hey joe strummer-i have TWO jobs, but they don't pay.
as much as i enjoy sleeping in, days like this when i have no obligations before twelve p.m. make me incredibly wasteful of my time, and then i become disappointed in myself for not taking advantage of that wasted time.
however, in ten days, all that i will technically have is free time and it won't be possible to waste with pete around.
EDIT: not even twelve hours after i wrote this post, a bizarre turn of events pretty much fixed the situation under the cut, but i suppose i will leave it there for...posterity? nah. they won't care. i might in the future, though. if i ever want to remember how bad i felt. how likely.
i really feel bad about things with david. we had an argument two nights ago, and i haven't talked to him since. i called him once or twice to see if he wanted to finish our discussion, and he said he wasn't up for it, and he hasn't called me about it at all. so i guess i'm just going to leave the ball in his court.
i don't know. i'm so sick of the entire situation, but i've been trying so hard to do right by him throughout this entire ordeal that i don't just want to give up and tell him to get out of my life. he didn't technically do anything wrong, so he doesn't deserve that, despite the fact that 90% of the people i know think i should just say goodbye for good.
my problem with this situation is that i'm having trouble interpreting my own feelings toward david as well as the situation myself. I know that i'm frustrated with the situation, but i'm not sure why i keep letting it get dragged out. it could be guilt, pity, or my own inability to burn bridges, no matter how necessary.
it is probably a combination, but i do know that if he decided that we can't talk anymore, i would be okay with it. i would be okay with anything but this. i don't even know what this is. i guess that is a lot of the problem, too. if i want to prevent it i should probably figure out what the root of the problem is.
basically, david got a girlfriend. i don't know if he's settling, or what. but now i guess we're even, i don't feel guilty anymore, and he will now presumably stop trying to convince me of things that shouldn't be. i honestly hope he is not settling. because for the past five months all that i have been trying to do is ensure his happiness, which, i will be the first to admit, ceased being my responsibility at the end of january, but. ugh. whatever. i'm apparently a martyr or something. so...that's an elephant off my back. (END EDIT)
So. ten days! i can't wait. although it sucks to miss someone this much, this is the part of a long distance relationship that i personally can trick myself into enjoying. counting down days never gets old because it gets more promising every day, and i love to speculate about the next time we'll be together. it never gets old and it never fails to make me smile. i haven't done that in a longer time than you'd think, which makes me feel a twinge of guilt, but mostly makes me realize how happy i am with petewilliams.
i'm done being annoying.
did i mention that i am incredibly excited that my brother is going to st. john's next year? (i still can't believe he's graduating) i don't know that i'll have the time, but i think it would be pretty damn fun to go visit him lots and go to shows together next year. next semester is going to be wonderful, and i hope it doesn't go by as quickly as the last month and a half of this past semester went.
also, new orleans road trip has been tentatively moved to the weekend of july 11th, but that depends on when i am dog sitting.
however, in ten days, all that i will technically have is free time and it won't be possible to waste with pete around.
EDIT: not even twelve hours after i wrote this post, a bizarre turn of events pretty much fixed the situation under the cut, but i suppose i will leave it there for...posterity? nah. they won't care. i might in the future, though. if i ever want to remember how bad i felt. how likely.
i really feel bad about things with david. we had an argument two nights ago, and i haven't talked to him since. i called him once or twice to see if he wanted to finish our discussion, and he said he wasn't up for it, and he hasn't called me about it at all. so i guess i'm just going to leave the ball in his court.
i don't know. i'm so sick of the entire situation, but i've been trying so hard to do right by him throughout this entire ordeal that i don't just want to give up and tell him to get out of my life. he didn't technically do anything wrong, so he doesn't deserve that, despite the fact that 90% of the people i know think i should just say goodbye for good.
my problem with this situation is that i'm having trouble interpreting my own feelings toward david as well as the situation myself. I know that i'm frustrated with the situation, but i'm not sure why i keep letting it get dragged out. it could be guilt, pity, or my own inability to burn bridges, no matter how necessary.
it is probably a combination, but i do know that if he decided that we can't talk anymore, i would be okay with it. i would be okay with anything but this. i don't even know what this is. i guess that is a lot of the problem, too. if i want to prevent it i should probably figure out what the root of the problem is.
basically, david got a girlfriend. i don't know if he's settling, or what. but now i guess we're even, i don't feel guilty anymore, and he will now presumably stop trying to convince me of things that shouldn't be. i honestly hope he is not settling. because for the past five months all that i have been trying to do is ensure his happiness, which, i will be the first to admit, ceased being my responsibility at the end of january, but. ugh. whatever. i'm apparently a martyr or something. so...that's an elephant off my back. (END EDIT)
So. ten days! i can't wait. although it sucks to miss someone this much, this is the part of a long distance relationship that i personally can trick myself into enjoying. counting down days never gets old because it gets more promising every day, and i love to speculate about the next time we'll be together. it never gets old and it never fails to make me smile. i haven't done that in a longer time than you'd think, which makes me feel a twinge of guilt, but mostly makes me realize how happy i am with petewilliams.
i'm done being annoying.
did i mention that i am incredibly excited that my brother is going to st. john's next year? (i still can't believe he's graduating) i don't know that i'll have the time, but i think it would be pretty damn fun to go visit him lots and go to shows together next year. next semester is going to be wonderful, and i hope it doesn't go by as quickly as the last month and a half of this past semester went.
also, new orleans road trip has been tentatively moved to the weekend of july 11th, but that depends on when i am dog sitting.