A rant
Well, I sat on this overnight and talked to someone uninvolved and it still seems worth saying; accordingly, I write this, fully expecting the communal response to be "good riddance to bad rubbish".
I've had it with passive aggressive behavior, and I've especially had it with a group that condones it. I've had too many "conversations" with people through intermediaries, a form of communication that compares infavorably to Telephone. I've been as guilty as most in not speaking up when I see this occur in front of me.
If you have a problem with me, you can damned well talk to me to my face about it. I'm not actually an ogre and I'm very unlikely to bite your head off. The "talking shit about me behind my back while pretending that everything is fine to my face" behavior, or in one particularly egregious case the "being friendly to me only so long as I'm around, and then immediately telling people what a horrible person I am" behavior is hurtful, harmful, and not going to change anything! Semi-involved people telling me "you should do X to make people more comfortable" and then moving the goalposts whenever I try to do X is hardly any better. Being conflict avoidant is not an excuse for being an asshole! Have the decency to address the person face to face, please. It's less unpleasant for everyone involved.
I can't deal with this from people I thought were my friends. It is becoming increasingly difficult to convince myself that it's worthwhile hanging out with folks who pretend to like me, as opposed to playing City of Heroes-a totally useless endeavor that produces nothing of any value to anyone, but at least involves online friends who like me and value my presence.
I've had it with passive aggressive behavior, and I've especially had it with a group that condones it. I've had too many "conversations" with people through intermediaries, a form of communication that compares infavorably to Telephone. I've been as guilty as most in not speaking up when I see this occur in front of me.
If you have a problem with me, you can damned well talk to me to my face about it. I'm not actually an ogre and I'm very unlikely to bite your head off. The "talking shit about me behind my back while pretending that everything is fine to my face" behavior, or in one particularly egregious case the "being friendly to me only so long as I'm around, and then immediately telling people what a horrible person I am" behavior is hurtful, harmful, and not going to change anything! Semi-involved people telling me "you should do X to make people more comfortable" and then moving the goalposts whenever I try to do X is hardly any better. Being conflict avoidant is not an excuse for being an asshole! Have the decency to address the person face to face, please. It's less unpleasant for everyone involved.
I can't deal with this from people I thought were my friends. It is becoming increasingly difficult to convince myself that it's worthwhile hanging out with folks who pretend to like me, as opposed to playing City of Heroes-a totally useless endeavor that produces nothing of any value to anyone, but at least involves online friends who like me and value my presence.