(no subject)
It's been since May that I've felt this depressed. Everything seems to be going wrong at once, and it doesn't show signs of stopping. I've got so many things I want to say to people, but my conscience prevents me from doing so. I know it would help me a lot, but it would hurt the people that hear it, so I'll just keep it all to myself.
I'm sorry I can't be a better friend. I'm sorry I can't be 5 places at once. I'm sorry that I've been acting "weird" lately. This is me, I haven't changed one fucking bit. I still care too much about people that couldn't give a shit less about me. I still get called a failure by my family. I still do things that would get me in a ton of trouble. I still can't do anything right in the eyes of my entire family. I'm still willing to take the blame for shit that isn't my fault, just so my friends don't get in trouble. I still try to help people before I help myself. I still can't believe there's so much hate left in this group. I still haven't lied to save myself. I still can't sleep at night. I still care.
I found someone that makes me forget about everything I want to forget about. I found someone that truly makes me happy, and doesn't want anything from me except to just spend time with me. I hope that we'll be together soon, but it's tough when people get angry at me for wanting to spend as much time with her as possible. I haven't stopped caring about you guys. I care so much about all of you that I'm finding it hard to be myself around her because all I can think about are the people I'm upsetting. If this keeps up, then I think some of you will get your wish and she'll stop wanting to be around me because I've got so much fucking baggage that I can't carry it all myself.
If you're upset with me because of how much I've "changed," then come to me so we can figure it out. I'm about fucking ready to smile again.
I'm sorry I can't be a better friend. I'm sorry I can't be 5 places at once. I'm sorry that I've been acting "weird" lately. This is me, I haven't changed one fucking bit. I still care too much about people that couldn't give a shit less about me. I still get called a failure by my family. I still do things that would get me in a ton of trouble. I still can't do anything right in the eyes of my entire family. I'm still willing to take the blame for shit that isn't my fault, just so my friends don't get in trouble. I still try to help people before I help myself. I still can't believe there's so much hate left in this group. I still haven't lied to save myself. I still can't sleep at night. I still care.
I found someone that makes me forget about everything I want to forget about. I found someone that truly makes me happy, and doesn't want anything from me except to just spend time with me. I hope that we'll be together soon, but it's tough when people get angry at me for wanting to spend as much time with her as possible. I haven't stopped caring about you guys. I care so much about all of you that I'm finding it hard to be myself around her because all I can think about are the people I'm upsetting. If this keeps up, then I think some of you will get your wish and she'll stop wanting to be around me because I've got so much fucking baggage that I can't carry it all myself.
If you're upset with me because of how much I've "changed," then come to me so we can figure it out. I'm about fucking ready to smile again.