People You Shouldn't Love
Title: People You Shouldn’t Love
Pairing: Jiyong/Seungri
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Summary: Seungri’s angry and he doesn’t know why. Well, he does...but he doesn’t like the answer. Jiyong comes home after being missing for a day but Seungri still loves him.
You don’t expect it to, but the door slams loudly as you release the knob. You take a moment to stop walking and you stare at the door blankly. It’s one of those old doors, with a million crevices and not enough colour.
You wonder why you’re so angry and you secretly hope you won’t find the answer. Probably because you already know.
The answer is simple. The answer is confusing. The answer is Kwon Jiyong.
You’ve been thinking of that little phone call all day, and it’s been bothering the hell out of you.
You walk yourself away from the door and slump onto the nearest lounge.
The weight of your body causes the plush sofa to sink, and for an odd second, you hope it drags you in and swallows you up. You sigh loudly and attempt to shake unwanted thoughts out of your head. You know you failed because your mind is still full of Kwon Jiyong.
There’s a phone ringing and you really don’t want to get out of bed.
There’s a phone ringing and its Jiyong’s ringtone so you get out of bed.
It’s late morning, 11am, and you were taking advantage of a schedule-free day so you slept in.
You press that small, green button and put the cell up to your ear. This is the part where you’re supposed to say ‘hello’, but you don’t because your eyelids are still asleep and your throat is utterly locked.
He doesn’t say anything either, and for a moment, you’re just listening to each other breathe.
You finally take the effort to speak and you think your voice is too small and broken.
“Hyung..?”
He still doesn’t say anything and you start to get worried.
“Hy-“
“Do you still love me, Seungri?” you think his voice sounds like crash. It’s full of disenchantment.
You take a short breath. Maybe your heartbeat fastens a little, but it doesn’t show in your voice.
“Of course, hyung.”
You’re about to add something else into the conversation. Something that will make it normal. Something like: “So where are you at the moment?” or “Did you have enough sleep, hyung? You seem tired.”
But the line is already dead and you can’t help but feel a little used.
You groan and turn your head so it’s pushing into one of the cushions. You don’t want to go to bed yet because you’re waiting for Jiyong.
Nobody’s been able to contact him for the whole day, and the others all agree that everybody should give him some space, since he’s probably stressed from all the work he’s enduring.
But you disagree. You don’t think he needs some space. You think he’d rather somebody to talk to or maybe even hold.
It’s somewhere around 1 in the morning when you hear the door shut quietly. You’re not sure if you were asleep, but you’re wide awake when you stand up to see your hyung walk in.
He turns the light on, and the sudden brightness almost makes you recoil.
Jiyong’s blonde hair is wind-blown and he’s wearing casual clothes. And when you look at his face, you realise it’s completely blank. Empty.
You take a step forward and clear your throat.
“Jiyong hyung, how was your day?”
He doesn’t reply and instead walks to you. His arms feel too thin when he slips them around your waist. You don’t say anything, and only hold him back. His head is buried in your neck and you can feel him breathing and you suppress the urge to shiver.
“Stop it, Seungri. You know you shouldn’t be doing that.” His voice is muffled, but you still hear it.
“Doing what, hyung?” You don’t even realise that you’re stroking his soft hair until the strands glide through your fingers.
“Stop caring for me. Stop caring and wondering and...just stop loving me, damn it..”
Your fingers pause, and you’re in the midst of a bunch of his strands. You don’t know why you do it, but you lie.
“I-I don’t love you, hyung.”
He ignores you. Probably because he knows you’re lying.
“You love me so much, my Seungri. You love me so fucking much that you’re even scared. You’re scared.” He pulls back and looks at you. His expression isn’t empty anymore. His eyes are full of emotion. No, his eyes are full of bitterness.
“You shouldn’t do that, Seungri. It’s killing me.”
“I don’t love you, hyung.”
He ignores you again.
“Sometimes I think that I love you too, but then I remember I’m G-Dragon.” The laugh is so acidic that you wish he would spit it out. “This morning, when I asked you if you still loved me. And when you said you did, do you know what I did, Seungri? Do you know what I did?”
He doesn’t even wait for you to answer and continues speaking.
“I threw the phone, Seungri. I threw my fucking cell at the wall and no one’s been able to call all day.”
You fight to keep your voice steady. And you think you feel like you’re being pushed under water by his words.
“I’m sorry hyung. I’l... I’ll stop loving you then-“
“Don’t you dare. Don’t you fucking dare.” You feel yourself recoil a bit and you wonder if he’s ever sounded harsher. Not even in dance practise, when you were mistaking again, again, again.
“Th..then what do you want me to do, hyung?” You didn’t realise your hands were trembling until he grabbed a hold of them and pulled them up to his face. You watch him do it, like you have no control over your own body.
“I want you to love Kwon Jiyong.” He breathed and you watch him close his eyes delicately. You only just heard him; his voice was like a feather.
“I-I don’t understand...”
His eyes snap open, and it’s like he shattered back into reality. He pulls back and then he’s already half-turned to leave for his room.
“Of course you don’t, Seungriyah. Of course you don’t.” He wasn’t smiling and his voice wasn’t cold. There wasn’t much reason for it, but you think your heart dropped at his words. You don’t watch him leave. You’re looking at the carpet.
***
It’s been almost half an hour, and you hope Jiyong isn’t asleep yet. You don’t knock and just open the door. His room is almost fully dark, except for the light seeping in from the hallway.
You can tell he’s awake because he’s lying down on his back and he’s facing the ceiling. Jiyong always has to twist and turn in his sleep, you would know.
“Hyung...?” Your whisper didn’t seem to affect him, so you invite yourself into his room.
Without a word, you slip under his covers and you slowly slide closer. He still doesn’t move and you take the courage to wrap one of your arms around his stiff form.
“I understand now, hyung. I’m sorry, I think I understand now.”
He finally turns his head towards yours and your lips are almost touching.
“Don’t tell me you’re sorry, Seungri. Tell me you love me.”
“I love you.”
He closes his eyes and you press your lips against his softly.
His eyes snap open again and he smiles at you slightly.
“Thanks Seungri.”
You smile back at him. You don’t want him to know that it’s shattering again. Just like the first time. You don’t know why you expected more this time. You don’t know why you expected more. He’s fucking G-Dragon. And on your list, he’s right on top. People you shouldn’t love.
End.
A/N: This sort of wrote itself...I was watching old fanmade g-ri vids (you know the ones with all the sweet music and cute vids/gifs/pics?) and let me tell you, I was really upset for some reason. Maybe because I get this off vibe from those two these days...you know what I mean? Okay I don’t want to get too much into it but I know a few other g-ri lovers agree with me. Let’s just hope/pray it gets back to normal (:
Anyway, just telling you that this was random and in no way planned. I’m very sorry for that.