More ups, more downs... life is pain sometimes
So... the great drama of life continues. While Thea goes through her own attempts at re-evaluating herself, and her life, things have really begun to improve, and we are far closer to having back the extreme closeness which was damaged by our fighting and the general tension of a few weeks ago, but she and I keep seeming to hit roadblocks between us. Actually, there is only one real roadblock. She had a near complete emotional breakdown earlier this week, and was pulled back from the brink by the timely intervention of my ex, Lesli, who has been a fucking godsend here. It amazes me that she is capable of putting everything that has been in the past aside (consider the way the two of them first encountered each other, to say nothing of the absolute horror show that the last few years of our marriage was), and she really cares about me, and about Thea, and about both of our happiness. She really is quite an amazing and admirable person.
The problem is my asshole former best friend. He is a selfish prick, who cares only for himself, and gives a shit for other people only as far as what they can offer him. he is a liar, and has been lying to her since day one, about a variety of things, but most importantly, he claims to care for her... nay, to love her. However, one does not treat someone they love in the shabby fashion in which he treats her. He is inconsiderate of her feelings, cares little for her thoughts, and sees little value in her other than as a place to stick his dick. This disgusts me, and I hate seeing her involved with someone who not only reinforces, but in fact, feeds upon, and uses to his benefit, her feelings of worthlessness, and self-image issues. She seems to see this all pretty clearly, finally, but for some reason, which I simply cannot for the life of me grok, is unwilling to fully end her association with him, though she does go as far as to say that it will never be what it was, and she will never become involved with him again to the level that she has in the past.
Why does this still bother me so? It may seem as though the most severely destructive elements of their relationship have been nullified, and I believe that they pretty much have, but I still cannot understand why she would still even wish to be friends with someone who has been using her, objectifying her, and lying to her for the duration of their association. Not my concern? Perhaps, but consider this: He is very good at what he does. He is a chameleon, and he is expert enough at it that he fooled me for nearly 5 years, and I am generally very perceptive when it comes to people. He originally tried to give her a sort of ultimatum, saying in essence that if she would not continue to fuck him, than he would not continue to be her friend. That is fucked up, to say the least, and it actually worked at first. When he began to see that it was not perhaps going to have the desired effect after all though, he immediately started to backpedal, and minimize what he had already said, as an attempt at damage control. I grok him in fullness now, and see how this will go. He will behave, and play nice, and act in whatever way she seems to want him to... for a time. Once he has he lulled into a false sense of security, he will again begin to attempt to manipulate her, as he has been doing all along, and try to get back that which is all he really wants - a sexual relationship with her.
It is killing me to watch this happen, and I fear that it will eventually bring Thea and I right back to where we were a few weeks ago, at each other's throats, and with a great deal of tension between us. I am terrified of this scenario, because the danger is real, due to the fact that she truly does care for the little turd, and he knows it, and will not hesitate to use that to his advantage. I don't know what to do anymore, but I know that I cannot simply sit by and watch while she engages in a relationship which not only reinforces her negative self image, but in fact feeds on it, and owes its continued existence to the fact that she has a poor sense of self worth. He is a manipulator of the highest order, and quite frankly, I fear him, and his influence on her life. I love her more than my own life, and can't stomach sitting idly by while she is hurt by someone who is unworthy not only of her caring for him, but does not even deserve to breathe the same air she does.
I just wish she could leave this self-destructive situation behind, and I really fear that it may do some long-term (perhaps irreparable) damage to her and my relationship, and that is absolutely the last fucking thing that I want. Believe me. What can I do?
The problem is my asshole former best friend. He is a selfish prick, who cares only for himself, and gives a shit for other people only as far as what they can offer him. he is a liar, and has been lying to her since day one, about a variety of things, but most importantly, he claims to care for her... nay, to love her. However, one does not treat someone they love in the shabby fashion in which he treats her. He is inconsiderate of her feelings, cares little for her thoughts, and sees little value in her other than as a place to stick his dick. This disgusts me, and I hate seeing her involved with someone who not only reinforces, but in fact, feeds upon, and uses to his benefit, her feelings of worthlessness, and self-image issues. She seems to see this all pretty clearly, finally, but for some reason, which I simply cannot for the life of me grok, is unwilling to fully end her association with him, though she does go as far as to say that it will never be what it was, and she will never become involved with him again to the level that she has in the past.
Why does this still bother me so? It may seem as though the most severely destructive elements of their relationship have been nullified, and I believe that they pretty much have, but I still cannot understand why she would still even wish to be friends with someone who has been using her, objectifying her, and lying to her for the duration of their association. Not my concern? Perhaps, but consider this: He is very good at what he does. He is a chameleon, and he is expert enough at it that he fooled me for nearly 5 years, and I am generally very perceptive when it comes to people. He originally tried to give her a sort of ultimatum, saying in essence that if she would not continue to fuck him, than he would not continue to be her friend. That is fucked up, to say the least, and it actually worked at first. When he began to see that it was not perhaps going to have the desired effect after all though, he immediately started to backpedal, and minimize what he had already said, as an attempt at damage control. I grok him in fullness now, and see how this will go. He will behave, and play nice, and act in whatever way she seems to want him to... for a time. Once he has he lulled into a false sense of security, he will again begin to attempt to manipulate her, as he has been doing all along, and try to get back that which is all he really wants - a sexual relationship with her.
It is killing me to watch this happen, and I fear that it will eventually bring Thea and I right back to where we were a few weeks ago, at each other's throats, and with a great deal of tension between us. I am terrified of this scenario, because the danger is real, due to the fact that she truly does care for the little turd, and he knows it, and will not hesitate to use that to his advantage. I don't know what to do anymore, but I know that I cannot simply sit by and watch while she engages in a relationship which not only reinforces her negative self image, but in fact feeds on it, and owes its continued existence to the fact that she has a poor sense of self worth. He is a manipulator of the highest order, and quite frankly, I fear him, and his influence on her life. I love her more than my own life, and can't stomach sitting idly by while she is hurt by someone who is unworthy not only of her caring for him, but does not even deserve to breathe the same air she does.
I just wish she could leave this self-destructive situation behind, and I really fear that it may do some long-term (perhaps irreparable) damage to her and my relationship, and that is absolutely the last fucking thing that I want. Believe me. What can I do?