The quest for breakfast with a sidedish of drama.
This morning I really wanted something to eat. I went to the cafeteria here at san jac, only to be let down by the fact that they do not accept credit (fuck you!) I only had $2. I ended up following a friend around and accidentally found a vending machine which had the breakfast of champions (honey buns!), but the machine wouldn't take my dollar.
For some weird reason I said something outloud along the lines of, "this machine should say it does NOT accept dollar bills."
A girl was sitting behind me with, I guess, her boyfriend and told me to try the machine upstairs. Wondering if it was worth the effort I walked up the stairs and got my breakfast!
Sadly, I had no milk. Now, i'm really thirsty. :[
I guess, I should update about oni-con, since I have the time to do it now. Let's see....
You don't have to read this part.
First of, I might as well get this out of the way, the drama shit that should'nt have happend.
I think both sides have valid and invalid points for doing what they did.
It all started that first night when I decided to get kinda drunk in the end, but I don't think I got as drunk as Jesus claims I did.
What happend was, Jesus was trying to tell me that I should go to sleep and so I laid down with him and just closed me eyes. Someone came in talking about the hentai fest and of course we had all planned to go. He didn't go because he said he didn't feel like it and he was mad that I left because he said I ignored him and didn't even invite him. He was mad about the ignoring him part because I had told him I hadn't planned on drinking, but he was one of the people who was encouraging me to drink. He was also drinking, but he said I was getting really crazy, so he stopped drinking.
Which, actually, I didn't get all that crazy. I asked everyone and I don't think anyone thinks I was getting that crazy at alll... so when I came back the room, which wasnt that long at all, since we only caught the last few minutes of the hentai fest and then came back to the room. When I got back, Jesus was gone, so I decided to lay down until get got back, after a few minutes I decided to text him and see where he was.
Me: Where you at?
Him: At the gameroom. We need to talk.
At the time I was thinking about what? And then I just closed my eyes again..
I don't know how long later, a few seconds/minutes, he text me asking me where I was at and I told him I was in the room.
him: I guess you don't want to talk then.
And something about me being able to have fun without him so he should leave and something.... I asked him to stay alot of times and I apologized alot. I normally don't apologize at all, but I did... He still left. He even came back for his cell phone charger. [Which, FUCK, I forgot my cell phone charger there!! gahh!!@kldelsdj]
After he left he came back the next day, I accidentally ran into him in the hallway. I followed him and Paul into the gameroom. I wanted to talk to him, but he was talking to Paul... eventually he walked off and Jesus asked me, "well, what do you want?"
I wanted to say something, anything, but I could feel that I was going to cry really bad again, so I ran off. I don't know why exactly. Habit I guess...so then, I ended up going back to the room and changed out of my nurse outfit and into normal clothes. I really wanted to leave, because I didn't want to ruin the convention and be of any inconvinience. But somehow I was convinced to stay.
At some point Jesus left with Paul to go to Debbie's party. He left the room and I followed him to the elevator. I tried to hug him, because I felt aweful and at that point I was pretty sure he was going to break up with me... I was feeling %100 like shit. But he just backed up and walked into the elevator when it opened. I heard Paul say something and I started crying really bad. I didn't know what to do... I walked back into the room and cried alot. I can't remember who talked to me at this point, but I'll thank everyone at the end.
He came back later saturday night and continued to ignore anything I said.
Everyone started drinking and I had planned on doing it too, but I didn't really feel involved or included.. specially because I knew Jesus was going to keep ignoring me. Freddy gave me something to drink, so I drank it, but eventually I laid down in the bed and ended up leaving the room altogether.
Freddy was the first one to follow. I was crying on his shoulder when Jesus came out. I moved my head because Freddy said something and I looked at the door where Jesus came out. He walked somewhere else, though. Other people came Rey and someone else... but Freddy was doing most of the talking. It made me feel alot better.
A few people said, "Do you think being this sad is worth being with him?"
Nornally, I would have said yes, but now i'm questioning that.
I'm starting to feel really sad almost all the time.
Later that night everyone kinda calmed down, sorta, and I laid down on one of the beds and tried to sleep. Jesus asked me if he could sleep on the same bed and I told him, "I dont care, do whatever you want."
So he laid down next to me. He tried to lean his head on my back, but I flinched, and I guess he noticed and moved. I didn't want to be touched by him.
He asked me if it was bothering me if he slept next to him, but all I said was it doesnt matter he can do whatever he wants.
I tried to sleep, but it was getting kinda loud and Jesus ended up talking to me.
I told him what he did was really shitty, basically. He told me that he wanted me to feel the way he did whenever I ignored him Friday night. I told him he over-did it. I dont remember what else... but some people started 'grappling' and I left the room, cause my head was starting to hurt.
Out in the hallway after I was sitting down for a few minutes I heard, "Did you see a girl walk past here?" I kept my eyes closed and eventually I head a thud! I looked up and John was laying down on a pillow next to me and gustavo was sitting right by me. For some reason this made me laugh. I told them they should go back, but they said something that made me laugh... a minute later Jesus walked towards us and said something like "asshole comming through."
They all just sat there, eventually Freddy came as well, and again I told them that they should go back, but they didn't so I walked off again. I thought about getting into the elevator at the other side, but my head was hurting so I collapsed. jesus showed up, he said something about "man, if that elevator blah I would have been fucked."
Maybe I should have gotten into that elevator.
We ended up talking more. Basically he said the same thing.
About how he wanted me to feel the way he felt so that I wouldn't do it again. I still think it sounds really dumb and I still kinda feel like shit and am debating if its all worth it. I got really emotional at that point... I still kinda feel the same way though.
I want to thank everyone that helped me out during the weekend. Specially Mr. Williams. haha, just kidding... specially Freddy. I think he did the most to cheer me up. I consider him one of my best friends. Thanks alot. Then I want to thank John, Miro, Gustavo, Chantara, Rey... and whoever else I cant think of right now that helped me out, it means alot to me. Really it did. I'm really glad I met all of you, but I wish I didn't feel like such a burden right now.
I apologized to Jesus for ever meeting him and of course for making him feel the way he did about wanting me to feel like shit... to "learn a lesson." I took the whole blame. I never expected the guys to be on my side, I still don't, I don't even want a side. They can all stop talking to me if they want, Jesus was their friends first. It's only fair.
He ended up apologizing to me.
But I dont know... I still felt like shit.
He even said apologizing doesn't really help.
And he's right. It didn't help at all.
I slept next to him in the room, but nothing felt the same way.
Then at his house after the convention, I laughed and joked around with him, but it wasnt the same.... I dont know whats going to happen from now on, but it cant be good. And I told him that.
now, I don't know.
I feel sick, my body feels like an infection.
Everything inside me is dying.
I hate these feelings.
Take them from me?
I wonder what I would say if this happend to one of my friends, instead of me? What would my advice be?
Blehhh, I made this too long and I need to go to class now anyway.
For some weird reason I said something outloud along the lines of, "this machine should say it does NOT accept dollar bills."
A girl was sitting behind me with, I guess, her boyfriend and told me to try the machine upstairs. Wondering if it was worth the effort I walked up the stairs and got my breakfast!
Sadly, I had no milk. Now, i'm really thirsty. :[
I guess, I should update about oni-con, since I have the time to do it now. Let's see....
You don't have to read this part.
First of, I might as well get this out of the way, the drama shit that should'nt have happend.
I think both sides have valid and invalid points for doing what they did.
It all started that first night when I decided to get kinda drunk in the end, but I don't think I got as drunk as Jesus claims I did.
What happend was, Jesus was trying to tell me that I should go to sleep and so I laid down with him and just closed me eyes. Someone came in talking about the hentai fest and of course we had all planned to go. He didn't go because he said he didn't feel like it and he was mad that I left because he said I ignored him and didn't even invite him. He was mad about the ignoring him part because I had told him I hadn't planned on drinking, but he was one of the people who was encouraging me to drink. He was also drinking, but he said I was getting really crazy, so he stopped drinking.
Which, actually, I didn't get all that crazy. I asked everyone and I don't think anyone thinks I was getting that crazy at alll... so when I came back the room, which wasnt that long at all, since we only caught the last few minutes of the hentai fest and then came back to the room. When I got back, Jesus was gone, so I decided to lay down until get got back, after a few minutes I decided to text him and see where he was.
Me: Where you at?
Him: At the gameroom. We need to talk.
At the time I was thinking about what? And then I just closed my eyes again..
I don't know how long later, a few seconds/minutes, he text me asking me where I was at and I told him I was in the room.
him: I guess you don't want to talk then.
And something about me being able to have fun without him so he should leave and something.... I asked him to stay alot of times and I apologized alot. I normally don't apologize at all, but I did... He still left. He even came back for his cell phone charger. [Which, FUCK, I forgot my cell phone charger there!! gahh!!@kldelsdj]
After he left he came back the next day, I accidentally ran into him in the hallway. I followed him and Paul into the gameroom. I wanted to talk to him, but he was talking to Paul... eventually he walked off and Jesus asked me, "well, what do you want?"
I wanted to say something, anything, but I could feel that I was going to cry really bad again, so I ran off. I don't know why exactly. Habit I guess...so then, I ended up going back to the room and changed out of my nurse outfit and into normal clothes. I really wanted to leave, because I didn't want to ruin the convention and be of any inconvinience. But somehow I was convinced to stay.
At some point Jesus left with Paul to go to Debbie's party. He left the room and I followed him to the elevator. I tried to hug him, because I felt aweful and at that point I was pretty sure he was going to break up with me... I was feeling %100 like shit. But he just backed up and walked into the elevator when it opened. I heard Paul say something and I started crying really bad. I didn't know what to do... I walked back into the room and cried alot. I can't remember who talked to me at this point, but I'll thank everyone at the end.
He came back later saturday night and continued to ignore anything I said.
Everyone started drinking and I had planned on doing it too, but I didn't really feel involved or included.. specially because I knew Jesus was going to keep ignoring me. Freddy gave me something to drink, so I drank it, but eventually I laid down in the bed and ended up leaving the room altogether.
Freddy was the first one to follow. I was crying on his shoulder when Jesus came out. I moved my head because Freddy said something and I looked at the door where Jesus came out. He walked somewhere else, though. Other people came Rey and someone else... but Freddy was doing most of the talking. It made me feel alot better.
A few people said, "Do you think being this sad is worth being with him?"
Nornally, I would have said yes, but now i'm questioning that.
I'm starting to feel really sad almost all the time.
Later that night everyone kinda calmed down, sorta, and I laid down on one of the beds and tried to sleep. Jesus asked me if he could sleep on the same bed and I told him, "I dont care, do whatever you want."
So he laid down next to me. He tried to lean his head on my back, but I flinched, and I guess he noticed and moved. I didn't want to be touched by him.
He asked me if it was bothering me if he slept next to him, but all I said was it doesnt matter he can do whatever he wants.
I tried to sleep, but it was getting kinda loud and Jesus ended up talking to me.
I told him what he did was really shitty, basically. He told me that he wanted me to feel the way he did whenever I ignored him Friday night. I told him he over-did it. I dont remember what else... but some people started 'grappling' and I left the room, cause my head was starting to hurt.
Out in the hallway after I was sitting down for a few minutes I heard, "Did you see a girl walk past here?" I kept my eyes closed and eventually I head a thud! I looked up and John was laying down on a pillow next to me and gustavo was sitting right by me. For some reason this made me laugh. I told them they should go back, but they said something that made me laugh... a minute later Jesus walked towards us and said something like "asshole comming through."
They all just sat there, eventually Freddy came as well, and again I told them that they should go back, but they didn't so I walked off again. I thought about getting into the elevator at the other side, but my head was hurting so I collapsed. jesus showed up, he said something about "man, if that elevator blah I would have been fucked."
Maybe I should have gotten into that elevator.
We ended up talking more. Basically he said the same thing.
About how he wanted me to feel the way he felt so that I wouldn't do it again. I still think it sounds really dumb and I still kinda feel like shit and am debating if its all worth it. I got really emotional at that point... I still kinda feel the same way though.
I want to thank everyone that helped me out during the weekend. Specially Mr. Williams. haha, just kidding... specially Freddy. I think he did the most to cheer me up. I consider him one of my best friends. Thanks alot. Then I want to thank John, Miro, Gustavo, Chantara, Rey... and whoever else I cant think of right now that helped me out, it means alot to me. Really it did. I'm really glad I met all of you, but I wish I didn't feel like such a burden right now.
I apologized to Jesus for ever meeting him and of course for making him feel the way he did about wanting me to feel like shit... to "learn a lesson." I took the whole blame. I never expected the guys to be on my side, I still don't, I don't even want a side. They can all stop talking to me if they want, Jesus was their friends first. It's only fair.
He ended up apologizing to me.
But I dont know... I still felt like shit.
He even said apologizing doesn't really help.
And he's right. It didn't help at all.
I slept next to him in the room, but nothing felt the same way.
Then at his house after the convention, I laughed and joked around with him, but it wasnt the same.... I dont know whats going to happen from now on, but it cant be good. And I told him that.
now, I don't know.
I feel sick, my body feels like an infection.
Everything inside me is dying.
I hate these feelings.
Take them from me?
I wonder what I would say if this happend to one of my friends, instead of me? What would my advice be?
Blehhh, I made this too long and I need to go to class now anyway.