The Story of Us [5/?]
Genre: AU Romance
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: GTOP
Disclaimer: They will never be ours (sigh)
Warnings: Language, fluff, sexual situations
Summary: "There is no end. There is no beginning. There is only the passion of life." - Federico Fellini.
They say not all who wander are lost, and that no man is an island. This is the story of Jiyong and Seunghyun. Two men brought together by chance. Two men who will change each other's lives forever.
This is the story of us.
JIYONG
Digging our way to the firewood shed had been a deeply scarring experience. Aside from the journey that had brought me there, I was pretty sure I’d never known an exhaustion quite like that in my entire life. Which just further proved how much of a lazy asshole I was. But I’d done my best to be helpful, instead of a burden. Instead of the deadweight I felt like, out here in an environment that was so far from anything I’d been exposed to before. So far from the life I’d grown overly accustomed to. At least Seunghyun had grown up in Anchorage, this was still familiar territory for him. Me? I was floundering. Though I tried very hard not to give myself away. It’s not that I was afraid of being stuck. It’s that I didn’t adapt to change as well as I imagined I did.
We collapsed on the floor in the living room, Seunghyun having started a rather impressive fire with the wood we’d carried inside. The heat erupted in thick waves, melting into my skin and filling every pore. I was sweaty and disgusting but it calmed me in all the best ways. Falling onto my back, I spread my arms wide and groaned.
“I feel nonexistent.” My toes curled and stretched inside the thick wool socks Seunghyun had given me.
The minutes slowed and a comforting sort of stillness settled over both of our prone forms. I was well aware of my hand grazing Seunghyun’s thigh, tips of my fingers just barely pressed to the material of his ski pants. Under other circumstances I probably would have done something about it, but I was too tired to move. Thoughts were even a bit of a challenge, my mind sluggish beneath the blanket of warmth projected by the crackling flames. One thought did manage to surface though. The memory of our conversation earlier and the remnants of my creamed coffee. Seunghyun’s smiles. I felt like I won a prize every time his lips curved upward. A gentle fluttering rolled through my stomach and my brows furrowed. I sensed the tendrils of attachment, had sensed them, reaching out with their sticky little claws. His pink cheeks after my comment about the pleasure of his company. His shy embarrassment about the quality of his drawings. The flirtatious slant of his eyebrow when he teased me about art school. The curtain that fell down between us, heavy and cumbersome, after revealing the source of his wealth. A flash of melancholy, quickly replaced by a guarded sort of blankness.
I...liked Seunghyun. That was obvious to me now. But there were so many things hiding just beneath the surface of his shell and I was hesitant to push. To open him up too eagerly. A tiny bud shut tight against the elements, protecting the unique treasure hidden inside.
God, if I was waxing poetic in my head at this stage, I feared what the coming days spent in Seunghyun’s presence would do to me.
“I’m going to start lunch,” he said softly, moving to pull himself up from the floor.
But I didn’t want him to leave yet. I didn’t want the haze of contentment to end. I had achieved more serenity in the last ten minutes with him, silent beside me, than in the last ten months and I wanted to revel in it. I rose into a sitting position and grabbed hold of his sleeve, my grip clumsy and weak. The weight of my arm had tugged the neckline of his sweater low over his shoulder and I tried to think of something to say that wasn’t idiotic or desperate or way too obvious.
“Actually, can we sit here for a minute? I’m not entirely human yet,” I murmured, tongue thick with fatigue.
I mentally congratulated myself, trying very hard not to blush under the intensity of his gaze as he lowered himself back to the floor. Letting go of Seunghyun’s sleeve, I allowed myself a brief moment to drown in the dark brown of his irises. His eyes were seriously too pretty. It wouldn’t take much to get lost, I knew. But I had always been very good at doling out punishments. Because it was a punishment, to be subjected to his loveliness. Especially when I had no real way of coping. I smiled and turned towards the fire, chin propped on my knee, staring at the dancing red and orange flames as though it would help burn his face from my retinas or some shit. In the end I settled for just closing my eyes. The comfort of Seunghyun resting mere inches to my right, combined with the staggering heat, had me dozing almost immediately.
He must have thought I’d genuinely fallen asleep because the next thing I knew I was being lifted into his arms, the jostling movement pulling me from my hypnotic limbo. Seunghyun deposited me on the couch, tugging the blanket over my body, and I kept my eyes shut. He would probably be mortified if he knew that I was aware of what he was doing. That he’d been sweet. Considerate. Without prompting.
What came very close to giving me away, was the surprisingly tender caress of his long fingers through my hair. I fought so hard with myself. Not to move. Not to lean into the touch. Not to snatch his hand and keep it there. My breath caught in my throat and I held it like a precious secret.
“Sleep well,” Seunghyun whispered, his footsteps fading into the kitchen.
I released the air from my lungs in a ragged sigh, eyelids flicking open and locking onto the ceiling. My hands curled into fists. My scalp tingled where he’d gently scraped it with his nails. Biting down on my lip, I squeezed my eyes shut again. Fuck. Why, why, why did he have to do that? There was a weight pressing down on my chest, my heart working for every beat. I’d always hated this feeling. The helpless sort of terror when I realized how easy I was. So pathetic. Seunghyun probably had no concept of what he’d started and I couldn’t decide if that was better or worse than having intent.
I had always fallen in love too quickly. Had always given the whole of myself without a second thought. And I never learned. Even before Mackenzie, there was a long list of men, boys, that I'd believed worthy of my undying affections. But I was foolish, then and still now. Too many times I'd had my heart crushed in unforgiving hands and Mackenzie had been the final nail in the coffin. When I'd met him, I remembered thinking that for once I hadn't fucked up. That for once I'd made the right decision. My walls had happily come down and let him in and it had been one of my more catastrophic lapses in judgment. Because Mackenzie hadn't wanted forever with me, even though he'd acted like it. Forever with me meant that he'd never get what he wanted. Which was a family. I was nowhere near the point in my life where the idea of children made sense. I didn't know if it would ever fucking make sense. But that hadn't mattered to him. The things I wanted had always come second. Sometimes not even then. And when I'd suggested adoption he'd merely laughed at me, because it wouldn't be ours. His. The narcissistic little shit.
So in the end, I'd been cast aside for mainly one reason, being that I didn't have the right fucking reproductive organs. I had been so angry. More at myself than at him.
Pulling the blankets over my head, I resisted the urge to scream. I liked Seunghyun. And it was the most frightening feeling in the world. Because I didn't need a map to know where I was. Where I would be going. The only question being whether I would surrender myself to the inevitable or fight against it. I growled and rolled over, forcing my body to settle into something resembling sleep. I was tired of thinking.
*
Not even thirty minutes had passed by the time I woke up, still moody and with the beginnings of a headache pressing at the base of my skull. I sighed, ruffling my hair into less of a nest and dragging my feet off the couch so that they could carry me into the kitchen. Seunghyun was sitting at the table, staring with unseeing eyes into his neglected mug of coffee, the remainder of a sandwich forgotten on a plate at his elbow. I yawned.
“Hey,” I mumbled, voice scratchy as I dropped into an empty chair. “Sorry for conking out.”
“Oh, hey,” he spoke absently, like I'd pulled him from intense thought. “No, don’t worry about it. Your body must still not be quite back to one hundred percent yet.”
“Feels more like ten percent at the moment.” I rubbed at the back of my neck, stretching and grimacing when my muscles twinged.
“Listen... I’ve been thinking. Would you like to use my sauna? It might make you feel better and speed your recovery along.”
The suggestion was born of concern and it coated the walls of my chest in a thick layer of warmth. I let the offer hang as I pondered, glancing over to catch Seunghyun's expectant stare. Sure, why the hell not.
“Yeah. That’d be nice.” My lips curved in a half-smile. “Thanks.”
“Do you want lunch first? Or I can fix you something while you’re in the sauna.” His fingers grazed the rim of his cup, tapping lightly against the ceramic.
My stomach flopped and I looked down at my hands. Why was he being so nice? And why was I behaving like every stupid gesture meant something? They weren't declarations and oaths, they were acts of kindness. People were capable of being kind. I tended to forget that. My cheeks wanted to express their appreciation of his sweetness by blooming with pink but I wouldn't allow it. I just needed to not be in the same room with Seunghyun right now. My brain was being too cruel.
“I think I’ll hop in the sauna first, actually.” I disregarded the mention of food because he really didn't need to do that.
“Alright. It’s an infrared sauna, so you just have to set the timer beside the door.”
Nodding, I attempted not to snort. Infrared sauna. Oh, wealthy fuckers and their toys. I supposed he had to spend the money on something. And the cabin wasn't a castle, either, so my snarky internal commentary was totally unwarranted but I couldn't help myself. Seunghyun didn't strike me as the type who cared much about status, seeing as he had essentially abandoned society altogether. Though the little ways that he pampered himself just sort of amused me. I smirked. I was being a dick. Rising from the table, I decided to leave before my big mouth got me into trouble.
“I’ll be back in a few, then.” Executing an awkward wave of farewell, I escaped.
*
The sauna was actually really nice, even if the oppressive heat took some getting used to. I slouched on the slats of the wooden bench, arms and legs splayed out ungracefully, eyes closed. The towel slung low about my hips was completely unnecessary since I was in there alone, but somehow lounging around with my naked ass rubbing all over Seunghyun's bathroom seemed disrespectful. I chuckled to myself, the sound dying in my throat when the image of the older man sitting next to me slipped into my mind unbidden. The image of slightly tanned skin standing out in contrast to my pale flesh as our bodies converged. Fucking hell. I sucked my lower lip into my mouth and sunk further into my slouch, beads of sweat forming and pooling in the hollows of my bones and muscles. Heat swirled inside of me as well as around me and the fantasy unraveled before I could stop it.
Calloused fingers trailing fire over my chest and my stomach. My tongue attached to the long column of Seunghyun's salted neck. What noises would he make? Knowing already how deliciously low his voice was did not help, my imagination supplying the sighs and the whimpers without my permission. I rolled my hips, the rough fabric of the towel creating a hint of friction. A gasp, followed by a desperate whine. The Seunghyun in my head slid a hand along the softness of my inner thigh as his mouth stole all the breath from my lungs and I trembled. Unable to resist, I kneaded the bulge of my stiffening cock through the towel with a sweat-slicked palm. Moaning, knees spread, I pressed harder and drowned in hypothetical arms. My needy sounds grew in volume and echoed off of the walls of the small room, shaking me from my lascivious stupor. Jesus, Jiyong.
I knocked my skull back into the wall and scowled. Jerking off in a stranger's sauna, to thoughts of said stranger's hands pawing you like a horny teenager, was so inappropriate. Maybe Seunghyun was more than a stranger now but that didn't make it any less obscene. I glanced down at my erection and emitted a helpless laugh. There was no way I was going home to Seattle without a serious case of blue-balls. Mashing my face with sweaty fingers, I willed my hard-on to fuck off as I waited for the timer to beep.
Head hazy and light, I stood on weak legs and emerged from the sauna. The burst of cooler air slammed into me hard, almost like hitting the calm surface of a pool of water with your arms spread. That stinging smack. I swayed, my haze evolving into dizziness. With a hand on the wall I steadied myself, the tell-tale black dots of unconsciousness swimming in my vision. Colors dimmed, shapes blurred. Oh this was so much fun. I took a deep breath and the dots swarmed until I couldn't see anything, my awareness leaving me with a strangled grunt as I collapsed on the floor.
*
For a second time in the same number of days I found myself floating in the tangled webs of disorientation. I could feel a hand on my face, nervous fingers patting the swell of my cheek. My head lolled against something solid and my eyes fluttered open only to close again. It was too bright.
“Jiyong, wake up! Shit. I'm so stupid. Please, Jiyong. Come on.”
Seunghyun. His panicked voice broke through the fog and I blinked rapidly, sucking in a huge lungful of air. The realization that I was still in my towel, half naked and cradled in the man's arms, crept up on me as I tried to formulate words. An incoherent mumble, in protest or apology or both, spilled from my lips.
“Oh, thank God. Jiyong, can you hear me?” Seunghyun brushed my hair from my forehead, hand trembling.
I shifted my focus from the too bright lights of the bathroom to his dark, excessively worried eyes. At this rate I would cause him to go prematurely gray. I smiled up at him, feeling drugged from more than just the fainting spell. Seunghyun's scent enveloped me and I thought it might be all right if I stayed there forever.
“Hi.” Was all I could manage, limbs heavier than lead and brain mostly useless.
“Hi.” He returned my smile, raking his fingers through my hair again, relief bleeding through the concerned lines of his handsome face. “You passed out in the bathroom. I guess the sauna wasn’t such a great idea.”
I wished he would keep doing that. The touching thing. And the smiling thing.
“Guess not.” I blinked slowly a few times, trying very hard not to let the butterflies in my stomach overwhelm.
“Do you think you can stand?” Seunghyun asked, brows raised in hopeful arches.
My entire body felt like it was full of cotton and I was actually quite content where I was, nestled against his chest, but I couldn't tell him that so I nodded. He extricated himself, the loss of solid contact inspiring a new wave of woozy unbalance. Seunghyun helped me rise from the tiled floor, one of my hands gripping the towel so that it wouldn't slip. The last thing I needed was to turn this into a legitimate nightmare. I wobbled on my feet, reaching out to grasp his shoulder. The black dots came back and I cringed. Please don't make me go through this again.
“Whoa, whoa. Let me help you.” Seunghyun's arm curled around my waist instantly, warm fingers digging into my hip as he drew me near.
Though if this was my reward, maybe I should pass out more often. He gazed at me for a minute and I had to force myself to look away. But there was nowhere to look that wasn't Seunghyun.
Catching my lip between my teeth, I struggled with not letting my eyes roam over the beautiful line of his jaw. The proximity of his fucking perfect mouth. I swallowed and swayed again. Shit, I was so out of it. The heat of Seunghyun's body seeped into my skin and I was sucked back into the fantasy, flashes of my tongue pressed flat against the pulse point at his neck that was currently inches away. A tiny whimper vibrated in my throat and I shivered, arousal twining tight in the pit of my belly.
“You must be freezing.” He tugged me even closer and I squeezed my eyes shut. “I’ve got a robe you can wear, but we have to make it down the hall first. You okay?”
If only he knew. I breathed in, which was incredibly stupid. Cedar and smoke and something I was beginning to categorize as uniquely Seunghyun obliterated my olfactory system. And everything else, really. Nodding again because I didn't trust myself to speak, we finally moved.
Once in the bedroom, he lowered me to sit on the edge of the mattress, leaving to go rummage through his closet. I hunched over, elbows digging into my legs, and buried my face in my hands. Why why why why why. This was so embarrassing. Playing the role of “damsel in distress” wasn't usually my style, and yet here I was passing out left and fucking right. I felt like such a baby. Seunghyun probably thought of me the same. Sighing, I pinched the bridge of my nose.
“You sure you're all right?” He stood in front of me, forest green terry-cloth robe draped over his arm.
“Yeah.” I got up from the bed, taking the glorified towel and sliding it over my shoulders.
It was so big I might as well have been wearing a Snuggie. I snorted, rolling up the sleeves that drooped well past my fingertips and looped the belt around my waist. Seunghyun was observing me intently and I couldn't stop the blush this time.
“It seems like I’m making this a habit,” I huffed, amused, but only at myself. “I’m sorry for freaking you out.”
He shook his head, staring down at the floor with brows knitted.
“It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have let you go in the sauna without eating something first. I didn’t even think...” Seunghyun trailed off and flicked his eyes back up to mine.“You just relax. I’m going to make you something.”
Before I had the chance to argue otherwise, he'd already left, cabinets banging and silverware clattering in the kitchen. His behavior was so transparent. Finding someone passed out on the floor of your bathroom was bound to leave you a bit shaken and I didn't want him to worry. Seunghyun didn't need to be concerned about me. Or blame himself. Even if the whole concept of him fretting and fawning made me a little weak in the knees. It had been a while since anyone had gifted me with so much kindness so consistently and I was having trouble not over-thinking it. Mackenzie hadn't exactly been a shining example of human generosity.
I tightened the belt of the robe around my waist and dropped back onto the mattress. Not a moment later, Seunghyun returned with plate in hand.
“Are you sure you’re okay with me eating in your bed?” I lifted a brow, teasing.
“It's fine. You can wash the sheets when you're feeling better." Seunghyun's dimples appeared as he grinned at me and I was suddenly very glad that I was sitting down. “I hope you like ham.”
I laughed, taking the offered plate. Well you’re a total ham and I like you, so...Grinning back, I kept my thoughts to myself (which pretty much consisted of other reasons why I'd need to wash the sheets) and bit into the sandwich before I could say anything more brilliant (see: moronic) than usual. Seunghyun's fidgeting hadn't stopped and he ducked out of the bedroom once again while I ate. I shook my head. He was so weird.
“I put your sketch pad on the table beside the couch,” he said when he'd reappeared, gesturing behind him. “Let me know if you need help getting out there once you’ve finished. Just yell; I’ll be up in the loft.”
“Thank you.” My heart skipped and I smiled instead of rolling my eyes. “I think I’ll be okay.”
“Alright, well... call me if you need anything.” And then Seunghyun was gone again.
Part Two