(no subject)
So I am pretty much hating life right about now.
1 - I'm getting screwed over at work by people I thought I could trust. The past six months have been a real eye opening experience for me since working for a lot of different people and getting to know people better. A lot of people's true colors have begun to show. I'm just so sad that if I end up leaving, it will probably hurt some of the friendships I have made...and I don't want it to. I understand a lot of the decisions are business decisions...but I have to make business/career decisions for myself. Because it's obviously that I am the only one who I can expect to look out for me and my best interests. I'm just really tired of the bullshit and being promised things that they can't/won't follow through on.
2 - C and I aren't really getting along these day, a lot of it having to do with the above mentioned issue. He doesn't like the way I have been handling it, and we fight about it constantly. It's so hard. But I can't just up and quit a job without having anything lined up. I am in too much debt right now to be unemployed - even for a few weeks. And I'd need to find something that pays at least as well as this. (Not that I am paid that well...but I make more than I would working in retail or at the grocery store.) Plus, I still like to hold out hope that people are inherently good and that I can come out of this situation on top, with friendships and professional relationships in tact. I know that's probably wishful thinking, but it is the naive, inexperienced part of me.
3 - I'm fucking broke. Not that I've never really been not broke, but due to things that we promised to me at work, I was expecting to be bringing home a little extra money, and have been a little liberal with my spending. And now that it seems that it may not come to fruition, I've got to tighten the purse strings a little bit.
I pretty much had a nervous breakdown on Friday night... I was crying hysterically and practically hyperventilating on the phone with C. He was not exactly being comforting, which made the situation much worse. But I am just so lost. I don't know what to do. I don't how to handle this work situation. Deep down, I don't want to leave... There are some people there that I like and believe that are still trustworthy and I just hate change. I have been there for so long that it's comfortable and familiar to me.
A couple of people that I do trust have been dropping hits to the bosses suggesting that I appear to be unhappy and that they need to do something about it before they lose me. And not to sound egotistical, but they can't afford to lose me right now. We lost two assistants this week due to not being able to get licensed by the deadline. So all that's left is me and two others - one who's been in the position for a month, another for about three months. But relatively new. I will have been doing this for 5 years come December. With them hiring more advisors, they would be screwed if they were left with two relatively new assistants to cover the entire territory.
I know somewhere in there lies a bargaining chip for me to get a raise, etc. but I just don't have the experience to negotiate it, I don't think. Not to mention - I need to tread lightly. In this industry, you have to be very careful with what you do. Should they suspect that I am seriously looking for employment elsewhere, I will probably get let go before being able to resign voluntarily. They don't take kindly to looking for alternative employment while still employed there.
I wish I had better documented the day-to-day goings on, what I've been told by who, and when. Just so I can sort out my feelings, see who was being the most dishonest, and who I could really trust...and just keep track of the lies and the timetables associated with them. Right now it's just a big mess in my head.
JJ called me Friday afternoon...I've known him since I first started working there, and he is one of the people that has (thus far) never given me a reason to distrust him. He's best friends with one of my bosses, and he mentioned that Z (boss) wanted him to give me a call... I think Z realizes that I will probably be more open with JJ than with him. Which I knew...so I was careful with my choice of words, knowing that JJ would probably report back to Z about the conversation. I talked with JJ for about 20 minutes and just vented my frustrations to him... He told me to hang tight, and that he has some good stuff in the pipeline and he would like to include me in it. I don't know how long I can wait around for him, but I know if I can work something out with him, I would be much happier there... I just can't stand the other people i'm working with right now...
1 - I'm getting screwed over at work by people I thought I could trust. The past six months have been a real eye opening experience for me since working for a lot of different people and getting to know people better. A lot of people's true colors have begun to show. I'm just so sad that if I end up leaving, it will probably hurt some of the friendships I have made...and I don't want it to. I understand a lot of the decisions are business decisions...but I have to make business/career decisions for myself. Because it's obviously that I am the only one who I can expect to look out for me and my best interests. I'm just really tired of the bullshit and being promised things that they can't/won't follow through on.
2 - C and I aren't really getting along these day, a lot of it having to do with the above mentioned issue. He doesn't like the way I have been handling it, and we fight about it constantly. It's so hard. But I can't just up and quit a job without having anything lined up. I am in too much debt right now to be unemployed - even for a few weeks. And I'd need to find something that pays at least as well as this. (Not that I am paid that well...but I make more than I would working in retail or at the grocery store.) Plus, I still like to hold out hope that people are inherently good and that I can come out of this situation on top, with friendships and professional relationships in tact. I know that's probably wishful thinking, but it is the naive, inexperienced part of me.
3 - I'm fucking broke. Not that I've never really been not broke, but due to things that we promised to me at work, I was expecting to be bringing home a little extra money, and have been a little liberal with my spending. And now that it seems that it may not come to fruition, I've got to tighten the purse strings a little bit.
I pretty much had a nervous breakdown on Friday night... I was crying hysterically and practically hyperventilating on the phone with C. He was not exactly being comforting, which made the situation much worse. But I am just so lost. I don't know what to do. I don't how to handle this work situation. Deep down, I don't want to leave... There are some people there that I like and believe that are still trustworthy and I just hate change. I have been there for so long that it's comfortable and familiar to me.
A couple of people that I do trust have been dropping hits to the bosses suggesting that I appear to be unhappy and that they need to do something about it before they lose me. And not to sound egotistical, but they can't afford to lose me right now. We lost two assistants this week due to not being able to get licensed by the deadline. So all that's left is me and two others - one who's been in the position for a month, another for about three months. But relatively new. I will have been doing this for 5 years come December. With them hiring more advisors, they would be screwed if they were left with two relatively new assistants to cover the entire territory.
I know somewhere in there lies a bargaining chip for me to get a raise, etc. but I just don't have the experience to negotiate it, I don't think. Not to mention - I need to tread lightly. In this industry, you have to be very careful with what you do. Should they suspect that I am seriously looking for employment elsewhere, I will probably get let go before being able to resign voluntarily. They don't take kindly to looking for alternative employment while still employed there.
I wish I had better documented the day-to-day goings on, what I've been told by who, and when. Just so I can sort out my feelings, see who was being the most dishonest, and who I could really trust...and just keep track of the lies and the timetables associated with them. Right now it's just a big mess in my head.
JJ called me Friday afternoon...I've known him since I first started working there, and he is one of the people that has (thus far) never given me a reason to distrust him. He's best friends with one of my bosses, and he mentioned that Z (boss) wanted him to give me a call... I think Z realizes that I will probably be more open with JJ than with him. Which I knew...so I was careful with my choice of words, knowing that JJ would probably report back to Z about the conversation. I talked with JJ for about 20 minutes and just vented my frustrations to him... He told me to hang tight, and that he has some good stuff in the pipeline and he would like to include me in it. I don't know how long I can wait around for him, but I know if I can work something out with him, I would be much happier there... I just can't stand the other people i'm working with right now...