Foundations.
There is a crack in the wall of my bedroom. Well, not MY bedroom, but the guest bedroom or toy room as we sometimes refer to it. It’s not exactly a surprise, this crack, as it is common knowledge that the foundation of the little 2 bed 1.5 bath 1954 all brick bungalow we rent is in dire need of repair. In fact, there are cracks along the top of the wall and in the ceiling in the master bedroom, the master bathroom and even the kitchen. What makes the crack in the toy room significant is that it is actually in the center of the wall, under a set of display shelves we installed after we moved in.
“It’s a crack in the universe” I mumbled to myself when I first saw it, even though it is no where near as impressive or glowy as the one that appeared in the room of the girl who waited. Upon closer inspection it appears that the wall is being pushed outward as the center of the crack is higher than the spidery fissures that branch away from it. I’m not especially versed in the finer points of construction, I’m not sure what’s exactly causing the problem but I know that it isn’t good and is certainly an indicator of a larger failure that is likely to come. Time to think about relocating the shelves and their precious adornments, wouldn’t you say?
I’m relaying this story to you to help segue into something that came to me today as I was folding laundry that I’d deposited on the bed in the toy room. I found myself looking at the crack and was struck with the thought that the state of the foundation of this lovely little house that we’re renting could be seen as an analogy for a troubled relationship.
There’s a foundation, but it’s compromised. Repair attempts have been made but they’re shoddy at best and haven’t done much to correct the core problem. The cracks that began slowly appearing in the ceiling and walls are an indication that those repairs are obviously not working as intended and the foundation is obviously suffering from new stressors. Which bring us to the crack in the wall and the way that it is pushing out; seeking to relieve the pressure it is under: If measures aren’t taken to correct the heart of the issues and alleviate the stress it is most likely inevitable that the wall is going to collapse.
Our landlords know about the foundation problems, about the cracks in the ceiling and walls, though we have yet to report this latest development. They know about the core issue and are choosing to ignore it, for whatever reason. Perhaps they don’t have the money to make the necessary repairs. Maybe they’re just waiting for the “right time”. Or it could be that they just don’t care enough about their investment and are willing to let it deteriorate to the point where there’s no turning back and they either sell it, washing their hands of it, or tear it down and build something new.
I love this little house. I recognize what it was when it was vibrant, strong and new. I see what it is now, with its substantial foundation problems and glaring signs that something isn’t right. But I also recognize its potential and want it to be repaired because I can visualize what it COULD be. Unfortunately though, love can’t save everything. No matter how I feel about the house, no matter how much I love it and want to see it be all that it could be, it ultimately isn’t up to me. So then we have to decide: Do we see what we can do to help save the foundation or do we recognize that love isn’t enough here, acknowledge this and ultimately walk away? It’s a lot to consider isn’t it?
In the end, when it comes to the house, because we’re renting, the decision isn’t up to us. It is in the hands of someone else and we have no say in what they choose to do. When it comes to a relationship though, the decision IS up to us. WE have the final say. The hardest part is being honest and seeing the foundation issues and the cracks in the wall for what they are. There comes a time when you have to stop burying the issues under mud and paint, stop glossing them over and pretending they aren’t there and face them head on. It is truly intimidating, there’s no doubt about that. But in the long run, I guess you have to think about it like the house: Sure breaking the news to the landlord that you’re not resigning the lease, finding somewhere else to live, packing and moving suck. Sure it’s a giant pain in the ass having to start all over but isn’t it better than being miserable watching something you care about and devote yourself to continue to fall apart around you?
Hmm.
Perhaps the crack in the toy room wall is actually a crack in the universe after all . . . .
“It’s a crack in the universe” I mumbled to myself when I first saw it, even though it is no where near as impressive or glowy as the one that appeared in the room of the girl who waited. Upon closer inspection it appears that the wall is being pushed outward as the center of the crack is higher than the spidery fissures that branch away from it. I’m not especially versed in the finer points of construction, I’m not sure what’s exactly causing the problem but I know that it isn’t good and is certainly an indicator of a larger failure that is likely to come. Time to think about relocating the shelves and their precious adornments, wouldn’t you say?
I’m relaying this story to you to help segue into something that came to me today as I was folding laundry that I’d deposited on the bed in the toy room. I found myself looking at the crack and was struck with the thought that the state of the foundation of this lovely little house that we’re renting could be seen as an analogy for a troubled relationship.
There’s a foundation, but it’s compromised. Repair attempts have been made but they’re shoddy at best and haven’t done much to correct the core problem. The cracks that began slowly appearing in the ceiling and walls are an indication that those repairs are obviously not working as intended and the foundation is obviously suffering from new stressors. Which bring us to the crack in the wall and the way that it is pushing out; seeking to relieve the pressure it is under: If measures aren’t taken to correct the heart of the issues and alleviate the stress it is most likely inevitable that the wall is going to collapse.
Our landlords know about the foundation problems, about the cracks in the ceiling and walls, though we have yet to report this latest development. They know about the core issue and are choosing to ignore it, for whatever reason. Perhaps they don’t have the money to make the necessary repairs. Maybe they’re just waiting for the “right time”. Or it could be that they just don’t care enough about their investment and are willing to let it deteriorate to the point where there’s no turning back and they either sell it, washing their hands of it, or tear it down and build something new.
I love this little house. I recognize what it was when it was vibrant, strong and new. I see what it is now, with its substantial foundation problems and glaring signs that something isn’t right. But I also recognize its potential and want it to be repaired because I can visualize what it COULD be. Unfortunately though, love can’t save everything. No matter how I feel about the house, no matter how much I love it and want to see it be all that it could be, it ultimately isn’t up to me. So then we have to decide: Do we see what we can do to help save the foundation or do we recognize that love isn’t enough here, acknowledge this and ultimately walk away? It’s a lot to consider isn’t it?
In the end, when it comes to the house, because we’re renting, the decision isn’t up to us. It is in the hands of someone else and we have no say in what they choose to do. When it comes to a relationship though, the decision IS up to us. WE have the final say. The hardest part is being honest and seeing the foundation issues and the cracks in the wall for what they are. There comes a time when you have to stop burying the issues under mud and paint, stop glossing them over and pretending they aren’t there and face them head on. It is truly intimidating, there’s no doubt about that. But in the long run, I guess you have to think about it like the house: Sure breaking the news to the landlord that you’re not resigning the lease, finding somewhere else to live, packing and moving suck. Sure it’s a giant pain in the ass having to start all over but isn’t it better than being miserable watching something you care about and devote yourself to continue to fall apart around you?
Hmm.
Perhaps the crack in the toy room wall is actually a crack in the universe after all . . . .