(no subject)
I wish I didn't always feel like this.
I wish they wouldn't make me feel like this.
It happens too often. They yell and scream and talk about how I am so useless and don't care about anything but myself and my life. how I'm a disappointment. and how I'm such a spoiled brat. Well, I am. And they made me that way. But, I have feelings and I do care. In the middle of my moms screaming I finally said something back. and all that I could say was "Yeah, Mom. I realize you both don't like me. You don't have to rub it in." And then she just walked off. Yeah they do a lot for me..but theres not one day that ever goes by where I don't hear all their crap. I think that they think them buying me things and then doing so much makes up for empty space. Love that's not there. But it doesn't. Everday goes by with me feeling like no one in the world loves me. And I know it seems stupid to say..but it's really how I feel. When they have these one way arguments with me I sit there staring off in a different direction and my eyes tear up instantly. Then I get that feeling in the pit of my stomach and that's when I lose it. They don't even know I have these thoughts or do these things. And I don't want them to because they'll only be even more disappointed in me. It's so much worse that they are disappointed. if they were just "angry" at me it would be alright.
They said I need to re-evaluate my life.
I think I do too. But the way I know it needs to be done.
I wish they wouldn't make me feel like this.
It happens too often. They yell and scream and talk about how I am so useless and don't care about anything but myself and my life. how I'm a disappointment. and how I'm such a spoiled brat. Well, I am. And they made me that way. But, I have feelings and I do care. In the middle of my moms screaming I finally said something back. and all that I could say was "Yeah, Mom. I realize you both don't like me. You don't have to rub it in." And then she just walked off. Yeah they do a lot for me..but theres not one day that ever goes by where I don't hear all their crap. I think that they think them buying me things and then doing so much makes up for empty space. Love that's not there. But it doesn't. Everday goes by with me feeling like no one in the world loves me. And I know it seems stupid to say..but it's really how I feel. When they have these one way arguments with me I sit there staring off in a different direction and my eyes tear up instantly. Then I get that feeling in the pit of my stomach and that's when I lose it. They don't even know I have these thoughts or do these things. And I don't want them to because they'll only be even more disappointed in me. It's so much worse that they are disappointed. if they were just "angry" at me it would be alright.
They said I need to re-evaluate my life.
I think I do too. But the way I know it needs to be done.