Galaxy Angel Episode 13: Magical President Animal Crackers [2/2]
WHO: Zatanna "Double-Z" Zatara, Vanilla "Nano-Mama" H, Forte "Melvin" Stollen, Milfeulle "Ice-Cream Whore" Sakuraba
WHAT: Zatanna's struggle to win over the toughest audience in the galaxy takes a turn for the surreal as Forte Stollen joins the party!
WHEN: Saturday Night
WHERE: Transbaal Station, Restaurant Deck
WATCH FOR: America's Time-Traveling Presidents vs. Genghis Khan! FIGHT! For America!
Zatanna still needs a tag!
Meanwhile somewhere across town, a Jen and Barry's ice cream store suddenly has two customers that weren't there a second ago. There's even a bowl of ice cream in front of them - vanilla for Nano, and Neopolitan for Milfeulle. A small card accompanies the ice cream, written in flowery script, 'Courtesy of Zatanna Zatara.' Eat fast, she'll be bringing you guys back soon!
So where are the other members of the Angel Brigade? Let's take a trip elsewhere, to a nice little bar around the corner...
"... You should've seen the look on Jeff Davis's face when I busted into his office. He dropped his stars /and/ bars right there, I tell you."
Forte, still off-duty since she shouldn't be drinking and flying emblem frames, listens in rapt attention to the bearded man in the stovepipe hat next to her. As he takes a deep swig of his glass of fine Kentucky Bourbon, the elder Angel can only gasp and ask, "And then what happened?"
"Well I knocked him so hard his chinbeard went flyin' all the way to Raleigh!", the tall man lets out with a hoarse laugh. "Of course, it turns out that you really couldn't end the war that way, and nobody believed ol' Jeff signed a treaty of surrender without his chinwhiskers anyways. So I told Billy T - that's what I get to call him bein' the commander-in-chief 'n all, should've seen how fast McClellan would get steamed when I called him 'Little Mac' - I told Billy T to march through Atlanta and bring me back some Savannah gin."
With one last gulp, Hard Drinkin' Abe Lincoln finishes his drink and turns to smile all fatherly to his red-haired drinking buddy. "And /that/ was how we won the war-" Beepbeepbeep! "Aw hell, all these newfangled gizmos, a man can't get a moment's rest." From his coat pocket, Abe pulls out a celphone and flips it open, "Dammit, I /knew/ I couldn't leave Chester B. Arthur alone to handle that volcano. Never let a lesser President do a greater President's job, I always tell them, but do they listen to me?" Long scraggly fingers worn from years of chopping trees and debating Stephen Douglas beep a few numbers on the phone, and the tall man is suddenly enveloped in a field of sparkly low-budget special effects. "I'll see you around, Forte! Make sure to bring an extra bottle for Mary Tood next time!" And before the stunned Angel can snap a salute off, he's gone.
The moment passes, and once the surprise wears off, Forte shrugs and grabs her glass. "Remind me never to become President. Or Empress. Oi, is that a magic show goin' on over there? I think I'll go take a look..."
(OOC) Milfeulle Sakuraba says, "XD!! Hard Drinkin' Lincoln!!"
(OOC) Zatanna Zatara says, "SWEET."
(OOC) Milfeulle Sakuraba says, "Hero of space and time!"
(OOC) Vanilla H says, "Forte."
(OOC) Vanilla H says, "Have I told you recently that I love you"
(OOC) Forte Stollen stands at attention before a waving American flag while Johnny Comes Marching Home Again (It's Mrs. Weiss) plays in the background. "No, but that's my fault for not being around enough. "
Inside the box, Nano seems comfortable. "We're gonna be magical, Auntie Milfie! And once I'm magical, I call help you all defend against bad stuff! And maybe I can turn Normad into a newt! He could make a very cute newt! And then...and then....and then....zzzzzzz...." Before Zatanna can even cast her spell, the little blue-haired girl is leaning up against Milfeulle, asleep.
She wakes up in time to find herself with a bowl of ice cream in front of her. "Nyaaaa...where is Nano-Nano? Where's mama? We were supposed to be saving the universe, not.....oooooh, ice creaaaaaam!" Suddenly the girl's worries are forgotten as she enjoys vanilla goodness.
Meanwhile, back at the magic show, a man in a corner is standing just as Lincoln vanishes. "Damn it, he got away." He whispers into a rose on his coat. "This is Booth. The condor has flown into the sunset. I repeat, the condor has flown into the sunset." And then, just as Lincoln himself did, the man known only as 'Booth' vanishes into a flash of light.
Master J2, by this point, is getting not a little annoyed at his completely uncommunicative customers. It's one thing not to laugh, or applaud, or show any interest in the live entertainment whatsoever. It's quite another thing to show disrespect! "Ahem!" he says, clasping his manipulators together in annoyance, tapping his digits in a complicated sequence that spells 'J-E-R-K-S' in ancient morse code. "Gentlemen, honored guests, what can I get you? Ice water? A basket of bread? Napkins? I must ask, sirs, that if you require nothing from this establishment, why you bothered to come in here in the first place?!" He shakes a fist! Before flinching backward, covering his cranial case, in the event that their super monk powers blow him to pieces.
"YEAH!" says a sudden an unexpected voice from his side. It turns out to be the bald girl with the white clothes and the head tattoos, walking up next to J2 and shaking her fist at the monks. "What's your problem, man! Show some respect! The gods will curse you for being ungracious!"
J2, at this point, doesn't know what to do. He can't be mean to the girl for coming to his rescue! But he can't let people harass his guests. Does not compute! He wrings his hands, looking from the girl to the monk and back again. "Um, uh, um..."
But - amazingly - the monks do not move, speak, or otherwise make any signs whatsoever. J2 recoils in amazement, arm over his face. "Such discipline," he murmurs to himself. "Truly they are almost robotic in their enlightenment! But still!" He points a finger at the back of one's head. "That girl's right. You're very rude, and if you don't order right away I'm going to have to ask you to leave!" .... Then he flinches again, covering his head with his hands in the event that the super monk powers will render him to scrap metal. "... Uh, pretty please!"
The girl, however, got totally distracted, watching first Lincoln, then Booth, exit the restaurant. "Was that... nah, couldn't be." She shakes her head and slaps her cheeks.
Meanwhile! Milfeulle has discovered herself in the middle of a Jen & Berry's ice cream shop! "Oh NO!" she wails, waving her arms, after Nano has moved off to claim her own bowl. She grabs Nano and shakes her back and forth. "What am I doing here? I can't be seen here! I'm a member of the 31000 Flavors Ice Cream Value Club!" Curiously mimicking Master J2, who could very well be miles away, she covers her face with her hands. "If any of the 31000 Flavors people see me here, it'll be terrible! They'll... THEY'LL..." Hurt Milfeulle? Take her prisoner? Tie her to a chair? Send her to ice cream hell? "They'll be DEVASTATED!"
"Milfeulle Sakuraba!" says a voice from a man pausing at the store's entrance. Standing there is a man in a 31000 Flavors uniform - who, curiously enough, looks exactly like the man who caught Milfeulle the other night after she came unstuck from a giant disgusting alien! "I... I..."
Milfeulle's head shoots up, meeting his eyes, her own eyes huge like a deer in headlights. "Yuichi! I can explain! I can explain, really!"
Yuichi's mouth opens and shuts, before his arm comes up as he recoils in horror! "YOU TWO-TIMING... DOUBLE-CROSSING... ICE-CREAM WHORE!" he wails, covering his own face with his hands and falling to his knees, bawling like a baby. "I thought you were different! I thought ... I thought we had something special! You and ... and the 31000 Flavors Ice Cream Corporation! But it was all a LIE, WASN'T IT!" He breaks down and sobs like a baby right there on the pavement.
Milfeulle jumps off the stool, lower lip trembling. "No, Yuichi-kun! It's not true! It's not... it's not like that!" She falls to her own knees, tears streaming down her face. "Why did you do this to me, lady magician? WHYYYYYYYYY?" And she bawls as well. ... Of course after a minute, she reaches up to get the bowl of Neapolitan from the counter, slurping it up hungrily while she sobs. ;o; "Hey, th-this is really g-good..."
(OOC) Zatanna Zatara says, "LOL. Icecream whore. XD"
(OOC) Milfeulle Sakuraba says, "Well, I always say, if the shoe fits, wear it Cinderella! :D"
(OOC) Zatanna Zatara decides to cut her pose in half :3
(OOC) Illyana Rasputin says, "With a saw?"
(OOC) Zatanna Zatara says, ".... yes. :D"
On the stage, Zatanna puts a hand to her chin. "I have the strangest feeling all of a sudden.." Nevermind. She glances towards J2, where a bald girl has joined his side in trying to appeal to the monks sense of humor -- or entertainment -- or what have you. "Still nothing? This is riduclous now." Glancing to the door - she missed the departure of Booth and Lincoln! - She does spy Forte drawing near, and she smiles to herself. o O ( Well even if these jerks aren't reacting, I'm still getting the attention of SOME people. ) She eyes the monks. o O ( Still, what will it take to get a reaction out of them? )
Buying Milfie and Nano some time to eat - or cry and eat - their ice cream, Zatanna entertains the crowd with generic magic trips - the rope trick, a few card tricks, a sawing a woman in half trick - she couldn't pull a rabbit from her hat because..well.. Mr. Beans was gone. :/ ANd if /that/ was what would impress the monks, she would .. well she didn't know what she'd do.
"Why don't we bring our girls back now?" Zatanna asks the audience after sufficient time has passed. Curiously, she removes her hat, turning it over and reaching inside with a hand. "Let's see.. you're in here somewhere--" she whispers something under her breath quickly, "-- ahah!"
In Jen and Barry's, a large female hand reaches down through the ceiling, directly over Milfie and Nano. GASP! And unless they flee, that hand gently seizes hold of the pair and draws out of the Jen and Barry's - and out of the hat. Amazingly, when Zatanna opens her hand, a mini Milfie and a mini Nano will be sitting on her palm - please don't drop whatever's left of your ice cream.
Look Forte! Pocket Angels!
The magic show gets little notice. Yay, someone disappeared. Like the magician wouldn't know anything of transporters, wormholes, or Bermuda Triangle brand suitcases. And now she's pulling cabbits out of her hat. Maybe they'll even turn into a spaceship. Yawn. Forte waves off the show in favor of something more interesting, namely Milfie's old friend Master J2 having issues with some guys in robes. Wait, not just robes. /Monks/ in robes. Suddenly, he screen closes in on the monocled Angel's wide eyes and the screen fades out to black and white...
"Back then, life was fun. We were a mercenary band, and we were good at what we did. Revolution, security, extras for the latest McBain movie, we did it all. /Until/... They showed up. All bald, all smiling, and all preaching non-violence. We laughed at them at first, but we didn't know the horrible truth. People actually listened to them. Nations made treaties, armies were disarmed, and McBain was elected governor of Ceti Alpha VI. We were out of work... all because of those blasted monks!"
The flashback ends back to the present, where Forte is gripping her riding crop so hard it nearly snaps in two. "Not only did they end the fun, now they're mocking a friend of Milfie's! This is completely unforgivable!" A fist surrounded by speedlines shoots into the air, "This requires a tradition passed down through generations of the Stollen family, to be dispensed against only our most reviled enemies!"
Whoosh. A wild Forte appears behind the monks! And what does she have in mind?
"MELVIN!"
Hey, we never said the Stollen family was the most sophisticated in the galaxy...
And once she got her bearings, Nano-Nano found herself enjoying her unexpected treat! "Nano-nano-nano-nan! Nan-nan-nan-nan-naaa~aaan." She chirps out a merry tune as she eyes the ice cream. "Time for a treat!" The poor ice cream doesn't stand a chance against the appetite of a nanomachine girl. She grips the bowl in one hand and a spoon in the other. She stares at the icy treat for a moment before tossing the spoon aside and simply burying her face in the bowl! When she reappears in Zatanna's hand, it's with a little, very little actually, spot of ice cream on the tip of her nose. "Hi giant lady!" Nope, she isn't afraid at all.
Meanwhile, in the past.....
Agent Booth appears suddenly on the lap of a large, hairy man who's holding what looks like a giant turkey leg in one hand. "Umm.....hello?"
Ghengis Khan is unhappy with this unexpected development. "Booth. How many times do I have to tell you to stop doing stupid things like this. If you keep this up, I'm gonna have to have Napolean deal with that jerk Lincoln. Stupid man!"
Patrick, Jonathan, and Gasteau are at the back of the room, their eyes wide, staring at the disappearing and reappearing girls. "She's... she's AMAZING," says Jonathan. "Not to mention hot!"
Patrick clenches a fist. "She's the real deal! Wow! We totally have to get her to work at our off-track betting parlor when that hunk of scrap metal sells us this place!"
Gasteau, meanwhile, is staring with awe at the door where none other than Honest Abe Lincoln strode with his mighty step past his table just a few minutes ago. "That was... That was HIM..." he breathes. "That was legendary TV and movie star Bruce Campbell! He's my all-time hero, beard or no beard!"
MEANWHILE! Milfeulle looks up, her tears suddenly vanished, at a giant hand descending toward them. "Nano-chan, LOOK! It's another giant hand! Just like that time on Alpha Nereis V, with that race of giant '60s TV characters-* WHEEEEEEEE!" She waves her arms and legs as she's pulled up by a giant hand. "Bye Yuichi! Sorry about betraying you! We'll always have Bubblegum Surprise Bomb Cherry Walrus, Flavor #17,216!"
As she reappears behind Nano, back on stage, she throws up her hands to accept the acclaim of the audience. "Ta-daaaa!" But on the inside, she sighs wistfully. I'm happy on the outside, she thinks. But inside, I'm sad, just a little. Poor Yuichi! I've betrayed the ice cream I love... Then she smacks her lips. But you know, that Neapolitan was PRETTY GOOD. Maybe I need to join the Jen & Barry's Ice Cream Value Club too! HEE HEE HEE! Milfeulle, you tramp! So this is what Ranpha-san feels like!
Oblivious to this internal dialogue, Yuichi can only stare in shock as Milfeulle and Nano disappear through the ceiling, before his gaze drops, to meet the eyes of the Jen & Barry's clerk. He looks down at his 31000 Flavors uniform, then looks up at the clerk. The clerk looks down at his Jen & Barry's uniform, then back at him. ".... Truce?" Yuichi murmurs.
"NEVER!" roars the proud Jen & Barry's employee, grabbing a mop and jumping over the counter. "PREPARE TO DIE!"
Through it all. Despite the amazing magic trick. Despite a yelling Forte, the vengeful spirits of Ceti Alpha VI at her back! Despite the fist-shaking J2! Despite the girl with the shaved head, tattoos, and white clothes. "Who in the name of the Nine Transfigurations of Holy Desdemona is MELVIN?" she asks the suddenly appearing Forte. DESPITE IT ALL. DESPITE EVERYTHING. Not one word out of the black-robed figures sitting at the table in front of the stage.
NOT.
ONE.
WORD!!!!!!
Zatanna Zatara didn't pull a cabbit out of her hat! She pulled a pair of Galaxy girls out of her hat. Who don't turn into space ships. Grinning at Nano's complete /cuteness/ and Milfie cheerfulness, she replies, "Welcome back! How was the trip, ladies?" Of course those in the audience can't really -see- Milf or Nano to clearly, so Zatanna kneels, setting the girls on the floor carefully, then steps back, wand in hand again, "Trever ot ruoy eurt ezis!" She waves the wand over the miniaturized girls, who will return to their normal size again.
Glancing towards the audience, she.... scowls. Nothing? STILL? o O ( What are they BLIND? Blind and Deaf? Blind, Deaf and MUTE? And Quadriplegic? How can they have NO reaction to that WHAT SO ever!?! )
"All right. That's -it-." Zatanna mutters, pushing her sleeves up. Such a blatant disrespect! Not only would they not buy anything from the poor owner, but they committed a far more serious crime! No applause! Not even a word! Not even a negative word!
"I'm feeling generous tonight, so how's about a special spell for my favorite people in the front row." She shouldn't do it, but she's annoyed. And this /HAS/ to get SOME reaction out of them. "Emoceb owt dedaeh samall!" Swish. "Emoceb a krots! Emoceb a alaok! Emoceb a hsif tuo fo retaw! Emoceb a knip tnahpele! Won nruter ot lamron." With each 'casting' she waves her wand until she's finished -- and then there's Forte, about to add the icing on the cake? Omy.
Forte /was/ going to do some evil underwear pranking, but its a little hard to do when your first target turns into a two-headed llama. "Wha- What!?" As each monk transforms in kind, the elder Angel is left with nothing but disbelief and a growing fear that one of them may just turn into...
"Whew," she sighs in relief. "No rodents. And now /that/ is what I call magic. ... Or really wierd Lost Technology. For any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."
The next table over, a young man with round-rimmed glasses and a visible scar on his head turns uncomfortably to the young woman he was dining with. "Harry! You said it was all magic!" "B-B-But I can explain..."
And back to Forte who's now giving Zatanna a grin and a salute, "Still, an excellent show- Oi! Milfie! Nano! I didn't know you two were here too! Wow! Everything's turning up great!"
Yes, even in another world, where Genghis Khan grumbles unapprovingly, a Mongol warrior stumbles into his chamber cluthing a gaping chest wound, "M-My lord, i-it's..." "It's who, man? Spit it out!" "... Silent Cal.. gack." Thump. "S-S-Silent Cal!?"
Yes, Calvin Coolidge, the silent assassin President strikes from the shadows, lunging at the Khan with a set of kunai pulled from the brim of his snappy straw hat! It's said that he never says more than two words at a time! "It's over." Pause. Throw. "You lost."
(OOC) Forte Stollen could make a whole MUSH based off of this.
(OOC) Zatanna Zatara would buy that for a dollar!
(OOC) Milfeulle Sakuraba says, "I'd apply! *_* I've always thought I'd make a bully Teddy Roosevelt..."
And during it all, Vanilla had remained as silent as the monks themself. She was not as rude as they, however. She had at the very least stealth ordered a glass of vegetable juice, which she had been sipping absent-mindedly as Zatanna had worked her magic. She remains silent for now...
Nano, however, does not. "Hiii, Auntie Forte! Nano-Nano got teleported to a place with ice-cream, and then I was little, and now I'm not little anymore! It was fun!" She tries to twirl torwards the stage magician, but spins too fast and ends up nearly falling over. "You're super talented, lady! Nano-Nano hasn't had so much fun in a long time! Since mama took me to the Fun Planet Funnar the Funnest place in the universe!" In the audience, Vanilla nods in approval.
Meanwhile, Ghengis Khan has been struck in the chest by a kunai! "GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! D.....Damn you for this, Coolidge! You won't defeat me so easily! You have yet to face my secret weapon! MWA HA HA! HAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA!"
Thundering footsteps shake the area before the wall is torn away by a giant hand. "I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN, FLESHBAG."
Though wounded, Khan stands in triumph. "You face MECHA-CLINTON! Know now that you are doomed!"
Milfeulle Sakuraba did think something was a little strange about how the audience all looked giant, and the stage seemed like it stretched for miles. She figured it was merely a problem related to trans-dimensional travel! But as it turns out, she'd been miniaturized! Cool! Her arms wave up and down as she reverts to normal size again, waving her hand to the crowd. "Hi everybody! The trip was grrRRrrr~rrr, woah, dizzy," she says, swaying from side to side and clutching her head before, unlike Nano, she actually does fall backward onto the floor, roller skates facing the audience. *THUMP*
It's a big hit with the audience! Those that are watching, anyway. In fact it's no longer even a question of winning over the crowd. There are too many things happening! There's the trick. There's Milfeulle, falling over. There's the hyperactive blue-haired girl. There's the giant one-sided argument taking place between Forte, J2, the shaved-head girl, and the dark-robed figures in the center of the room who STILL haven't done or said anything. ... At least, that is, until Zatanna's spell hits them. ALAKAZAAAM!
Suddenly, the sound of animal noises erupts around the room! The robes whip off, and two-headed llamas erupt in four-legged fury, hissing and spitting as they go, with the fury of two heads each, making ten llama heads! *SPLAT*! SPITTLE FLIES EVERYWHERE! IT'S SPITTING CHAOS! But of course Vanilla is probably too short for any of it to hit her.
One such glob of spittle hits the shaved-head girl, who lets out an ear-splitting scream. "MY EYES! They're covered in... NON-TOXIC BUT TOTALLY GROSS GOO! AIEEEE!" Flailing her arms, she takes off at a run, slamming into Patrick, Jonathan and Gasteau's table and falling over.
The three real-estate investors stare in awe. "Um," Patrick offers. "Maybe we-*"
He's interrupted as, just as suddenly, the monks all turn into storks! "SQUAWK!" they all squawk, flapping their wings every which way! Two of them attack the orchestra pit! "MY EYES!" screams the drummer, who was reading want ads when Milfeulle needed some backup. "HE'S TRYING TO EAT MY EYES!" FEATHERS FLY EVERYWHERE!
At least until, with a *ZAP*, they all turn into koalas. Gentle, cute, cuddly koalas. Who, unfortunately without ANY of the slightly narcotic leaf called eucalyptus in their bloodstream, revert to their true behavior. Which is much like GIANT RATS.
"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAH OH THE HUMANITY!" wails Mr. and Mrs. Newlywed, their lover's spot interrupted by koalas attached to their faces, growling and grrrrring at the top of their cute little lungs! The honeymooners run around in circles before slamming into each other, falling unconcious.
Things look bad, of course, until they turn into fish out of water. A certain type of fish called ... GIANT GROUPER! "Oh crap," J2 has enough time to say before a giant grouper tail SLAMS him right into the wall, half-in, half out. And it's a reinforced plaster wall. "Hi there," he says, embedded in the wall underneath a moose head, directly above two patrons of the Space Applebee's next door, mechanical arms dangling above their entree. "Those wings look delicious. Can you ask the waiter for the recipe?"
A platoon of Transbaal Station Security storm into J2's a moment later, headed by Major Mary. "NOBODY MOVE! THIS IS TRANSBAAL SECURITY, WE'VE HAD A RED ALERT ABOUT A DISTURBANCE IN THIS RESTAURANT!" Of course they've been monitoring this place ever since Milfeulle started working here. "EVERYONE PUT YOUR HANDS ... oh /$H1T/!!!!!!" she blurts out, as storming right toward them are three giant pink elephants, trumpeting as they go. "RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!" she screams, and the entire security detail takes flight, the giant elephants storming after them at full gallop, the rest of the deck turning to rubble as they pass!
.... At least until they return to their true form:
Cardboard cutouts of the Botweiser girlbots. Botweiser! Beer for the sophisticated robot.
Milfeulle Sakuraba crawls to the edge of the stage, leaning over and blinking as her head clears. "Oh hi Forte-san!" she calls out happily, waving her hand. "I got dizzy for a second! And then the world was spinning. ... Wow, what happened here?" She looks around and surveys the wreckage, staring openly. "Wow, that must have been some magic trick! AHA!" She points over to the "monk's" table: the centerpiece, a carafe filled with water and plucked flowers, remains in the center, seemingly untouched, the raging animals having sped off in every direction away from the table. "And the FLOWERS are STILL STANDING!"
Zatanna Zatara grins at Vanilla, then Forte, tapping her fingers to her head in a salute, "Thanks, I do my best to please my audience. Although there are some I guess, you just can't please." And boy does it peeve her! GRR. What was up with those jerks anyway? Turning to Nano, her blue eyes widen in surprise. Whoops! Zatanna puts a hand out to steady Nano when the girl nearly falls over, then winces when Milfie DOES fall over. "Careful!"
To Nano, she grins broadly at the compliment - well at least /SOMEONE/ knows how to pay them. Stupid monks. "I'm glad you had fun little one," almost literally in that case! Little, AHA HA HA HA--eeh. "You both were great!" About to usher them to their seats, she decided.. it's safer for them to be on the stage with /her/, because holy sh-t.. uh.. well in the aftermath of the transfiguration..! um.. "....." That... was ..uh. "Well." Let that -- "Wait a second." She mutters as the animals reclaim their true form.
"..Cardboard cutouts!? .. this explains /so/ much." She turns to the crowd, gesturing at the two girls, "And that would conclude my performance for the evening. I'd like to thank my lovely lady assistants - and if you liked this performance, be sure to catch my other performances as well. I guarantee it'll be a different experience every time." Under her breath, she whispers, "Egatskcab." and vanishes in a flash of light, while her male assistants likewise vanish, with the cancelling of her spell.
If you must know why Forte seems unfazed by it all, one must know there weren't any rodents in the crowd. Koalas don't count, because even if they act like giant rats are still marsupial bears. She does pause at Milfie's question with a finger to her lip, adding a surprised blink at Zatanna's exit stage egatskcab. After her attempt to think of a logical answer results in her inner Spock strangling himself with his Katra necklace, she finally answers with a shrug, "It's maaaaaaaaaaaagic?" The ceiling behind her collapses on top of the drum set. Ba-dum-psh!
Elsewhere, in Nirvana, Doug Henning twitches.
Elsewhere, elsewere, Calvin Coolidge silently draws a katana when he's interrupted by a drawling voice at the door. "Don't bother, Cal, I've got this covered." Dramatically silhouetted by the light outside, the jolly gray-haired man lights his cigar, "It takes a Clinton to beat a Mecha-Clinton, and I don't mean Hilary!"
It seems that Mecha-Clinton has met his match. "MASTER KHAN. HE IS TOO MIGHTY! I CANNOT WIN!" Ghengins Khan scowls, and cluthes his wounds. "Then I have no choice. You have not heard the last of me, Coolidge! Lincoln will die! The final laugh shall be mine! BWA HA HA!" Suddenly, he vanishes into a cloud of smoke. Of course if you were paying attention, or not blind, you would seem him leaving through a door in the back room in a rather unsubtle manner.
Meanwhile, back in the modern day, Nano-Nano waves to Zatanna, even as the woman vanishes. "Someday, Nano-Nano will do magic, too! Then she will turn people into strange things for fun, and make ice cream appear and learn how to make excellent buffalo wings!"
At her table, Vanilla speaks for the first time since the magic show had begun. Who she is speaking to isn't obvious. "The ostrich has laid the egg. I repeat, the ostrich has laid the egg. Good fortune."
Milfeulle Sakuraba clambers down from the stage. "Maaaaaaagic," she whispers in response to Forte's answer, stars in her eyes, sense of wonder once again lodging in her heart. "Wow, who knew that magic could make such a mess...?"
From beneath the crashed chandelier, the hand of the drummer weakly pushes itself out of the rubble. "I'm oka~ay," he wheezes weakly.
Then Milfeulle's distracted by Nano, her eyes going wide. "You can use magic to make buffalo wings... and ice cream?" She gapes, dreaming of a wide variety of magical menu items. "Nano-chan! If you need a lovely assistant, I'd be happy to taste-test anything you make!"
Meanwhile, from underneath a nearby table, the four remaining men in the white clothes and shaved heads with elaborate tattoos look around, gazing openly, blinking their eyes and staring.
"That..." says one.
"Was..." says another.
"The..." says the third.
And finally, the oldest and wisest looking one speaks. "... GREATEST live entertainment we have EVER seen! And we've been across the galaxy! We - the Stoic Space Monks of Serenity IX!" They adopt a dramatic kung-fu pose! "We've been searching for truly amazing live entertainment for a thousand years. And now... now..." A tear comes to the old man's eye, his voice trembling with emotion. The other monks pat his back, clutch his arm, offering support, tears in their own eyes as well, lower lips trembling with feeling. "... Now, we have found what we were promised by the gods themselves! Brothers! A salute to the greatest entertainer in the universe! Zater... Zata... Zatum... Zato... THE AMAZING DOUBLE-Z!"
The legendary Stoic Monks burst out in wild applause, whistles, jumping up and down and whooping, and other expressions of appreciation. Zatanna ... is a HIT! With the toughest audience in the universe!
But as they applaud at the stage, they realize the terrible truth. Zatanna - is GONE! She's vanished, as quickly as she'd appeared! "Oh no! She's vanished!" wails one of the younger monks. "How much like life. To gaze upon greatness, for just a moment - only to have it vanish forever."
The martial-arts loving monk turns to them. "Guys! This will be our new quest! We will travel the galaxy, searching for the One whose showmanship has achieved nirvana! Zat... Zatar... Zatan... you know, HER!"
"He's right, brothers!" declares the old man, running his hand over his pristine white beard. "It is our new holy quest! Let's grab Ling and get started!" They run off to pick up their unconcious female confederate.
But before they leave, they turn to face the restaurant, assuming a dramatic pose, fists against their palm. "We are going to tell the galaxy about this restaurant, you better believe it! You will be immortalized forever in the 'Bistro Sutra'! We are humbled by your powers of showmanship."
As one, the four monks not casualties of Zatanna's magic fall to their knees and bow, heads kowtowing three times. Then leave, dragging the girl behind them, whose head unfortunately bonks against the doorframe. *BONK*
"OW!" she yelps. "Come ON, guys..."
Meanwhile, Master J2, face still stuck in a large piece of the wall, comes in through the front entrance, followed by Major Mary and the bedraggled Security platoon, just as Patrick, Jonathan and Gasteau creep out from behind their overturned table, dust, pieces of wood, and rubble falling off their formerly pristine white clothes. "Those were cardboard cutouts!" he yells, pointing a digit. "And I can just BET who put them there! The three of you!"
Patrick waves his hands. "No, no! We're innocent! We put the cardboard cutouts there but-*"
"Innocent?" bursts out Major Mary. "HA! Master J2 has told us the whole story. How you substituted dangerous pieces of Lost Technology that could magically transform into animals for a bunch of space monks in order to wreck his business!"
Master J2 turns to the stage, one ocular sensor flashing in a wink aimed at the Galaxy Angels.
"Well I have news for you, boys," Mary continues, waving a finger that shakes with rage, "tampering with Lost Technology is a crime against the Empire. Boys! Take 'em away!"
The security forces clap manacles on the protesting real estate investors, and drag them off screaming. Mary turns to the wrecked coffeehouse. "Thank you all for your cooperation." I'm kind of surprised the Galaxy Angels aren't responsible this time, Mary thinks, before she turns to go.
A moment later, one of the security troopers, a suspiciously familiar-looking bending unit, quickly runs back in, scoops up the cardboard cutouts of the Botweiser girls, and then slips out again. "I'm savin' these for LATER! Heh heh heh..."
(OOC) Vanilla H says, "YOU HAVE NOT HEARD THE LAST OF GHENGIS KHAN!"
(OOC) Milfeulle Sakuraba gasp!
(OOC) Vanilla H says, "No, I'm not posing again."
(OOC) Vanilla H says, "But...I shall stash His Eminence away for the future."
(OOC) Milfeulle Sakuraba says, "Genghis Khan will have his REVENGE?"
(OOC) Vanilla H says, "Against the forces of Lincoln!"
(OOC) Milfeulle Sakuraba says, "History comes alive! ... With VIOLENCE!"
EPILOGUE
J2 wheels back into the restaurant, surveying the damage, before Milfeulle skates forward, hugging J2 around the neck and planting a kiss on his cheek. "Mwa!" she exclaims. "Wasn't that great? Now the whole galaxy will know about the restaurant! Isn't that wonderful?"
J2 mechanically blushes, titanium alloy cheeks turning pink as he pats his apprentice on the back. "Yes, it is!" His head swivels around the survey the wreckage. "But we've been almost totaled in the process. I mean, there's nothing else that could possibly get destroyed..."
AT THAT VERY MOMENT! Two combatants crash up through the floor, making a giant hole, both swinging mops in a deadly duel to the death as they hop onto the counter to face each other down! "The power of Jen & Barry's all-natural ingredients spells your DOOM, corporate stooge!" Swing-swing!
"I'll kill you for stealing Milfeulle, you dirty hippy!" cries Yuichi! Swing-swing!
"Oh, right, the floor," says J2 drily. "Yeah, who would think of the floor..."
Milfeulle blushes bright pink, clutching her cheeks. "They're... they're fighting over ME," she gasps. Then her finger goes to her cheek. "I really /do/ feel like Ranpha-san! Except without the split ends of course..."
-- end transmission --
See you next time!
WHAT: Zatanna's struggle to win over the toughest audience in the galaxy takes a turn for the surreal as Forte Stollen joins the party!
WHEN: Saturday Night
WHERE: Transbaal Station, Restaurant Deck
WATCH FOR: America's Time-Traveling Presidents vs. Genghis Khan! FIGHT! For America!
Zatanna still needs a tag!
Meanwhile somewhere across town, a Jen and Barry's ice cream store suddenly has two customers that weren't there a second ago. There's even a bowl of ice cream in front of them - vanilla for Nano, and Neopolitan for Milfeulle. A small card accompanies the ice cream, written in flowery script, 'Courtesy of Zatanna Zatara.' Eat fast, she'll be bringing you guys back soon!
So where are the other members of the Angel Brigade? Let's take a trip elsewhere, to a nice little bar around the corner...
"... You should've seen the look on Jeff Davis's face when I busted into his office. He dropped his stars /and/ bars right there, I tell you."
Forte, still off-duty since she shouldn't be drinking and flying emblem frames, listens in rapt attention to the bearded man in the stovepipe hat next to her. As he takes a deep swig of his glass of fine Kentucky Bourbon, the elder Angel can only gasp and ask, "And then what happened?"
"Well I knocked him so hard his chinbeard went flyin' all the way to Raleigh!", the tall man lets out with a hoarse laugh. "Of course, it turns out that you really couldn't end the war that way, and nobody believed ol' Jeff signed a treaty of surrender without his chinwhiskers anyways. So I told Billy T - that's what I get to call him bein' the commander-in-chief 'n all, should've seen how fast McClellan would get steamed when I called him 'Little Mac' - I told Billy T to march through Atlanta and bring me back some Savannah gin."
With one last gulp, Hard Drinkin' Abe Lincoln finishes his drink and turns to smile all fatherly to his red-haired drinking buddy. "And /that/ was how we won the war-" Beepbeepbeep! "Aw hell, all these newfangled gizmos, a man can't get a moment's rest." From his coat pocket, Abe pulls out a celphone and flips it open, "Dammit, I /knew/ I couldn't leave Chester B. Arthur alone to handle that volcano. Never let a lesser President do a greater President's job, I always tell them, but do they listen to me?" Long scraggly fingers worn from years of chopping trees and debating Stephen Douglas beep a few numbers on the phone, and the tall man is suddenly enveloped in a field of sparkly low-budget special effects. "I'll see you around, Forte! Make sure to bring an extra bottle for Mary Tood next time!" And before the stunned Angel can snap a salute off, he's gone.
The moment passes, and once the surprise wears off, Forte shrugs and grabs her glass. "Remind me never to become President. Or Empress. Oi, is that a magic show goin' on over there? I think I'll go take a look..."
(OOC) Milfeulle Sakuraba says, "XD!! Hard Drinkin' Lincoln!!"
(OOC) Zatanna Zatara says, "SWEET."
(OOC) Milfeulle Sakuraba says, "Hero of space and time!"
(OOC) Vanilla H says, "Forte."
(OOC) Vanilla H says, "Have I told you recently that I love you"
(OOC) Forte Stollen stands at attention before a waving American flag while Johnny Comes Marching Home Again (It's Mrs. Weiss) plays in the background. "No, but that's my fault for not being around enough. "
Inside the box, Nano seems comfortable. "We're gonna be magical, Auntie Milfie! And once I'm magical, I call help you all defend against bad stuff! And maybe I can turn Normad into a newt! He could make a very cute newt! And then...and then....and then....zzzzzzz...." Before Zatanna can even cast her spell, the little blue-haired girl is leaning up against Milfeulle, asleep.
She wakes up in time to find herself with a bowl of ice cream in front of her. "Nyaaaa...where is Nano-Nano? Where's mama? We were supposed to be saving the universe, not.....oooooh, ice creaaaaaam!" Suddenly the girl's worries are forgotten as she enjoys vanilla goodness.
Meanwhile, back at the magic show, a man in a corner is standing just as Lincoln vanishes. "Damn it, he got away." He whispers into a rose on his coat. "This is Booth. The condor has flown into the sunset. I repeat, the condor has flown into the sunset." And then, just as Lincoln himself did, the man known only as 'Booth' vanishes into a flash of light.
Master J2, by this point, is getting not a little annoyed at his completely uncommunicative customers. It's one thing not to laugh, or applaud, or show any interest in the live entertainment whatsoever. It's quite another thing to show disrespect! "Ahem!" he says, clasping his manipulators together in annoyance, tapping his digits in a complicated sequence that spells 'J-E-R-K-S' in ancient morse code. "Gentlemen, honored guests, what can I get you? Ice water? A basket of bread? Napkins? I must ask, sirs, that if you require nothing from this establishment, why you bothered to come in here in the first place?!" He shakes a fist! Before flinching backward, covering his cranial case, in the event that their super monk powers blow him to pieces.
"YEAH!" says a sudden an unexpected voice from his side. It turns out to be the bald girl with the white clothes and the head tattoos, walking up next to J2 and shaking her fist at the monks. "What's your problem, man! Show some respect! The gods will curse you for being ungracious!"
J2, at this point, doesn't know what to do. He can't be mean to the girl for coming to his rescue! But he can't let people harass his guests. Does not compute! He wrings his hands, looking from the girl to the monk and back again. "Um, uh, um..."
But - amazingly - the monks do not move, speak, or otherwise make any signs whatsoever. J2 recoils in amazement, arm over his face. "Such discipline," he murmurs to himself. "Truly they are almost robotic in their enlightenment! But still!" He points a finger at the back of one's head. "That girl's right. You're very rude, and if you don't order right away I'm going to have to ask you to leave!" .... Then he flinches again, covering his head with his hands in the event that the super monk powers will render him to scrap metal. "... Uh, pretty please!"
The girl, however, got totally distracted, watching first Lincoln, then Booth, exit the restaurant. "Was that... nah, couldn't be." She shakes her head and slaps her cheeks.
Meanwhile! Milfeulle has discovered herself in the middle of a Jen & Berry's ice cream shop! "Oh NO!" she wails, waving her arms, after Nano has moved off to claim her own bowl. She grabs Nano and shakes her back and forth. "What am I doing here? I can't be seen here! I'm a member of the 31000 Flavors Ice Cream Value Club!" Curiously mimicking Master J2, who could very well be miles away, she covers her face with her hands. "If any of the 31000 Flavors people see me here, it'll be terrible! They'll... THEY'LL..." Hurt Milfeulle? Take her prisoner? Tie her to a chair? Send her to ice cream hell? "They'll be DEVASTATED!"
"Milfeulle Sakuraba!" says a voice from a man pausing at the store's entrance. Standing there is a man in a 31000 Flavors uniform - who, curiously enough, looks exactly like the man who caught Milfeulle the other night after she came unstuck from a giant disgusting alien! "I... I..."
Milfeulle's head shoots up, meeting his eyes, her own eyes huge like a deer in headlights. "Yuichi! I can explain! I can explain, really!"
Yuichi's mouth opens and shuts, before his arm comes up as he recoils in horror! "YOU TWO-TIMING... DOUBLE-CROSSING... ICE-CREAM WHORE!" he wails, covering his own face with his hands and falling to his knees, bawling like a baby. "I thought you were different! I thought ... I thought we had something special! You and ... and the 31000 Flavors Ice Cream Corporation! But it was all a LIE, WASN'T IT!" He breaks down and sobs like a baby right there on the pavement.
Milfeulle jumps off the stool, lower lip trembling. "No, Yuichi-kun! It's not true! It's not... it's not like that!" She falls to her own knees, tears streaming down her face. "Why did you do this to me, lady magician? WHYYYYYYYYY?" And she bawls as well. ... Of course after a minute, she reaches up to get the bowl of Neapolitan from the counter, slurping it up hungrily while she sobs. ;o; "Hey, th-this is really g-good..."
(OOC) Zatanna Zatara says, "LOL. Icecream whore. XD"
(OOC) Milfeulle Sakuraba says, "Well, I always say, if the shoe fits, wear it Cinderella! :D"
(OOC) Zatanna Zatara decides to cut her pose in half :3
(OOC) Illyana Rasputin says, "With a saw?"
(OOC) Zatanna Zatara says, ".... yes. :D"
On the stage, Zatanna puts a hand to her chin. "I have the strangest feeling all of a sudden.." Nevermind. She glances towards J2, where a bald girl has joined his side in trying to appeal to the monks sense of humor -- or entertainment -- or what have you. "Still nothing? This is riduclous now." Glancing to the door - she missed the departure of Booth and Lincoln! - She does spy Forte drawing near, and she smiles to herself. o O ( Well even if these jerks aren't reacting, I'm still getting the attention of SOME people. ) She eyes the monks. o O ( Still, what will it take to get a reaction out of them? )
Buying Milfie and Nano some time to eat - or cry and eat - their ice cream, Zatanna entertains the crowd with generic magic trips - the rope trick, a few card tricks, a sawing a woman in half trick - she couldn't pull a rabbit from her hat because..well.. Mr. Beans was gone. :/ ANd if /that/ was what would impress the monks, she would .. well she didn't know what she'd do.
"Why don't we bring our girls back now?" Zatanna asks the audience after sufficient time has passed. Curiously, she removes her hat, turning it over and reaching inside with a hand. "Let's see.. you're in here somewhere--" she whispers something under her breath quickly, "-- ahah!"
In Jen and Barry's, a large female hand reaches down through the ceiling, directly over Milfie and Nano. GASP! And unless they flee, that hand gently seizes hold of the pair and draws out of the Jen and Barry's - and out of the hat. Amazingly, when Zatanna opens her hand, a mini Milfie and a mini Nano will be sitting on her palm - please don't drop whatever's left of your ice cream.
Look Forte! Pocket Angels!
The magic show gets little notice. Yay, someone disappeared. Like the magician wouldn't know anything of transporters, wormholes, or Bermuda Triangle brand suitcases. And now she's pulling cabbits out of her hat. Maybe they'll even turn into a spaceship. Yawn. Forte waves off the show in favor of something more interesting, namely Milfie's old friend Master J2 having issues with some guys in robes. Wait, not just robes. /Monks/ in robes. Suddenly, he screen closes in on the monocled Angel's wide eyes and the screen fades out to black and white...
"Back then, life was fun. We were a mercenary band, and we were good at what we did. Revolution, security, extras for the latest McBain movie, we did it all. /Until/... They showed up. All bald, all smiling, and all preaching non-violence. We laughed at them at first, but we didn't know the horrible truth. People actually listened to them. Nations made treaties, armies were disarmed, and McBain was elected governor of Ceti Alpha VI. We were out of work... all because of those blasted monks!"
The flashback ends back to the present, where Forte is gripping her riding crop so hard it nearly snaps in two. "Not only did they end the fun, now they're mocking a friend of Milfie's! This is completely unforgivable!" A fist surrounded by speedlines shoots into the air, "This requires a tradition passed down through generations of the Stollen family, to be dispensed against only our most reviled enemies!"
Whoosh. A wild Forte appears behind the monks! And what does she have in mind?
"MELVIN!"
Hey, we never said the Stollen family was the most sophisticated in the galaxy...
And once she got her bearings, Nano-Nano found herself enjoying her unexpected treat! "Nano-nano-nano-nan! Nan-nan-nan-nan-naaa~aaan." She chirps out a merry tune as she eyes the ice cream. "Time for a treat!" The poor ice cream doesn't stand a chance against the appetite of a nanomachine girl. She grips the bowl in one hand and a spoon in the other. She stares at the icy treat for a moment before tossing the spoon aside and simply burying her face in the bowl! When she reappears in Zatanna's hand, it's with a little, very little actually, spot of ice cream on the tip of her nose. "Hi giant lady!" Nope, she isn't afraid at all.
Meanwhile, in the past.....
Agent Booth appears suddenly on the lap of a large, hairy man who's holding what looks like a giant turkey leg in one hand. "Umm.....hello?"
Ghengis Khan is unhappy with this unexpected development. "Booth. How many times do I have to tell you to stop doing stupid things like this. If you keep this up, I'm gonna have to have Napolean deal with that jerk Lincoln. Stupid man!"
Patrick, Jonathan, and Gasteau are at the back of the room, their eyes wide, staring at the disappearing and reappearing girls. "She's... she's AMAZING," says Jonathan. "Not to mention hot!"
Patrick clenches a fist. "She's the real deal! Wow! We totally have to get her to work at our off-track betting parlor when that hunk of scrap metal sells us this place!"
Gasteau, meanwhile, is staring with awe at the door where none other than Honest Abe Lincoln strode with his mighty step past his table just a few minutes ago. "That was... That was HIM..." he breathes. "That was legendary TV and movie star Bruce Campbell! He's my all-time hero, beard or no beard!"
MEANWHILE! Milfeulle looks up, her tears suddenly vanished, at a giant hand descending toward them. "Nano-chan, LOOK! It's another giant hand! Just like that time on Alpha Nereis V, with that race of giant '60s TV characters-* WHEEEEEEEE!" She waves her arms and legs as she's pulled up by a giant hand. "Bye Yuichi! Sorry about betraying you! We'll always have Bubblegum Surprise Bomb Cherry Walrus, Flavor #17,216!"
As she reappears behind Nano, back on stage, she throws up her hands to accept the acclaim of the audience. "Ta-daaaa!" But on the inside, she sighs wistfully. I'm happy on the outside, she thinks. But inside, I'm sad, just a little. Poor Yuichi! I've betrayed the ice cream I love... Then she smacks her lips. But you know, that Neapolitan was PRETTY GOOD. Maybe I need to join the Jen & Barry's Ice Cream Value Club too! HEE HEE HEE! Milfeulle, you tramp! So this is what Ranpha-san feels like!
Oblivious to this internal dialogue, Yuichi can only stare in shock as Milfeulle and Nano disappear through the ceiling, before his gaze drops, to meet the eyes of the Jen & Barry's clerk. He looks down at his 31000 Flavors uniform, then looks up at the clerk. The clerk looks down at his Jen & Barry's uniform, then back at him. ".... Truce?" Yuichi murmurs.
"NEVER!" roars the proud Jen & Barry's employee, grabbing a mop and jumping over the counter. "PREPARE TO DIE!"
Through it all. Despite the amazing magic trick. Despite a yelling Forte, the vengeful spirits of Ceti Alpha VI at her back! Despite the fist-shaking J2! Despite the girl with the shaved head, tattoos, and white clothes. "Who in the name of the Nine Transfigurations of Holy Desdemona is MELVIN?" she asks the suddenly appearing Forte. DESPITE IT ALL. DESPITE EVERYTHING. Not one word out of the black-robed figures sitting at the table in front of the stage.
NOT.
ONE.
WORD!!!!!!
Zatanna Zatara didn't pull a cabbit out of her hat! She pulled a pair of Galaxy girls out of her hat. Who don't turn into space ships. Grinning at Nano's complete /cuteness/ and Milfie cheerfulness, she replies, "Welcome back! How was the trip, ladies?" Of course those in the audience can't really -see- Milf or Nano to clearly, so Zatanna kneels, setting the girls on the floor carefully, then steps back, wand in hand again, "Trever ot ruoy eurt ezis!" She waves the wand over the miniaturized girls, who will return to their normal size again.
Glancing towards the audience, she.... scowls. Nothing? STILL? o O ( What are they BLIND? Blind and Deaf? Blind, Deaf and MUTE? And Quadriplegic? How can they have NO reaction to that WHAT SO ever!?! )
"All right. That's -it-." Zatanna mutters, pushing her sleeves up. Such a blatant disrespect! Not only would they not buy anything from the poor owner, but they committed a far more serious crime! No applause! Not even a word! Not even a negative word!
"I'm feeling generous tonight, so how's about a special spell for my favorite people in the front row." She shouldn't do it, but she's annoyed. And this /HAS/ to get SOME reaction out of them. "Emoceb owt dedaeh samall!" Swish. "Emoceb a krots! Emoceb a alaok! Emoceb a hsif tuo fo retaw! Emoceb a knip tnahpele! Won nruter ot lamron." With each 'casting' she waves her wand until she's finished -- and then there's Forte, about to add the icing on the cake? Omy.
Forte /was/ going to do some evil underwear pranking, but its a little hard to do when your first target turns into a two-headed llama. "Wha- What!?" As each monk transforms in kind, the elder Angel is left with nothing but disbelief and a growing fear that one of them may just turn into...
"Whew," she sighs in relief. "No rodents. And now /that/ is what I call magic. ... Or really wierd Lost Technology. For any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."
The next table over, a young man with round-rimmed glasses and a visible scar on his head turns uncomfortably to the young woman he was dining with. "Harry! You said it was all magic!" "B-B-But I can explain..."
And back to Forte who's now giving Zatanna a grin and a salute, "Still, an excellent show- Oi! Milfie! Nano! I didn't know you two were here too! Wow! Everything's turning up great!"
Yes, even in another world, where Genghis Khan grumbles unapprovingly, a Mongol warrior stumbles into his chamber cluthing a gaping chest wound, "M-My lord, i-it's..." "It's who, man? Spit it out!" "... Silent Cal.. gack." Thump. "S-S-Silent Cal!?"
Yes, Calvin Coolidge, the silent assassin President strikes from the shadows, lunging at the Khan with a set of kunai pulled from the brim of his snappy straw hat! It's said that he never says more than two words at a time! "It's over." Pause. Throw. "You lost."
(OOC) Forte Stollen could make a whole MUSH based off of this.
(OOC) Zatanna Zatara would buy that for a dollar!
(OOC) Milfeulle Sakuraba says, "I'd apply! *_* I've always thought I'd make a bully Teddy Roosevelt..."
And during it all, Vanilla had remained as silent as the monks themself. She was not as rude as they, however. She had at the very least stealth ordered a glass of vegetable juice, which she had been sipping absent-mindedly as Zatanna had worked her magic. She remains silent for now...
Nano, however, does not. "Hiii, Auntie Forte! Nano-Nano got teleported to a place with ice-cream, and then I was little, and now I'm not little anymore! It was fun!" She tries to twirl torwards the stage magician, but spins too fast and ends up nearly falling over. "You're super talented, lady! Nano-Nano hasn't had so much fun in a long time! Since mama took me to the Fun Planet Funnar the Funnest place in the universe!" In the audience, Vanilla nods in approval.
Meanwhile, Ghengis Khan has been struck in the chest by a kunai! "GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! D.....Damn you for this, Coolidge! You won't defeat me so easily! You have yet to face my secret weapon! MWA HA HA! HAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA!"
Thundering footsteps shake the area before the wall is torn away by a giant hand. "I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN, FLESHBAG."
Though wounded, Khan stands in triumph. "You face MECHA-CLINTON! Know now that you are doomed!"
Milfeulle Sakuraba did think something was a little strange about how the audience all looked giant, and the stage seemed like it stretched for miles. She figured it was merely a problem related to trans-dimensional travel! But as it turns out, she'd been miniaturized! Cool! Her arms wave up and down as she reverts to normal size again, waving her hand to the crowd. "Hi everybody! The trip was grrRRrrr~rrr, woah, dizzy," she says, swaying from side to side and clutching her head before, unlike Nano, she actually does fall backward onto the floor, roller skates facing the audience. *THUMP*
It's a big hit with the audience! Those that are watching, anyway. In fact it's no longer even a question of winning over the crowd. There are too many things happening! There's the trick. There's Milfeulle, falling over. There's the hyperactive blue-haired girl. There's the giant one-sided argument taking place between Forte, J2, the shaved-head girl, and the dark-robed figures in the center of the room who STILL haven't done or said anything. ... At least, that is, until Zatanna's spell hits them. ALAKAZAAAM!
Suddenly, the sound of animal noises erupts around the room! The robes whip off, and two-headed llamas erupt in four-legged fury, hissing and spitting as they go, with the fury of two heads each, making ten llama heads! *SPLAT*! SPITTLE FLIES EVERYWHERE! IT'S SPITTING CHAOS! But of course Vanilla is probably too short for any of it to hit her.
One such glob of spittle hits the shaved-head girl, who lets out an ear-splitting scream. "MY EYES! They're covered in... NON-TOXIC BUT TOTALLY GROSS GOO! AIEEEE!" Flailing her arms, she takes off at a run, slamming into Patrick, Jonathan and Gasteau's table and falling over.
The three real-estate investors stare in awe. "Um," Patrick offers. "Maybe we-*"
He's interrupted as, just as suddenly, the monks all turn into storks! "SQUAWK!" they all squawk, flapping their wings every which way! Two of them attack the orchestra pit! "MY EYES!" screams the drummer, who was reading want ads when Milfeulle needed some backup. "HE'S TRYING TO EAT MY EYES!" FEATHERS FLY EVERYWHERE!
At least until, with a *ZAP*, they all turn into koalas. Gentle, cute, cuddly koalas. Who, unfortunately without ANY of the slightly narcotic leaf called eucalyptus in their bloodstream, revert to their true behavior. Which is much like GIANT RATS.
"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAH OH THE HUMANITY!" wails Mr. and Mrs. Newlywed, their lover's spot interrupted by koalas attached to their faces, growling and grrrrring at the top of their cute little lungs! The honeymooners run around in circles before slamming into each other, falling unconcious.
Things look bad, of course, until they turn into fish out of water. A certain type of fish called ... GIANT GROUPER! "Oh crap," J2 has enough time to say before a giant grouper tail SLAMS him right into the wall, half-in, half out. And it's a reinforced plaster wall. "Hi there," he says, embedded in the wall underneath a moose head, directly above two patrons of the Space Applebee's next door, mechanical arms dangling above their entree. "Those wings look delicious. Can you ask the waiter for the recipe?"
A platoon of Transbaal Station Security storm into J2's a moment later, headed by Major Mary. "NOBODY MOVE! THIS IS TRANSBAAL SECURITY, WE'VE HAD A RED ALERT ABOUT A DISTURBANCE IN THIS RESTAURANT!" Of course they've been monitoring this place ever since Milfeulle started working here. "EVERYONE PUT YOUR HANDS ... oh /$H1T/!!!!!!" she blurts out, as storming right toward them are three giant pink elephants, trumpeting as they go. "RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!" she screams, and the entire security detail takes flight, the giant elephants storming after them at full gallop, the rest of the deck turning to rubble as they pass!
.... At least until they return to their true form:
Cardboard cutouts of the Botweiser girlbots. Botweiser! Beer for the sophisticated robot.
Milfeulle Sakuraba crawls to the edge of the stage, leaning over and blinking as her head clears. "Oh hi Forte-san!" she calls out happily, waving her hand. "I got dizzy for a second! And then the world was spinning. ... Wow, what happened here?" She looks around and surveys the wreckage, staring openly. "Wow, that must have been some magic trick! AHA!" She points over to the "monk's" table: the centerpiece, a carafe filled with water and plucked flowers, remains in the center, seemingly untouched, the raging animals having sped off in every direction away from the table. "And the FLOWERS are STILL STANDING!"
Zatanna Zatara grins at Vanilla, then Forte, tapping her fingers to her head in a salute, "Thanks, I do my best to please my audience. Although there are some I guess, you just can't please." And boy does it peeve her! GRR. What was up with those jerks anyway? Turning to Nano, her blue eyes widen in surprise. Whoops! Zatanna puts a hand out to steady Nano when the girl nearly falls over, then winces when Milfie DOES fall over. "Careful!"
To Nano, she grins broadly at the compliment - well at least /SOMEONE/ knows how to pay them. Stupid monks. "I'm glad you had fun little one," almost literally in that case! Little, AHA HA HA HA--eeh. "You both were great!" About to usher them to their seats, she decided.. it's safer for them to be on the stage with /her/, because holy sh-t.. uh.. well in the aftermath of the transfiguration..! um.. "....." That... was ..uh. "Well." Let that -- "Wait a second." She mutters as the animals reclaim their true form.
"..Cardboard cutouts!? .. this explains /so/ much." She turns to the crowd, gesturing at the two girls, "And that would conclude my performance for the evening. I'd like to thank my lovely lady assistants - and if you liked this performance, be sure to catch my other performances as well. I guarantee it'll be a different experience every time." Under her breath, she whispers, "Egatskcab." and vanishes in a flash of light, while her male assistants likewise vanish, with the cancelling of her spell.
If you must know why Forte seems unfazed by it all, one must know there weren't any rodents in the crowd. Koalas don't count, because even if they act like giant rats are still marsupial bears. She does pause at Milfie's question with a finger to her lip, adding a surprised blink at Zatanna's exit stage egatskcab. After her attempt to think of a logical answer results in her inner Spock strangling himself with his Katra necklace, she finally answers with a shrug, "It's maaaaaaaaaaaagic?" The ceiling behind her collapses on top of the drum set. Ba-dum-psh!
Elsewhere, in Nirvana, Doug Henning twitches.
Elsewhere, elsewere, Calvin Coolidge silently draws a katana when he's interrupted by a drawling voice at the door. "Don't bother, Cal, I've got this covered." Dramatically silhouetted by the light outside, the jolly gray-haired man lights his cigar, "It takes a Clinton to beat a Mecha-Clinton, and I don't mean Hilary!"
It seems that Mecha-Clinton has met his match. "MASTER KHAN. HE IS TOO MIGHTY! I CANNOT WIN!" Ghengins Khan scowls, and cluthes his wounds. "Then I have no choice. You have not heard the last of me, Coolidge! Lincoln will die! The final laugh shall be mine! BWA HA HA!" Suddenly, he vanishes into a cloud of smoke. Of course if you were paying attention, or not blind, you would seem him leaving through a door in the back room in a rather unsubtle manner.
Meanwhile, back in the modern day, Nano-Nano waves to Zatanna, even as the woman vanishes. "Someday, Nano-Nano will do magic, too! Then she will turn people into strange things for fun, and make ice cream appear and learn how to make excellent buffalo wings!"
At her table, Vanilla speaks for the first time since the magic show had begun. Who she is speaking to isn't obvious. "The ostrich has laid the egg. I repeat, the ostrich has laid the egg. Good fortune."
Milfeulle Sakuraba clambers down from the stage. "Maaaaaaagic," she whispers in response to Forte's answer, stars in her eyes, sense of wonder once again lodging in her heart. "Wow, who knew that magic could make such a mess...?"
From beneath the crashed chandelier, the hand of the drummer weakly pushes itself out of the rubble. "I'm oka~ay," he wheezes weakly.
Then Milfeulle's distracted by Nano, her eyes going wide. "You can use magic to make buffalo wings... and ice cream?" She gapes, dreaming of a wide variety of magical menu items. "Nano-chan! If you need a lovely assistant, I'd be happy to taste-test anything you make!"
Meanwhile, from underneath a nearby table, the four remaining men in the white clothes and shaved heads with elaborate tattoos look around, gazing openly, blinking their eyes and staring.
"That..." says one.
"Was..." says another.
"The..." says the third.
And finally, the oldest and wisest looking one speaks. "... GREATEST live entertainment we have EVER seen! And we've been across the galaxy! We - the Stoic Space Monks of Serenity IX!" They adopt a dramatic kung-fu pose! "We've been searching for truly amazing live entertainment for a thousand years. And now... now..." A tear comes to the old man's eye, his voice trembling with emotion. The other monks pat his back, clutch his arm, offering support, tears in their own eyes as well, lower lips trembling with feeling. "... Now, we have found what we were promised by the gods themselves! Brothers! A salute to the greatest entertainer in the universe! Zater... Zata... Zatum... Zato... THE AMAZING DOUBLE-Z!"
The legendary Stoic Monks burst out in wild applause, whistles, jumping up and down and whooping, and other expressions of appreciation. Zatanna ... is a HIT! With the toughest audience in the universe!
But as they applaud at the stage, they realize the terrible truth. Zatanna - is GONE! She's vanished, as quickly as she'd appeared! "Oh no! She's vanished!" wails one of the younger monks. "How much like life. To gaze upon greatness, for just a moment - only to have it vanish forever."
The martial-arts loving monk turns to them. "Guys! This will be our new quest! We will travel the galaxy, searching for the One whose showmanship has achieved nirvana! Zat... Zatar... Zatan... you know, HER!"
"He's right, brothers!" declares the old man, running his hand over his pristine white beard. "It is our new holy quest! Let's grab Ling and get started!" They run off to pick up their unconcious female confederate.
But before they leave, they turn to face the restaurant, assuming a dramatic pose, fists against their palm. "We are going to tell the galaxy about this restaurant, you better believe it! You will be immortalized forever in the 'Bistro Sutra'! We are humbled by your powers of showmanship."
As one, the four monks not casualties of Zatanna's magic fall to their knees and bow, heads kowtowing three times. Then leave, dragging the girl behind them, whose head unfortunately bonks against the doorframe. *BONK*
"OW!" she yelps. "Come ON, guys..."
Meanwhile, Master J2, face still stuck in a large piece of the wall, comes in through the front entrance, followed by Major Mary and the bedraggled Security platoon, just as Patrick, Jonathan and Gasteau creep out from behind their overturned table, dust, pieces of wood, and rubble falling off their formerly pristine white clothes. "Those were cardboard cutouts!" he yells, pointing a digit. "And I can just BET who put them there! The three of you!"
Patrick waves his hands. "No, no! We're innocent! We put the cardboard cutouts there but-*"
"Innocent?" bursts out Major Mary. "HA! Master J2 has told us the whole story. How you substituted dangerous pieces of Lost Technology that could magically transform into animals for a bunch of space monks in order to wreck his business!"
Master J2 turns to the stage, one ocular sensor flashing in a wink aimed at the Galaxy Angels.
"Well I have news for you, boys," Mary continues, waving a finger that shakes with rage, "tampering with Lost Technology is a crime against the Empire. Boys! Take 'em away!"
The security forces clap manacles on the protesting real estate investors, and drag them off screaming. Mary turns to the wrecked coffeehouse. "Thank you all for your cooperation." I'm kind of surprised the Galaxy Angels aren't responsible this time, Mary thinks, before she turns to go.
A moment later, one of the security troopers, a suspiciously familiar-looking bending unit, quickly runs back in, scoops up the cardboard cutouts of the Botweiser girls, and then slips out again. "I'm savin' these for LATER! Heh heh heh..."
(OOC) Vanilla H says, "YOU HAVE NOT HEARD THE LAST OF GHENGIS KHAN!"
(OOC) Milfeulle Sakuraba gasp!
(OOC) Vanilla H says, "No, I'm not posing again."
(OOC) Vanilla H says, "But...I shall stash His Eminence away for the future."
(OOC) Milfeulle Sakuraba says, "Genghis Khan will have his REVENGE?"
(OOC) Vanilla H says, "Against the forces of Lincoln!"
(OOC) Milfeulle Sakuraba says, "History comes alive! ... With VIOLENCE!"
EPILOGUE
J2 wheels back into the restaurant, surveying the damage, before Milfeulle skates forward, hugging J2 around the neck and planting a kiss on his cheek. "Mwa!" she exclaims. "Wasn't that great? Now the whole galaxy will know about the restaurant! Isn't that wonderful?"
J2 mechanically blushes, titanium alloy cheeks turning pink as he pats his apprentice on the back. "Yes, it is!" His head swivels around the survey the wreckage. "But we've been almost totaled in the process. I mean, there's nothing else that could possibly get destroyed..."
AT THAT VERY MOMENT! Two combatants crash up through the floor, making a giant hole, both swinging mops in a deadly duel to the death as they hop onto the counter to face each other down! "The power of Jen & Barry's all-natural ingredients spells your DOOM, corporate stooge!" Swing-swing!
"I'll kill you for stealing Milfeulle, you dirty hippy!" cries Yuichi! Swing-swing!
"Oh, right, the floor," says J2 drily. "Yeah, who would think of the floor..."
Milfeulle blushes bright pink, clutching her cheeks. "They're... they're fighting over ME," she gasps. Then her finger goes to her cheek. "I really /do/ feel like Ranpha-san! Except without the split ends of course..."
-- end transmission --
See you next time!