(no subject)
I always read Perks of being a Wallflower. I think I should reminded myself to read it a lot more. Espically when I get sad like I usually do.
I love the way it makes me fucking feel WHILE I read the book and AFTER I'm done with it. And how it just makes me appriciate that I do notice things like Charlie does. And how he meant everything he did. And how I mean everything I do. Even if it's little.
Like how I just called Rhea just to see if she was okay, and how I meant it. How I meant that I really wanted to know and how I want to be there for her. And how she is a nice friend. I like how I can stick up for her and actually really mean it when I say that she's just misunderstood and how she's not a slut.
And how Lindsay isn't a coldhearted bitch like everyone keeps on telling me, she's just misunderstood. And how I can't beleive that I actually beleived those people to convince me otherwise.
And how Tim said to me while we were walking to the train in Chicago how his and Brads friendship isn't how it use to be and you can't get that back. And I agreed, and it felt okay to do so.
And I like how Tim is really nice and sweet and how I feel comfortable talking about God to him and I like how sometimes I just want to beleive him but I can't.
And how I'm really happy he found God, even if I haven't yet. And I like how I gave him my book, and I think he knew I meant it.
ANd I like when people know that I mean things.
And I like the song I'm listening to right now by Sigur Ros
and I like the way it makes me feel.
I like the way the instruments just go with the voice and how it just sweeps over you and you just forget that things aren't that great, and it makes it great.
And I like when my teachers are nice to me and they mean it. And how when I smile at some people I really mean it.
And I wonder if they know I mean it.
And I want Lindsay to know that, that dream she had a long time ago in March before she went on vacation that she told me about..well I figured out what her dream meant. And how my face tattooed on her shoulder was basically saying that I will love her forever, I will be there for her forever. The shoulder to cry on. It's okay that you don't. But I just want you to knoow that I really am sorry that you are sad inside. And I really wish you wouldn't do some stuff that you do to yourself because it makes me sad. And I just want you to know that I'm in love with you, and I just feel like right now it's okay to tell you. Because I don't expect you to love me back. I don't even expect you to love me back. I'm just really glad that I got to love you and you got to love me. And how the tears that I'm crying right now mean that I just want you to be happy. And I'm sorry about the things I've sad and the things I've done. And being obsessed with you. And I was only obsessed because I saw what people didn't see in you, and you saw what people didn't see in me. And how it was okay that we were friends although we were totally different, but we weren't at all. And I guess the only reason why I want you back in my life is just to show you everything beautiful and maybe then you wouldn't feel so bad inside and then I could leaving knowing that you didn't feel so bad inside. And how I've held in my tears just to convince myself that I'm okay and how I'm exploding and I think you are amazing and I hate everyone that tells you mean things. And I want you to know one last thing, I really think you are beautiful. Not the kind where you look at someone and think they are beautiful, but the kind when you look into someones eyes and they can be yellnig at you but you just know they are beautiful. And one day you came to Rhea and said that you were ugly and how I just wanted to tell you you're beautiful and I knew how much I meant it, but I didn't think you would forget that you hate me and I didn't think you would of even listen.
I like how Erica lets me sleep in her bed and how safe I feel and how it's nice not to feel alone.
And I like the way Jens face looks when she laughs.
And I like how Julie understands things that people shouldn't understand.
And I just like things and I just want everyone to know that I hope they are loved.
And I like when people listen to music and they really listen and they understand why this band plays what they play.
And I like when the band expresses to the audence that they mean what they do.
And I like that I cried today.
I love the way it makes me fucking feel WHILE I read the book and AFTER I'm done with it. And how it just makes me appriciate that I do notice things like Charlie does. And how he meant everything he did. And how I mean everything I do. Even if it's little.
Like how I just called Rhea just to see if she was okay, and how I meant it. How I meant that I really wanted to know and how I want to be there for her. And how she is a nice friend. I like how I can stick up for her and actually really mean it when I say that she's just misunderstood and how she's not a slut.
And how Lindsay isn't a coldhearted bitch like everyone keeps on telling me, she's just misunderstood. And how I can't beleive that I actually beleived those people to convince me otherwise.
And how Tim said to me while we were walking to the train in Chicago how his and Brads friendship isn't how it use to be and you can't get that back. And I agreed, and it felt okay to do so.
And I like how Tim is really nice and sweet and how I feel comfortable talking about God to him and I like how sometimes I just want to beleive him but I can't.
And how I'm really happy he found God, even if I haven't yet. And I like how I gave him my book, and I think he knew I meant it.
ANd I like when people know that I mean things.
And I like the song I'm listening to right now by Sigur Ros
and I like the way it makes me feel.
I like the way the instruments just go with the voice and how it just sweeps over you and you just forget that things aren't that great, and it makes it great.
And I like when my teachers are nice to me and they mean it. And how when I smile at some people I really mean it.
And I wonder if they know I mean it.
And I want Lindsay to know that, that dream she had a long time ago in March before she went on vacation that she told me about..well I figured out what her dream meant. And how my face tattooed on her shoulder was basically saying that I will love her forever, I will be there for her forever. The shoulder to cry on. It's okay that you don't. But I just want you to knoow that I really am sorry that you are sad inside. And I really wish you wouldn't do some stuff that you do to yourself because it makes me sad. And I just want you to know that I'm in love with you, and I just feel like right now it's okay to tell you. Because I don't expect you to love me back. I don't even expect you to love me back. I'm just really glad that I got to love you and you got to love me. And how the tears that I'm crying right now mean that I just want you to be happy. And I'm sorry about the things I've sad and the things I've done. And being obsessed with you. And I was only obsessed because I saw what people didn't see in you, and you saw what people didn't see in me. And how it was okay that we were friends although we were totally different, but we weren't at all. And I guess the only reason why I want you back in my life is just to show you everything beautiful and maybe then you wouldn't feel so bad inside and then I could leaving knowing that you didn't feel so bad inside. And how I've held in my tears just to convince myself that I'm okay and how I'm exploding and I think you are amazing and I hate everyone that tells you mean things. And I want you to know one last thing, I really think you are beautiful. Not the kind where you look at someone and think they are beautiful, but the kind when you look into someones eyes and they can be yellnig at you but you just know they are beautiful. And one day you came to Rhea and said that you were ugly and how I just wanted to tell you you're beautiful and I knew how much I meant it, but I didn't think you would forget that you hate me and I didn't think you would of even listen.
I like how Erica lets me sleep in her bed and how safe I feel and how it's nice not to feel alone.
And I like the way Jens face looks when she laughs.
And I like how Julie understands things that people shouldn't understand.
And I just like things and I just want everyone to know that I hope they are loved.
And I like when people listen to music and they really listen and they understand why this band plays what they play.
And I like when the band expresses to the audence that they mean what they do.
And I like that I cried today.