bordom

[gayboytano]

gods i am so bored, but i don't know what to do... i'm afraid that if i go take a shower i'm gonna end up doing something bad... i've been going into really random spurts of extreme depression lately, and i don't know why... i mean, there are reason for me to be depressed... i just don't tell people about them... like, i still have a 2k hospital bill from when my daughter was born and now i've got a $700 hospital bill for when i had to have my bf take me to the hospital because i was having an asthma attack, and then there's the fact that i've gone through three inhalers since then, i'm on my fourth, i hate having these problems, but they can't be helped, there's all the poepl that are living in my house, for the most part i don't mind, but it does get annoying after a while... then there's also the fact that someone i once thought was my best friend has pretty much forgotten me, i haven't talked to her since just before summer began for her, since then i've cut on two occasions, usually four cuts each time. i hate that i'm not strong enough on my own to not let it happen, that i'm dependant on someone who obviously doesn't need me anymore... i wish she would at least tell me she doesn't need me anymore, then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much... ... ... who am i kidding!?!??!?!??!?! it would hurt just as much, maybe more... and then there's the problem of nikki... i keep finding myself closer and closer to her... i don't know what to do... i love jason, i really do, but i'm starting to develope that crush on nikki again... i thoguth i had squashed it all out, but i guess not... we are just too close for me to be able to do that i guess... i really don't know what to do anymore... this weekend was fun, but also frustrating... i wanted to go and do something but jay didn't so i picked a movie and he decided that since he didn't like the movie i picked he'd go out with his friends... and then he offered me to come with him, but by then i wanted to watch the movie... the movie had been the last unicorn... i hadn't seen that movie since i was little so i wanted to see it again... so of course i couldn't go... he didn't even want to go anywhere until i put in a movie he didn't want to see... how fucked up is that?!?!?!?!? however, he did know that he fucked up and tried to make it better by buying me manga ^^ so i guess i'm ok now... i still would've liked to have gone... it would have been lotsa fun!!! D <
ok... i think that's enough ranting for now... soon i should have a shinoxkibaxkankuro fic up on here ^^ it's an rp me and my 2 best friends have been doing for a while now ^^