Time changes....
I didn't go to school today cuz I'm sick. Dad was supposed to take me to the doctor, but he didn't--I hate doctors anyway.
Thanks for texting me back Kayla (California). I told you I text people like crazy. =/
Anyway. I feel like I'm losing everything. I just feel so broken and confused. Me and Corinna aren't friends anymore and as much as I say I could care less that we're not friends anymore and I could stomp on our eight year friendship--really I do care. Me and Corinna have been best friends for eight years and now all of a sudden we're not. Times changed, yeah, but I wish I could take everything back. I could never stomp on our eight year friendship--NEVER. We were supposed to be like sisters, but this time I'm realizing she's the one that's changed, not me...and that's what sux. She meant so much to me as a person, individual, as a friend, and as family...we basically grew up together and we've watched each other evolve into what we are now, but I feel like all thats been taken away from me. She understood me. We finished each others sentences and said things at the same time and we could even look at each other and just know what the other is thinking. That was how great our friendship was, we knew when there was something wrong with the other without them having to mention it. I miss having that. I was listening to 'Say Anything' by Good Charlotte and people would think of that as a break up song, but it just reminds me of Corinna and what we used to be.
Jessie--the one person who understands me the most aside from Corinna, is moving to Missouri this month. She's like one of my best friends and probably the only person who would understand something about me if I told them....and now, I'm losing her too.
Everything just seems to be slipping farther and farther away and it's only getting worse. Brian told me that life gets easier as you get older, but I'm finding that hard to believe--for me, it's only getting harder. My friends at school--well I only see them at school. Maybe I don't put in the effort to hang out with them or maybe it's not me. Now that all this stuff is happening, I'm starting to really question who my true friends are. I don't feel safe with anyone right now and I feel like I have no one. This is one thing I hate complaining about, but this is how I feel. I have no idea who to trust, so now, I just don't trust. When I was younger and lived with my mom, she always told me, "Befriend people, but don't trust anyone." I always listened when she said that and she was right--when you trust people you only end up with hurt feelings. Where the hell do I go from here cuz the end of this road is coming soon...I can feel it.
Say Anything:
Here I am on the phone again and... awkward silences on the other end. I used to know the sound of a smile in your voice, but right now, all I feel is the pain of the fighting starting up again. All the things we talk about you know they stay on my mind. All the things we laugh about will bring us through everytime, after time, after time.
Don't say a word. I know you feel the same. Just give me a sign. Say anything, say anything. Please don't walk away. I know you want to stay. If you just give me a sign. Say anything, say anything.
Some say that time changes. Best friends can become strangers, but I dont want that, no not with you. If you just stay with me we can make it through. So here we are again, same old argument and now I'm wondering if things will ever change. When will you laugh again? Laugh like you did back when we made noise till 3 AM and the neighbors would complain. All the things we talk about you know they stay on my mind. All the things we laugh about will bring us through it everytime, after time, after time.
Don't say a word. I know you feel the same. Just give me a sign. Say anything, say anything. Please don't walk away. I know you want to stay. If you just give me a sign. Say anything, say anything.
I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling down. Don't say a word. I know you feel the same. Just give me a sign. Say anything, say anything. Please don't walk away. I know you want to stay. If you just give me a sign. Say anything, say anything. Please don't leave.
*It's easier to walk away from everything*
-ALiCiA-