(no subject)
So, yesterday morning I was getting ready to go about my day as normal. I had to drop C off at the train station, and then head to work. Just as I was leaving, my mom got a call from a nurse at the nursing home saying that my grandma's condition worsened. She was a bit incoherent, and then slipped into a coma.
So my mom was heading up there, and I was going about my day as planned. I know that coma's are not good signs, but sometimes people in comas still live for a long time. I told my mom to call me if anything happened.
I was at work for maybe 15-20 minutes tops, and the phone rang. J answered it, and he handed it to me and said "It's your mom." I knew that wasn't a good sign... I got on the phone, and heard her sniffling. She told me that grandma had passed away. I wasn't on the phone long. She said that she was there, along with my Uncle J, and Aunt S. She said that Uncle J was really having a hard time, and that he broke down badly. He's the baby of the family - and her favorite. I understand. I asked her if I shoudl come home or what - she said it was up to me. She was going to be there for a bit because they had to notify people and work on making arrangements.
I managed to maintain my composure until I huge up the phone, and then burst into tears. I felt bad, because I didn't want to make J feel uncomfortable. He went and got me some water, and I managed to pull it all together. I asked him if he wanted me to stay, since I was there and we hadn't even really gotten started on anything yet, but he told me to go home. He was headed out to an appointment, and told me to hang out there for a bit until I was a little less shaken. I think I ended up staying for about an hour to finish up what I was working on. Before I left, I called C to let him know, and of course that started the tears again - not so bad, though. He hadn't even gotten home yet, and was willing to get off at the next stop and come back up, but I told him not too...there was nothing he could do, and for the most part I was okay. Just a little sad.
Got home last night (stopped for some coffee for my mom on the way home) and it was just quiet. I was really worried about my mom, because I thought she was going to have a difficult time with it, but she was doing okay. My uncle called one of his cafe friend owners and had him whip up some food for us, and we all went to my Aunt P's house last night. Everyone was in relatively good spirits given what happened in the afternoon - nobody was crying or anything. I think for the most part everyone knew this was coming soon - just the fact that it happened so soon was shocking. But my grandma had really gone downhill a lot the past couple of weeks. I hadn't been to see her recently since work has been incredibly crazy. I think I last saw her about 2-3 weeks ago when I took up her birthday gift. She wasn't good then. She was so weak and she didn't even want to look at the gift I gave her. Which was so unlike her.
But everyone thinks she knew that this was coming... She has been very unlike herself these past few weeks. She was very afraid to be left alone, saying that "something bad would happen" if she was left alone. She also claimed she visited with her sister - who died a couple of years ago. Anyway, I'm not really sure if it's possible to know that your time is up - no one has ever come back from the dead and told us - but I guess it's possible.
So, yeah. The wake is Friday evening, and the funeral is Saturday morning. So it's been okay to deal with. I think it would be a lot different if she had been living at home during this time and had passed on her. But she's been in the hospital/home for the past six months, and in and out of hospitals and homes a lot over the past two years. So I've gotten kind of used to her not being downstairs. But I'm not really sure if it's hit me yet that she will never be downstairs again.
So my mom was heading up there, and I was going about my day as planned. I know that coma's are not good signs, but sometimes people in comas still live for a long time. I told my mom to call me if anything happened.
I was at work for maybe 15-20 minutes tops, and the phone rang. J answered it, and he handed it to me and said "It's your mom." I knew that wasn't a good sign... I got on the phone, and heard her sniffling. She told me that grandma had passed away. I wasn't on the phone long. She said that she was there, along with my Uncle J, and Aunt S. She said that Uncle J was really having a hard time, and that he broke down badly. He's the baby of the family - and her favorite. I understand. I asked her if I shoudl come home or what - she said it was up to me. She was going to be there for a bit because they had to notify people and work on making arrangements.
I managed to maintain my composure until I huge up the phone, and then burst into tears. I felt bad, because I didn't want to make J feel uncomfortable. He went and got me some water, and I managed to pull it all together. I asked him if he wanted me to stay, since I was there and we hadn't even really gotten started on anything yet, but he told me to go home. He was headed out to an appointment, and told me to hang out there for a bit until I was a little less shaken. I think I ended up staying for about an hour to finish up what I was working on. Before I left, I called C to let him know, and of course that started the tears again - not so bad, though. He hadn't even gotten home yet, and was willing to get off at the next stop and come back up, but I told him not too...there was nothing he could do, and for the most part I was okay. Just a little sad.
Got home last night (stopped for some coffee for my mom on the way home) and it was just quiet. I was really worried about my mom, because I thought she was going to have a difficult time with it, but she was doing okay. My uncle called one of his cafe friend owners and had him whip up some food for us, and we all went to my Aunt P's house last night. Everyone was in relatively good spirits given what happened in the afternoon - nobody was crying or anything. I think for the most part everyone knew this was coming soon - just the fact that it happened so soon was shocking. But my grandma had really gone downhill a lot the past couple of weeks. I hadn't been to see her recently since work has been incredibly crazy. I think I last saw her about 2-3 weeks ago when I took up her birthday gift. She wasn't good then. She was so weak and she didn't even want to look at the gift I gave her. Which was so unlike her.
But everyone thinks she knew that this was coming... She has been very unlike herself these past few weeks. She was very afraid to be left alone, saying that "something bad would happen" if she was left alone. She also claimed she visited with her sister - who died a couple of years ago. Anyway, I'm not really sure if it's possible to know that your time is up - no one has ever come back from the dead and told us - but I guess it's possible.
So, yeah. The wake is Friday evening, and the funeral is Saturday morning. So it's been okay to deal with. I think it would be a lot different if she had been living at home during this time and had passed on her. But she's been in the hospital/home for the past six months, and in and out of hospitals and homes a lot over the past two years. So I've gotten kind of used to her not being downstairs. But I'm not really sure if it's hit me yet that she will never be downstairs again.