Log - Feng Shui Meets Full Metal Panic
WHO: Old Man Li, Melissa Mao
WHERE: Whispered Earth Hong Kong
WHEN: Eh, some-nebulous evening on April 10th
WHAT: Old Man Li, on a hunt for information on the Demonic Ninja Harlots who destroyed his restaurants, decides to check out seedy bars in a nearby Hong Kong, and runs into an off-duty and relaxing Sgt-Major Mao. Hilarity ensues.
WATCH FOR: The Beginning Of Yet More Pain For Kurz.
Random Note: Hate LJ Code So Much. Haaaaaaaate.
GateMUSH - Monday, April 10, 2006, 10:14 PM
-------------------------------------------
Ah Hong Kong! A bustling city far enough removed from the Northern/Southern China conflict that its economy is still high enough to support a glamorous life style. But a glamorous life style is not the life style for a soldier. No, not at all. Mao is situated in a rather seedy looking bar playing a game of pool with a cigarette sticking out of the corner of her mouth, three empty tankards of beer and one half empty one along side an ashtray almost overflowing with cigarette butts. Yes, this is the kind of place where Mao likes to hang.
She misses the nine ball and straights up, taking a deep gulp from her beer tankard. "Your shot," she says in fluent Cantonese to her unlucky opponent.
Hmmmmmmmmmm. Hong Kong! Exciting place, usually! Of course, for one Old Master, it's familiar, yet DIFFERENT. It isn't quite HIS Hong Kong, after all. I mean, he's walked down the street and not seen ONE Martial Arts Gunbattle yet! WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THIS PLACE? He's also not seen any ninja. Of course, that doesn't mean there are no ninja. They are ninja, after all. However, all of this is impartial, as the old man, logically suspecting that the best place to find leads is to look where he would be if he were an evil demon loving harlot ninja sorceress, or one of her minions, or a fuzzy demon and it's smaller, fuzzier demonic master!
Yes, that's right...SMOKEY BARS IN THE BACKSTREETS OF HONG KONG! Just, not his Hong Kong. For, that would be silly, since he obviously, despite being ganged up on, caused the foolish Demonic Ninja Harlots to have to run away, as the noble citizens of Hong Kong were undrestandably ANGRY at them. As such, Old Man Li comes walking into the bar like he has every right to be here, despite being an old man dressed like a martial artist. And occasionally making a 'HMMM!' of dissaproval at the unConfucian values and attitudes of the seedier, possibly ninja, patrons. The life of an Old Master is fraught with peril and dissapointment at the moral failings of youth!
Still, he probaly stands out. I mean, long white hair in a braided ponytail, pipe, big bushy eyebrows...that sorta thing!
Mao finishes off her tankard with a loud satisfying 'ahhh!' and slams it down on the table top, "Bartender! Another! Oi oi, hurry it up already." She's about to poke her opponent in the butt with her cue stick when she sees someone who shouldn't be there.
The ex-Marine blinks. That's odd. She takes another look at her opponent who's concentrating at his 'perfect shot' before leaning her cue stick against the wall. "Hey! Grandpa, you lost or something?"
The Old Man From Hong Kong hmmmms, glowering out from under heavy brows at the disrespectful answer he gets from one of the patrons.
"Hmmmm! You should know your place, young man! I imagine your ancestors would be ashamed at such behavior!"
Said young man laughs disrespectfully at the Old Master, him and several of his larger friends standing up. It appears that an Old Man is about to get smashed into a pulp by some punks. At which point, sighing, said Old Master just glares up at the youth, shakes his head...and then slams him into the wall (Several feet away) by batting him there with the ornate pipe he was smoking smacking into the gut, then resuming smoking before anyone can react. The youth's friends blink, look back at the old man puffing his pipe, and then at their friend, lying in a small indentation in the wall and groaning. And then quietly back off and sit down.
Old Man Li siiiighs, tapping his pipe against the palm of his hand. "Woe is Old Hu Fu Li, to have to endure such disrespect from the youth of today! Eh? Lost? No, no, I know exactly where I am."
And, with that, Hu Fu Li turns around, and eyes his questioner. An eyebrow raises. Intriguing. Old Man Li walks over, puffing on his pipe, inspecting Mao closely, eyeing her body. Oddly enough, without any lecherous intent, and the occasional murmur of "Hmmmmm! Good child-bearing hips...Strong back...good arms...Hmmmmmmmmmmmm."
Puff puff. Fear the pipe.
Mao just stands stock still for a moment. She's surprised and pretty impressed Li was able to knock that punk around but that surprise quickly turns to shock and embarrassment as soon as he begins to access her 'assets'.
It takes a moment but then she becomes unfrozen as she scampers a few feet back with a look of completely shock, "Wh-wh-wh-what are you doing?! You. You. You. You." If it was Kurz, she would have kicked him in the head, but she's been around enough perverts to realize that he's not actually thinking about her in that way. Face still beat red, she grabs her cue stick and points it at him, "You better not be thinking anything dirty old man!" She knows he's not, but it makes helps her regain her dignity.
The Old Man looks up at Mao with amusement. And then bops her in between the eyes with his pipe. Not as hard as with that other punk, but, eh. Still. It is the BOP OF MINOR CONFUCIAN ADMONISHMENT. Hmmmhmmm! Tapping his pipe against a hand, the Old Master smiles slightly.
"Hmmmmmm. You married? Good child-bearing hips, fiery demeanor, very good signs! Excellent marriage material, hmmmm!"
Confusion? Posssssible. But, eh, this is Hong Kong! Remember ancient wisdom, written down last week by Old Master Li on temple scroll: 'Never Attack Smiling Old Man, for he often know art of Ass-Whupping!'
Mao gets smacked ride between the eyes and it makes her drop her stick, "Ow! Damn it!" She growls as she puts one hand over the bruise, "Of course I'm not married! Do you think I'm an idiot or something?" She grumbles, "There's no way I'd let myself get trapped in one of those things."
"Who the hell are you old man?" She glares. After seeing what he did to the other guy without even getting short of breath, she's not about to take him on and risk getting tossed out of the bar. She waves her hand to the bartender, "Where the hell is my beer?!" Someone's not in a happy mood.
Hmmmmmmmhmmmm. Interesting interesting.
"Hmmmm. Not interested in marriage yet. Not so good. If only Heaven had not cursed poor Li with such a lazy grandson! Ah well. Maybe good for other information. Hmmm. You seen three Demonic Harlot Ninja Women and their Fuzzy Demon Pet?"
And then, Hu Fu Li is reminded of his manners! How embarassing!
"Hmmmmm! Many apology! My name is Hu Fu Li! Many apologies! However, the tap of enlightenment is reminder that one should have respect when talking to elders, hmmmmhmmm? You! Young man! Bring young lady beer, now!"
A random passerby is pointed at, and said man shrugs and gets up, walking over and getting the beer from the lazy and disrespectful bartender, depositing it on the table as he walks back. Hu Fu Li nods approvingly at him.
"Hmmmm! Goes to show! Even in Seedy Den Of Inquity Possibly Frequented By Many Foolish Ninja, there are youth who remember good Confucian values!"
Mao blinks again. She doesn't believe this. There are actually still people out there who believe this stuff? Damn. She calms down considerably though since he introduced himself and plus got someone to get her beer. "Thanks. It's not that I have anything against marriage, I just don't like being forced into one that someone else arranged."
She shrugs, not entirely sure why she said this and pulls out a chair for Li, "Melissa Mao." Fortunately for everyone, she still remembers some of her manners from when she lived in Hong Kong. "Please have a seat Uncle Li." She can't help but smile as his description of the three Gorgons, "I can't say I've any one who looks like a demonic ninja harlot or a fuzzy demon pet lately. Could you be a little more descriptive?"
GAME: Save complete.
The Old Man nods approvingly. Such a polite young girl! She obviously live very proper life, if she remembers manners. Sitting, the old man puffs on his pipe and ponders how best to explain things.
"Hmmmmmm. Is too bad. Lazy Grandson have very little drive in life, need good wife to make him do things. Oh well! Many other fish in sea! As for Demonic Loving Harlots, hmmmm....Two I have seen, and their pet. One of them have long brown hair, red coat, metallic staff, no respect for elders, powerful magic, green eyes, summon large demon. She the one that seem to control pet. Other be very disrespectful ninja with little personal modesty, small bust, bad hips, large ninja weapon, black or brown hair. Was very busy kicking to notice too much. Fuzzy demon apparently pet of theirs, really two demon! Large one is very large, white, have heavy fists and teeth, spit steam when sliced in half. Smaller one resembles a small cat, wears little crown, carries megaphone. Last one described to me by students after they assault me with large demon and demolish my restaurant. No modesty, very large bust, excellent hips, long brown hair. Pity she in league with Demon Loving Harlots. Very odd. Most Lotus sorcererers not nearly so young. Tend to be old and annoying. And eunuch."
Puff puff puff puff. Hmmmm. The Old Man cocks his head for a moment, then jerks his head to the side as a metallic object zips by Mao's head towards the Old Man. A hand shooting up as he looks annoyed. In his hand?
A SHURIKEN!
"Hmmmmm! FOOLISH NINJA! SUCH IMPUDENCE!"
And, with that, the shuriken is hurled back past Mao's head, and there's a shriek of pain and a thud. The old man calmly taps the old tobacco out of his pipe, packing it with fresh tobacco, afore looking around in annoyance.
"Hmmmm. You have a match, child? Oh! You! Bartender! Throw stupidninja out back! He annoy me!"
...The bartender, and the others in the room, just kinda stare at the Old Man, afore the Ninja is chucked outside. I mean...would YOU argue with the frightening old man?
"Eh? Two busty young women and a real ninja? That sounds like the Three Gorgons everyone's been talking about. I don't really do the bounty thing though." Mao shrugs and being battled trained, not even ninjas can catch her too off guard! She jerks her whole body to the side, landing on the floor with a large thud and pulls out her gun all in one smooth motion as the shuriken flies past her. Then the sharp piece of metal goes flying back.
Mao blinks and stares at The Old Man. She's only seen tricks like that in movies. She watches with some amusement as the ninja gets thrown out and she puts her gun back into its holster before standing up, "Neat trick Uncle Li." She tosses him her matchbook. "I'm sorry I can't really be of use to you though. I haven't really heard anything about the Three Gorgons lately. I'll keep my ear to the ground for you though." She grins, "But only in exchange for something."
The Old Master smiles cheerfully, eyes closing (apparently) as he does so! WHich is good! If they were visible, he'd be hard pressed to contain the /absoulte mischief/ in them!
"Hmmmmm! Too bad! Still, I appreciate your offer, and accept! You may marry my grandson whenever you wish!"
Still smiling happy, Old Man Li hmmmmms, and lights up his pipe, puffing happily, hmmming to himself now and then.
"As for trick, is simple enough! Just have to know that ninja very easy to hit when they trying to be sneaky. Most of them, anyways! Now and then, you find very dangerous ninja who need much wisdom applied to his head! Such is the life of Old Master Li!"
"!!!" Mao leans her chair way back and flails her arm in a defensive motion, "Hey! I didn't say anything about marrying your grandson! I just wanted you to train me! That's all! Don't go getting any stupid ideas old man!"
She flicks a used match at Li as she finishes off her beer. She snorts, "Ninjas. They seem to like following you around don't they?"
The Old Man, at her flailing, drops the cheerful facade and starts chortling at her antics.
"Ohhohohohoho! Very amusing, to see look on your face! Hah! Very amusing. As for that, Hmmmmmm. You have reflexes! Going for silly sidearm shows that. Nothing wrong with gun, you see, just that you never know when you be left without gun. Or run into something that is immune to bullets. Very irritating, those are, hmmmm. Still! Guns work for most things."
The old man also casually bats the match out of the way by simply shifting his pipe, swatting it onto the table. Looks like he's gotten used to talking perfectly normally while smoking his pipe. The power of AGE.
"Hmmmm. Ninja verrrry foolish. They still keep trying to ambush me after many decade. Probaly still have grudge that I find his ninja master and beat into small carp. Confucius say, Ninja Good At Sneaking, But Not So Good At Avoiding Having Ass Beaten By Virtuous Man. Hmmmm!"
"Somehow I don't think Confucius said anything like that," Mao mumbles. She leans forward on the table, lighting up another cigarette and hehs as she blows out a puff of smoke, "You're right, guns don't work on everything." But she's heartened by his compliment to her reflexes!
"So will you train me Uncle Li? If you were really able to beat that ninja master, I bet training me how to fight without a gun would be a snap." Flattery? Yes. Old people love flattery. Don't they? And besides, this will give her more ways to beat up Kurz! And that's always a win-win situation for everyone.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! Old Man Li /does/ love flattery. And training someone else might make Lazy Grandson jealous enough that he stop being so lazy and try to be martial artist...Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Very tempting! Been very long time since anyone sought him out for training, too! I mean, he have many students' students, but they also all know that he officially retired, so they do nothing other than occasionally stop by to patronize his ramen shop. Hmmm. Very tempting, very tempting.
"Hmmmmmm. Very tempting! Been long time since I train student. Very old, you see, and most of original students have moved on or start own school now. Hmm. You need someone to practice on, though. I too old to let strong young people hit me all time. Now and then, yes, but not all time."
...Is that a chill that should be running down Kurz's back? Maaaaaaaaaaay-beeeeeee!
"Of course Uncle Li! I would never dream of attacking someone as wise as yourself." Mao grins, but her grin seems to be of the vaguely evil kind as a thought goes through her head. "I think I can find a sparring partner. Yes... I can see him right now."
An eyebrow twitches slightly, "He won't be available right away, but I'm sure we can work something out. Where's your dojo Uncle Li?"
The Old Man puffs on his pipe with satisfaction. If you weren't him, you could just SEE the status screen with 'MAO has joined the party!' popping up. Ohhohohohohhackcoughlungs. Anyhoo. The Old Master eyes Mao with a raised eyebrow.
"...Hmmmmm. Feel slightly sorry for your sparring partner, mmmyes. Oh well! The path of a martial artist is fraught with peril!"
The old man nods sagely, and then thinks.
"Hmmmm. Hard to explain. No have dojo of my own anymore, you see. Retire after incident involving many demons and ninja who slaughter most of students. Students now masters, masters own dojo. Need to find one, although I suppose they will be happy to allow use of dojo. Hmmm. Can always borrow one of their younger students, if need. Hmm! Yes! This will work nicely!"
The Old Man nods decisively.
"Dojo is just outside of Hong Kong. Not this Hong Kong, you see, but other Hong Kong. Very confusing, if you not have experience with juncture hopping, hmmm. Alternate Hong Kong, I suppose. Many martial artists, occasional demon, many peopel who lke ramen. Ninja, too. So! Was in Hong Kong where Three Demonic Ninja Loving Harlots appear. Was on news other day, I hear. I have ramen shop there, short walk to Dojo. Shop on outskirts of city, you see. Only a few miles! Easy walk!"
"That Hong Kong eh?" Mao pulls out a little black book out of one of her cargo pant pockets and begins scribbling something into it, looking very intent. "Hong Kong where Three Demonic Ninja Loving Harlots appeared. Trashed Ramen Shop outside of city. Dojo a few miles away. Haha! Got it!" She snaps the book close and stands up to leave a handful of bill on the table. "Thank you Uncle Li! I promise I won't disappoint you!"
GAME: Save complete.
The Old Man stands up at that, reaching up and pulling Mao down into head-patting range. He is old and paternal! He can get away with it! And, with that, the Old Man steps out of the bar, feeling something was accomplished. Oddly enough, there's quite a number of young men in black pajamas standing around outside, holding a series of silly, inefficent weapons. The Old Man shakes his head, and drops into a casual stance, arms folded behind his back.
"Hmmmmm! Ninja! You never learn! You will now face the fury of my FLYING WINDMILL KICK! KIYAAAAAH!"
And, with that the Old Man launches into a flying leap, slamming his feet rapidfire into the chest of one of the poor ninja, literally kicking him /straight up onto the roof/, landing after him, the rest of the ninja horde following. Mao might notice sounds of pain, screams, begging for mercy like little girl, and the occasional shuriken or ninja-to flying off the roof to land on the street. Along with the battle cry that sends TERROR coursing through many who know the old man.
"SUCH IMPUDENCE!"
If it were anyone other than the Old Man, Mao would have dislocated their elbow and broken their arm in three places for patting her on the head like a small child. She follows the old man out and justc stares as he first kicks someone up to the roof and then leaps up after him. The cries of pain make her cringe as she gets the feeling that it's the ninjas who are getting their butts kicked and not Uncle Li. She looks around herself with one hand on her gun and the other one on the hilt of her bowie knife. Gotta make sure there are no ninjas! Satisfied that she doesn't spot any or sense anything particularly dangerous around her, she moves on with her life, whistling to the screams of those less fortunate than her.
WHERE: Whispered Earth Hong Kong
WHEN: Eh, some-nebulous evening on April 10th
WHAT: Old Man Li, on a hunt for information on the Demonic Ninja Harlots who destroyed his restaurants, decides to check out seedy bars in a nearby Hong Kong, and runs into an off-duty and relaxing Sgt-Major Mao. Hilarity ensues.
WATCH FOR: The Beginning Of Yet More Pain For Kurz.
Random Note: Hate LJ Code So Much. Haaaaaaaate.
GateMUSH - Monday, April 10, 2006, 10:14 PM
-------------------------------------------
Ah Hong Kong! A bustling city far enough removed from the Northern/Southern China conflict that its economy is still high enough to support a glamorous life style. But a glamorous life style is not the life style for a soldier. No, not at all. Mao is situated in a rather seedy looking bar playing a game of pool with a cigarette sticking out of the corner of her mouth, three empty tankards of beer and one half empty one along side an ashtray almost overflowing with cigarette butts. Yes, this is the kind of place where Mao likes to hang.
She misses the nine ball and straights up, taking a deep gulp from her beer tankard. "Your shot," she says in fluent Cantonese to her unlucky opponent.
Hmmmmmmmmmm. Hong Kong! Exciting place, usually! Of course, for one Old Master, it's familiar, yet DIFFERENT. It isn't quite HIS Hong Kong, after all. I mean, he's walked down the street and not seen ONE Martial Arts Gunbattle yet! WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THIS PLACE? He's also not seen any ninja. Of course, that doesn't mean there are no ninja. They are ninja, after all. However, all of this is impartial, as the old man, logically suspecting that the best place to find leads is to look where he would be if he were an evil demon loving harlot ninja sorceress, or one of her minions, or a fuzzy demon and it's smaller, fuzzier demonic master!
Yes, that's right...SMOKEY BARS IN THE BACKSTREETS OF HONG KONG! Just, not his Hong Kong. For, that would be silly, since he obviously, despite being ganged up on, caused the foolish Demonic Ninja Harlots to have to run away, as the noble citizens of Hong Kong were undrestandably ANGRY at them. As such, Old Man Li comes walking into the bar like he has every right to be here, despite being an old man dressed like a martial artist. And occasionally making a 'HMMM!' of dissaproval at the unConfucian values and attitudes of the seedier, possibly ninja, patrons. The life of an Old Master is fraught with peril and dissapointment at the moral failings of youth!
Still, he probaly stands out. I mean, long white hair in a braided ponytail, pipe, big bushy eyebrows...that sorta thing!
Mao finishes off her tankard with a loud satisfying 'ahhh!' and slams it down on the table top, "Bartender! Another! Oi oi, hurry it up already." She's about to poke her opponent in the butt with her cue stick when she sees someone who shouldn't be there.
The ex-Marine blinks. That's odd. She takes another look at her opponent who's concentrating at his 'perfect shot' before leaning her cue stick against the wall. "Hey! Grandpa, you lost or something?"
The Old Man From Hong Kong hmmmms, glowering out from under heavy brows at the disrespectful answer he gets from one of the patrons.
"Hmmmm! You should know your place, young man! I imagine your ancestors would be ashamed at such behavior!"
Said young man laughs disrespectfully at the Old Master, him and several of his larger friends standing up. It appears that an Old Man is about to get smashed into a pulp by some punks. At which point, sighing, said Old Master just glares up at the youth, shakes his head...and then slams him into the wall (Several feet away) by batting him there with the ornate pipe he was smoking smacking into the gut, then resuming smoking before anyone can react. The youth's friends blink, look back at the old man puffing his pipe, and then at their friend, lying in a small indentation in the wall and groaning. And then quietly back off and sit down.
Old Man Li siiiighs, tapping his pipe against the palm of his hand. "Woe is Old Hu Fu Li, to have to endure such disrespect from the youth of today! Eh? Lost? No, no, I know exactly where I am."
And, with that, Hu Fu Li turns around, and eyes his questioner. An eyebrow raises. Intriguing. Old Man Li walks over, puffing on his pipe, inspecting Mao closely, eyeing her body. Oddly enough, without any lecherous intent, and the occasional murmur of "Hmmmmm! Good child-bearing hips...Strong back...good arms...Hmmmmmmmmmmmm."
Puff puff. Fear the pipe.
Mao just stands stock still for a moment. She's surprised and pretty impressed Li was able to knock that punk around but that surprise quickly turns to shock and embarrassment as soon as he begins to access her 'assets'.
It takes a moment but then she becomes unfrozen as she scampers a few feet back with a look of completely shock, "Wh-wh-wh-what are you doing?! You. You. You. You." If it was Kurz, she would have kicked him in the head, but she's been around enough perverts to realize that he's not actually thinking about her in that way. Face still beat red, she grabs her cue stick and points it at him, "You better not be thinking anything dirty old man!" She knows he's not, but it makes helps her regain her dignity.
The Old Man looks up at Mao with amusement. And then bops her in between the eyes with his pipe. Not as hard as with that other punk, but, eh. Still. It is the BOP OF MINOR CONFUCIAN ADMONISHMENT. Hmmmhmmm! Tapping his pipe against a hand, the Old Master smiles slightly.
"Hmmmmmm. You married? Good child-bearing hips, fiery demeanor, very good signs! Excellent marriage material, hmmmm!"
Confusion? Posssssible. But, eh, this is Hong Kong! Remember ancient wisdom, written down last week by Old Master Li on temple scroll: 'Never Attack Smiling Old Man, for he often know art of Ass-Whupping!'
Mao gets smacked ride between the eyes and it makes her drop her stick, "Ow! Damn it!" She growls as she puts one hand over the bruise, "Of course I'm not married! Do you think I'm an idiot or something?" She grumbles, "There's no way I'd let myself get trapped in one of those things."
"Who the hell are you old man?" She glares. After seeing what he did to the other guy without even getting short of breath, she's not about to take him on and risk getting tossed out of the bar. She waves her hand to the bartender, "Where the hell is my beer?!" Someone's not in a happy mood.
Hmmmmmmmhmmmm. Interesting interesting.
"Hmmmm. Not interested in marriage yet. Not so good. If only Heaven had not cursed poor Li with such a lazy grandson! Ah well. Maybe good for other information. Hmmm. You seen three Demonic Harlot Ninja Women and their Fuzzy Demon Pet?"
And then, Hu Fu Li is reminded of his manners! How embarassing!
"Hmmmmm! Many apology! My name is Hu Fu Li! Many apologies! However, the tap of enlightenment is reminder that one should have respect when talking to elders, hmmmmhmmm? You! Young man! Bring young lady beer, now!"
A random passerby is pointed at, and said man shrugs and gets up, walking over and getting the beer from the lazy and disrespectful bartender, depositing it on the table as he walks back. Hu Fu Li nods approvingly at him.
"Hmmmm! Goes to show! Even in Seedy Den Of Inquity Possibly Frequented By Many Foolish Ninja, there are youth who remember good Confucian values!"
Mao blinks again. She doesn't believe this. There are actually still people out there who believe this stuff? Damn. She calms down considerably though since he introduced himself and plus got someone to get her beer. "Thanks. It's not that I have anything against marriage, I just don't like being forced into one that someone else arranged."
She shrugs, not entirely sure why she said this and pulls out a chair for Li, "Melissa Mao." Fortunately for everyone, she still remembers some of her manners from when she lived in Hong Kong. "Please have a seat Uncle Li." She can't help but smile as his description of the three Gorgons, "I can't say I've any one who looks like a demonic ninja harlot or a fuzzy demon pet lately. Could you be a little more descriptive?"
GAME: Save complete.
The Old Man nods approvingly. Such a polite young girl! She obviously live very proper life, if she remembers manners. Sitting, the old man puffs on his pipe and ponders how best to explain things.
"Hmmmmmm. Is too bad. Lazy Grandson have very little drive in life, need good wife to make him do things. Oh well! Many other fish in sea! As for Demonic Loving Harlots, hmmmm....Two I have seen, and their pet. One of them have long brown hair, red coat, metallic staff, no respect for elders, powerful magic, green eyes, summon large demon. She the one that seem to control pet. Other be very disrespectful ninja with little personal modesty, small bust, bad hips, large ninja weapon, black or brown hair. Was very busy kicking to notice too much. Fuzzy demon apparently pet of theirs, really two demon! Large one is very large, white, have heavy fists and teeth, spit steam when sliced in half. Smaller one resembles a small cat, wears little crown, carries megaphone. Last one described to me by students after they assault me with large demon and demolish my restaurant. No modesty, very large bust, excellent hips, long brown hair. Pity she in league with Demon Loving Harlots. Very odd. Most Lotus sorcererers not nearly so young. Tend to be old and annoying. And eunuch."
Puff puff puff puff. Hmmmm. The Old Man cocks his head for a moment, then jerks his head to the side as a metallic object zips by Mao's head towards the Old Man. A hand shooting up as he looks annoyed. In his hand?
A SHURIKEN!
"Hmmmmm! FOOLISH NINJA! SUCH IMPUDENCE!"
And, with that, the shuriken is hurled back past Mao's head, and there's a shriek of pain and a thud. The old man calmly taps the old tobacco out of his pipe, packing it with fresh tobacco, afore looking around in annoyance.
"Hmmmm. You have a match, child? Oh! You! Bartender! Throw stupidninja out back! He annoy me!"
...The bartender, and the others in the room, just kinda stare at the Old Man, afore the Ninja is chucked outside. I mean...would YOU argue with the frightening old man?
"Eh? Two busty young women and a real ninja? That sounds like the Three Gorgons everyone's been talking about. I don't really do the bounty thing though." Mao shrugs and being battled trained, not even ninjas can catch her too off guard! She jerks her whole body to the side, landing on the floor with a large thud and pulls out her gun all in one smooth motion as the shuriken flies past her. Then the sharp piece of metal goes flying back.
Mao blinks and stares at The Old Man. She's only seen tricks like that in movies. She watches with some amusement as the ninja gets thrown out and she puts her gun back into its holster before standing up, "Neat trick Uncle Li." She tosses him her matchbook. "I'm sorry I can't really be of use to you though. I haven't really heard anything about the Three Gorgons lately. I'll keep my ear to the ground for you though." She grins, "But only in exchange for something."
The Old Master smiles cheerfully, eyes closing (apparently) as he does so! WHich is good! If they were visible, he'd be hard pressed to contain the /absoulte mischief/ in them!
"Hmmmmm! Too bad! Still, I appreciate your offer, and accept! You may marry my grandson whenever you wish!"
Still smiling happy, Old Man Li hmmmmms, and lights up his pipe, puffing happily, hmmming to himself now and then.
"As for trick, is simple enough! Just have to know that ninja very easy to hit when they trying to be sneaky. Most of them, anyways! Now and then, you find very dangerous ninja who need much wisdom applied to his head! Such is the life of Old Master Li!"
"!!!" Mao leans her chair way back and flails her arm in a defensive motion, "Hey! I didn't say anything about marrying your grandson! I just wanted you to train me! That's all! Don't go getting any stupid ideas old man!"
She flicks a used match at Li as she finishes off her beer. She snorts, "Ninjas. They seem to like following you around don't they?"
The Old Man, at her flailing, drops the cheerful facade and starts chortling at her antics.
"Ohhohohohoho! Very amusing, to see look on your face! Hah! Very amusing. As for that, Hmmmmmm. You have reflexes! Going for silly sidearm shows that. Nothing wrong with gun, you see, just that you never know when you be left without gun. Or run into something that is immune to bullets. Very irritating, those are, hmmmm. Still! Guns work for most things."
The old man also casually bats the match out of the way by simply shifting his pipe, swatting it onto the table. Looks like he's gotten used to talking perfectly normally while smoking his pipe. The power of AGE.
"Hmmmm. Ninja verrrry foolish. They still keep trying to ambush me after many decade. Probaly still have grudge that I find his ninja master and beat into small carp. Confucius say, Ninja Good At Sneaking, But Not So Good At Avoiding Having Ass Beaten By Virtuous Man. Hmmmm!"
"Somehow I don't think Confucius said anything like that," Mao mumbles. She leans forward on the table, lighting up another cigarette and hehs as she blows out a puff of smoke, "You're right, guns don't work on everything." But she's heartened by his compliment to her reflexes!
"So will you train me Uncle Li? If you were really able to beat that ninja master, I bet training me how to fight without a gun would be a snap." Flattery? Yes. Old people love flattery. Don't they? And besides, this will give her more ways to beat up Kurz! And that's always a win-win situation for everyone.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! Old Man Li /does/ love flattery. And training someone else might make Lazy Grandson jealous enough that he stop being so lazy and try to be martial artist...Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Very tempting! Been very long time since anyone sought him out for training, too! I mean, he have many students' students, but they also all know that he officially retired, so they do nothing other than occasionally stop by to patronize his ramen shop. Hmmm. Very tempting, very tempting.
"Hmmmmmm. Very tempting! Been long time since I train student. Very old, you see, and most of original students have moved on or start own school now. Hmm. You need someone to practice on, though. I too old to let strong young people hit me all time. Now and then, yes, but not all time."
...Is that a chill that should be running down Kurz's back? Maaaaaaaaaaay-beeeeeee!
"Of course Uncle Li! I would never dream of attacking someone as wise as yourself." Mao grins, but her grin seems to be of the vaguely evil kind as a thought goes through her head. "I think I can find a sparring partner. Yes... I can see him right now."
An eyebrow twitches slightly, "He won't be available right away, but I'm sure we can work something out. Where's your dojo Uncle Li?"
The Old Man puffs on his pipe with satisfaction. If you weren't him, you could just SEE the status screen with 'MAO has joined the party!' popping up. Ohhohohohohhackcoughlungs. Anyhoo. The Old Master eyes Mao with a raised eyebrow.
"...Hmmmmm. Feel slightly sorry for your sparring partner, mmmyes. Oh well! The path of a martial artist is fraught with peril!"
The old man nods sagely, and then thinks.
"Hmmmm. Hard to explain. No have dojo of my own anymore, you see. Retire after incident involving many demons and ninja who slaughter most of students. Students now masters, masters own dojo. Need to find one, although I suppose they will be happy to allow use of dojo. Hmmm. Can always borrow one of their younger students, if need. Hmm! Yes! This will work nicely!"
The Old Man nods decisively.
"Dojo is just outside of Hong Kong. Not this Hong Kong, you see, but other Hong Kong. Very confusing, if you not have experience with juncture hopping, hmmm. Alternate Hong Kong, I suppose. Many martial artists, occasional demon, many peopel who lke ramen. Ninja, too. So! Was in Hong Kong where Three Demonic Ninja Loving Harlots appear. Was on news other day, I hear. I have ramen shop there, short walk to Dojo. Shop on outskirts of city, you see. Only a few miles! Easy walk!"
"That Hong Kong eh?" Mao pulls out a little black book out of one of her cargo pant pockets and begins scribbling something into it, looking very intent. "Hong Kong where Three Demonic Ninja Loving Harlots appeared. Trashed Ramen Shop outside of city. Dojo a few miles away. Haha! Got it!" She snaps the book close and stands up to leave a handful of bill on the table. "Thank you Uncle Li! I promise I won't disappoint you!"
GAME: Save complete.
The Old Man stands up at that, reaching up and pulling Mao down into head-patting range. He is old and paternal! He can get away with it! And, with that, the Old Man steps out of the bar, feeling something was accomplished. Oddly enough, there's quite a number of young men in black pajamas standing around outside, holding a series of silly, inefficent weapons. The Old Man shakes his head, and drops into a casual stance, arms folded behind his back.
"Hmmmmm! Ninja! You never learn! You will now face the fury of my FLYING WINDMILL KICK! KIYAAAAAH!"
And, with that the Old Man launches into a flying leap, slamming his feet rapidfire into the chest of one of the poor ninja, literally kicking him /straight up onto the roof/, landing after him, the rest of the ninja horde following. Mao might notice sounds of pain, screams, begging for mercy like little girl, and the occasional shuriken or ninja-to flying off the roof to land on the street. Along with the battle cry that sends TERROR coursing through many who know the old man.
"SUCH IMPUDENCE!"
If it were anyone other than the Old Man, Mao would have dislocated their elbow and broken their arm in three places for patting her on the head like a small child. She follows the old man out and justc stares as he first kicks someone up to the roof and then leaps up after him. The cries of pain make her cringe as she gets the feeling that it's the ninjas who are getting their butts kicked and not Uncle Li. She looks around herself with one hand on her gun and the other one on the hilt of her bowie knife. Gotta make sure there are no ninjas! Satisfied that she doesn't spot any or sense anything particularly dangerous around her, she moves on with her life, whistling to the screams of those less fortunate than her.