drunken ramblings
I just fucked up my lovely fresh painted nail to type this shit. There's nobody to talk to so I'll talk to myself. I've been dealing with overabundant nostalgia lately and I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I miss San Francisco, I miss it real bad. It sounds ridiculous but I miss the loneliness. I guess it's more the independence factor where I have to rely on myself and nobody else. I dunno, I miss the weather, the stores, the hills, even the people. What is wrong with me?
I want to go back there but I want to bring Miguel with me. That would make it all okay, as long as I have him and a car. That place has a lot of bad memories but a lot of good ones too. Am I afraid of running into Him? Not really afraid because I know it will happen eventually. When I think about him I get a yucky feeling in the pit of my stomach, it's the feeling of things left undone. I have a really hard time staying mad at people, because I look for the dignity of the human spirit in everyone and I remember that we all have the light of God in our hearts. But this man, I don't know. I can't say I'm mad but I'm kinda upset that karma is working so slowly for him. I know it's wrong to wish ill will upon others but this is more like a lesson that needs to be learned for the greater good of mankind.
I wish I could stop thinking so much about all those who have done me wrong. Why can't I just let it go? Why can't I forget all the bad things people have done to me and live for the present? I don't know why, I just have a great sense of injustice about how things are right now. What makes people want to neglect and abandon me? I need to find out. It pisses me off that these people have control over my thoughts at all. I don't even want to give them that much. I just want to be free... I don't know how I can be. I'm trying to forgive but its just so hard when so much damage has been done. I didn't deserve anything that happened to me. Blah I just need to shut up. To those that have done me wrong and you know who you are-- Karma.
I want to go back there but I want to bring Miguel with me. That would make it all okay, as long as I have him and a car. That place has a lot of bad memories but a lot of good ones too. Am I afraid of running into Him? Not really afraid because I know it will happen eventually. When I think about him I get a yucky feeling in the pit of my stomach, it's the feeling of things left undone. I have a really hard time staying mad at people, because I look for the dignity of the human spirit in everyone and I remember that we all have the light of God in our hearts. But this man, I don't know. I can't say I'm mad but I'm kinda upset that karma is working so slowly for him. I know it's wrong to wish ill will upon others but this is more like a lesson that needs to be learned for the greater good of mankind.
I wish I could stop thinking so much about all those who have done me wrong. Why can't I just let it go? Why can't I forget all the bad things people have done to me and live for the present? I don't know why, I just have a great sense of injustice about how things are right now. What makes people want to neglect and abandon me? I need to find out. It pisses me off that these people have control over my thoughts at all. I don't even want to give them that much. I just want to be free... I don't know how I can be. I'm trying to forgive but its just so hard when so much damage has been done. I didn't deserve anything that happened to me. Blah I just need to shut up. To those that have done me wrong and you know who you are-- Karma.