Wednesday Evening Evaluations
"Is this the price of education," Greg asked delicately referring to the five hundred dollars he shelled out for his school books. "Does my thirst for knowledge justify a half grand of my hard earned money spent on printed information?"
He asked himself these and similar questions for over and hour, contemplating the way things had come, gone, changed, and disappeared over the past year and a half. Emerson was no longer his dream, school, location was no longer an issue, Boston's luster had been diminished, and the people he called best friends had slowly shifted closer to the title of acquaintances. "2005 was not the greatest of years," he once again said out loud, as he had for the past eleven days, "I sure fucking hope 2006 can provide some sense of providence."
2005 in fact had not been Greg's ideal year, despite turning 18, finding himself in more ways than one, graduating from high school and subsequently a stage of life, and discovering his one true love (to be mentioned later). 2005 was the year of college rejection, childhood home evictions, painful surgeries, unneccessary drama, electric shocks of reality, car crashes, heartbreaks, and mountains of regret.
Everything Greg had known in 2004 was thrown out of the window in 2005. For the first time in his life he had been able to walk down the street knowing for a fact that he was not lying to himself or to the world. Yet for the first time in his life he walked down that street completely uncertain of where it would take him. Fear became an everyday emotion. He found solice in close friends. They spent the year together, up until college broke them apart. Since that time, they have yet to regenerate their close bonds, and every day it looks less and less like they ever will. Friends. Money. Direction. All things Greg had lost in the previous year.
Greg is a terribly negative, pessimistic human being, but the fifth year of the new millenium did provide a few gains. Greg gained self. He came out to the world, his friends, and his family and thus himself... once and for all accepting everything he had always known. The boy gained life experience, proclaiming himself "The Kid Who Felt too Much, Saw too Little, and Came Away with Just Right". Long title. After countless heartbreaks and deceit, Greg had slowly become a callous shell of a man, with gates the size of bridges, allowing only a few in.
In. He eventually let one in. Unexpectedly, in the most inopportune moment, Greg fell in love. It wasn't sudden, but it wasn't drawn out, it was perfect. He knew from the moment he set eyes on what he saw as the perfect man that he would be with him forever.
Of course there was trouble, every relationship starts off based on one common piece of footing, and slowly, if successful, grows into something much larger. It took a while to find that common ground, and though they still may not be perfect, they seem to be on track to be a force to be reckoned with. Love is a powerful emotion and clichely conquers all, and Greg and Aki will someday take over their world. Hurdles may be thrown at them, but they will power through, Greg can feel it.
It's days like today in which a person can concentrate on the intracacies of life. Personal evaluation is a task that should be left to the professionals and to the drunk, but Greg had a thought in mind that turned into an essay. The future is uncertain; no one knows where they are headed. But, on the ocean of life, you have your securities: your boat, your crew, your destination. I have my boat, its called my body, and until it fails, I will keep sailing. I have my crew, they are the few friends I call home. I have my destination, its known as success and happiness, I'm still working on the path towards that. I'm the captain of my boat, I will sail it where I sail it, but I have my first mate, my life mate, the man I love, and the person I wish to sail into the swirling future with, Aki. These bursts of guiding light from the lighthouse on shore give more than just aid in the rocky, dark waters of life... they give hope that someday... my boat will make it to sure, and with me taking the first steps onto land, will be my first mate.
Thank you for enduring this bullshit of a Wednesday. Much love.
He asked himself these and similar questions for over and hour, contemplating the way things had come, gone, changed, and disappeared over the past year and a half. Emerson was no longer his dream, school, location was no longer an issue, Boston's luster had been diminished, and the people he called best friends had slowly shifted closer to the title of acquaintances. "2005 was not the greatest of years," he once again said out loud, as he had for the past eleven days, "I sure fucking hope 2006 can provide some sense of providence."
2005 in fact had not been Greg's ideal year, despite turning 18, finding himself in more ways than one, graduating from high school and subsequently a stage of life, and discovering his one true love (to be mentioned later). 2005 was the year of college rejection, childhood home evictions, painful surgeries, unneccessary drama, electric shocks of reality, car crashes, heartbreaks, and mountains of regret.
Everything Greg had known in 2004 was thrown out of the window in 2005. For the first time in his life he had been able to walk down the street knowing for a fact that he was not lying to himself or to the world. Yet for the first time in his life he walked down that street completely uncertain of where it would take him. Fear became an everyday emotion. He found solice in close friends. They spent the year together, up until college broke them apart. Since that time, they have yet to regenerate their close bonds, and every day it looks less and less like they ever will. Friends. Money. Direction. All things Greg had lost in the previous year.
Greg is a terribly negative, pessimistic human being, but the fifth year of the new millenium did provide a few gains. Greg gained self. He came out to the world, his friends, and his family and thus himself... once and for all accepting everything he had always known. The boy gained life experience, proclaiming himself "The Kid Who Felt too Much, Saw too Little, and Came Away with Just Right". Long title. After countless heartbreaks and deceit, Greg had slowly become a callous shell of a man, with gates the size of bridges, allowing only a few in.
In. He eventually let one in. Unexpectedly, in the most inopportune moment, Greg fell in love. It wasn't sudden, but it wasn't drawn out, it was perfect. He knew from the moment he set eyes on what he saw as the perfect man that he would be with him forever.
Of course there was trouble, every relationship starts off based on one common piece of footing, and slowly, if successful, grows into something much larger. It took a while to find that common ground, and though they still may not be perfect, they seem to be on track to be a force to be reckoned with. Love is a powerful emotion and clichely conquers all, and Greg and Aki will someday take over their world. Hurdles may be thrown at them, but they will power through, Greg can feel it.
It's days like today in which a person can concentrate on the intracacies of life. Personal evaluation is a task that should be left to the professionals and to the drunk, but Greg had a thought in mind that turned into an essay. The future is uncertain; no one knows where they are headed. But, on the ocean of life, you have your securities: your boat, your crew, your destination. I have my boat, its called my body, and until it fails, I will keep sailing. I have my crew, they are the few friends I call home. I have my destination, its known as success and happiness, I'm still working on the path towards that. I'm the captain of my boat, I will sail it where I sail it, but I have my first mate, my life mate, the man I love, and the person I wish to sail into the swirling future with, Aki. These bursts of guiding light from the lighthouse on shore give more than just aid in the rocky, dark waters of life... they give hope that someday... my boat will make it to sure, and with me taking the first steps onto land, will be my first mate.
Thank you for enduring this bullshit of a Wednesday. Much love.