(no subject)
my sentiment for my little brother is given new life when i look at the little porcelain turtle he showed me at a market, and i pocketed it without telling him. i wanted to give it to him as a surprise, but i can't let it go. looking at it reminds me of him and of how much i care for him and wish i was a better brother to him. looking at it traps that moment he showed it to me, the joy on his face, and all other times my little brother has reached out to me and i just brushed him off because i was busy or i really annoyed, or how much i want to make up for all those times, and reach out to him instead. i act like i'm above everything sometimes, but i can't understand my emotions when they actually surface, i can't understand how i could have treated my little brother so insignificantly for so long. sometimes i don't want to understand, i just want to close my eyes. for a long time.