fuck the bullshit
damnit if im not depressed with myself. i have seriously just went fucking downhill. . .i thought it wouldnnnnt matter, but no i lose my fucking stamina, my desire, my speed. .and i didnt want that to happen at all. ever since i became a pitcher all i ever dreamed about was playing college. .being famous. .playing for the US team. .i just want that to happen, i mean i reallllly do seriously want to get better, i want to succeed in life, i want to be something. i feel like im stuck. .im not moving forward, just slowly sinking. i need to get out of this hole ive dug, and on to better things. .i think i have just got lazy. why i havent been throwing. . i dont know. just havent felt like it, been too concerned with other things. & when season rolls around, its going to bite me in the ass. last summer, i worked hard. i threw pretty much every single day. .and played almost every single weekend. & this past year i didnt even work any to start throwing harder. it just kind0f came to me. & then i think it got into my head that things can come to me without working at them. .thats my problem. but the thing is, i do need to work. i need to work my ass off! you dont ever see any college pitcher who didnt do things in the off season, who didnt work constantly on their pitching. who didnt work out, and lift, and work 24/7. gahhh fjkdajfkdsjmcveiasnfcjfkejrkuc. fuck the bullshit.