what's to be (1/5)
Title: what's to be. (1/5)
Author: muhfcuker
Rating: PG13 (this chap)
Genre: Slash, Angst
Pairing: GRi (main), GTop
Length: 947
Summary: what's to be when the slap of realization hits you that you've fallen for two people? (if that's even possible.) jiyong wishes he could tear his heart into equal halves and hand to them both.
a/n: omfg i promise to write longer in later chaps OTL. yesh this is angst but its also gri <3 yea i guess its a tad cliche to write about falling for two people, but if you think about it, it's quite frustrating and actually very possible. continued this specially for disregard30, where the prompt can be found: here. thanks for reading <3.
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It actually takes a lot of effort to stop. Or at least try to. I don't feel anything because I can't, and only then does realization slaps me in the face that I've been hurling my fist against the wall for the past...probably five, ten minutes or so.
Only until I stop hitting and stare at my swollen knuckles, all red and skin grazed (badly), and that's when the pain kicks in. Slowly, excruciatingly as as it crawls away from my knuckles and as it spreads around my hand. It throbs badly, this horrid ringing-vibrating sensation enveloping.
The second feeling is soreness.
I hear a knock on the door, and I don't answer, but it creaks open slowly anyways.
Seunghyun pads in gingerly, the harsh ceiling light hitting his eyes and he rubs them. "Hyung," He says, voice lower and slighty raspy, and I try not to let my thoughts wander elsewhere that's too embarrassing to think about.
"Go back to sleep," because you look like shit right now, panda eyes and all.
"I can't, really. I got woken up."
"By?" I prompt, though I pretty much know.
"What were you doing? It was kinda loud." He asks as his fixes his gaze on me, and I feel his eyes on my body, as if staring hard could give him an answer. Well, actually it would. My hand.
"Hyung!" He clears his throat and his voice raises an octave higher, reaching out his hand almost immediately to my bruised one.
Oh wait.
Great, now I've got bruises and trickled blood down my wrist. That means lots and lots of explaining to do tomorrow. The managers, members...scratch that, make it now. Seunghyun doesn't stop giving me disapproving looks.
I flinch at the contact and he holds onto my hand gently and uncurls my fist (funny, I didn't let go) and examines the wound.
He inhales deeply, the motherly-concerned kind, frowning a little.
I'm distracted from the pain for a while because he looks too cute--ugh I did not just think that.
He doesn't speak then leaves the room, probably getting the first aid kit (in the living room) and comes back, eyes no longer squinting from the light but he held a tired gaze.
I'm an asshole really.
What was I thinking? It's 1 in the morning and all the members are fast asleep (they better be) but little Seunghyun over here has to help mighty leader GD to...clean his wounds. Ha, I'm a wreck. I should be the one taking care of him, and the members, and everything else.
But when you're raging mad, you don't think.
It gets worst when you're so angry, and you can't vent it elsewhere, you resort to stupid measures. Like what I stupidly did; punching the wall. It does kind of help relieve the anger.
Like the pain from the alcohol swab is giving me; it feels as if it's gnawing my flesh away, distracts me and I stop thinking about whatever it is that pissed me bad. I flinch again because of the sting but Seunghyun holds my hand tightly.
"You wanna tell me why you were abusing yourself?" Seunghyun asks as he places gauze around my knuckles, going around three times. He gently pats my hand and I try to wriggle my fingers. Stupid move. The pain takes awhile to register and the throbbing doesn't go away.
"I wasn't trying to hurt myself," I say, laughing lamely, hoping he'll stop just there. It's too late (or probably too early) for questions and honesty.
Seunghyun promptly leaves the first-aid kit on the floor leaning against the wall and I make a mental note to put it back tomorrow. He turns around and flashes a grin, "I did a pretty good job huh," he says then jerks his head up gesturing to my attended hand.
I click my tongue and roll my eyes. That is, after I note that smiling should be made illegal for Lee Seunghyun. He's too pretty and adorable for smiles--
Ugh Kwon Ji, stop it.
"What were you doing hyung? Were you trying to test out the sturdiness of the wall or your hand?"
Smart-mouth.
"Go back to sleep Ri," I repeat myself.
He shrugs, "Okay." and then heads towards my bed.
"What are you doing?" You can't sleep with me, it's illegal to be to near you Lee Seunghyun. (Go back to your own room.) I'm not keen of the idea yet I don't actually voice out my distress.
"Going to sleep." he smiles.
"C'mon hyung," he says and then moves to his right and pats on the pathetic amount of space left.
I feel bad for letting Seunghyun treat me like this, leading him on. I'm not sure what he thinks we are, and I don't really want to know either.I sigh inwardly as I switch off the lights and clambers on the bed, darkness blinding me, and almost immediately I feel a tug on my arm. Seunghyun pulls my arm close to him and rest his head on my shoulder and I can feel the warmth radiating off his cheeks, and I feel mine, heating up too.
"Night hyung," he says, voice slightly muffled as he buries his face deeper reaching my neck.
Oh god, I don't want to even imagine the look on any of the members faces coming in to wake me (us) up, if they do. Youngbae please come in if it happens.
"Night Ri," I hear myself say back.
We stay like this, bodies pressing against each other a tad too close, and I drift to slumber with the lulls of Seunghyun's peaceful breaths synchronizing with mine.