterine surgery. But then I thought how that would feel to my first child. Like I didn't love her as much because she was adopted? Like our relationship was less genuine? Then I really thought about why I needed to have a baby. Did I believe I was less of a woman for being infertile? Did I feel like I'd be less maternal without experiencing pregnancy? Did I think being pregnant was fun or glamorous? No, of course not. So what was the big loss?
Do I look down on others who use fertility clinics to manipulate their odds of pregnancy? No. On a personal level I can understand where they're coming from. But I don't agree with the amount of money and resources spent on the hope of a genetic child that could be used to support an existent, adoptive child.
I've come to terms with my infertility and I'm looking forward to adopting children when I'm ready for them. In many ways I'm lucky. I didn't have to worry about teenage pregnancy or family pressure. I don't take birth control. I don't need to deal with abortion. That doesn't stop me from having strong opinions as a pro-choice feminist, but I will never have to make that choice personally. And I'm grateful for that.
Reproduction has been used as a justification for calling GLBT individuals "unnatural", despite the evidence of GLBT behavior outside of the human race. For some really great examples check out Evolution's Rainbow. But do we consider infertile hetero-cissexuals "unnatural"? No, we just consider them unfortunate, still casting them as sub-human. This attitude deeply offends my feminist ideals because it implies women are only good for their wombs as a depository for men's sperm. If a man can't produce children he's somehow less of one, despite all his actions. This reproductive bias has to stop but I wonder if it ever will?
Since he shared his story and views about infertility I thought I'd share mine today.
Although there is progress being made on uterine transplants and other fertility work, as a transsexual woman I cannot bear children. This was one aspect of my body I had a hard time coming to terms with and on the wrong day I still get worked up about it. It does not mean I will never be a mom, just that I will never experience pregnancy.
Okay, that last sentence stung a little but I can handle it. I've learned to dig deep into my Taoist perspective and accept that being infertile is how I was meant to be. There are so many children in the world who need adoption and I'm happy to open my heart even if we don't share genetic material. When I was growing up I always denied any desire for children. I believed at the time my only option was to be a father. *shudder, not for me* Only when I fully embraced my womanhood did I feel the "pain of infertility".
For a while I clung to the hope I could adopt my first child and later birth a second through uterine surgery. But then I thought how that would feel to my first child. Like I didn't love her as much because she was adopted? Like our relationship was less genuine? Then I really thought about why I needed to have a baby. Did I believe I was less of a woman for being infertile? Did I feel like I'd be less maternal without experiencing pregnancy? Did I think being pregnant was fun or glamorous? No, of course not. So what was the big loss?
Do I look down on others who use fertility clinics to manipulate their odds of pregnancy? No. On a personal level I can understand where they're coming from. But I don't agree with the amount of money and resources spent on the hope of a genetic child that could be used to support an existent, adoptive child.
I've come to terms with my infertility and I'm looking forward to adopting children when I'm ready for them. In many ways I'm lucky. I didn't have to worry about teenage pregnancy or family pressure. I don't take birth control. I don't need to deal with abortion. That doesn't stop me from having strong opinions as a pro-choice feminist, but I will never have to make that choice personally. And I'm grateful for that.
Reproduction has been used as a justification for calling GLBT individuals "unnatural", despite the evidence of GLBT behavior outside of the human race. For some really great examples check out Evolution's Rainbow. But do we consider infertile hetero-cissexuals "unnatural"? No, we just consider them unfortunate, still casting them as sub-human. This attitude deeply offends my feminist ideals because it implies women are only good for their wombs as a depository for men's sperm. If a man can't produce children he's somehow less of one, despite all his actions. This reproductive bias has to stop but I wonder if it ever will?