What a guy wants, what a guy needs
Companionship and sex are the two reasons why people date.
Let me break it down for y'all. Dating is having someone to go to
dinner with; and someone to fuck. After conducting a completely
unscientific study, which involved hanging out with a lot of my male
friends the last two weeks, I’ve come to this conclusion. This is
my thesis: Single dudes are tired of eating alone, and they’re
tired of jerking off. They’re also tired of the hot girl’s ugly
friend that always cock blocks but that’s an entirely different story.
Okay, so maybe it’s really someone to eat with, have sex with, AND a conversation every once in a while. They’ve given up on finding THE ONE, their future baby mama, the woman that will eventually take half of their shit and the kids after the divorce. Right now, they just want a steady dinner date, and booty on the regular.
Refreshingly honest, yet disturbingly true.
A lot of dudes are looking for girlfriends. Last weekend I had dinner with a guy I dated a year ago. Back then he had a slight (by slight I mean A BIG FUCKING PROBLEM) gambling problem that ended the courtship faster than Paris Hilton’s virginity. He recently got out of a 10-month relationship in which he described the girl as a “crazy ass bitch” and “she was psycho, I never knew!” But when I asked him if he was ready to date again, he looked at me like I had bad plastic surgery and said, “No, I was kinda hoping I’d get back with her.”
Me: “Who? The crazy ass bitch?”
Him: “Yeah.”
Me: “But you called her a crazy ass bitch.”
Him: “Yeah, but I miss her.”
Naturally, the conversation meandered on to sex. Apparently the sex wasn’t all that great either. “It wasn’t a big part of our relationship,” he would say again and again. “How is your steak? And oh, sex wasn’t a big part of my relationship with her. Pass me the salt please, sex wasn’t a big deal.” I’m so kidding, he totally asked me how my salad was. Like I would order steak, girl please, and as if!
Sex wasn’t a big part of their relationship. It wasn’t a regular occurrence either. BUT, they talked. A LOT. He said in an almost dreamy tone, “We would talk about everything!” I felt like he was going to whip out a binder and start drawing hearts all over it with her name on the inside. I felt like lunch was ending soon and we’d have to hustle to 5th period.
They didn’t have sex that often, and when they did, it wasn’t all that great. But the fact that they could talk about everything was just peachy!- everything but their sex life of course. You don’t need Dr. Phil to see how ironic this situation is.
Hey, my thesis never mentioned GOOD sex.
So do I now have to amend my thesis? Can one not have all three? Companionship, sex, and convo. What, 2/3 is all you get?
the research continues.
tbc
Okay, so maybe it’s really someone to eat with, have sex with, AND a conversation every once in a while. They’ve given up on finding THE ONE, their future baby mama, the woman that will eventually take half of their shit and the kids after the divorce. Right now, they just want a steady dinner date, and booty on the regular.
Refreshingly honest, yet disturbingly true.
A lot of dudes are looking for girlfriends. Last weekend I had dinner with a guy I dated a year ago. Back then he had a slight (by slight I mean A BIG FUCKING PROBLEM) gambling problem that ended the courtship faster than Paris Hilton’s virginity. He recently got out of a 10-month relationship in which he described the girl as a “crazy ass bitch” and “she was psycho, I never knew!” But when I asked him if he was ready to date again, he looked at me like I had bad plastic surgery and said, “No, I was kinda hoping I’d get back with her.”
Me: “Who? The crazy ass bitch?”
Him: “Yeah.”
Me: “But you called her a crazy ass bitch.”
Him: “Yeah, but I miss her.”
Naturally, the conversation meandered on to sex. Apparently the sex wasn’t all that great either. “It wasn’t a big part of our relationship,” he would say again and again. “How is your steak? And oh, sex wasn’t a big part of my relationship with her. Pass me the salt please, sex wasn’t a big deal.” I’m so kidding, he totally asked me how my salad was. Like I would order steak, girl please, and as if!
Sex wasn’t a big part of their relationship. It wasn’t a regular occurrence either. BUT, they talked. A LOT. He said in an almost dreamy tone, “We would talk about everything!” I felt like he was going to whip out a binder and start drawing hearts all over it with her name on the inside. I felt like lunch was ending soon and we’d have to hustle to 5th period.
They didn’t have sex that often, and when they did, it wasn’t all that great. But the fact that they could talk about everything was just peachy!- everything but their sex life of course. You don’t need Dr. Phil to see how ironic this situation is.
Hey, my thesis never mentioned GOOD sex.
So do I now have to amend my thesis? Can one not have all three? Companionship, sex, and convo. What, 2/3 is all you get?
the research continues.
tbc