When The Lights Go Out [2/?]
Title: When The Lights Go Out [1/?]
Author: cake_tree
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Word count: 8,908
Summary: In a world that was dying, they found a family within each other.
Part 1
Over the next day I grew painfully aware of the fact that Seungri liked to talk, a lot. It started gradually at first, just a question here and there so I didn’t mind much. I was never much of a talker myself, but with Seungri I found it that I didn’t really have to be, he basically had conversations with himself.
“Jiyong, where did you live before all of this happened?” He asked as we walked out of the building we stayed in the night before.
Glancing over at him, I saw him bundled up in any extra clothes I could get and I had dressed him to my liking early this morning. He had a grey beanie pulled so far down on his head that it reached passed his ears. He had complained that it would mess up his hearing, but I was unyielding on the subject. “This is to protect your ears from freezing off, Seungri,” I had told him as I wrapped a big wool scarf around the lower half of his face.
I scolded him as I fixed the scarf that he had pulled back from his mouth. “Seungri, stop fidgeting with this. Do you want to freeze to death?” After I had the scarf tightly wrapped around his face, I proceeded to pull down his beanie until only his dark brown round eyes were exposed.
“But Jiyong, I can’t talk with this around my mouth!” His whining voice was muffled by the scarf, but not so much that I couldn’t still hear it.
That wasn’t my intention at all, I thought to myself as I rolled my eyes.
“Listen you brat,” I said while flicking the bridge of his nose between his eyes, and I laughed when I saw him squeeze his eyes shut and flinch back in surprise. “I can’t be worrying about you every second of the day, so could you just listen to me without all the talking back? It would make my life a hell of a lot easier.”
“Oww,” he whined as he stepped back and rubbed his eyes, and he then blinked his big round eyes framed by thick feathery lashes. Finally, he brought his eyes back to me and I saw the corner of them crinkle as the formed little crescent moons. “Okay, I’ll try but no promises.”
After puffing out a sigh, I grabbed his hand and started pulling him down the road with me. We made it a few feet down the street before I realized that Seungri hadn’t said anything else since we left. Glancing back at him from the corner of my eye, I saw that he had his eyes trained on his very own feet.
I was about to ask him what his problem was, but he spoke up first.
“Jiyong, what was your family like?” When I didn’t answer him he tried asking again, but when I ignored him again he finally pulled me to a stop by my sleeve and made me face him. “Don’t ignore me,” he pleaded as he stared deeply into my eyes.
“Why does it matter? My past isn’t going to help us now, so why talk about it?” I sighed out before shaking his hand off my arm.
“I’m just trying to understand you-” he tried to say but I cut him off.
“Don’t, okay? Just don’t, that isn’t important anyway.”
“But it is important!” He insisted as he grabbed my arm again and pulled it closer to him. “No matter what, family is a big part of who you are, who you were, and who you will become. So forgive me if I just want to know you.”
Throughout his little speech his eyes bore into mine like he if he couldn’t get the truth out of my mouth, he would read it out of my soul.
Unnerved by the determination in his gaze, I pulled my arm from his grasp and turned my back on him as I made my way down the street without looking back.
I knew he would follow me- I was all he had.
As I heard his footsteps, I paused mid-step, and with my back still facing him I told him in a tone that lacked any emotion, “I’ve never had a family.”
As he listened to my words he stayed rooted in place. He didn’t seem to know what to say as he took a step closer to me.
“Jiyong-” he started.
“Just stop, all that matters is living another day. Who I was and who you were is all in the past, and the past isn’t going to save us from starving.” With my back still to him, I said, “Come on, let’s go find some food.”
The rest of our walk into the inner rings of city was layered in a thick silence that seemed to be pressing down on us.
After a few hours of picking out a way through the city, we finally made it into the food side of the shopping district. I glanced up and down the streets before making my way into an abandoned super market, with Seungri following silently behind me. He hadn’t uttered a word since our little chat earlier, and it was becoming unbearable. It’s not like I didn’t try to ease the tension between us; I did, multiple times in fact, but he’d only give me uncommunicative answers.
A nod here, or a shrug there. Point being, it was really starting to piss me off.
I was told once that patience is a virtue. I had simply replied with, “It is also a virtue I don’t have.”
“Are you going to keep sulking like a child forever, or are you going to grow some balls and just say what you want to?!” I demanded as soon as we had made it safely to the middle of the store so not to be heard by anyone that happened to be passing by. He stopped mid-step and blinked up at me in confusion.
“What do you mean?”
I gave him a withering look before crossing my arms over my chest.
“You’re upset because I don’t want to be all bubby-buddy with you and spill my whole life story to a kid. I mean why else would you stay quiet willingly?” I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “I didn’t think I could find anything more annoying than your constant talking, but then you decided to give me the cold shoulder and sulk.”
“I’m not giving you the co-” he started, but I cut him off.
“Like hell you aren’t!” I growled and pushed his shoulder hard which caused him to stumble back a step or two.
To be honest, I had no idea why this was making me so agitated, it just seemed like everything about him annoyed me, but, at the same time, it didn’t. There were moments where subconsciously I found myself enjoying the randomness of Seungri’s questions. I even caught myself smiling a few times, but as soon as I did I had to take a step back from him and a step back into reality.
This isn’t something to be smiling about. We are in some deep shit.
Being around him was effecting my judgment, and that may cause me to make a decision that could be the death of, not only me, but the both of us.
Glaring at him with full force, I grounded out, “You haven’t even said one word since then.”
Without looking me in the eyes, he shrugged and mumbled, “Because I was thinking.”
When I heard that I let out a sharp chuckle and shifted my weight to rest on my left leg, glaring at the dirt covered floor.
“That’s a feat in itself,” I mumbled out, but loud enough so he could hear it. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see his jaw clutch as he glared at my feet.
“I was thinking about you, asshole.”
I blinked in surprise before I turned my gaze back up to him.
“What?” I asked, thinking I heard him wrong.
After a few moments, he sighed and glanced up at me. He met my gaze for only a few seconds before he dropped his eyes to the floor and puffed out his cheeks in embarrassment.
“I said I was thinking about you.”
We stood in silence as I let his words sink in, and a few moments more as I tried to think of a response.
Man, I never had to deal with this mushy crap in the gang.
“Seungri,” I sighed out as I pinched the bridge of my nose with my forefingers. I was just about to tell him that he should just focus on worrying about himself until he cut me off.
“See? This is why I didn’t like telling you these kinds of things!” he huffed out as he turned his back on me and waked away from me towards the entrance of the store. A sudden panic seized me as I saw him walking away. I didn’t know why, but I felt like something bad would happen to him if I didn’t stop him right then. “You obviously have a problem with it whenever you realize anyone cares about you! I don’t even know why I try.”
When I finally reached him by the front windows, I grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop and forced him to turn partially in my direction. I didn’t know what I had wanted to say, so I just stood there staring at him and hoped the words would come to me; nothing came, though.
But Seungri on the other hand never seem at a loss for words. Like he had endless supply of them to express how he felt.
He glanced down at the hand that still clutched his arm tightly, and then he looked up into my eyes that had been watching his every move.
“I was just thinking that I understood you a little more. Why you always seem so angry at me,” he said as his brown eyes bore into my own. “You’ve never had anyone worry about you; you always took care of yourself, didn’t you? You think I’m weak because I worry about others, but that’s only because you’ve never had to.” He paused for a moment, but his eyes still held mine as he reached up with his own hand and rested it over mine. The warmth from his small hand soon spread over my own thin cold one as a frown pulled at his mouth.
“It makes me wonder how lonely you were… or still are.”
Embarrassment colored my face as my eyes broke free from his and slid down to our hands.
“Seungri-” I tried to say again but he stopped me with a squeeze of his hand.
“You’re strong Ji, don’t get me wrong, but while you’re protecting me, please let me take care of you.” He said this and gave me a soft smile, closing his hand around mine.
Stumped. At a complete loss for words. Dumb founded. Any of those would have been fine to explain what this kid was doing to me. I just couldn’t understand him.
Finally, I took a step back and slipped my hands from his avoiding his intent gaze on my face.
“You know,” I said to him as I turned away to hide the blush that had stained my cheeks. “You’re kind of stupid.”
There was no malice in my words, just a statement to avoid the whole situations, and he seemed to get that. I wasn’t good with words, and I couldn’t spill my heart out on a whim like him. But that didn’t matter to him.
As I glanced back over to him a soft smile spread across his face and his eyes curved upwards as he said, “Yeah, I know.”
I rolled my eyes as I grabbed the hat from my head and threw it at his face. “Too mushy!” I told him, but he just laughed.
As he doubled over in laughter, I watched him with a small smile on my lips. He had such an innocent air about him, and the more I watched him I noticed that it showed in everything he did. In the way he smiled with his upturned eyes, and in the way his small hand clutched his stomach tightly as he laughed. Even in the way his hand clasped my own tightly.
Something so purely innocent that it would be a shame if it was ruined by this cruel world.
Watching him like that I decided that I wouldn’t let that happen because maybe, just maybe, not everything had to be black and white. Maybe I could keep some color in this dying world.
Just as I finished that thought he looked back up at me, smiling at me before he bent down to grab my hat that had fallen on the dirty floor. Just as he closed his fingers around it I heard an all too familiarly sickening laugh.
Without thinking, I dove down and tackled Seungri to the ground, and dragged myself backward until my back was pressed against the wall under the window sill. Before he could make a sound, I pulled Seungri tightly into my chest so that he was practically lying on my lap, and I slapped my hand over his mouth.
“God, did you see his face?”
Squeezing myself tighter against the wall, I pulled Seungri closer to me while I listened intently.
“He looked so scared!” another man laughed loudly as they were passing by right outside the store.
The voices sounded vaguely familiar, but not quite. I took a chance and quickly glanced over the ledge of the window sill, and I spotted a group of five men around my age. My eyes scanned the street as fast as they could before they rested on the one person I hoped I would never see again.
Jaehwan.
Life just keeps getting better and better, huh?
I ducked back down before any of them could see me and cursed. Just then Seungri shifted in my lap to look up at me. I drew my hand back from the death grip I had on his coat and brought my finger to rest on my lips, telling him without words to stay silent. He nodded and quietly moved from his seat on my lap to the floor right next to me. When he glanced back at me, I gestured with my hands for him to try and listen. Hopefully if I happened to miss anything they say he’d hear it.
“I mean did you see the way he just sat there? He was probably scared shitless.” One of the guys from before laughed out loud again. “How could he not be? Our Jaehwan is the best!” after that was said it was followed by hoots from the other guys, but they fell silent when Jaehwan cut in.
“Are you guys idiots?” For a fleeting moment I thought he was talking about how loud they were being but I was quickly corrected. “Weren’t you guys paying attention?” Silence fell on the group and I could hear the faint sounds of some of them shifting their weight. “I could see it in his eyes as I was about to kill him, he didn’t fear me. He was still under-minding me, just like every other time.”
As his words made its way to the place Seungri and I were huddled I couldn’t stop the sinking feeling that made its home in my gut. I kept telling myself that there was no way he could; he was the strongest person I knew, so there was just no way that could happen.
“Fucking Inguk, even then he didn’t even look at me as a threat.”
I sat in silence as I let this sink in, and clutched my hands into a fist.
He really…. He killed Inguk…
I couldn’t find the words to express how I felt at that moment. Even if we had a bit of a strange relationship, he still was the closest thing I ever had to a family.
And he had just ripped that away from me.
I may not have thought of seeking him out in this time, but that didn’t mean I wanted him dead! Sure he was crazy, but he was Inguk. He was the only person that ever truly believed in me.
I am going to make him pay, and that is a promise.
Silence settled down in the street once again like a thick fog. My guess was that everyone was too scared to speak. Fearing that if they over-stepped their boundaries then they would be shot dead on the spot.
I’ve always had the sneaking suspicion that he was doing business behind the leaders’ backs.
“But I’ve gotta say,” one of the men started, “the way you did it was pretty awesome. It’s like you’ve done it plenty times before.” After he said that it was followed by a snort from one of the others.
“That’s because he has done it before.”
Oh, who would’ve known? I thought sarcastically.
“Yeah, I can remember all of them,” another, higher pitched, man stated as he let out a shrill laugh. “God their faces we priceless!” At his I saw Seungri flinch and paused for a moment before turning to face the wall below the broken out window.
I put my hand on his shoulder and turned him to face me before shaking my head, telling him not to do anything that would put us in danger. As he gazed into my eyes I could see the curiosity burning in his soft brown ones. We sat there staring at each other before the same man’s voice cut in again.
“Jaehwan, can you remember the first ones?” he asked, and I felt sick to my stomach.
He actually sounds like he enjoyed killing them, like he found some sick pleasure in it.
“Of course I do,” Jaehwan told him flatly. “The way the old man threw himself at us in a pathetic attempt to save his wife and kid, and the way the mother cried and begged us to leave the child alone, was just too amazing.” I cringed at what he was saying and then looked back to Seungri. I saw him tense before shooting his head up just enough to peek over the ledge. What he saw I didn’t know, but almost instantly he lowered himself back to the ground and put his head between his knees. As I watched him I had no idea what to do, I never had to comfort anyone before. Just as I was about to touch him I heard Jaehwan add on to what he had said, his voice dripping with malice. “The only thing I regret is not having found that kid. I bet he would’ve cried more than the woman, I mean he just looked like a little bitch.”
At that Seungri started to rock back and forth and I could hear his soft sobs break through the silence in this empty store. Worried that they would hear him from out in the street, I pulled Seungri to me and pushed his face into my chest. Just hoping and praying that it would be enough to quiet him enough so that we didn’t have attention drawn to our little hiding place.
He’s probably scared that they’re going to find us.
I rationalized as I pulled him closer and just held him. I prayed that Jaehwan would just go and do it fast because my heart was breaking with the way Seungri wetted my shirt as pressed his face into my collarbones. Not knowing what to really do, I ran my hand through his wavy ink black hair. It seemed to have worked; well at least he calmed down enough so that he wasn’t making any more noises, so I continued what I was doing. After a few moments of silence that was only filled with the laughs of the men outside, I felt reach his hands into my opened coat and grasp the fabric of my shirt at my sides and he pulled me even closer.
I tried to pull back at first but then I felt him tighten his grip on my sides and felt him shake his head.
“Just… please. Let me have this…” he begged. I sighed and let him cling to me as I waited for the others to leave.
I didn’t entirely understand what was going on in his head, but now wasn’t the time to ask. Keep us safe, then figure out what is wrong with him; that’s all that was on my mind.
At that I peeked over the ledge to see one of the shorter guys picking through abandoned car before resurfacing with a sigh.
“I’ve got nothing in here.” He called out as he stepped back from the car, and one of the others came from a side building and shook his head.
“Nothing in here either.”
The rest of them I couldn’t hear, but I guess they came up with the same result because now they were gathered in the middle of the street trying to decide what to do next. At this point Seungri had calm down to the point that he was no longer cry, but just resting on me. I didn’t have the heart to push him off, so I just let him stay there.
We sat there for a few moments before I felt him lean to rest his face into the crook of my neck. As i felt his deep shaky breaths ghost over my collarbones I rested my hand to softly card my thin hands through his thick black wavy hair. We just sat like that for a moment, letting the security of the moment wash over us until a brittle voice broke through our fake peace.
"Well, why don't we try over there? I mean it is a super market and whatnot, right?"
When I heard that I froze. There was only one place they could be talking about, and Seungri and I happened to be sitting right next to the entrance. After his words sunk in it took me all of a minute to tighten my grip on Seungri and pull him off me. When I looked into his eyes I saw his panic as he grabbed on to my shoulders. It was like he was begging me to stop them and make this better, but we both knew that there was nothing I could do. As I pressed my lips into a tight line I grabbed him by the forearm and pushed him to the left of us.
"Go now," I told him as he turned back to me with a terrified expression. "Hide behind the carts and don't make a single noise." I commanded him, but when he didn't budge I hissed out, "Seungri, we don't have time for this! No matter what you can't make a noise, got it?!" But he just shook his head and refused to move. As demanding as I could make it sound I hissed out in a whisper again, “Seungri, go now!”
Finally that seemed to push him forward, and once he was safely hidden I crouched down low next to the entrance. With my back pressed flat against the wall, I reached into my pocket to grab ahold of the knife that I always kept on me. with one last look of at Seungri I saw how he had wrapped his arms around himself and from the way he had his face pressed against his knees I figured he was trying not to cry out.
Such a baby, I thought to myself with a heavy heart.
Just as I was about to look away I saw him look up and hold my gaze. With tears in his eyes he held mine, and then I heard him let out a strangled whimper before he buried his face back into his knees. As quiet as I could, I called his name softly until he looked back up at me and without words I told him to not make a sound as I pressed my forefinger to my lips. I saw him nod through his fresh wave of tears before placing his head back down.
With a deep sigh I closed my eyes tightly and listened to the group of men making their way to the little the little market. I knew that I would never be able to take on all of them, but at least I could take out a few, and hopefully with the dim lighting they wouldn’t be able to make out Seungri hiding.
Please don’t let this be for nothing.
I took a moment to question when his safety became so important to me, but then I remembered his dirt streaked face the first moment I saw him, and I knew.
He was the first thing with innocence that ever came into my world.
With that, I moved to get into position so I could have the upper hand in this fight, so I could take out as many as I could before they killed me.
Just as I sat up I could hear them better now; they were almost inside. When they were right outside the wall I sat pressed up against, I tightened my grip on the hilt of my knife. I heard Jaehwan call out, “What do you guys think you’re doing?”
I could almost feel how everyone on the street, including myself, freeze at his words. One of men in his group seemed to recover, and he let out an awkward chuckle. “We’re just looking in here to see if we can find anything useful.” From what I could hear, only half of the group had been ready to walk into the store, the other half must have been with Jaehwan.
“Do you really think I didn’t already think of that?” he asked in a low cold tone that sent shivers down even my spine. “Are you calling me a fool? I cleared that store out a week ago.”
The way he questioned this man gave me a slight feeling of déjà vu. It almost sounded like the way Inguk questioned him when he was underminded.
“No sir,” the man quickly shot out. “I just didn’t realize that you did.”
It was quiet for a few moments before Jaehwan spoke up again.
“Next time ask me before you waste my time and do pointless things,” I could hear him say as he made his way towards the store. Just as he stopped by the man right on the other side of the window that I was seated under I could hear him say, “Give me just one reason to question your worth, and I will kill you right here. Do you understand?”
I could hear the man swallow and I could imagine him nodding along as he spoke, “Yes sir, I won’t give you a reason to think that.”
“Good boy,” he said sweetly and I could hear him pat his cheek before he turned away. “Now, let’s get moving. I didn’t find what I was looking for here anyway.” And with that I hear them start to make their way down the street in the opposite way they had come.
Minutes pasted before I could release a breath of relief. Once I couldn’t hear them anymore I felt my whole body sag into the wall and, I leaned my head back and squeezed my eyes closed. I could feel myself shaking but I could stop it; that was close. Way too close.
After a moment I cracked my left eye open and peeked at Seungri, who was still curled in on himself.
Safe. At least for the moment we’re safe.
“Seungri,” I called softly, and I saw him flinch. “Hey, it’s okay,” I told him. “They left,” but as soon as I got that out I saw his whole body start shaking. “Hey, hey. Calm down, they’re gone now. You’re safe.” I whispered to him as I started to make my way over to him, but just as I was only a few feet away he shot up and knocked over the very carts he was hiding behind. I had to back step quickly so I wouldn’t be hit, and when I tried to reach out for him he was already out of reach and out the store.
“Hey!” I yelled at him as I tried to follow, but as soon as I reached the door he took off down the street in the opposite direction that Jaehwan and his little gang went. As soon as my feet hit the street I took off in pursuit.
"Seungri, get back here!" I tried to yell only loud enough for him to hear, but whether he heard me or not I couldn't tell because he kept on running down the empty street.
Dammit, why does he insist on making it so difficult to protect his scrawny ass!?
Just ahead the street broke off into two ways. I wanted to cut him off before the turned onto the other street, but no matter how much I tried to push ahead it wasn't enough.
From a few feet back I saw that he took a sharp right and he was out of my sight for only a few seconds, but that's all it took. As soon as I turned the corner I was met with the sight of Seungri stumbling backwards because it seemed that he had ran full force into a man much bigger than himself. This man was probably close to being about foot taller than I was, and he had dark, piercing eyes that seemed to be staring holes right through Seungri -who had fallen to the ground despite his attempt to keep his balance.
Without a second thought, I forced Seungri to his feet and pulled him until he was safely behind me and out of the man's view.
Once Seungri was behind me and out of the man's sight, I quickly took out the knife I've always had with me, and held it out in front of us in defense. Though I could already tell that we didn’t stand much of a chance; not only did he have his height difference on me, but I was easily impaired in my ability to fight off an attack with the job of having Seungri to protect. I tightened my grip on the handle of my blade and attempted to take a step back, hoping to whatever higher power out there that Seungri could take a hint and follow my lead.
No such luck.
Unfortunately, when he saw the knife in my hand he pulled out a weapon of his own. Only his happened to be a gun.
Just my luck.
As I was sizing up the man, I saw that there was another one further behind him as well. This man was a bit shorter from what I could see, but definitely not lacking in the muscle department. Sparing a glance his way I noted that he had the sides of his head shaved and the rest of his sort black hair styled into a mohawk. He gave me a curious look before I turned back to the taller man.
“Who the hell are you guys?” I demanded as I tried to urge Seungri to take a step back to put more distance between us and the strangers.
“I think we should be asking that. Who are you two?” The taller one spoke in a rather deep and intimidating voice.
First rule to standing any sort of chance in a fight; never show fear, of any kind.
“The fuck if I have to tell you anything.” I hissed out as I wrapped the hand that wasn’t gripping the knife in front of me, around Seungri’s elbow and squeezed.
I need to get us out of this.
I chanced a glance back to Seungri on my left and saw the fear written in his face. Just then his eyes met mine and he reached his hands forward to wrap them tightly around the sleeve on my forearm. It was in that moment my resolve was settled.
No matter what, I would get Seungri out of this; with or without me.
With my eyes, I tried to tell him to trust me and to just please, do what I said. Just as I was about to turn back to the two men standing a few feet away, I saw him nod once; that was good enough for me. With my eyes back on the man with wavy, black hair that held the gun still trained on me, I pushed Seungri so that there was some distant between him and the gun. As Seungri stumbled backwards he shot me a panicked look, this had clearly not what he had in mind, but it needed to be done.
“Now I’m going to ask you one more time,” I told the man in front of me. “Who are you?”
His only response was a narrowing of his already intense gaze, and to raise his gun higher for a clearer shot. As I saw this I widened my stance so I could rush him at the first sign of attack.
“Fucking brat, who do you think you are?” he growled out as I could hear the click of the safety release.
Challenging him with my eyes, I leaned forward, ready to lunge at him until another voice cut in. “Hey now, why don’t we all just calm down for a second?” The second man said as he stepped forward and rested his left hand on the taller one’s shoulder. “Don’t you guys think we’re all over-reacting just a tab bit?” he asked then smiled at me and Seungri in turn. He paused and smiled at Seungri longer than I deemed necessary and without realizing it a growl ripped through my chest as I glared at him.
Confusion settled in Seungri’s face, but he gave him a small smile back none the less.
I frowned as I turned back to them and bit out, “No, I don’t think we are.” I had wanted to make this other man mad, or even just throw him off for a second but all he did was smile and nod.
“Maybe you’re right, this is probably a very acceptable way to greet a stranger in these times.” He told us with a quiet laugh, and I couldn’t but notice how Seungri seemed to perk up at the sound.
Grinding my teeth together, I focused solely on the shorter man as I demanded, “Who are you, and what do you want?”
“What did I-” The taller of the two started to say but the shorter one squeezed his shoulder before he cut him off.
“My name is Youngbae, and this fine man to my side name is Seunghyun,” Youngbae said as he used his right hand to gesture to the taller man. “And we were just startled when your friend…” he paused and looked at Seungri with a bright smile on his face.
Before I could stop him, Seungri spoke up
.
“Seungri, my name is Seungri.”
Oh yeah, let's get friendly with the gun-toting strangers.
The smile and nod Youngbae sent Seungri made me wish that I had infested my time in learning how to throw knives correctly. Whether he saw the look of frustration on my face or was just ignoring it I didn’t know because he just continued with what he was saying earlier.
“When Seungri bumped into my friend. See, we just had another close call with another group earlier this morning.” He stated sadly as Seunghyun snorted and lowered his gun.
He made to put it away until he noticed my gaze on him; he looked up and locked gazes with me before raising an eyebrow. When I narrowed my eyes at him refusing to lower my own weapon, he rolled his eyes and slid his gun back into his holster before glancing between Seungri and me.
“Gauging by how terrified that kid looked, I’m guessing you two are fine.” Seunghyun told me as he shot Seungri a gummy smile, and by the looks of it, could only be describe as menacing. A smirk made its way onto my face when I saw Seungri visually finch back out of the corner of my eye. Slowly but surely -like he was trying not to be noticed- Seungri made his way back to my side. As soon as he took the final step that placed him slightly behind me, he grasped the fabric of my jacket on my lower back and held on for dear life.
Despite our situation, I had to fight back the chuckle that lodged itself in my throat when I saw the slight pout that graced Seunghyun’s face. Not a few seconds after that he schooled his face into its usual, if not intimidating, poker face.
“Anyway, you two don’t look bad…” pausing to eye the blade still in my hand he continued, “Well not too bad.”
I slipped the blade down until it was resting in between my two forefingers before I glanced up and shot him a smile dripping with fake innocence. “Oh?” I asked as I twirled the knife in my hand. “How can you be so sure of that?”
He cocked an eyebrow at me and asked, “Are you trying to test me, kid?”
“What if I am? What are you gonna do about it… old man?” I smirked as he narrowed his eyes at me in a glare, but before either of us could move Youngbae stepped in.
“Calm down you two, don’t you know how to do anything else than to threaten people and fight?” he asked with a sigh and shook his head in disappointment. “I mean honestly, everyone else in the world is trying to off each other, so why can’t we just work together and try to stay alive?”
It took a second for what he had said to sink in, but as soon as it did I was already shaking my head.
“No.” I told them as I glared from one to the other, “No way in hell!”
“What?” Youngbae asked with a look of shock on his face. “I didn’t even ask anything.”
“Don’t play dumb with me,” I told him with a stern glare. “You’re purposing we work together. I’m not having any of that shit. I already have enough problems with that one,” I said as I gestured back at Seungri, “I’m not taking on two more.”
Seunghyun narrowed his eyes even more at me and ground out, “You don’t think we can take care of ourselves?” he asked and then turned to his friend. “I don’t think it would be a smart idea to travel with this little shit. Who’s to say this brat won’t try something?”
At that comment I lunged forward, only to have Seungri wrap himself around my middle and pull us back.
“Who’s a brat!? Don’t make me come over there and beat your fucking face in, old man!” I growled out, only to have him laugh at me.
“I like to see you try,” he sneered as he gestured for me to come at him, “You. Little. Brat.”
And with that I exploded.
I shouted curses at him while telling Seungri to, ‘just let me the hell go’ as he continued to laugh. Slowly, but surely I started to close the distance between Seunghyun and I, the progression was slowed even farther when Seungri discovered that digging his heels into the ground only made it that much harder for me to move the both of us. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Youngbae shaking his head in disapproval, whether it was at me for at his friend I couldn’t tell, and I didn’t really care.
I know I shouldn’t have let that comment bother me so much, but I had to live with people sneering that comment at me my whole life. Whether it was from jealousy that Inguk took an interest in me, of because my age, I got that for years. Faceless people asking what was so special about a kid that was barely out of their trainers, so forgive me if that happened to be a touchy comment for me.
For a moment, Seungri had lost his grip on me, and just as I was able to get him off me I lunged forward again, only to have him grab at my legs; which caused us both to fall to the ground.
“Calm down, Ji!” he yelled, but I ignored it.
“Get your ass over here, you old fart, and I’ll show you who’s better!”
“Enough!” Youngbae shouted at the both of us, “Could you not act like five-year-olds? Take a moment to look at the situation we’re in and act your ages!” he demanded and ended give a disapproving look to Seunghyun. When he looked at me I looked away in embarrassment.
I had never been scolded on my behavior before, and he sure as hell made me never want to be again. In his face I couldn’t see anger, just disappointment, and that’s what made me have to look away. I didn’t want to see that; no one’s opinion should matter but my own.
Then softly he asked, “Why can’t we help each other? What’s so bad about that?” I made the mistake of looking up and I was met with soft brown eyes. Once he saw me look up his whole face seemed to curve into a bright smile. Seeing that I sighed and rested my face on the payment .
This is just too much for one day.
“Seunghyun,” he called him over sternly, and I could hear the other sigh.
With much grumbling and complaining, he finally made his way over to where we still were. Seungri was still sitting on my back so I couldn’t get up or try anything, so I decided to just lie there and wait for whatever Youngbae had planned.
I can honestly say that I never would’ve expected what it was.
“What is it?” Seunghyun grumbled just as he stopped.
“I want you to apologize.” Youngbae told him with a level glare.
“What?” He asked, looking absolutely shocked, “Why me? He started it!” He shouted out as he jabbed his finger in my direction. I couldn’t help the grin that made its place onto my face at this turn of events.
“Yeah Seunghyun,” I cooed, “Apologize to me.” His only response was to glare at me until Youngbae grabbed his attention again.
“Seunghyun, how old are you?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.
“But you already know that, so I don’t see the poi-” He started to say until Youngbae cut him off again.
“How old?” He asked again while not moving a muscle as he waited for the answer.
With a deep sigh Seunghyun rolled his eyes as he answered, “Twenty-six.”
Youngbae nodded his head before he turned back to me with a smile, “And how old are you... Ji, was it?”
“Jiyong,” I grunted out before I shifted my body, hoping I could get Seungri off, but sadly it didn’t work. With a sigh, I rested my head back on the ground and said, “And I’m nineteen.” Youngbae smiled in a way that curved his eyes into little crescents, but his face fell as he turned back to Seunghyun.
“Seven years,” he told him with a flat tone. “A seven year age difference and you still try to fight with him.”
“But he started it! You saw how he acted!” Seunghyun yelled as he waved his arms in my direction.
“He’s only a kid, of course he’s going to be rebellious.” Youngbae told him calmly, and ignored me when I scoffed at the kid part.
I’ve basically been an adult since I was a teenager.
When Seunghyun tried to protest Youngbae cut him off again.
“I don’t care who started it, I’m ending it.”
Normally when people were angry they liked to raise their voice, but not Youngbae. He like to lower it and keep it at a level volume, and, I must say, coming from him that was unnerving.
“Apologize, now,” he told Seunghyun, and to my surprise he didn’t argue. He just released a big sigh and looked directly at me.
“I’m sorry.”
Granted, when he said that a frown was plastered on his face, and it sounded like the words had to be forcibly pulled from his throat, but it was an apology all the same.
“Aww, so cute.” I cooed at him, and watched his frown deepen.
“You know I could kick your face in right now,” he threatened and I felt Seungri shift uncomfortably on my back. I knew I shouldn’t push my limits so I kept my mouth shut after that.
Rather not walk around with a bloody nose, thank you very much.
Youngbae acted like he didn’t just hear the threat thrown between us and smiled. He leaned down to ruffle my hair then straightened up and patted Seunghyun’s shoulder before he turned to Seungri.
“I think you can get up now. I’m sure they won’t kill each other.” I turned my head so I could see Seungri blink up at him and scratch the back of his neck in embarrassment like he just now realized that he was still sitting on me. He gave him a quick nod and scrambled to get up.
Kicking my side and pressing down on some sensitive areas while he was at it, but that’s beside the point.
When he noticed me wincing in pain he shot me an apologetic look and whispered out an, “I’m sorry,” before he helped me up as well. As I stood up, I brushed the dirt from my clothes and regarded the two men with a stern look.
“Do you guys have some sort of ulterior motive? Is that why you two seem so desperate to work together?” I questioned them, but before I even finished Youngbae was already shaking his head.
“Of course not, I just know for a fact that some things are better not to do alone,” he told me with a soft smile as he placed his hand on Seunghyun’s shoulder again. “Just think about it, we’re two grown men, perfectly capable of protecting ourselves, and think about how much easier it would be if you had three guys watching your back instead of one.”
With that I glanced over at Seungri and considered it. If I had more people then it would be easier to keep him safe, but at the same time I could go out and do the things that needed to be done. I could let him stay with someone that I knew was capable of keeping the both of them safe without having to worry about him getting himself killed.
It could work, but I couldn’t go rushing into things.
“First off, who are you guys?” I demanded. “I’m not deciding anything until I know. And don’t think you can lie to me, I’ve lived with liars my whole life so I know how to pick one out.” They exchanged glances before Seunghyun shrugged and looked back to me.
“Before this all happened I was a cop. Y’know, catching snot nose bratty kids like you in hopes to get them to see the errors of their ways and keep them off the streets.” The man Seunghyun told me with the sweetest smirk he could manage before he continued, “Or to keep them out of the gutters.”
I rolled my eyes at this comments, but before I could make any kind of remark Youngbae spoke up.
“I was a carpenter so don’t worry about me being able to pull my own weight.” He told me with that ever present smile.
“Good, because I don’t want anything to do with you if you can’t.” I said to him as I cast a glance over to Seungri to see him giving Seunghyun weird looks as he tried coax him into coming closer.
"That's understandable," Youngbae said, but his expression was down-cast, like he was disappointed or something. But really, we'd just met. What else did he expect? Then he added, "And Seunghyun and I are brother-in-laws. That's how we know each other."
I didn’t know if I should congratulate him, or give him my sympathy.
He seemed to know what I was thinking because he offered me his smile again and playfully slapped my shoulder.
“Don’t worry, he’s a pretty amazing guy if you give him a chance.” I nodded as he told me that but still reached out to pull Seungri over to me when I saw that he was trying to subtly avoid Seunghyun’s attempts to come closer.
“I’m sure he is,” I drawled eyeing the man of interest before I leaned in closer to whisper in Seungri’s ear, “Stay close to me, you got that I pulled back from Seungri to see him and give me the smallest of smiles before going back to eyeing Seunghyun like he didn't know what to make of him.
“So how about it, Jiyong? Do you want to work together?” Youngbae asked as he landed a light smack on Seunghyun’s arm to tell him to stop scaring the kid.
“Hmmm,” I hummed in thought before I looked them over again
.
Youngbae really did look like he could pull his own weight. Those muscles weren't just for show. And, plus, he and Seunghyun, the Mr. Former-Fabulous Cop, looked to be capable of taking care of their selves. Probably knew self-defense, though that might be a long-shot. But I'm sure, in a time of danger, Mr. Cop could take out his fair share. I still wasn't too confident about Seunghyun's intentions -- the way he kept staring at Seungri was starting to get on my nerves -- but Youngbae seemed harmless. And Youngbae seemed to trust Seunghyun; they looked close. So I had a choice to make.
I looked them over one last time before I gave Youngbae a crooked grin and said, “Deal, as long as you two do what I say.”
“Great,” Youngbae said smirking at the same time as Seunghyun protested.
“What?! No way!” Youngbae and he glanced at one another before Seunghyun started his rant, glaring disapprovingly at his friend. “You can’t be serious! You are going to let us be bossed around by a kid?! Are you crazy?” He yelled out as he waved his finger at me, and I swear if he was any closer I would’ve bitten it off.
“Seunghyun, have you seen his collarbone?” Youngbae asked him, and without really thinking I raised my hand to rub the spot below my right one.
For a moment I cursed myself for not paying close enough attention, glancing down I saw that my white button up had come undone at the top. No doubt due to the little skirmish I had with Seungri only a few minutes ago.
Seunghyun stopped his rant, and I could almost feel his piercing gaze cut into my chest. He just stared for a moment or so before raising his eyes to meet mine again. He didn’t say anything, and I didn’t offer, I just hiked up my collar and zipped my grey coat. This wasn’t something I wanted to talk about in front of Seungri.
We didn’t say anything, I just subtle tried to hide it as best as I could.
“What does he have on his collarbone?” Seungri piped up, but it seemed the decision went unspoken to not tell Seungri.
This wasn’t something he needed to know.
“Well, anyway,” Youngbae carried on like Seungri hadn’t spoken, “I think he could handle leading us through this better than either of us could,” he said as he smiled at all of us before he let his eyes rest on Seungri. “Isn’t that right, Seungri?”
Seungri looked thoroughly confused, but nodded anyway. “Of course, Ji is a great leader.” With a sigh, Seunghyun seemed to nod his agreement and they all turned to me.
“So, oh mightily leader,” Seunghyun said as he rolled his eyes, “What are your plans from this point on?”
I took a breath and sighed, a part of me still couldn’t believe that all this just happened. This was too much shit to happen in just a few hours’ time, but it did and there was nothing I could do about it. I let my gaze run over all of them until it reached Seungri. I just watched him for a moment as I tried to decide if we could really pull this off. Whether or not it would be safer to just stay here and try our best to survive. I watched as he blinked at me in confusion before I made up my mind.
“First thing is first,” I told them slowly, “We need to get out of the city.” I glanced around as I saw them all nod in agreement before I let out another soft sigh.
The only thing we can do now is move forward.
Author: cake_tree
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Word count: 8,908
Summary: In a world that was dying, they found a family within each other.
Part 1
Over the next day I grew painfully aware of the fact that Seungri liked to talk, a lot. It started gradually at first, just a question here and there so I didn’t mind much. I was never much of a talker myself, but with Seungri I found it that I didn’t really have to be, he basically had conversations with himself.
“Jiyong, where did you live before all of this happened?” He asked as we walked out of the building we stayed in the night before.
Glancing over at him, I saw him bundled up in any extra clothes I could get and I had dressed him to my liking early this morning. He had a grey beanie pulled so far down on his head that it reached passed his ears. He had complained that it would mess up his hearing, but I was unyielding on the subject. “This is to protect your ears from freezing off, Seungri,” I had told him as I wrapped a big wool scarf around the lower half of his face.
I scolded him as I fixed the scarf that he had pulled back from his mouth. “Seungri, stop fidgeting with this. Do you want to freeze to death?” After I had the scarf tightly wrapped around his face, I proceeded to pull down his beanie until only his dark brown round eyes were exposed.
“But Jiyong, I can’t talk with this around my mouth!” His whining voice was muffled by the scarf, but not so much that I couldn’t still hear it.
That wasn’t my intention at all, I thought to myself as I rolled my eyes.
“Listen you brat,” I said while flicking the bridge of his nose between his eyes, and I laughed when I saw him squeeze his eyes shut and flinch back in surprise. “I can’t be worrying about you every second of the day, so could you just listen to me without all the talking back? It would make my life a hell of a lot easier.”
“Oww,” he whined as he stepped back and rubbed his eyes, and he then blinked his big round eyes framed by thick feathery lashes. Finally, he brought his eyes back to me and I saw the corner of them crinkle as the formed little crescent moons. “Okay, I’ll try but no promises.”
After puffing out a sigh, I grabbed his hand and started pulling him down the road with me. We made it a few feet down the street before I realized that Seungri hadn’t said anything else since we left. Glancing back at him from the corner of my eye, I saw that he had his eyes trained on his very own feet.
I was about to ask him what his problem was, but he spoke up first.
“Jiyong, what was your family like?” When I didn’t answer him he tried asking again, but when I ignored him again he finally pulled me to a stop by my sleeve and made me face him. “Don’t ignore me,” he pleaded as he stared deeply into my eyes.
“Why does it matter? My past isn’t going to help us now, so why talk about it?” I sighed out before shaking his hand off my arm.
“I’m just trying to understand you-” he tried to say but I cut him off.
“Don’t, okay? Just don’t, that isn’t important anyway.”
“But it is important!” He insisted as he grabbed my arm again and pulled it closer to him. “No matter what, family is a big part of who you are, who you were, and who you will become. So forgive me if I just want to know you.”
Throughout his little speech his eyes bore into mine like he if he couldn’t get the truth out of my mouth, he would read it out of my soul.
Unnerved by the determination in his gaze, I pulled my arm from his grasp and turned my back on him as I made my way down the street without looking back.
I knew he would follow me- I was all he had.
As I heard his footsteps, I paused mid-step, and with my back still facing him I told him in a tone that lacked any emotion, “I’ve never had a family.”
As he listened to my words he stayed rooted in place. He didn’t seem to know what to say as he took a step closer to me.
“Jiyong-” he started.
“Just stop, all that matters is living another day. Who I was and who you were is all in the past, and the past isn’t going to save us from starving.” With my back still to him, I said, “Come on, let’s go find some food.”
The rest of our walk into the inner rings of city was layered in a thick silence that seemed to be pressing down on us.
After a few hours of picking out a way through the city, we finally made it into the food side of the shopping district. I glanced up and down the streets before making my way into an abandoned super market, with Seungri following silently behind me. He hadn’t uttered a word since our little chat earlier, and it was becoming unbearable. It’s not like I didn’t try to ease the tension between us; I did, multiple times in fact, but he’d only give me uncommunicative answers.
A nod here, or a shrug there. Point being, it was really starting to piss me off.
I was told once that patience is a virtue. I had simply replied with, “It is also a virtue I don’t have.”
“Are you going to keep sulking like a child forever, or are you going to grow some balls and just say what you want to?!” I demanded as soon as we had made it safely to the middle of the store so not to be heard by anyone that happened to be passing by. He stopped mid-step and blinked up at me in confusion.
“What do you mean?”
I gave him a withering look before crossing my arms over my chest.
“You’re upset because I don’t want to be all bubby-buddy with you and spill my whole life story to a kid. I mean why else would you stay quiet willingly?” I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “I didn’t think I could find anything more annoying than your constant talking, but then you decided to give me the cold shoulder and sulk.”
“I’m not giving you the co-” he started, but I cut him off.
“Like hell you aren’t!” I growled and pushed his shoulder hard which caused him to stumble back a step or two.
To be honest, I had no idea why this was making me so agitated, it just seemed like everything about him annoyed me, but, at the same time, it didn’t. There were moments where subconsciously I found myself enjoying the randomness of Seungri’s questions. I even caught myself smiling a few times, but as soon as I did I had to take a step back from him and a step back into reality.
This isn’t something to be smiling about. We are in some deep shit.
Being around him was effecting my judgment, and that may cause me to make a decision that could be the death of, not only me, but the both of us.
Glaring at him with full force, I grounded out, “You haven’t even said one word since then.”
Without looking me in the eyes, he shrugged and mumbled, “Because I was thinking.”
When I heard that I let out a sharp chuckle and shifted my weight to rest on my left leg, glaring at the dirt covered floor.
“That’s a feat in itself,” I mumbled out, but loud enough so he could hear it. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see his jaw clutch as he glared at my feet.
“I was thinking about you, asshole.”
I blinked in surprise before I turned my gaze back up to him.
“What?” I asked, thinking I heard him wrong.
After a few moments, he sighed and glanced up at me. He met my gaze for only a few seconds before he dropped his eyes to the floor and puffed out his cheeks in embarrassment.
“I said I was thinking about you.”
We stood in silence as I let his words sink in, and a few moments more as I tried to think of a response.
Man, I never had to deal with this mushy crap in the gang.
“Seungri,” I sighed out as I pinched the bridge of my nose with my forefingers. I was just about to tell him that he should just focus on worrying about himself until he cut me off.
“See? This is why I didn’t like telling you these kinds of things!” he huffed out as he turned his back on me and waked away from me towards the entrance of the store. A sudden panic seized me as I saw him walking away. I didn’t know why, but I felt like something bad would happen to him if I didn’t stop him right then. “You obviously have a problem with it whenever you realize anyone cares about you! I don’t even know why I try.”
When I finally reached him by the front windows, I grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop and forced him to turn partially in my direction. I didn’t know what I had wanted to say, so I just stood there staring at him and hoped the words would come to me; nothing came, though.
But Seungri on the other hand never seem at a loss for words. Like he had endless supply of them to express how he felt.
He glanced down at the hand that still clutched his arm tightly, and then he looked up into my eyes that had been watching his every move.
“I was just thinking that I understood you a little more. Why you always seem so angry at me,” he said as his brown eyes bore into my own. “You’ve never had anyone worry about you; you always took care of yourself, didn’t you? You think I’m weak because I worry about others, but that’s only because you’ve never had to.” He paused for a moment, but his eyes still held mine as he reached up with his own hand and rested it over mine. The warmth from his small hand soon spread over my own thin cold one as a frown pulled at his mouth.
“It makes me wonder how lonely you were… or still are.”
Embarrassment colored my face as my eyes broke free from his and slid down to our hands.
“Seungri-” I tried to say again but he stopped me with a squeeze of his hand.
“You’re strong Ji, don’t get me wrong, but while you’re protecting me, please let me take care of you.” He said this and gave me a soft smile, closing his hand around mine.
Stumped. At a complete loss for words. Dumb founded. Any of those would have been fine to explain what this kid was doing to me. I just couldn’t understand him.
Finally, I took a step back and slipped my hands from his avoiding his intent gaze on my face.
“You know,” I said to him as I turned away to hide the blush that had stained my cheeks. “You’re kind of stupid.”
There was no malice in my words, just a statement to avoid the whole situations, and he seemed to get that. I wasn’t good with words, and I couldn’t spill my heart out on a whim like him. But that didn’t matter to him.
As I glanced back over to him a soft smile spread across his face and his eyes curved upwards as he said, “Yeah, I know.”
I rolled my eyes as I grabbed the hat from my head and threw it at his face. “Too mushy!” I told him, but he just laughed.
As he doubled over in laughter, I watched him with a small smile on my lips. He had such an innocent air about him, and the more I watched him I noticed that it showed in everything he did. In the way he smiled with his upturned eyes, and in the way his small hand clutched his stomach tightly as he laughed. Even in the way his hand clasped my own tightly.
Something so purely innocent that it would be a shame if it was ruined by this cruel world.
Watching him like that I decided that I wouldn’t let that happen because maybe, just maybe, not everything had to be black and white. Maybe I could keep some color in this dying world.
Just as I finished that thought he looked back up at me, smiling at me before he bent down to grab my hat that had fallen on the dirty floor. Just as he closed his fingers around it I heard an all too familiarly sickening laugh.
Without thinking, I dove down and tackled Seungri to the ground, and dragged myself backward until my back was pressed against the wall under the window sill. Before he could make a sound, I pulled Seungri tightly into my chest so that he was practically lying on my lap, and I slapped my hand over his mouth.
“God, did you see his face?”
Squeezing myself tighter against the wall, I pulled Seungri closer to me while I listened intently.
“He looked so scared!” another man laughed loudly as they were passing by right outside the store.
The voices sounded vaguely familiar, but not quite. I took a chance and quickly glanced over the ledge of the window sill, and I spotted a group of five men around my age. My eyes scanned the street as fast as they could before they rested on the one person I hoped I would never see again.
Jaehwan.
Life just keeps getting better and better, huh?
I ducked back down before any of them could see me and cursed. Just then Seungri shifted in my lap to look up at me. I drew my hand back from the death grip I had on his coat and brought my finger to rest on my lips, telling him without words to stay silent. He nodded and quietly moved from his seat on my lap to the floor right next to me. When he glanced back at me, I gestured with my hands for him to try and listen. Hopefully if I happened to miss anything they say he’d hear it.
“I mean did you see the way he just sat there? He was probably scared shitless.” One of the guys from before laughed out loud again. “How could he not be? Our Jaehwan is the best!” after that was said it was followed by hoots from the other guys, but they fell silent when Jaehwan cut in.
“Are you guys idiots?” For a fleeting moment I thought he was talking about how loud they were being but I was quickly corrected. “Weren’t you guys paying attention?” Silence fell on the group and I could hear the faint sounds of some of them shifting their weight. “I could see it in his eyes as I was about to kill him, he didn’t fear me. He was still under-minding me, just like every other time.”
As his words made its way to the place Seungri and I were huddled I couldn’t stop the sinking feeling that made its home in my gut. I kept telling myself that there was no way he could; he was the strongest person I knew, so there was just no way that could happen.
“Fucking Inguk, even then he didn’t even look at me as a threat.”
I sat in silence as I let this sink in, and clutched my hands into a fist.
He really…. He killed Inguk…
I couldn’t find the words to express how I felt at that moment. Even if we had a bit of a strange relationship, he still was the closest thing I ever had to a family.
And he had just ripped that away from me.
I may not have thought of seeking him out in this time, but that didn’t mean I wanted him dead! Sure he was crazy, but he was Inguk. He was the only person that ever truly believed in me.
I am going to make him pay, and that is a promise.
Silence settled down in the street once again like a thick fog. My guess was that everyone was too scared to speak. Fearing that if they over-stepped their boundaries then they would be shot dead on the spot.
I’ve always had the sneaking suspicion that he was doing business behind the leaders’ backs.
“But I’ve gotta say,” one of the men started, “the way you did it was pretty awesome. It’s like you’ve done it plenty times before.” After he said that it was followed by a snort from one of the others.
“That’s because he has done it before.”
Oh, who would’ve known? I thought sarcastically.
“Yeah, I can remember all of them,” another, higher pitched, man stated as he let out a shrill laugh. “God their faces we priceless!” At his I saw Seungri flinch and paused for a moment before turning to face the wall below the broken out window.
I put my hand on his shoulder and turned him to face me before shaking my head, telling him not to do anything that would put us in danger. As he gazed into my eyes I could see the curiosity burning in his soft brown ones. We sat there staring at each other before the same man’s voice cut in again.
“Jaehwan, can you remember the first ones?” he asked, and I felt sick to my stomach.
He actually sounds like he enjoyed killing them, like he found some sick pleasure in it.
“Of course I do,” Jaehwan told him flatly. “The way the old man threw himself at us in a pathetic attempt to save his wife and kid, and the way the mother cried and begged us to leave the child alone, was just too amazing.” I cringed at what he was saying and then looked back to Seungri. I saw him tense before shooting his head up just enough to peek over the ledge. What he saw I didn’t know, but almost instantly he lowered himself back to the ground and put his head between his knees. As I watched him I had no idea what to do, I never had to comfort anyone before. Just as I was about to touch him I heard Jaehwan add on to what he had said, his voice dripping with malice. “The only thing I regret is not having found that kid. I bet he would’ve cried more than the woman, I mean he just looked like a little bitch.”
At that Seungri started to rock back and forth and I could hear his soft sobs break through the silence in this empty store. Worried that they would hear him from out in the street, I pulled Seungri to me and pushed his face into my chest. Just hoping and praying that it would be enough to quiet him enough so that we didn’t have attention drawn to our little hiding place.
He’s probably scared that they’re going to find us.
I rationalized as I pulled him closer and just held him. I prayed that Jaehwan would just go and do it fast because my heart was breaking with the way Seungri wetted my shirt as pressed his face into my collarbones. Not knowing what to really do, I ran my hand through his wavy ink black hair. It seemed to have worked; well at least he calmed down enough so that he wasn’t making any more noises, so I continued what I was doing. After a few moments of silence that was only filled with the laughs of the men outside, I felt reach his hands into my opened coat and grasp the fabric of my shirt at my sides and he pulled me even closer.
I tried to pull back at first but then I felt him tighten his grip on my sides and felt him shake his head.
“Just… please. Let me have this…” he begged. I sighed and let him cling to me as I waited for the others to leave.
I didn’t entirely understand what was going on in his head, but now wasn’t the time to ask. Keep us safe, then figure out what is wrong with him; that’s all that was on my mind.
At that I peeked over the ledge to see one of the shorter guys picking through abandoned car before resurfacing with a sigh.
“I’ve got nothing in here.” He called out as he stepped back from the car, and one of the others came from a side building and shook his head.
“Nothing in here either.”
The rest of them I couldn’t hear, but I guess they came up with the same result because now they were gathered in the middle of the street trying to decide what to do next. At this point Seungri had calm down to the point that he was no longer cry, but just resting on me. I didn’t have the heart to push him off, so I just let him stay there.
We sat there for a few moments before I felt him lean to rest his face into the crook of my neck. As i felt his deep shaky breaths ghost over my collarbones I rested my hand to softly card my thin hands through his thick black wavy hair. We just sat like that for a moment, letting the security of the moment wash over us until a brittle voice broke through our fake peace.
"Well, why don't we try over there? I mean it is a super market and whatnot, right?"
When I heard that I froze. There was only one place they could be talking about, and Seungri and I happened to be sitting right next to the entrance. After his words sunk in it took me all of a minute to tighten my grip on Seungri and pull him off me. When I looked into his eyes I saw his panic as he grabbed on to my shoulders. It was like he was begging me to stop them and make this better, but we both knew that there was nothing I could do. As I pressed my lips into a tight line I grabbed him by the forearm and pushed him to the left of us.
"Go now," I told him as he turned back to me with a terrified expression. "Hide behind the carts and don't make a single noise." I commanded him, but when he didn't budge I hissed out, "Seungri, we don't have time for this! No matter what you can't make a noise, got it?!" But he just shook his head and refused to move. As demanding as I could make it sound I hissed out in a whisper again, “Seungri, go now!”
Finally that seemed to push him forward, and once he was safely hidden I crouched down low next to the entrance. With my back pressed flat against the wall, I reached into my pocket to grab ahold of the knife that I always kept on me. with one last look of at Seungri I saw how he had wrapped his arms around himself and from the way he had his face pressed against his knees I figured he was trying not to cry out.
Such a baby, I thought to myself with a heavy heart.
Just as I was about to look away I saw him look up and hold my gaze. With tears in his eyes he held mine, and then I heard him let out a strangled whimper before he buried his face back into his knees. As quiet as I could, I called his name softly until he looked back up at me and without words I told him to not make a sound as I pressed my forefinger to my lips. I saw him nod through his fresh wave of tears before placing his head back down.
With a deep sigh I closed my eyes tightly and listened to the group of men making their way to the little the little market. I knew that I would never be able to take on all of them, but at least I could take out a few, and hopefully with the dim lighting they wouldn’t be able to make out Seungri hiding.
Please don’t let this be for nothing.
I took a moment to question when his safety became so important to me, but then I remembered his dirt streaked face the first moment I saw him, and I knew.
He was the first thing with innocence that ever came into my world.
With that, I moved to get into position so I could have the upper hand in this fight, so I could take out as many as I could before they killed me.
Just as I sat up I could hear them better now; they were almost inside. When they were right outside the wall I sat pressed up against, I tightened my grip on the hilt of my knife. I heard Jaehwan call out, “What do you guys think you’re doing?”
I could almost feel how everyone on the street, including myself, freeze at his words. One of men in his group seemed to recover, and he let out an awkward chuckle. “We’re just looking in here to see if we can find anything useful.” From what I could hear, only half of the group had been ready to walk into the store, the other half must have been with Jaehwan.
“Do you really think I didn’t already think of that?” he asked in a low cold tone that sent shivers down even my spine. “Are you calling me a fool? I cleared that store out a week ago.”
The way he questioned this man gave me a slight feeling of déjà vu. It almost sounded like the way Inguk questioned him when he was underminded.
“No sir,” the man quickly shot out. “I just didn’t realize that you did.”
It was quiet for a few moments before Jaehwan spoke up again.
“Next time ask me before you waste my time and do pointless things,” I could hear him say as he made his way towards the store. Just as he stopped by the man right on the other side of the window that I was seated under I could hear him say, “Give me just one reason to question your worth, and I will kill you right here. Do you understand?”
I could hear the man swallow and I could imagine him nodding along as he spoke, “Yes sir, I won’t give you a reason to think that.”
“Good boy,” he said sweetly and I could hear him pat his cheek before he turned away. “Now, let’s get moving. I didn’t find what I was looking for here anyway.” And with that I hear them start to make their way down the street in the opposite way they had come.
Minutes pasted before I could release a breath of relief. Once I couldn’t hear them anymore I felt my whole body sag into the wall and, I leaned my head back and squeezed my eyes closed. I could feel myself shaking but I could stop it; that was close. Way too close.
After a moment I cracked my left eye open and peeked at Seungri, who was still curled in on himself.
Safe. At least for the moment we’re safe.
“Seungri,” I called softly, and I saw him flinch. “Hey, it’s okay,” I told him. “They left,” but as soon as I got that out I saw his whole body start shaking. “Hey, hey. Calm down, they’re gone now. You’re safe.” I whispered to him as I started to make my way over to him, but just as I was only a few feet away he shot up and knocked over the very carts he was hiding behind. I had to back step quickly so I wouldn’t be hit, and when I tried to reach out for him he was already out of reach and out the store.
“Hey!” I yelled at him as I tried to follow, but as soon as I reached the door he took off down the street in the opposite direction that Jaehwan and his little gang went. As soon as my feet hit the street I took off in pursuit.
"Seungri, get back here!" I tried to yell only loud enough for him to hear, but whether he heard me or not I couldn't tell because he kept on running down the empty street.
Dammit, why does he insist on making it so difficult to protect his scrawny ass!?
Just ahead the street broke off into two ways. I wanted to cut him off before the turned onto the other street, but no matter how much I tried to push ahead it wasn't enough.
From a few feet back I saw that he took a sharp right and he was out of my sight for only a few seconds, but that's all it took. As soon as I turned the corner I was met with the sight of Seungri stumbling backwards because it seemed that he had ran full force into a man much bigger than himself. This man was probably close to being about foot taller than I was, and he had dark, piercing eyes that seemed to be staring holes right through Seungri -who had fallen to the ground despite his attempt to keep his balance.
Without a second thought, I forced Seungri to his feet and pulled him until he was safely behind me and out of the man's view.
Once Seungri was behind me and out of the man's sight, I quickly took out the knife I've always had with me, and held it out in front of us in defense. Though I could already tell that we didn’t stand much of a chance; not only did he have his height difference on me, but I was easily impaired in my ability to fight off an attack with the job of having Seungri to protect. I tightened my grip on the handle of my blade and attempted to take a step back, hoping to whatever higher power out there that Seungri could take a hint and follow my lead.
No such luck.
Unfortunately, when he saw the knife in my hand he pulled out a weapon of his own. Only his happened to be a gun.
Just my luck.
As I was sizing up the man, I saw that there was another one further behind him as well. This man was a bit shorter from what I could see, but definitely not lacking in the muscle department. Sparing a glance his way I noted that he had the sides of his head shaved and the rest of his sort black hair styled into a mohawk. He gave me a curious look before I turned back to the taller man.
“Who the hell are you guys?” I demanded as I tried to urge Seungri to take a step back to put more distance between us and the strangers.
“I think we should be asking that. Who are you two?” The taller one spoke in a rather deep and intimidating voice.
First rule to standing any sort of chance in a fight; never show fear, of any kind.
“The fuck if I have to tell you anything.” I hissed out as I wrapped the hand that wasn’t gripping the knife in front of me, around Seungri’s elbow and squeezed.
I need to get us out of this.
I chanced a glance back to Seungri on my left and saw the fear written in his face. Just then his eyes met mine and he reached his hands forward to wrap them tightly around the sleeve on my forearm. It was in that moment my resolve was settled.
No matter what, I would get Seungri out of this; with or without me.
With my eyes, I tried to tell him to trust me and to just please, do what I said. Just as I was about to turn back to the two men standing a few feet away, I saw him nod once; that was good enough for me. With my eyes back on the man with wavy, black hair that held the gun still trained on me, I pushed Seungri so that there was some distant between him and the gun. As Seungri stumbled backwards he shot me a panicked look, this had clearly not what he had in mind, but it needed to be done.
“Now I’m going to ask you one more time,” I told the man in front of me. “Who are you?”
His only response was a narrowing of his already intense gaze, and to raise his gun higher for a clearer shot. As I saw this I widened my stance so I could rush him at the first sign of attack.
“Fucking brat, who do you think you are?” he growled out as I could hear the click of the safety release.
Challenging him with my eyes, I leaned forward, ready to lunge at him until another voice cut in. “Hey now, why don’t we all just calm down for a second?” The second man said as he stepped forward and rested his left hand on the taller one’s shoulder. “Don’t you guys think we’re all over-reacting just a tab bit?” he asked then smiled at me and Seungri in turn. He paused and smiled at Seungri longer than I deemed necessary and without realizing it a growl ripped through my chest as I glared at him.
Confusion settled in Seungri’s face, but he gave him a small smile back none the less.
I frowned as I turned back to them and bit out, “No, I don’t think we are.” I had wanted to make this other man mad, or even just throw him off for a second but all he did was smile and nod.
“Maybe you’re right, this is probably a very acceptable way to greet a stranger in these times.” He told us with a quiet laugh, and I couldn’t but notice how Seungri seemed to perk up at the sound.
Grinding my teeth together, I focused solely on the shorter man as I demanded, “Who are you, and what do you want?”
“What did I-” The taller of the two started to say but the shorter one squeezed his shoulder before he cut him off.
“My name is Youngbae, and this fine man to my side name is Seunghyun,” Youngbae said as he used his right hand to gesture to the taller man. “And we were just startled when your friend…” he paused and looked at Seungri with a bright smile on his face.
Before I could stop him, Seungri spoke up
.
“Seungri, my name is Seungri.”
Oh yeah, let's get friendly with the gun-toting strangers.
The smile and nod Youngbae sent Seungri made me wish that I had infested my time in learning how to throw knives correctly. Whether he saw the look of frustration on my face or was just ignoring it I didn’t know because he just continued with what he was saying earlier.
“When Seungri bumped into my friend. See, we just had another close call with another group earlier this morning.” He stated sadly as Seunghyun snorted and lowered his gun.
He made to put it away until he noticed my gaze on him; he looked up and locked gazes with me before raising an eyebrow. When I narrowed my eyes at him refusing to lower my own weapon, he rolled his eyes and slid his gun back into his holster before glancing between Seungri and me.
“Gauging by how terrified that kid looked, I’m guessing you two are fine.” Seunghyun told me as he shot Seungri a gummy smile, and by the looks of it, could only be describe as menacing. A smirk made its way onto my face when I saw Seungri visually finch back out of the corner of my eye. Slowly but surely -like he was trying not to be noticed- Seungri made his way back to my side. As soon as he took the final step that placed him slightly behind me, he grasped the fabric of my jacket on my lower back and held on for dear life.
Despite our situation, I had to fight back the chuckle that lodged itself in my throat when I saw the slight pout that graced Seunghyun’s face. Not a few seconds after that he schooled his face into its usual, if not intimidating, poker face.
“Anyway, you two don’t look bad…” pausing to eye the blade still in my hand he continued, “Well not too bad.”
I slipped the blade down until it was resting in between my two forefingers before I glanced up and shot him a smile dripping with fake innocence. “Oh?” I asked as I twirled the knife in my hand. “How can you be so sure of that?”
He cocked an eyebrow at me and asked, “Are you trying to test me, kid?”
“What if I am? What are you gonna do about it… old man?” I smirked as he narrowed his eyes at me in a glare, but before either of us could move Youngbae stepped in.
“Calm down you two, don’t you know how to do anything else than to threaten people and fight?” he asked with a sigh and shook his head in disappointment. “I mean honestly, everyone else in the world is trying to off each other, so why can’t we just work together and try to stay alive?”
It took a second for what he had said to sink in, but as soon as it did I was already shaking my head.
“No.” I told them as I glared from one to the other, “No way in hell!”
“What?” Youngbae asked with a look of shock on his face. “I didn’t even ask anything.”
“Don’t play dumb with me,” I told him with a stern glare. “You’re purposing we work together. I’m not having any of that shit. I already have enough problems with that one,” I said as I gestured back at Seungri, “I’m not taking on two more.”
Seunghyun narrowed his eyes even more at me and ground out, “You don’t think we can take care of ourselves?” he asked and then turned to his friend. “I don’t think it would be a smart idea to travel with this little shit. Who’s to say this brat won’t try something?”
At that comment I lunged forward, only to have Seungri wrap himself around my middle and pull us back.
“Who’s a brat!? Don’t make me come over there and beat your fucking face in, old man!” I growled out, only to have him laugh at me.
“I like to see you try,” he sneered as he gestured for me to come at him, “You. Little. Brat.”
And with that I exploded.
I shouted curses at him while telling Seungri to, ‘just let me the hell go’ as he continued to laugh. Slowly, but surely I started to close the distance between Seunghyun and I, the progression was slowed even farther when Seungri discovered that digging his heels into the ground only made it that much harder for me to move the both of us. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Youngbae shaking his head in disapproval, whether it was at me for at his friend I couldn’t tell, and I didn’t really care.
I know I shouldn’t have let that comment bother me so much, but I had to live with people sneering that comment at me my whole life. Whether it was from jealousy that Inguk took an interest in me, of because my age, I got that for years. Faceless people asking what was so special about a kid that was barely out of their trainers, so forgive me if that happened to be a touchy comment for me.
For a moment, Seungri had lost his grip on me, and just as I was able to get him off me I lunged forward again, only to have him grab at my legs; which caused us both to fall to the ground.
“Calm down, Ji!” he yelled, but I ignored it.
“Get your ass over here, you old fart, and I’ll show you who’s better!”
“Enough!” Youngbae shouted at the both of us, “Could you not act like five-year-olds? Take a moment to look at the situation we’re in and act your ages!” he demanded and ended give a disapproving look to Seunghyun. When he looked at me I looked away in embarrassment.
I had never been scolded on my behavior before, and he sure as hell made me never want to be again. In his face I couldn’t see anger, just disappointment, and that’s what made me have to look away. I didn’t want to see that; no one’s opinion should matter but my own.
Then softly he asked, “Why can’t we help each other? What’s so bad about that?” I made the mistake of looking up and I was met with soft brown eyes. Once he saw me look up his whole face seemed to curve into a bright smile. Seeing that I sighed and rested my face on the payment .
This is just too much for one day.
“Seunghyun,” he called him over sternly, and I could hear the other sigh.
With much grumbling and complaining, he finally made his way over to where we still were. Seungri was still sitting on my back so I couldn’t get up or try anything, so I decided to just lie there and wait for whatever Youngbae had planned.
I can honestly say that I never would’ve expected what it was.
“What is it?” Seunghyun grumbled just as he stopped.
“I want you to apologize.” Youngbae told him with a level glare.
“What?” He asked, looking absolutely shocked, “Why me? He started it!” He shouted out as he jabbed his finger in my direction. I couldn’t help the grin that made its place onto my face at this turn of events.
“Yeah Seunghyun,” I cooed, “Apologize to me.” His only response was to glare at me until Youngbae grabbed his attention again.
“Seunghyun, how old are you?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.
“But you already know that, so I don’t see the poi-” He started to say until Youngbae cut him off again.
“How old?” He asked again while not moving a muscle as he waited for the answer.
With a deep sigh Seunghyun rolled his eyes as he answered, “Twenty-six.”
Youngbae nodded his head before he turned back to me with a smile, “And how old are you... Ji, was it?”
“Jiyong,” I grunted out before I shifted my body, hoping I could get Seungri off, but sadly it didn’t work. With a sigh, I rested my head back on the ground and said, “And I’m nineteen.” Youngbae smiled in a way that curved his eyes into little crescents, but his face fell as he turned back to Seunghyun.
“Seven years,” he told him with a flat tone. “A seven year age difference and you still try to fight with him.”
“But he started it! You saw how he acted!” Seunghyun yelled as he waved his arms in my direction.
“He’s only a kid, of course he’s going to be rebellious.” Youngbae told him calmly, and ignored me when I scoffed at the kid part.
I’ve basically been an adult since I was a teenager.
When Seunghyun tried to protest Youngbae cut him off again.
“I don’t care who started it, I’m ending it.”
Normally when people were angry they liked to raise their voice, but not Youngbae. He like to lower it and keep it at a level volume, and, I must say, coming from him that was unnerving.
“Apologize, now,” he told Seunghyun, and to my surprise he didn’t argue. He just released a big sigh and looked directly at me.
“I’m sorry.”
Granted, when he said that a frown was plastered on his face, and it sounded like the words had to be forcibly pulled from his throat, but it was an apology all the same.
“Aww, so cute.” I cooed at him, and watched his frown deepen.
“You know I could kick your face in right now,” he threatened and I felt Seungri shift uncomfortably on my back. I knew I shouldn’t push my limits so I kept my mouth shut after that.
Rather not walk around with a bloody nose, thank you very much.
Youngbae acted like he didn’t just hear the threat thrown between us and smiled. He leaned down to ruffle my hair then straightened up and patted Seunghyun’s shoulder before he turned to Seungri.
“I think you can get up now. I’m sure they won’t kill each other.” I turned my head so I could see Seungri blink up at him and scratch the back of his neck in embarrassment like he just now realized that he was still sitting on me. He gave him a quick nod and scrambled to get up.
Kicking my side and pressing down on some sensitive areas while he was at it, but that’s beside the point.
When he noticed me wincing in pain he shot me an apologetic look and whispered out an, “I’m sorry,” before he helped me up as well. As I stood up, I brushed the dirt from my clothes and regarded the two men with a stern look.
“Do you guys have some sort of ulterior motive? Is that why you two seem so desperate to work together?” I questioned them, but before I even finished Youngbae was already shaking his head.
“Of course not, I just know for a fact that some things are better not to do alone,” he told me with a soft smile as he placed his hand on Seunghyun’s shoulder again. “Just think about it, we’re two grown men, perfectly capable of protecting ourselves, and think about how much easier it would be if you had three guys watching your back instead of one.”
With that I glanced over at Seungri and considered it. If I had more people then it would be easier to keep him safe, but at the same time I could go out and do the things that needed to be done. I could let him stay with someone that I knew was capable of keeping the both of them safe without having to worry about him getting himself killed.
It could work, but I couldn’t go rushing into things.
“First off, who are you guys?” I demanded. “I’m not deciding anything until I know. And don’t think you can lie to me, I’ve lived with liars my whole life so I know how to pick one out.” They exchanged glances before Seunghyun shrugged and looked back to me.
“Before this all happened I was a cop. Y’know, catching snot nose bratty kids like you in hopes to get them to see the errors of their ways and keep them off the streets.” The man Seunghyun told me with the sweetest smirk he could manage before he continued, “Or to keep them out of the gutters.”
I rolled my eyes at this comments, but before I could make any kind of remark Youngbae spoke up.
“I was a carpenter so don’t worry about me being able to pull my own weight.” He told me with that ever present smile.
“Good, because I don’t want anything to do with you if you can’t.” I said to him as I cast a glance over to Seungri to see him giving Seunghyun weird looks as he tried coax him into coming closer.
"That's understandable," Youngbae said, but his expression was down-cast, like he was disappointed or something. But really, we'd just met. What else did he expect? Then he added, "And Seunghyun and I are brother-in-laws. That's how we know each other."
I didn’t know if I should congratulate him, or give him my sympathy.
He seemed to know what I was thinking because he offered me his smile again and playfully slapped my shoulder.
“Don’t worry, he’s a pretty amazing guy if you give him a chance.” I nodded as he told me that but still reached out to pull Seungri over to me when I saw that he was trying to subtly avoid Seunghyun’s attempts to come closer.
“I’m sure he is,” I drawled eyeing the man of interest before I leaned in closer to whisper in Seungri’s ear, “Stay close to me, you got that I pulled back from Seungri to see him and give me the smallest of smiles before going back to eyeing Seunghyun like he didn't know what to make of him.
“So how about it, Jiyong? Do you want to work together?” Youngbae asked as he landed a light smack on Seunghyun’s arm to tell him to stop scaring the kid.
“Hmmm,” I hummed in thought before I looked them over again
.
Youngbae really did look like he could pull his own weight. Those muscles weren't just for show. And, plus, he and Seunghyun, the Mr. Former-Fabulous Cop, looked to be capable of taking care of their selves. Probably knew self-defense, though that might be a long-shot. But I'm sure, in a time of danger, Mr. Cop could take out his fair share. I still wasn't too confident about Seunghyun's intentions -- the way he kept staring at Seungri was starting to get on my nerves -- but Youngbae seemed harmless. And Youngbae seemed to trust Seunghyun; they looked close. So I had a choice to make.
I looked them over one last time before I gave Youngbae a crooked grin and said, “Deal, as long as you two do what I say.”
“Great,” Youngbae said smirking at the same time as Seunghyun protested.
“What?! No way!” Youngbae and he glanced at one another before Seunghyun started his rant, glaring disapprovingly at his friend. “You can’t be serious! You are going to let us be bossed around by a kid?! Are you crazy?” He yelled out as he waved his finger at me, and I swear if he was any closer I would’ve bitten it off.
“Seunghyun, have you seen his collarbone?” Youngbae asked him, and without really thinking I raised my hand to rub the spot below my right one.
For a moment I cursed myself for not paying close enough attention, glancing down I saw that my white button up had come undone at the top. No doubt due to the little skirmish I had with Seungri only a few minutes ago.
Seunghyun stopped his rant, and I could almost feel his piercing gaze cut into my chest. He just stared for a moment or so before raising his eyes to meet mine again. He didn’t say anything, and I didn’t offer, I just hiked up my collar and zipped my grey coat. This wasn’t something I wanted to talk about in front of Seungri.
We didn’t say anything, I just subtle tried to hide it as best as I could.
“What does he have on his collarbone?” Seungri piped up, but it seemed the decision went unspoken to not tell Seungri.
This wasn’t something he needed to know.
“Well, anyway,” Youngbae carried on like Seungri hadn’t spoken, “I think he could handle leading us through this better than either of us could,” he said as he smiled at all of us before he let his eyes rest on Seungri. “Isn’t that right, Seungri?”
Seungri looked thoroughly confused, but nodded anyway. “Of course, Ji is a great leader.” With a sigh, Seunghyun seemed to nod his agreement and they all turned to me.
“So, oh mightily leader,” Seunghyun said as he rolled his eyes, “What are your plans from this point on?”
I took a breath and sighed, a part of me still couldn’t believe that all this just happened. This was too much shit to happen in just a few hours’ time, but it did and there was nothing I could do about it. I let my gaze run over all of them until it reached Seungri. I just watched him for a moment as I tried to decide if we could really pull this off. Whether or not it would be safer to just stay here and try our best to survive. I watched as he blinked at me in confusion before I made up my mind.
“First thing is first,” I told them slowly, “We need to get out of the city.” I glanced around as I saw them all nod in agreement before I let out another soft sigh.
The only thing we can do now is move forward.