[oneshot] an exercise in longing

Feb 11, 2015 00:06

Title: an exercise in longing
Pairing: b.i/yunhyeong
Rating: pg13
Genre: au, romance
Warnings: n/a
Author: gdgdbaby
Notes: american college au. after twenty years of uninterrupted single life, hanbin gets set up on a date. 2,615 words. tysm to intherubble for looking this over! ♥ aircrashes, this one's for you.



In the living room, Hanbin asks, "How do I look?" He holds his arms out and twirls.

Bobby flashes him two thumbs up from the sofa. On second thought, he lets his left hand dip to the side. "You might want to add a cardigan over the button-down. Hayi likes cardigans."

Junhwe looks up from his calculus textbook, extreme disinterest written all over his face. "Could be better," he says, popping the gum in his mouth. "Don't listen to anything Bobby says, by the way. His idea of fashion includes cutoff jean shorts."

"What are you even doing here?" Bobby says, shoving at him. "Go home, freshman. It's past your bedtime."

Junhwe pushes back. "I have a right to be in this dorm! Jinhwan's my math tutor!"

"Jinhwan isn't even here right now!"

And so on and so forth. Hanbin sighs. He abandons the tussle on the couch and goes to his room to look for a cardigan. He's not sure he even owns one. If he's being completely honest, his idea of fashion probably includes cutoff jean shorts, too.

So that's how Yunhyeong finds him, elbow-deep in a miscellaneous pile of unfolded laundry. "Lose something?" he asks, amused, a towel wrapped around his head. "Nice hair, by the way."

Hanbin shakes his head, bangs rustling. "Jinhwan told me to gel it. For my date tonight."

Something like surprise ripples across Yunhyeong's face before his mouth settles back into a safe smile. Hanbin's stomach does a little somersault, and then settles when he unearths his arms from the laundry and smooths a hand over his abdomen. "That's right," Yunhyeong says. "I almost forgot." His smile broadens. "Good luck, lover boy."

It's funny. Three weeks ago, Hanbin had been perfectly fine playing the role of the perpetual bachelor. Juggling school and part time jobs at the library and the dance studio was enough to focus on without a significant other tossed into the equation. Anyway, after ten years as Bobby's best friend and Jinhwan's favorite dongsaeng, Hanbin felt pretty content being the platonic third wheel in their civil union, or whatever it was. He hasn't ever really known anything else.

Hanbin likes absolutes, known factors, quantifiable things, but he should've known by now how much Bobby likes throwing a wrench into all his plans. He's always had a way with talking Hanbin into doing stupid shit. Like the one time in fifth grade he'd convinced Hanbin that riding his bicycle across the roof of his house was a good idea-or now, coerced into going on a date with one of Bobby's friends in the art history department. "She just needs someone to take her out on Valentine's Day," he'd explained, making really grotesque puppy dog eyes at Hanbin over a bowl of miso soup. "You're the only unattached guy I trust enough for this."

How was he supposed to say no to that? Hanbin's met Hayi a couple of times, at mixers and KASA meetings and the odd open mic night. She's cute in the vacant, spacey sort of way that probably appeals to lots of guys, but is also kind of scary during in-class debates. Hanbin's obviously spoken to girls before in the past twenty years of his existence, but romantic settings are a different type of obstacle. Uncharted territory.

Yunhyeong must see the trepidation on his face, because he pats Hanbin's shoulder on the way to his underwear drawer. "Don't worry about it. You'll be fine."

"I've never actually done this before," Hanbin admits, fiddling with the folded cuffs of his dress shirt. "Bobby says if my evening doesn't end in blowjobs, then I'm doing something wrong."

Yunhyeong laughs. He turns and points a balled-up pair of socks at Hanbin's nose. "You know Bobby. He thinks he's doing something wrong if every evening doesn't end in blowjobs. I wouldn't worry about it."

Hanbin snorts, relaxing a little. He resumes digging through the mounds of laundry for a passable jacket. "What are your plans, anyway?"

"Oh, you know, hanging out with a mountain of samgyupsal and my Netflix account," Yunhyeong jokes, pulling a sweatshirt over his head. "The usual."

At eighteen, going to the same college as Jinhwan had been a foregone conclusion. Living with Jinhwan's freshman suitemate, cheerful communications major Yunhyeong, was a bonus. He never seemed agitated when Hanbin pulled crazy hours studying for his political science classes. Even bought a nice replacement lamp for Hanbin's desk when Bobby snapped the neck of the first one trying to battle Hanbin's fake light saber their first Halloween at college. As far as the roommate lottery went, Yunhyeong was pretty much the jackpot. In the year and a half since Bobby and Hanbin arrived on the UCLA campus, the four of them have hung out at Yunhyeong's parents' barbecue restaurant in Long Beach so often that Mr. and Mrs. Song always have a table in the back reserved just for them.

In the end, Yunhyeong is gracious enough to put Hanbin out of his misery: he lends him one of his own cardigans. It's soft and gray. There are big pockets stitched to the sides. Hanbin feels a bit like a fraud, but the fabric smells nice. His stomach does that flippy thing again when he holds it up to his nose. "You look good," Yunhyeong announces, sounding satisfied. "I'm sure Hayi will be happy."

Hanbin wipes his clammy palms on his jeans, straightens his spine. At the door, he tries to smile. "Thanks, man. I hope so."

As Hanbin ducks out, Yunhyeong waves, already in pajama pants and curled around his laptop. "And hey," he says, mouth cracking open in a laugh. "If it doesn't turn out well, you can always come back and get a consolation blowjob from me."

Hanbin almost misses Jinhwan when he passes by in the lobby of their apartment building. He does, however, run into the security guard, who frowns at him before continuing his rounds. "Shit," he says, hopping on one foot to ease the pain in the other.

Jinhwan walks over from the mailboxes with a concerned look on his face. "You okay? What's up?"

"Nothing," Hanbin says, face flushed. Everything, he thinks, ears still pounding with Yunhyeong's offhand comment. "Just distracted. I'm about to be late for my date."

Jinhwan folds his arms and smiles. "Look at you, all grown up." He gives Hanbin a gentle nudge toward the revolving doors. "Make good decisions. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Hanbin rolls his eyes. "Bobby said the same thing."

"Sure," Jinhwan returns, making a face, "but Bobby would do anything."

The date is at a sushi place in K-Town. Hanbin's supposed to be meeting Hayi there at seven, after which they would take their pick of movie or bar. Pretty routine for a first date, if his friends' limited experience was anything to go by. He'd been pretty sure they'd both opt for the movie-safer, really-but now he's not so sure. His throat is kind of itching for a drink. Never mind that the last time they'd gone to an Omega party, Hanbin took one mystery shot and spent the rest of the evening wrapped around a toilet bowl. Maybe that's what he needs.

Hanbin spends the entire drive committing every license plate he sees to memory, and does not think at all about how Yunhyeong's damp hair curls as it dries, or the twenty cherry chapsticks Hanbin bought as a white elephant gift that Yunhyeong's still going through over a year later.

Hanbin's parallel parking job is total shit, which he blames on arriving half an hour late. "Sorry, didn't mean to be late," he says, sliding into the chair across from Hayi's so fast that he almost slides right off the other side. Shit. Already starting off on the wrong foot. "Traffic sucked."

To her credit, Hayi doesn't seem to mind. Her hair's down in loose ringlets around her face, and her dress is made of some shimmery red material. She looks incredible. Hanbin follows the red flash of her nails as she waves a hand and forces himself to stop thinking about cherry chapstick. "Friday night traffic is always horrible," she says, smiling. "I get it. I just got here like five minutes ago." Their waiter comes by with a menu for Hanbin and two tall glasses of water. Hayi's eyes light up as they scan over the dinner options. "Wanna order?"

The sushi is ostensibly good, but Hanbin can't really taste it. It's like his brain's latched onto this intangible shift, this new facet of an old relationship, and stuck on it like a broken record. Brutal focus has been one thing Hanbin's always liked most about himself, but if he could wish it away for one night, this would be it. It would drive him fucking crazy. He thinks, I wouldn't feel this weird if it was just a stupid joke. There had been something in Yunhyeong's face when he said it. It's completely possible Hanbin wanted to see something in Yunhyeong's face

"Hanbin," Hayi says.

Hanbin leaps in his chair and nearly upends his glass of water. He manages to catch it before it falls. "Sorry," he gasps, shoving it closer to the soy sauce containers. "The check-"

"Do you want to order anything else?"

Hanbin swallows, staring down at the menu, half of it covered by his huge plate of unfinished tempura roll. "Ah, I'm good, actually. But the check..."

"I think I want more nigiri."

Hanbin clears his throat, unsure. "Order whatever you like. I'll take care of the check."

Hayi snorts. It isn't unkind. She folds the menu back up. Tilts her head and says, "You really want to be somewhere else, huh?"

"No, that's not it," Hanbin says, too quickly.

Hayi curls her hands beneath her chin and stares at him, big eyes luminescent in the low light. "It's alright," she says, and for some reason the way her gaze flicks down to the table looks a little ashamed. "I-" She huffs, elbows shuffling. When she looks up again, the quaver of her mouth has turned into a smile. "Honestly, I wanted to score a free meal. My friends are all off with their boyfriends because it's Valentine's Day, so I asked Bobby to give me a sucker. You don't mind, do you?"

Hanbin can't help it. He drapes a hand over his face and just laughs for a minute, inexplicably relieved. He can't even find it in himself to be that mad at Bobby yet, but he's sure that'll come later. "No," he says, smiling naturally for the first time all night. "I don't mind." He takes a sip of his water and asks, curious, "What made you decide to tell me?"

Hayi shrugs, twirling a chopstick between her fingers. "You looked so sad. Or just worried. You have those eyebrows, you know?"

Hanbin shakes his head. When their eyes meet again, Hayi's lifting her hand to signal the waiter, menu ready in the other. She smiles at the look on Hanbin's face, and something clicks in Hanbin's head. Two people reaching a mutual understanding. Hanbin's been making decisions for himself his entire life, but in this moment, this one somehow seems the most important.

After Hayi cleans up three more plates of sushi-she could give Yunhyeong a run for his money with that kind of appetite-Hanbin foots the bill. She shrugs her coat on at the front of the restaurant and reaches up to give him a hug, hair tickling Hanbin's nose, delicate perfume curling around him. "Thanks for dinner," she says, grinning. "I'm guessing we aren't doing the movie?"

"Next time," he says, accepting her pinky promise, and walks her to her car.

The living room's empty when he gets home, the lights are off. Weird. It's barely nine. On Friday nights like this, Bobby's usually got a bunch of people over playing Halo on the big TV, but the only noise in the house aside from Hanbin toeing his squeaky shoes off is the quiet sound of Yunhyeong laughing in their room.

He takes a deep breath before pushing the door open. The only light's coming from Yunhyeong's computer screen, but he can still see the vague shock that crosses his face when Hanbin shuffles in. Yunhyeong leans over to turn the lamp on, neck of his sweatshirt catching to reveal a long stretch of pink skin. Hanbin swallows to unstick his throat.

"Hey," Yunhyeong says, pulling his earphones out. "You're home super early. How was the date?"

"Not bad," Hanbin says automatically, then shakes his head. "Well, I wasn't really at my best."

Yunhyeong's eyebrows jump. "Why's that?"

Hanbin shuffles to the foot of Yunhyeong's bed, left palm thumping against the buttons on his cardigan. Yunhyeong's cardigan. "I dunno," Hanbin says, suddenly nervous. He can't look up. "It's weird. I just couldn't stop thinking about what you said, so I figured-this is where I most wanted to be. That's okay, right?"

"What I said," Yunhyeong repeats carefully, voice unreadable.

Hanbin's stomach gives a sickening swoop. His knees give out a little, sagging against the box spring. What if it really was a joke? What the hell was he supposed to say?

Yunhyeong snaps his laptop shut and places it on the bedside table. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing," Hanbin snaps out, taking a step back. "Never mind, don't worry about it-"

Before he can move another inch, Yunhyeong vaults out of bed with pretty stunning speed. Hanbin doesn't think he's ever seen Yunhyeong move that quickly. A hand closes around Hanbin's wrist. Hanbin's pulse leaps about five times as fast as it was going before. All he can smell is Yunhyeong's shampoo, and the barest hint of fucking cherry chapstick on his breath. "What did you mean, Hanbin?"

"I-" Hanbin takes a deep breath, and then exhales, long and slow. "Hayi was nice about it, but I was preoccupied throughout the whole date." He sucks his bottom lip into his mouth and tries to calm the burning in his face. "It's stupid. I couldn't stop thinking about your blowjob offer. That's all."

"Really?" Yunhyeong's laughing, but it doesn't sound like ridicule. He hasn't moved away. His hand, warm and steady, is still wrapped around Hanbin's wrist. "I can't believe Bobby was right."

Hanbin's mouth twists with confusion. "Huh?"

Yunhyeong lets go of Hanbin's wrist to fall back on the bed and scratch at his neck. He looks almost sheepish. "Listen, Hanbin. I don't know how else to tell you this, but-I've liked you for a long time."

Hanbin's mouth drops open. "What?"

"I don't buy lamps for just anyone." He scrunches his nose. "But I guess you are a bit oblivious when it comes to this type of thing. Bobby's advice was be less subtle. Like I said-I can't believe it worked."

Hanbin lets out an unsteady bark of laughter. "Sometimes he does have good ideas."

Yunhyeong smiles, warm and amused. "Occasionally. Rarely."

Hanbin leans back in, knees hitting the bed again. He licks his dry lips. Could use some chapstick right around now. Maybe Yunhyeong has some to spare, but he can worry about that later. Right now-"So. The consolation blowjob." A long pause. Yunhyeong's eyes flash. "You meant it?"

Yunhyeong's expression turns stern. He crosses his arms and says, "Who do you think I am? You haven't even taken me on a proper date yet."

Hanbin almost believes him. He scowls, stomach lurching with disappointment, but then Yunhyeong's mouth twitches.

"Come on, dude. Of course I did." Hanbin's heartbeat pounds twice in his throat, thickens up his tongue so he can barely breathe. Yunhyeong's hands fall to the edge of Hanbin's dress shirt. Slip up beneath the hem, fingers tickling Hanbin's navel. "Let me show you how much."

fin

A/N: the original prompt!!!! i reworked it a little bit but the ~essence~ of it is still there i think :3 happy early valentine's day~

fandom: ikon, length: oneshot, ship: b.i/yunhyeong, #fic

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